2 years ago me and my other half went abroad to get married,we took the people that mattered with us and the day was perfect but not the trip!
il start at the beginning
just before the wedding me and my husband had a major arguement i was a complete hormonal nightmare, at the time I was pregnant and I didnt know (i later miscarried) so it was all go!! anyway, this argument took place at his mums house and wasnt very quiet.
We were close to calling it off and she sent me a stinking email outlining that I didnt have the rite to treat her son like this blah blah blah (because of course he's an angel!)
anyway, it blew over and we went away, but the next time that i saw her after the argument was at the airport! needless to say it was a tense atmosphere, not made any easier by her buying VIP lounge tickets for her, her sister and her other son and his girf whilst me and the groom and my family all sat wondering where they had gone!
we got the resort and she basically went her own way, ignoring me and the husband on many occassions, also blanking my family to the extent that she and her sister would go the beach when everyone was at the pool etc..
it came to a head when she had a go at my cousins husband in front of a lot of people when he was only trying to get all to sit together!she was a nightmare but behaved herself on the day of the wedding.
(we later had it out and she denied it all!!but she got to know how I felt about her behaviour!)
Whenever I look back on that it upsets me as she really truly did make not only me and my family but her own son feel like rubbish during that trip acting as if we werent even there! but despite this the place feels like ours so to speak, the photographs to me were special because they were different, the venue was different and it was just ours! simple.
anyway..she met a man, now they are getting married! we had lunch one day (all of us not just me and her!) and all of a sudden she is telling me that they are going to do it in the same place as us. First off It didnt really sink in now im seething!
My husband doesnt see where im coming from he says its a compliment, I think its weird! but there is no way that we cannot go! i suggested (gently) alternatives and she brushed them off, she has been asking about photographs where is best to have them etc and all i keep thinking is that my favourite pics are from there and now she will be having the same ones too...in the same place and the same beach and it just makes me feel sick.
This woman has done nothing but treat me like im evil from day one, she has rang me to abuse me over the phone, sent countless hurtful emails,made snide remarks and I think to a certain extent encouraged her son at one time to leave me! the thought of the same woman basically clouding my most perfect memories hurts! its one of the few things in my life that went perfectly now i have to watch this woman mirror my perfect day.
I know its all a bit heavy, but imagine someone who has really hurt you rollcoasting through what you believed was your dream (however selfish that sounds) she is doing everything exactly the same even down the outfits! its just so strange and makes me feel so uncomfortable!
what can i do? my husband doesnt see it, she has ignored all that ive said but yet everyone that ive spoken to says its all way to much and she needs to understand that she cant just copy everything especially given our troubled relationship with eachother!
Last edited by touchmytoes; 09-17-2009 at 03:25 PM.
Your day was just that your day. It may be a bit strange that she is copying you but you could just say it is jealousy of some sort. If you have to go, I'd just go and remember all the good times that you had there yourself.
Definitely go and relive your happy memories with your husband - and make some new ones in your special place! I would definitely take her use of the venue as a compliment. Have a little giggle inside she has NO creative spark and let it go.
Ugh, family! I would say she is trying to push your buttons. I would make sure she never succeeds and go through the motions and be the epitome of the gracious DIL at her wedding no matter how tempting it is to return the crap she dished out at yours. I'm sorry that the relationship isn't better but she's part of the package. I don't know if this will help at all but maybe try to imagine her as any one of dozens of brides that have had a wedding there. Their wedding didn't diminish your wedding and neither will hers.
Big hugs. I DO understand where you are coming from but I think you can decide how you think about this. Stop the tapes about how it's going to spoil your memories and start the ones that say nothing could ever sully them.
Peg
Last edited by p7eggyc; 09-17-2009 at 04:35 PM.
Reason: Removing a double negative that really sounded bad! LOL
Your MIL can have her wedding however she chooses. You don't own the resort. You don't own the wedding dress manufacturers or the dress designs. Maybe she really liked where you got married. Maybe her perception of your wedding is different that your perception (you WERE a hormonal nightmare, no?). Maybe she feels that she is trying to mend bridges with you because she is asking for your input about pictures and so on. It seems odd that she would be getting married in this place simply as a way to get on your nerves -- that's a pretty drastic and expensive way to bug someone, no? I mean, it would be a whole lot easier for her to not invite you or freeze you out of the plans or to ignore you completely or to elope IF her goal was to get on your nerves.
If nothing else, you could arrange for an anniversary celebration to take place between you and your DH at the resort where you were married. You could focus on the positives about your day and enjoy your visit there and make it special for the two of you. Less worry about MIL, more worry about you and DH and how to make this trip special for YOU, IMHO...
She might well be doing this for nasty reasons. But you really can't do anything about it. You can never out-nasty someone without being, well ... nasty. My own opinion is you can vent a little, feel validated that, yeah, it's not fair, and then you have to find a way to let it go - otherwise, she is successful at accomplishing exactly what she's trying to accomplish ... making you miserable. She can't really steal anything that's truly important from you.
Thanks ladies, I am trying to find a way around this I really am, its just some days when there is yet another snide remark made or something it gets me down to think that someone has hurtful as her can get away with it....
however innocent it may seem there really is some element of awfulness about what she is doing, I see it in her every time i see her talking about it.
Kira....I know full well i dont own the resort! im that selfish and I also know that I dont own the dress designs! she can go ahead and borrow the same underwear that I had for the day if she likes, its about the person and the way that things are done...sensitivity is always the key!
There is also a violent history with her and the brother towards me soaked into this dislike of eachother, i wont go into it too much but the police were called and it involved too much drink on their part and a bad mouthing ex girlfriend of the brother who said id said something and they believed her!!
Not a pretty night!
Im no angel I dont try to make myself out to be, its just after all this time I cant think that its done for good reasons (call me bad minded!)
But hey...small worry in comparison to big ones i guess eh?!!
So you think she's picking the wedding spot in order to upset you and make you feel bad...why let her succeed in making you feel that way? You have the choice to brush off your shoulders and let it not matter to you. If she's truly doing it to annoy you, it would probably irritate her if it did NOT irritate you -- so tell yourself it doesn't matter, you had a beautiful day and nothing that follows that day is going to ruin it!
Ha yeah - you should keep going on and on about how WONDERFUL and MAGICAL it is that she is getting married in the same spot you did. Kill her with kindness
Kill her with kindness. She just sounds like one of those people who would find something wrong with crapping out a million bucks!
She obviously really liked the resort that you were married at. I don't think she is going there to make you mad, but she obviously isn't very tactful with her actions.
Try as best you can to ignore her negativity. People like that just bring others down. Don't let her do it.
yeah, I went out today and bought my dress before all the autumn stuff comes in...and then I went and booked me the other half a romantic meal on the beach just the two of us for whilst we are there....luckily enough we go out 2 days before they do and leave two days before aswell!!
cheers ladies, I really do appreciate the feedback, families are so hard, you try not to let them get to you, but they do in so many ways!!
where as my family are perfect!!! ha!! i think not!!
Awesome Ms Touch! That's the way to block her issues out of your life. You'll be at the amazing resort with your DH having meals on the beach. You can show up for the ceremony, get some pix taken with her, and then carry on with your amazing reliving of your amazing day.
Post some pictures! We'd love to see how it goes...
maybe we will do the whole renewal of vows thing..i will think about that or maybe we cud just do a romantic thing with the two of us.. (the minister was a little strange!! )
will post some pics no worries....thanks ladies xxxxxx
Advice before my head spins round...
