thats my problem! I get so shy and embarrassed that Im not firm with them. yes, I told him i'm not interested but only after blushing and laughing nervously...
Sadly, I'm pretty sure he took that as encouraging.
on the subway system here in NYC there's been a rash of groping. to combat that, the MTA (metropolitan transit authority) has put up posters and makes announcements on the trains for woman not to tolerate sexual abuse/harrassment. they had a story on the news about it, and one woman said: It's only groping....
um, keep your hands off, pal!!
I think it's a mixed up bag of messages that get put out there, like EZ says, some women say it to men, men get the idea that women like it from sources that cater to men's fantasies. the obnoxious goofballs stand out.
I think certain guys will go after any woman they feel might have self esteem problems or who just share the same agenda, whether they be larger sized or rail thin (the thought maybe being if you bang on enough doors, *someone* will answer).
Last edited by dragonwoman64; 11-20-2009 at 03:20 PM.
Geez...I swear some guy tries to pull that on me, he gets ye olde knee to the groin. I even get testy when guys stare at me in a lewd fashion. Yuck. I am not a piece of meat!
I was actually going to say something along the lines of men trying for women they think they'd have a better chance with in my previous post, but I think that goes back to the insecurity issues. I think men who are just out for that ONE thing develop these weird skills to sniff out the women that just miiiiiiiight give it to them. It's so disgusting and 9/10 it won't work, but they're shooting for that 1% chance I guess!
And that analogy about going around knocking on doors is SO true and funny!
I know! I'm not sure what I'd do, never had it happen in the about 20 years I've lived here, but I'm sure it would involve shoving and yelling.
A mentally handicapped guy on a bus once grabbed my arm, he was seated and I was standing...I went bezerk. Shouted at him to remove his hand from my arm or else. Basically. I don't like it when strangers invade my space, I get reaaaaaaaaaaaaal cranky.
In my opinion (and some might disagree), I think guys assume for some reason that overweight women are more insecure and therefore "easy". I know that sounds awful and trust me, it infuriates me, but I've just seen it so much and I've been subjected to these assumptions so much that I've come to that conclusion. And I've actually had a guy admit that it's basically true.
Sure, there are the gross and completely indiscriminate guys who will talk nasty to any woman they meet, but if you pay attention, you'll probably notice that it happens more to overweight women. It sucks, but I think it's true.
I actually get really embarassed when guys are forward like that! I probably would have turned bright red and cried or something...it just makes me so uncomfortable! YUCK.
I've heard that before too. That heavier women are more insecure and "easy" but let me tell ya, being overweight made me terrified of men. I would do my best to never look men in the eye, I didn't want men to try and approch me, nothing. To this day, almost 90 pounds down from my highest known weight, I still deal with this somewhat. It's not that I don't WANT men to want me, but something holds me back. Just fear I guess. It's so stupid *shakes head in embarrassment*
If a guy said that to me, I'd give him a really dirty look and maybe just say something like I"m taken or something to get him away from me.
yeah i was thinking the same thing- that a guy sees an overweight woman and thinks easy target or "she'll be grateful!" that guy is a pig and definitely needs to be reported to the gym management. what if he corners you next time or gets gropey?! yuck.
omg! that same guy followed me today!!! It was nice out so I decided to go for an outdoor walk. He walks out of his building and waves at me and i just stared at him and then turned the other way and started walking out of the apt complex. Then, he followed me and tried to cut me off and got within about 10 yards of me but i was fast and got past (he probly tried to say hello but i had my noise cancelling headphones on so i dunno). I was pretending i didnt notice him. Then he followed me to the corner and stopped. So I kept going and walked into an outlet mall for about 20 mins...when i came out? still on the friggen corner!!!! so I pretend not to notice him as he waves I turn away and start walking towards the gas station that is about 3/4 of a mile down the street. The street winds around and has lots of trees (but lots of traffic going to the outlets so I figured it was still nice and public) so I couldnt see what happened but eventually he gave up....I'm sure he's harmless and just socially inept like you guys said but wtf? who waits for 20 mins at a street corner?!?
geez louise! I had a guy at church fixate on me. he wouldn't stop sitting next to me, trying to talk to me. at first I was nice, thinking, hey, it's church, then I started to get a little freaked out by it. he wasn't getting the message by all the regular cues, not talking to him, walking away, looking mad, etc.
these guys are creepy and you really don't know if they're harmless or not. if you see him again, I think you should call the cops right away.
