i am extremely uncomfortable with crying- other peoples, and my own. I don't like it, I'll try not to do it, and for the most part even if I wanted to I couldn't. it's just some part of my internal make-up that I am uncomfortable with it. Like flee the room uncomfortable.
I don't think I could have a partner that was super emotional, it would be very hard for me. I don't think there's anything right or wrong with it- just that I don't like it.
I've been with my husband for a decade and I have seen him cry like 4 times- when his grandma died, at the end of his favorite show ever (which i admit was quite sad)... if he cried over every episode of Stargate Universe we watch or when he lost a game or got mad at me (which happens a lot) I think it'd be a turn off for me too.
I don't mind if people cry. It doesn't make me uncomfortable. I'm a crier myself. That said, there are some instances where I think it's a bit much:
- If I had to see the contestants on The Biggest Loser blubber one more time, I was going to throw something at the TV screen. Yes, I get that it's an emotional process and understood the first 4 or 5 times they cried, but I swear, there were some of them that we never saw unless they were crying. Enough.
I don't think it's a sign of weakness for men to cry. Just the opposite. I think American society as a whole frowns on men crying so when I see one who is not bound by that restriction, my respect for him grows.
That being said, I have seen few men cry outside of situations involving death. I have six brothers and have only seen two of them cry in a non-death situation. One was a total shock on many levels because he is one of those against men crying. At the time, I was suicidal and had taken him to my bank to put him on my account; on the way home I looked over and saw tears on his face. When I asked him why, he said it was because he was scared he was going to lose his only sister. Imagine my shock - I didn't think he cared about me one way or the other.
The other brother is a cryer and believe me there is nothing weak about him. He was very close to the adults in our lives when we were growing up and freely admits to crying when he thinks about the fact that they have all passed away. I remember once I made him cry because I agreed with his SO that he didn't spend enough time with his children (he's a trucker). Providing for them was his number one priority and it really hurt him that we thought he was missing some mark in taking care of his family.
I just remembered I saw another brother cry recently. He was really close to our mom. I don't remember my mom and years ago I had asked him to tell me about her and he wouldn't do it. He just reunited with the rest of us after 13 years (he had disowned us) and finally decided to tell me how he remembers her. That made him cry.
Last edited by MoveMoveMove; 12-15-2009 at 02:24 PM.
I am a total crybaby and cry at the drop of a hat. It would be pretty hypocritical to judge anyone else! I am emotional and accept that others can also be emotional - no judgement here.
It's not a big deal to me if a man cries in front of me. Although my husband is the first man who ever let me see him cry. It's only happened a handful of times, each time because his emotions got the best of him when he was trying to tell me how he felt about me. So that's likely why it doesn't bother me.
On the other hand - I HATE when men whine - Yikes!! I think that's a huge turn-off! wah, I'm cold.. wah, I'm hungry... grrr
pinkypie i should have made my self more clear i find guys that are super emotional a turn off. they are the ones that cry at movies, for being happy, basicly what mindiv described...
jendiet.. my dad is the same way. ive never seen him cry(i defined crying as cant breath stuggling for breath, loud wailing) but i have seen tears in his eyes when he was very upset and twice when someone close to us died.
chelby..lol
carrie77 its nice to see im not the only one who is uncomfortable by tears. A man or women could start bawling infront of me and i would be frozen in place. i personally dont respond well to tears.
My best friend (female) is a crier. Daily, hourly sometimes, over anything, she is sobbing. While this has made me confident with my ability to stop people crying, it also made it a huge turn-off because I see how she manipulates people with her tear ducts.
I think it would be a turn-off to be with someone who cries frequently. It can be disturbing to people and often is uncalled for.
But it would be an equal turn-off to be with someone who didn't cry at appropriate times: death, illness, etc. My father is like this. I've only seen him cry maybe twice, but I respect him more for it.
it depends on what he's crying over. If we're having a big fight (I'm probably already crying) I wouldn't see a problem with him crying. Likewise, if something tragic happens that warrents crying, no problem. (And if a guy happy-cries it better be big: birth of child, daughter's wedding kind of big) But if he cries A LOT, or over little things, that would probably turn me off.
I'm pretty emotional, I cry a bit. But I don't cry in front of people (at least not sober). I'm with you on being uncomfortable being around someone when they cry. And I'm equally uncomfortable having other stand around while I cry.
I was the same way a couple of years ago. I would rarely cry, and my husband would cry more then me. My mom always made me feel bad for crying when I was younger so I would always just hold it in. When I used to hold in my emotions it made it harder for me to take that wall down, and I could never express myself because I would feel weak and I would start crying.
My husband told me that he wants me to show more emotion, weve been married over 6 years and Im just now letting my emotions show I cry way more then him now. I still feel stupid when I cry but I no longer hold back my tears and I think he appreciates the fact that I can open up to him and cry in front of him. I like men who show there emotions it allows them to connect with you on a whole other level.
It also depends on why he's crying. If he's crying because he wants McDonalds and I want Wendys then ya that would be a huge turn off. But if he's upset because were having problems with our relationship then its okay.
ha yes i'd much rather deal w/ a weepy man then a whiny one. i can't even count how many times i've had to tell my husband "okay, i'll get you (whatever) but only if you can ask for it like a big boy!" he can never ask for anything without whining for it. ugh.
I am a total crybaby and cry at the drop of a hat. It would be pretty hypocritical to judge anyone else! I am emotional and accept that others can also be emotional - no judgement here.
yep, me too.
I do understand what some of you have said about it being a turn off when a guy is OVERLY emotional all the time. But I don't find a man any less manly if he cries in front of me.
Crying to create a response ... whining ... annoying no matter who does it!
I'm not too much of a crier, but if I try to hold it in, I get a migraine. But I'm not likely to do it in front of anyone, because then they might, you know, try to hug me or make me talk about it
