[katkitten]

Yeah. if he approaches me again I will tell him off and if he doesnt back down I'll report him. I have a bit of social anxiety and am not very good at being firm like that but will do my best. The problem is, this is just the workout room at the apt complex. It's usually just me and one other person when i go. And I dont really have a support system down here so there is no one to go with me. I've been doing more walks (i drove to a walking path today)and wii fit and workout videos and going to the gym at work so i dont run into him.

[bananapancakes]

WHAT THE.....!?!?!? Good Lord, that's no way to speak to speak to a lady your trying to chat up. That's how you talk to a hooker or your s.o if you like that sort of thing. What the bloody **** is wrong with this creep? *shudders* I would have went off. Please just be careful when you are working out there, maybe buy a taser or some mace- I'm not joking, there are too many freakin' weirdo's out there and you can never be too careful. That's really scary that he waited on you. You need to take a stand, I think you could be in danger- have the police go talk to him.

[david]

i wouldnt work out at that apt gym if its just you and him...hes got you at a huge disadvantage there...i agree that you have enough evidence to tell the police that they would want to talk to him....maybe its nothing and hes just an annoyance, but theres way too much at stake to wait to find out....my wife had a neighbor who was harrassing her and the po;ice were very helpful

[kaplods]

Originally Posted by katkitten

omg! that same guy followed me today!!! ...

So I kept going and walked into an outlet mall for about 20 mins...when i came out? still on the friggen corner!!!!

Call the police NOW! Do not wait for another incident.

Even the stupidest, most socially inept idiot should have gotten the message by now that you're not interested. Now, he seems to be trying to intimidate you - or is deep in a bizarre fantasy world and obsessive behavior.

If he had any innocent intentions, he would have followed you into the outlet mall. That he waited outside for you to come out (especially for 20 minutes) suggests several very dangerous things....

1. He avoided making content in a public place where there would be WITNESSES to his behavior. That suggests malicious intent, not innocent romantic or even blatant sexual intent. If he were just an idiot, I suspect that he would have followed you into the mall.


2. He was willing to spend 20 minutes doing absolutely nothing but wait for contact with a person he doesn't know. When you're waiting for someone you DO know and are scheduled to meet, 20 minutes seems like an eternity if you have nothing to occcupy your time. Which to me makes it even more suspicious that he didn't follow you into the outlet mall - at least eventually. I would be less suspicious if he had (at least he would have had the "pretense" that he was shopping too - but standing on the corner doing nothing - he wanted you to know he'd been waiting for you - and again didn't want witnesses.

3. Your repeated attempts to avoid him were indeed a FIRM "no" that even the stupidest of males should recognize. He's obviously not stupid or mentally handicapped - or again he wouldn't have had the foresight to avoid the public place. He's obviously getting an adrenaline rush from the "chase." Very, very dangerous.

________________

The first incident sounded alot like poor judgement and lack of social skills to me (as I posted), but this new incident is unmistakeably a dangerous one.

Trust that creeped-out feeling. It's safer to assume a harmless nut-case is a dangerous whack-job than the reverse. And there are so many red flags here that I don't believe there's much of a chance that he is harmless. I don't get alarmed easily. And your situation is alarming to me. As a former probation officer, I felt perfectly (well, reasonably at any rate) safe in the scariest of neighborhoods and even in the homes of many violent offenders, with no back-up or "witnesses" and only a note on the bulletin board in the probation office to tell anyone where I was supposed to be and when I was supposed to be back.


I definitely would call the police, and talk to the apartment management as well.

With my original post, I didn't know that the gym you were talking about was in your apartment building or that it was so small and isolated. It changes the situation a lot.

In a public gym with lots of people around, there are fewer safety issues than in a small, fairly isolated appartment gym. He not only knows generically where you live - if not the actual apartment number - he presumeably lives in the same building - or has reason to be there.

Do call the police now. Don't wait for another incident, because often enforcement of stalking laws sometimes (if not by the letter of the law, in practicality) require the police to see a pattern of behavior, not an isolated incident. You need to report every incident, in detail. Not only incidents in which you have direct contact with him, but even passive behaviors like "hanging around" in a place with the apparent or even suspected intent of seeing you or making contact.

[VernDern]

I definitely wouldve turned him into management after I kneed him in his package. Gross! Thats not even flirting or anything remotely okay to say to someone you dont know. Sounds to me like he needs a good kick...

[Palestrina]

Start a log. Everytime you come into contact with him, time/date/location, what he did, how you responded, how he reacted, etc. It really helps when you're trying to build a case. I once had to report an ex-boyfriend who was stalking me. He is someone I loved and cared for deeply, but the relationship was over and he continued to harass me and I felt very threatened. The moment I walked into the police station and reported it, he instantly got a record - that never goes away. I followed the procedures to get a restraining order but he totally snapped out of it and left me alone once I told him I had reported him to the police. The advice I was given was to write down everything, all the calls, visits, etc.

[4myloves]

Yeah, and, for selfish reasons even though I have no idea who you are, CHECK IN HERE every few days to let us know you're ok.

[Skyra]

This summer, a guy (an acquaintance from a past job) asked me out. Repeatedly, for weeks. At first I told him no nervously, then politely, and then one day I finally blew up at him and said, "No! Don't you understand no? I'm never, ever going to date you. Lay off."

