Ahahha. I know, right? I saw someone going as Eve...as in Adam and Eve...as in the people who didn't wear clothes. Thankfully she had a few strategically placed leaf-looking things. Not like it was cold out or anything...

This whole thread is really fascinating.

When I was in high school, I always felt too smart to be sexy...like the two were mutually exclusive somehow.

Now, looking back on it, I feel sooo sorry for my adolescent self. Because now intelligence is what I FIND sexy. My husband teases me that if a guy has no geek factor, he does nothing for me. Lucky for me, I married a brilliant man (He is an actuary...a financial analyst for a private business consulting firm). While he also happens to be attractive in the usual sense of the word...it is his brain that makes me pant hot and heavy. The rest is just icing.

And once I got to college and learned that intelligence was NOT a bad word, I have always felt sexy -- thin or fat. While I am more comfortable in my skin now than I was 40 pounds heavier, I was never really all that uncomfortable. I like being naked -- and I liked it then too. I am sooo not a prude. I like my body -- even my now less than stellar, six-years-of-nursing-three-babies boobs. While I think Cosmo is basically stupid, and that the editors wouldn't know true sexiness if it poured chocolate sauce in their navals and licked it out -- I also feel sorry for people who never learn to appreciate the sensual side of their natures...or just deny that it exists.

Humans are sensual creatures. All of us can be sexy! The original poster cannot see that she has the makings of sexy? Of course she does...look at what is lurking in those eyes and the set of that mouth!

Sexy is confidence in ourselves. Confidence shines through. Sometimes from one of those people who walks into a room and men and women are instantly drawn to them, but just as frequently from that quiet person who, once you start talking to them, just makes you want to move in closer, listen a little more carefully to what they have to say. THAT is sexy. It doesn't require beauty, or money or anything...just a deep-seated belief that you are absolutely worth the time and effort to get to know you better. That if a person doesn't WANT to get to know you better it is THEIR loss not your own.

Schumeany, I totally agree with you on the Cosmo issue.

Smart is sexy. I think smart women read people better. Being in touch with your partner mentally and being able to connect on that level is (in my opinion) much sexier than the Barbie doll sexpot brand of sexy that magazines like Cosmopolitan consistently advertise.

Sometimes I wonder if that magazine is a joke. All of the contributing writers and editors had to have gone to college, probably a fairly good college. You would think that if they were truly smart (and sexy) women, they would know that the content is crap. The probably do.

Oh man. I do like those "red-hot reads" though. They choose the worst passages from the most disgusting romance novels. It's always good for a belly laugh.

Going back to the original post, I don't think you "have" to feel or be sexy according to society if you don't want to. I avoided it for a long time because I didn't want attention, having dealt with negative male relationships in the past. "Sexy" wasn't "safe." Now that I feel stronger, I'm discovering what sexy means to me. I don't need to be considered sexy on a broad basis if the person I want thinks I am. I really want to be seen as a whole, intelligent person, so the vacant "sexy stare" of some models just seems insulting to me. Some people think spike heels are sexy, but to me they just look uncomfortable. Some people find smoking sexy, but I just see "cancer." Probably not a lot of people find a man washing dishes sexy, but I do.

There are plenty of fish in the sea, but what kind of fish are you looking to attract? A shark and a dolphin aren't looking to mate. When you think of sex and wanting to have it, how do you feel? How do you want to dress and act? I guess that, to me, is more what sexy should be about. But people are always looking to get closer to "normal" because it's hard to figure this stuff out. I think that's what these magazines trade on. It's so much more appealing if you can buy sexy rather than having to grow it inside who you are.

Also, there are ways people are sexy when they don't even realize they are. Apparently, there are ways I would stretch or looks I would give that would really turn my boyfriend on when sex wasn't anywhere near my thoughts.

I've never felt sexy either. I've had times when I think I look nice, or cute, but never sexy. Even when the couple of ppl have told me that I'm hot or sexy looking, it kind of makes me cringe, bc I don't see it and I think they are saying that to make me feel better. I think it is a mental image thing some of us have.

I think you are very pretty though! :)