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Old 01-19-2010, 07:14 PM   #1  
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Default God, I just want out of this marriage

I don't know if this is the most appropriate place to post this but I figured general chat meant anything.

I don't mean to whine but I'm just so down, so miserable, so FRUSTRATED right now. How does a husband have the right to punish a wife as if he's her father and she's 10? How can he block sites like facebook and etc if things don't go his way? How can he expect me to always keep our son out of his hair, hello, there are two parents not just one! But you can't say that to him, he just doesn't care. He just doesn't want to hear it. He is perfect. He does no wrong.

Why does he not have to throw anything away... why can't he wash a single dish? And he's just as unemployed as me, doing computer jobs here and there. So why is he not just as responsible for household things? Why does he come and go as he please but god forbid I want to hang out with a friend? Why is he about to open up a shop soon... but with the help of our landlord, and I'm being cut out of the entire deal?

Why does he seem to resent us so much but yet refuses to agree to getting a divorce? Why is it that in April of 2009, 2 months after marriage, and we were having strain and financial problems and fights, why is it that instead of sticking it out and working it out, instead he found another (MUCH THINNER) girl and threw me and our son out after knowing her 2 weeks then begged me back 2 days later after the girl went back to her boyfriend? Which he denied, claiming he knew he made a big mistake... but months later, the other girl tells me a different story, the story I had always suspected?

Why was I at my mother's house for nearly 5 months while everyone was telling me about him trying to get with other girls, while he would come over and talk about how much he wanted me back? Why is it that in August, after we got back together, it's been getting worse and worse and steadily downhill?

Why have I wasted 4 years of my youth on him? Why do I feel like I can't get out? WHy do I resent him so much but pause at the idea of actually DOING something about it?

I just feel so frustrated and angry and miserable that I could cry tears of abject frustration. I'm so tired of this. I deserve better. I've let him get away with so much stuff that he thinks he can do anything...

I'm sorry for the rant, I'm just sitting here, after being blocked from facebook and blocked from proxies and even yahoo and I want to SCREAM and I didn't know where else to go to rant. I'm not looking for pity or sympathy but I just don't know what to do.
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Old 01-19-2010, 07:42 PM   #2  
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I don't mean to be harsh but ask yourself this question. How will you feel in 20 years when your son treats his wife like crap and when you ask him why, he says he learned how marriages work by watching you?
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Old 01-19-2010, 07:43 PM   #3  
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Melanie, I have no advice for you but please know that we are listening...
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Old 01-19-2010, 07:58 PM   #4  
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I'm not sure I have advice either, but I am also listening and sending positive energy your way.

Well, I lied. One bit of advice... I was a battered woman, and if you think your husband is abusive, then you should call your local women's resource center immediately, if not sooner. Very often they have good advice, good questions you can ask yourself, resources, and perspective that can help you get where you need to go.

Counselors can be very effective, too, and are confidential.
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Old 01-19-2010, 08:02 PM   #5  
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If you want to get out. DO IT !!!!! You do not need his permission. If your parents will let you and your son stay with them awhile ., DO IT !!
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Old 01-19-2010, 08:04 PM   #6  
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Melanie, I'm so sorry. (((HUGS))) Your husband is abusive. He might not hit you (yet) but he has all the hallmarks of an abusive husband. Get out NOW. I know it's hard. I left one of those myself when I was in my 20's. I thought I'd never meet any other man or be married again, but I finally got to the point where I would rather be alone than be with him any more. I got fed up with all the tears and craziness.

You have to leave him. It's time. It's time to admit this man has never made you happy and will never make you happy. You can't change his behavior - you will NEVER be able to turn him into a decent human being, I'm telling you. You will NEVER get him to treat you better. Never.

What you CAN do is start a new life without him. A better life.

And you know what? After I took that very hard step - it took a few years, and working with a counselor to deal with some emotional issues I had, but I met a wonderful man and we have now been married 18 years. He treats me like a queen. He never makes me cry.

That's the life you can have, too. IF you clear the way first by taking out the trash.
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Old 01-19-2010, 09:24 PM   #7  
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Get out!! Leave him!! Take your son and move into your parent's house. File for divorce yourself. You really do NOT deserve to be in a relantionship like that. You have to take care of yourself and your son!!

Last edited by Shopaholic1204; 01-19-2010 at 09:24 PM.
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Old 01-19-2010, 09:33 PM   #8  
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Everyone has given great advice and I agree. You don't deserve to be treated that way.. nobody does. You don't need to be with someone that just doesn't care. That is a miserable situation.

Take your son and go. Who cares if he comes and begs for you back? Just remember what he is doing now.. and that he kicked you out! and cheated on you!

You are a better women than me because I would have never given him a second look. That is an unforgivable thing in our house.

Do the right thing for you AND your son.. get out and be happy!
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Old 01-19-2010, 09:40 PM   #9  
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Melanie, just back to say, I'm here if you ever need to talk. I hang out on the boards a lot.

I not only endured an abusive relationship that I finally got the courage to leave, I also volunteered at a shelter for awhile and read up everything I could about abusive relationships. So I feel like I know something about this, and I'm telling you, there is no doubt - he is abusive.