Ok, wow, it sounds like that dude went completely way out of his way to follow you. It's one thing if you guys had already been going in the same direction or if he had some other obvious purpose for being in the area...but he clearly did not and that's CREEPY.
I would seriously ask him to stop if he does something like that again. Sometimes what guys like that need is someone to be firm (not necessarily rude, but direct) and communicate that that type of attention is NOT appreciated and that you're giving him a chance to correct the behaviors before you'll feel the need to let someone else know.
Omg...just thinking about that scenario freaks me out.
as the father of three daughters and as a man myself, let me say that iam embarrassed and shocked at that kind of behavior....and believe me, i also am no prude....im so sorry that there are people like this out there
honestly? I'd call the cops. what he said and waiting 20 minutes for you is not, not good. They'll talk to him. Make sure you tell the cops everything, that he followed you and waited 20 minutes. What he said at the gym. make sure the cops understand he followed you and you feel threatened.
Please handle this situation as it needs to be handled. This is not a time to be cute and coy and avoid rudeness. You're blushing and stammering and he's interpreting that as an invitation to try harder. The opportunity to deal with it on your own has already past. You should've firmly rejected him in the first place and reported his nasty remarks to the manager. But you didn't do that and now you are being followed so even more drastic measure will be necessary now. If he tries to speak to you again you have to look him menacingly in the eye, point your finger at him and tell him in a loud voice (loud enough for bystandanders to hear) to leave you alone. That ought to snap him out of it but nonetheless talk to your building manager immediately and alert him to this guy's inappropriate behavior. More than one person needs to be tuned in to this guy's whereabouts and actions. If he's doing it to you he's done it to others and will do it again.
Women spend all their energy in being nice and polite and not offending people. He's interpreting your actions as "playing hard to get" or "teasing." It's wishful thinking on his part but thinking along these lines allows him to pursue you.
Truth be told if that happened to me at the gym i would like to think I would have become a bit violent, but i Know I would end up going."Um...what?" and looked at him as if her were stupid...of course I would have said it loud enough for the rest of the gym to take notice.
A guy kinda like that use to follow my best friend around in highschool. Kinda cute at first, always sitting with us at lunch and following us around the cafeteria and the halls, trying to talk to her. Then one day he pushed her a bit too far and she stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and shouted. "I..don't..like...you...stop following me!" The whole student body like froze with their forks in their mouth and everyone turned to stare.
Needless to say he got the idea...be if from her stating it, or from most of the school seeing it. But what may work in high school may not work in the general public. Standing up to a guy like that in front of a lot of people may just piss him off and it seems that is not a good idea. What about the other people at the gym? are they mostly guys like that? Mostly women? Family type guys? Do you go to the gym alone? Do you carry a cellphone with you?
I use to go to the gym with my best friend and there was always this guy in the TIGHTEST leotard-like clothes you can imagine anyone wanting to wear in public. and he loved to stare at whatever was female in that gym...and their wern't a lot of females...trust me. talk about creepy and he insisted, after staring you down for 20 minutes while you ignore him and watch the tv mounted on the wall, he insisted on walking past you like 20 times and saying hi a couple of times...going at far as getting on the treadmill next to you.
I would always crank my MP3 up and ignore him, knowing that if he ever tried anything, my best friend next to me would have beamed his head in. (she was training for the military and had some anger issues that would have fueled her @_@ ) but we never went to the gym without the other one there with us.
Don't pass him off as just a creep.... yeah he may have taken your politness and embarrassment as a cue to push a little harder, or he might just be one of those guys who won't take no for an answer. Even more so if he thinks the woman should be thankful he's even giving her attention, being snubbed might piss him off. Keep ignoring him, alert your friends and family...You know.."Hey their's this creepy guy at the gym, ect." so that Heaven forbid, anything happened to you, your family will instantly think about the creep at the gym.
And by all means if he pushes, call the police. I don't know just what they can do other than give him a warning. if he's willing to follow you outside the gym...he could very well follow you around town. Just be very aware of him, but don't let him scare you into not going to the gym.
