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-   -   Can't seem to make friends... (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/general-chatter/173047-cant-seem-make-friends.html)

MandiK 05-31-2009 11:12 PM

Can't seem to make friends...
I moved about two hours away from my hometown almost four years ago and I can't seem to make any friends around here. I am married, so I have my hubby to hang out with, but my hubby works every other weekend and when he's at work I am SOOO bored. I wish I had friends, I've tried making friends, but I just never quite seem to make close friends. I do have some friends around here, but none of them are the type of friend where I could call them up because I'm bored and we could go hang out. They are all the types of friends where you have to have plans way ahead of time or else they are too busy.
I'm really outgoing, friendly, and usually up for anything. When I go back home I have so many friends from high school and college to hang out with that I usually don't have time to see them all. My hometown is not terribly far away, but it's still far enough where I don't want to drive there every weekend.
There aren't many people that I work with that are my age. If they are my age they have little kids and always seem to be too busy to hang out. I'm not sure what I can do.... any advice would be great!

kiramira 05-31-2009 11:25 PM

I wish I lived in Blaine, so we could hang out! I'm in the same boat here -- DH has a great social life with lots of guys to hang out with. Me, not so much...
Sorry to hear about this...
Maybe try some evening classes at the local college? Or get involved with a volunteer group? Or join a local walking club?

MandiK 05-31-2009 11:29 PM

I have thought about continuing my education just to try to make friends, but it's so expensive that I can't do it right now....

kiramira 05-31-2009 11:41 PM

If you have any hobbies or interests, maybe a club to join? I like gardening, so I joined the local horticultural society and there were even some YOUNG FOLKS like me there!
Faith-based groups are also good...volunteering to work with Brownies/Girl Guides at least gets you out in the community...

techwife 06-01-2009 09:59 AM

OMG I feel your pain. I moved to the 1000 Islands TEN years ago. I'm married and when I moved here my daughter was 6 and I was pregnant with my son. My next door neighbor's boys were 5 and 7 and she has since had three more. We started out as great friends with gardening and crocheting as a few of our many common interests. It was great for a while until she started having me babysit for her ALL the TIME, to go on wine tasting ventures and pottery classes, etc with her friends, never inviting me as a way for me to get to know others as a new kid in town. I started feeling very used. Well, then she came over one day for a haircut and I was listening to Rush Limbaugh. It was as if she had walked in on some satanic ritual. Apparently, she didn't know I'm a Republican. :dunno: Truthfully, I don't care if a friend is Communist as long as they're a good friend. We're still friendly, but I no longer feel comfy just going over to visit.

So, then my son went to Kindergarden and I met a new friend there. She's about ten years younger than me, but we have slowly become the type of friend that I can call on to vent when things go wrong at school, she stops in unannounced for coffee all the time (which I LOVE). She's a true comfy friend. Well, she's new in town, too, and has become so repressed from living here that she's moving back to Baltimore this summer. I'm so bummed.

Truth is, I live in an extremely small town (my son's school has 18 kids in his grade level!) that is extremely clicky. In order to fit in here, you have to have gone to high school here yourself, be extremely pretty, have a house on the river or work for the school district. Otherwise, you're just part of the scenery. Many will be friendly to you, but none will be close to you. In fact, last summer, my son's teacher had a Welcome Back to School party at her house....she invited everyone except my son, my friend that is moving back to Baltimore's daughter and a little boy named Isaac that is a boy whose family is in the military. HORRIBLE. All the other kids parents meet the above criteria, so they were invited.

Funny thing is that I used to spend my summers here when I was a teenager and LOVED it here. I had many friends that went to high school here and I loved the contrast to my humongous school that it was so small. I have always thought that it would be a great place to grow up, so when I had the chance, I moved here. The village I live in is so quiet and peaceful and beautiful. If I didn't have kids, I'd so love it here, but I really hate the prejudice against my non-native kids.

So, now I'm in the market for a new BFF. I think I'm just going to give up. I have my husband and my friends back in Rochester for when I need adult companionship.

