Hmmmm... I think some of you have misunderstood my post. Maybe I didn't word myself well?..... :dunno:

First off let me say THANKS to all who have responded! - I got some good advice from some of you - some words of wisdom that make more sense to me now - BUT....

I'll try to be more clear: I'm not judging my husband. His weight doesn't make me cringe in disgust or anything like that. I'm not "turned off" by his weight - nope! not at all!! - I still think he's super handsome & love him just the same, with or without the extra poundage. But yes, I do want him to lose weight - I want ME to lose weight as well, because being fat is bad for your health & the listlessness and fatigue and so forth is not good for a marriage, IMHO. And who here can say that fat is attractive when one of the reasons so many of us want to lose weight for attractiveness purposes??

We used to be gym bunnies together. I was down to about 140 & he was around 175 (which, IMHO is too MUCH weight lost for him!) & this was about 6 years ago. We both had SO MUCH energy & enjoyed doing things together & so forth. Now we don't. Nothing. Nada. Is it because of the weight, or do we use that as an excuse? In 2006, we canceled our gym membership & in 2007 bought a home gym & a pool. The gym rarely gets used, but I swim on a regular basis (it's my zen!)

He COMPLETELY recognizes his weight gain & wants to lose weight - these are his own words -but! his actions are quite different. I may not be succeeding like I want to, but at least I'm trying. He's not. He's just not. And he knows it. I don't nag him about it, I don't have to. He brings up the subject on his own, with or without my input. And he has admitted that he's "being lazy." He wants to lose weight, but he doesn't try to set any kind of eating plan for himself or cut back on anything, and totally just not exercising at all. I'm not sure exactly how to help him... I mean, it's hard enough to help myself, if that makes sense.

And for the record, I've said all of this to him. We have a very open-worded marriage. We agreed from the beginning to always be "out there" with each other -and I've never been one to sugarcoat anything (he says that's part of what he loves about me). I'm not afraid to say what I want, and he's not afraid to hear me out. I would never post something on a forum that I wouldn't be willing to say to him.

My original post... I mean, I just wonder if wanting him to lose weight makes me a wanker. I know I can't make him lose weight - I don't want to make him do anything... but I DO want him to want it for himself & to arrive at his own conclusion/plan/whatever. I don't feel guilty so much as confused. :?:

To clarify the point I was trying to make in my last post:

Wanting something (no matter what it is) rarely can make you a jerk (unless you're deliberately and gleefully wishing harm on someone). Only what you DO can make you a jerk.

If there was a magic pill that allowed me to make all the changes to myself I want.... I would take that pill - in a heartbeat.

If there was a magic pill that allowed me to make all the changes to my husband that I want... it would be tempting, but I hope I wouldn't even dream of using it.

It's not the desire, it's what you do (or do not do) because of the desire that has the potential to be horrible.

I think only you and your husband can answer this one, because there's no way for us to tell how your desires affect your behavior, attitude, and outlook.

Thanks kap! I get a lot out of your posts. :)

Stop calling yourself a wanker.

It's not nice. Just saying.