I had a chaotic childhood which I think caused it but I think I always loved food. My family tells me that even as a young child I would eat and eat, huge portions, nonstop, any kind of foods, beets straight from the jar and so on. I luckily have forgotten many things about my childhood but I do have a distinct and clear memory of around 4th or 5th grade when I made 4 giant blueberry muffins, I remember eating one, and then my mother came in and started screaming at me about something. I then remember feeling very anxious and looking down and all of the muffins were gone. I didn't even remember eating them but I remember looking around thinking 'where did they go?' and then finally realizing I had ate them all to numb those feelings. To this day I can't let that go, I want food when I'm celebrating, when I'm sad, when I'm mad, highly emotional situations = need food to comfort.

If you guys haven't read Fat Girl: A True Story by Judith Moore, I highly recommend it. I could relate to so much in her story.

That's me too.

From my post in another thread:

When I was young, I ate because I was emotionally neglected - took a therapist to help me figure that out; before, I had only thought of neglect as a physical thing. i couldn't get anyone to spend time with me but I could get spare change to hit the corner store and buy chips and candy. As I grew older, I hid in the food; I ate (and sadly still do) when I was bored, scared, unhappy, happy (rare occurence), threatened, lonely, etc. Later, I started hiding in the fat too. If nobody likes me, hires me, wants to date me, it must be because I'm fat. Fat is my shelter because if I lose the weight, I'll have to face the real reasons for all the other crappy parts of my life. I'm sure fear is a big reason and so is ANGER, lots of anger, and God only knows what other reasons lay in wait for me.

As for when it started, my mother died when I was 10 so I would guess two years before that, around 8. I have a picture of me where I was really skinny (age unknown); my next picture is from around 3rd grade or so and I can see the weight had started to increase.

My addiction started when I had my first break up
 

The very first serious relationship I had the guy cheated on me and then I begged HIM not to leave me and continued to have intercourse with him and two weeks later he dumped me. When that happened to me I didn't know how to cope. I have always had a love for chocolate and I ran to chocolate. My parents use to give me chocolate cookies and cakes when I was a small child as rewards and bribes to get me to watch my younger siblings and that's where I became addicted to the taste of chocolate.

Anyway back to the story. So the guy dumbs me and I go to the grocery store and buy a box of Betty Crocker brownies mix. I baked them and ate the ENTIRE 13X9 pan of them in one night. Eating them felt like comfort. Next thing I know I'm at the store again and I bought another box. That's when my binging begins. I gained 30lbs very fast. Then about 6 months later I met my husband. He was divorced and financially in ruins. We were poor but in love. We depended on our one source of entertainment we could afford which was food. We would go through recipe cards on the weekends and make up fabulous calorie high meals. We did this for a few years. and I shot up from 150lbs to 211. I had been 120lbs when that guy dumped me and 150lb when I met my husband.

I got pregnant 5 years into my marriage and put on another 33lbs. I became a stay at home mom to my daughter and deep depression hit along with problems with my mother and I have put on another 70lbs in 8 years. My husband only weighs 220lbs. He has a much better metabolism that I do.

So my addiction first started after getting dumped and having no coping skills. I've used food to cope ever since. As soon as I can find healthy coping skills I won't be overweight anymore. It's not even about the food for me it's about learning how to cope in a healthy way with tough times and life itself.

My goodness we all have survived so much!!!! Thank you all for the honesty and companionship in this forum!!! God Bless you all.....

I remember the first time I used food as comfort. I was maybe 11. My family and I were at our camp for the weekend, and my best friend came along. My mom, friend and I were fishing on the pier, and although I have no idea what was said or what happened, somehow my feelings got hurt and I stormed off back to the camp. They stayed on the pier fishing and I was even more hurt that they did not come after me. I grabbed a box of Chips Ahoy, sat down on the floor and ate the whole box, sobbing away. I remember thinking "this will show them", like I was really indignant about my eating the cookies. Makes no sense, but I felt like I was getting back at them somehow. When I finished eating them, I put the "spare" box in their place (mom always bought 2 of everything) and no one was the wiser.

About this same time I became a latch key child (noticing a theme here), and my mom would buy huge boxes of snack food like corn dogs and hot pockets from Sam's. I would come home and eat 2 of everything, then eat a full dinner later when mom cooked. There were so many of the snacks from buying in bulk that no one noticed how many I was eating. I also remember making "dessert" of a piece of bread with peanut butter, powdered sugar and chocolate chips on it (!!!)

Amazingly I was not obese, maybe a little thick, but not fat. I did not start packing on the pounds until about halfway through high school when I stopped riding horses (also seems to be a theme around here!)

Based on what I am reading, if I ever have kids I will do whatever it takes to make sure they are not latch key kids! And encourage them to be involved in a sport they love and stick with it!