I have decided, after looking at tons of my pictures that I am tagged in on facebook, that I am quite fat. No. Not "pleasantly plump" But in the most of dearest endearments. Not to be terribly rude about myself, but it truly is just a quiet throbbing mentioning inside of my brain. It hurts slightly, almost kind of like a slap inside my stomach. But, then, you see, my stomach jiggles like jell-o for five minutes after that "certain-someone" slapped me. (This certain-someone is certainly all-cameras-known-to-man) So, I look down at myself, and I realize, I can change.
Yes. I did say "change". Don't get your mind wandering to the millions of previous Obama-speeches. (because I know that's of course what you were thinkinking) Well, anyhoo, I look down at myself you see, and I look down at the scale. I peer down, trying to eagerly look over my portruding edge of my belly button, folding up my stomach folds (Like terrible flaps on an envelope) and schooch them up to my earlobes. (Okay, it's not that bad I guess) Then I look at myself at a birds eye. (I don't know which bird, but I'm sure there was some sort of bird looking from a cliff in my upstairs-bathroom) And I see myself, standing there in my underwear, hands full of myself (quite literally), My hands are full, and I see myself bending forward, butt sticking out-quite-a-lot, and then I see myself completely fall over.
Yes. that's right..."..and then I see myself completely fall over." Yes. That's right. Read it over a couple times. Thank God I wasn't in my own body at that moment, but I saw myself you see, bend down, and I fall over. Except, not fall forward, but fall face-forward. INSTEAD, (like a normal fat person) falling over; sprawling-out-picking-myself-up-then-screaming-out-MY-KNEES-!!!!-, I see myself fall down A CLIFF! Well.
There I am, falling down a cliff, fat-folds flinging themselves all around me, (even my cheeks were billowing in the full force wind) and then I change my position, from little foot-to-little-foot in my burst of excitement, on my little cliff. (You see, i'm still a bird here) and I peer down once more. Now i'm an asian bird, squinting in the sunlight.
All of the sudden, i'm back in my own body. I'm falling. But it was a nice feeling. MY FAT was falling off of me every time a gust of wind would blow upward. I landed. Quite slowly. My hair acted as a parachute. (I know. I didn't think it could happen either. But, when you fall off of a cliff in the middle of your bathroom, your hair might as well be a parachute) and I floated down, very slowly.
POOF.
Actually. There was no poof. Just a wondrous nothing. I looked down at myself, and I didn't have to fold up my folds of fat, and I looked down. And I saw my feet. Without throwing my belly-button over my shoulder.
And I walked away, smiling smugly.
I was skinny.