I realize I'm not giving you any advice on how to remedy your situation, but look at me as someone that feels your pain. BOY do I feel your pain...Small towns are hard to break in to.


kiramira 06-01-2009 11:17 AM

My smallish town has the saying that "if you don't have at least 3 generations buried in the town cemetary, you really aren't from here" with the subtext being "you don't belong".
I SO want to go back to my hometown...and I feel your pain...

techwife 06-01-2009 11:31 AM

KIRA: That's EXACTLY like my town. :mad:

Macomom 06-01-2009 11:37 AM

Hey techwife,
I think it has something to do with the St.Lawerence. I moved from Ottawa, to a smaller town on the river 6 years ago! I am just now, no longer called the woman from the city.
Most of my interests, as well as my work, have me commuting to Ottawa or Kingston during the days.
I love my big back yard, and the people are very friendly, but I have no "hip kids" my own age to hang out with (35 lol...)
I feel your pain.
Kira, I don't have 3 gens in the cemetery here either!

techwife 06-01-2009 12:12 PM

Mecomom: I live in Cape Vincent, where you have to be a Docteur, Wiley or an Aubertine to fit in...travel to Clayton and its the Cantwells, Kittles and Doneys...Alex Bay, Wagoners, Garlocks and VanCours. It really stinks to be a no-name around here. They just don't know what they're missing!!! :hug:

LittleMoonRabbit 06-01-2009 12:31 PM

Just chiming in here to say I am in the same boat. Moved away with my hubby for his job... he went to school in this area so he has friends here. Then, his hometown is also closer to here than my hometown... so almost any time we see people, it's his friends and family we see most of the time. I am pretty shy so I have a hard time making friends here.

And I am 2 hours away from my hometown too... it's funny how many people share such similar experiences.

newleaf123 06-01-2009 12:38 PM

Same boat here. LOTS of great buddies and acquaintances who I have met through volunteering at the school, kids sports, and volunteering in the community. But very few people to just hang with for a cup of coffee unless there is some sort of agenda attached. I'm still working at it, though.

bitetoobreakkskin 06-01-2009 12:47 PM

same boat! we moved here to new braunfels tx from dallas tx (four hrs away) almost 2 yrs ago..and i had one friend who was the most awesome person i had ever met, she wasnt from here either, but then she moved back to her home state of florida :( since then , ive made "friends"...but no one i could ever actually consider a FRIEND..i dunno..it sucks!! but youre not alone in your situation-thats for sure :) i hope you feel better soon!

SweetCurves32 06-01-2009 01:01 PM

Same here. I moved to TN last July (for a relationship that didn't work out) and though I love it here, and have no desire to go back where I came from, I am very lonely. I have met lots of really nice people, but no one that I am close to, no one that I can just hang out with. It is very hard. I hope things get better for you. :hug:

Melody2006 06-01-2009 01:14 PM

I have a friend that moved to a new area and had to make all new friends to have people to hang out with. She did it on yahoo groups. She just joined several groups in her area under interests she had and now she has regular friends for phone time and hanging out. Seemed like an awesome idea to me.

I've met some of my good friends by just taking a class at a time at the local college. You take a class at the community college and you run into all ages.

2 things to consider. If you don't have the $, I say do a search in yahoo groups in your area and join a few. Update here if you do and how it turns out for you. :hug:

PinkyPie 06-01-2009 01:18 PM

wow, I can relate AND I'll up the antie - I have NO friends or acquantainces at all in the "new" city I live in (that I have been in for 4 years *sigh* ). My only social life is with my colleagues at work.

I did join a bellydancing class (but in the city I work in, not live in...) to do something besides go out with my colleagues, but a few colleagues go with me so I still only really have them. The thing is, I work so far away from home, I just don't have time to meet people. In the weekends I have to do all the stuff I don't have time for in the week, plus my DH has kids that come to us every other weekend, so I have just accepted that this is the way it is right now.

Long-winded answer to say - maybe not classes but what about a "different" exercise class? Or voluteer for something? Sign up for a pottery class? A book club? Something along the lines of what you like to do. And maybe that will help :)

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