He said, "If you don't date me, you'll regret it."

That alone was enough for me to call the police. He was roughly twice my size and had a tattoo of Death on his arm, and what he said scared the bejeezus out of me.

I walked into the nearest police station and asked the receptionist if I could talk to a police officer. When he asked why, I told him I was being bothered by a guy and I was worried about my safety. He called down a police officer to talk to me right away.

I even prefaced it by saying "I'm probably overreacting, but..." and told him the situation. The officer said "You're not overreacting at all. He's ignoring your requests, he's threatening you, and you feel unsafe. I'm gonna call this guy and talk to him... but if you EVER see or have any contact from him again, call the police right away. He sounds dangerous."

I've never heard from the guy since. I feel safe, and all it took was 10 minutes in the police station to get me there.

The police care about your safety. Do NOT feel worried about bothering them or wasting their time. I agree with other posters -- this man sounds very dangerous. Some men don't understand "no" and it sounds like this guy won't back away if you tell him "no". DO NOT handle it on your own. He could be a rapist or worse, and I don't want to scare you, but yes, it COULD happen to you. Don't let something awful happen to you because you wanted to spare this guy's feelings. It's not worth it. Period.

Please post and let us know you're safe.

[katkitten]

oooo, Skyra, now that is really creepy. im unwilling to go to the police just yet (partly because i wouldnt even know how to describe who he is. nothing really unique about how he looks) but am very careful to stay in well populated places and have stopped going to that gym for the moment (i found a better one!). but if he bothers me again, i will take his pic with my camera phone (a very smart suggestion from a fellow member here!) andi will go talk to the police.

[babes315]

I totally agree with kaplods and wannabe.

If you don't want to go to the police yet, at the very least document everything and talk to the people at the leasing office. Once you tell them what is going on, I wouldn't be surprised if they know who you are talking about, it doesn't take long for guys like him to get a reputation. Perhaps then you can get a name from them and have this information to pass on to police if necessary. I am glad that you found a better gym, it is not safe for you to be alone with this guy.

One thing I would do if I were you is get a story together in case somehow you do find yourself alone with him. A few years ago, I was driving up to Atlanta alone from FL to visit my boyfriend. I stopped at a rest stop, and some guy said he was having trouble getting his dollar in the vending machine and I try to help him. The next thing I know, I am backed in a corner, with him too close to me and feeling very isolated (though it was daylight and there were people in the parking lot). Even though I was alone, I told him that my older brother was in the car and we were on our way to visit our parents (aka I was not alone, I could be with someone that is strong and going to make it hard for him to take me and people are going to notice if I don't show up). Thankfully, I safely reached my destination.

If something inside of you is screaming that something isn't right, listen to it. Don't make any excuses for his behavior and stay safe!

[arumaru]

Ok, I'll be honest... the majority of men aren't attracted to obese women, and those that are often think that fat girls are desperate to get with anyone, and have lower standards as to who they're willing to sleep with. Chubby/slightly overweight girls don't have to deal with this as often, because a lot more "normal" men find them attractive. But some guys, especially younger ones, are too insecure to be seen with a girl who is only a few lbs overweight. Older men are more mature and often have weight problems of their own, but in general, if you are a teen or in your early 20s and you are obese, it's not fun at all.

I've always gotten attention from men, but it was at it's lowest at my heaviest weight, and I get more attention now that I'm lighter. I'm one of those "Oh it's a pity you have such a pretty face" type of fat girls, and I have a figure and chest/waist/hip ratio despite being at this weight. SO it's not like I ever looked like a monster, I just had a lot of potential and it was a shame that I wasn't as pretty as I could be. A fair amount of "normal" guys are into me, but I know that a lot of them are insecure about being seen with a fat chick. It used to get me down a lot and made me cynical about people, but I no longer care about it. I'm losing weight and improving my health, and I have a great guy by my side also. I'm doing this for myself, but I have to say that I can't wait to be at a trimmer and healthier weight for my boyfriend. When I lost weight and started to wear nicer clothes, styled my hair, etc, I got a lot more attention. Everyone looks nicer when they are dressed well and have confidence, but the truth is that being very overweight/obese is a huge deterrent in all social situations, especially ones where you have to promote yourself, such as in dating. People judge you by first impressions most of the time, and obesity is always associated with bad things. This is just a simple truth and a reality that fat acceptance people aren't willing to accept.

[sacha]

Hi hun, I have worked in policing for a few years so I hope you'll give some thought to what I say,

You can give a phone call to the police station at any time (the non emerg) and ask to speak to someone who deals with domestic violence (although this is not a person you are in a relationship with, it is the best unit to talk to). Just let them know what is going on and what advice they can give you with the circumstances. You don't need to file a report right now.

I do know of some girls who actually have their homes/work places FLAGGED on my computer system (ie. lights up in big red letters) whenever I see it, because some crazy dude (often a guy they didn't even know) stalks and harasses them.

Please be safe rather than sorry as there are some mentally ill people out there who have no concept of boundaries. So just place a phone call, there's no harm in it. ****, even I had to do it once and that was scary for me to admit to my coworkers that it was happening to me.