He might not have hit you yet, but he will. And how will you feel when your son sees you being hit and abused by this man?

This is a situation like gangrene. Leaving the limb with gangrene on isn't going to do you any good. It's painful to take it off and sure it's a tough decision, but it's the right decision.

This man is like gangrene on the life of you and your son. If you stay with him, there is an all-too-high chance that this man will kill you.

I'm sorry, because I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you HAVE to leave him. It might be hard at first. Shoot, it WILL be hard at first. But do NOT let him back in your life. No matter what he says, HE WILL NOT CHANGE.

You are sad that you wasted some of your youth on him. Imagine how much sadder you would be twenty years from now with a busted nose and broken bones and a son who is acting all crazy and has problems because he grew up seeing all that?

You can have a better life than this. You can have happiness. But you have to amputate the gangrene, I know what I'm talking about.

I'm being vehement about this because I am scared for you and your son. This is a life and death situation. I'm old enough and have been through enough, to know.

I'm saying a prayer that God will give you the strength to save yourself and your son from this man.
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Old 01-19-2010, 10:02 PM   #10  
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My heart goes out to you and I will say a prayer for you. Also, I think you need to really dig deep and answer the question why you feel stuck and pause at leaving. Is it you don't think you deserve better because you do. Are you okay with being treated like a child? This sounds like an emotional abuse and he is not going to change it will get worse.

Like the previous poster said, this is teaching your son how to treat women. The best thing to do is call your parents and see if you can move in and cut him off. Resentment leads to bitterness and that will lead to a lot of bad things. So protect yourself and your son. As well love yourself enough to say this is enough. If he wants you back, remind yourself of what he has to offer and what he is giving to you.

This is an awesome site for support and it is like a extended family. I get as excited for another person's success as mine and my heart hurts when I read posts like yours. Of course we haven't met you face to face but we care just the same.
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Old 01-19-2010, 10:12 PM   #11  
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I'm with everyone else--I've been reading your posts for a while and you are a very bright, funny person. You are only 24 years old! Even if you are 99, you are never to old to get out of a bad relationship.
I will pray for you!
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Old 01-19-2010, 10:22 PM   #12  
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I'm sorry you're going through all of this, and I hope you find happiness soon in whatever course of action you choose to take.

Be strong! Whether or not you decide to stay with this man, realize how strong you are and that you don't need him. We women are a million times stronger than all those chick flicks would like us to believe You don't need no man! Our culture tells us that to be happy, we need to be in a relationship, but that's not true at all! You can be just as happy outside of a relationship as you can in it. There is nothing wrong with the single life.

We all have different views on the meaning of life, but I sincerly believe that our only purpose here is to find happiness. If you're not happy, then something's wrong, and you're not living life right... It seems pointless to me to live a life that makes you unhappy. If this guy truly makes you unhappy, then maybe he does have to go.

I know that it's scary though. These big choices are. Please don't feel that if you divorce him that you've wasted a few years of your life! You've learned and grew and all the misery and good times have made you a better and more rounded person. There's no need to regret. It'll just make you more unhappy.

If you do decided to stay with him, you do need to grab the bull by the horns though! Show this man that we women can't be messed with or told what to do. If he's going to block you from MySpace, one-up him! Hide the router when he wants to use the internet, or buy a child blocking program and block some of the places he likes to frequent. Though, admittedly, I can be the vengeful type and I do not like anyone telling me what I can and cannot do!
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Old 01-19-2010, 10:23 PM   #13  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybjones View Post
I don't mean to be harsh but ask yourself this question. How will you feel in 20 years when your son treats his wife like crap and when you ask him why, he says he learned how marriages work by watching you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by jigglefree View Post
Like the previous poster said, this is teaching your son how to treat women.
If nothing else get out so your son doesn't continue this controlling, abusive way.

Hugs and strength to you.
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Old 01-19-2010, 10:39 PM   #14  
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Why? Because YOU ARE LETTING HIM TREAT YOU THIS WAY. You need out. Go. Don't look back. Don't take him back. Treat yourself better, and if he can't deal with that, he doesn't get to be a part of your life. Period.
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Old 01-20-2010, 12:15 PM   #15  
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Soon-to-be-slim Melanie :

I read in your post YOU DESERVE BETTER. You are right. Get yourself out, get divorce papers filed and served (you don't need his permission) and move on with your life.

I'm 44 years old. I've seen this exact pattern with men and nearly 100% of the time, the reason a man is so controlling is because he thinks YOU are capable of doing the things HE is doing behind YOUR back. Life won't be perfect divorced from a dipstick like him...he'll try to control you through your son...but at least you are free from living with him and your son will learn the important lesson that a GOOD woman won't take that abuse adn that its not acceptable to treat a woman that way.

Good luck to you...tough roads ahead, but God will give you the strength if you ask Him for it. I know, he's carried me through many a tough situation.

Hugs and prayers :hugs:

Last edited by techwife; 01-20-2010 at 12:17 PM.
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