I have found pics on my computer before (once out of ten years we have had internet in our home) and I didn't care and wouldn't care now as long as it wasn't disrupting our time together. I WOULD be upset if I found out my hubby was paying for porn in any fashion.
For the most part, guys like what you give them, whether it is big boobs or small, big butt or small.
this is SO true. I have mentioned this before. My guy and I joke about his "type" all the time. The actresses he finds hot, the types of girls he looks at - are all tall, slender, with little boobs, and loooong legs. I even will see women in a magazine or a movie or whatever and say "wow, honey, she's your type".
But me? I'm 5'4", 165 lbs, big boobs, short legs. And when he met me, I weighed 240+.
And we have *no* problem with our sex life then or now.
So you know ... what he watches in porn, and what he says "wow that's hot" about ... that has NOTHING to do with me or our relationship or our sex life.
I have very strong opinons about porn that may not be understood here. It has nothing to do with me or with how those women look. I do not envy them for one minute. I feel badly for them. I do not appreciate pornography in my home and I won't apologize for that, ever. I think it's wrong, period. And if it bothers you, your man shouldn't be watching it.
As someone has mentioned before, I think the OP's issues go WAY beyond porn.
Now that you mentioned what one of your jobs is (waitressing at a gentleman's club), I can see where that particular job may not be so good for your self-esteem. If you have issues with computer screen images, you must really have it rough working alongside them every day!
BTW, I am almost certain you can find counseling at a very low cost (or even free). Going by some of the things you've written, you're headed down that slippery slope to being in a full blown eating disorder.
Location: Nebraska. I live in rural Nebraska. Moo.
Posts: 20
S/C/G: 167/162/145
Height: 5'7"
Quote:
Originally Posted by LandonsBaby
I have very strong opinons about porn that may not be understood here. It has nothing to do with me or with how those women look. I do not envy them for one minute. I feel badly for them. I do not appreciate pornography in my home and I won't apologize for that, ever. I think it's wrong, period. And if it bothers you, your man shouldn't be watching it.
I wish more people believed this than there are.. But honestly, most men do not believe this at all and most women seem fine with it, so.. I guess I just look outdated for not wanting him to watch it.
Location: Nebraska. I live in rural Nebraska. Moo.
Posts: 20
S/C/G: 167/162/145
Height: 5'7"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jen415
As someone has mentioned before, I think the OP's issues go WAY beyond porn.
Now that you mentioned what one of your jobs is (waitressing at a gentleman's club), I can see where that particular job may not be so good for your self-esteem. If you have issues with computer screen images, you must really have it rough working alongside them every day!
BTW, I am almost certain you can find counseling at a very low cost (or even free). Going by some of the things you've written, you're headed down that slippery slope to being in a full blown eating disorder.
JMO....
I really don't have an issue with the dancers themselves (other than wishing I looked like they did.). What bugs me is I see the worst of male behavior there. One man even made one of the seasoned dancers cry once. It makes me believe guys can't live without porn or strippers even when in committed relationships because they are biologically driven to do that.
that may be true of some guys - but i gotta say it, doesn't sound like the guys you know/work with are quality men. my DH, my father, BIL - all would be appalled at the behavior you describe. RAISE YOUR STANDARDS! and don't insult good men by lumping them in with little boys who can't control themselves and have no respect for others.
Some of the action that goes on in just regular movies today would have been considered porn awhile back... It's just interesting to see how standards change.
As for watching porn with SOs... well, it depends, doesn't it, on what people like and what they don't like. Some couples will be fine with this for certain kinds of porn--others, no way! I personally get turned on by certain kinds of sexy scenes in movies that aren't even considered X-rated. But, there is a line beyond which I don't care to go.
Getting back to the OP--Husky, I'd say you're hanging in the wrong places with the wrong crowd... There are plenty of good folks who don't smoke, don't drink to excess, and don't constantly seek sexual arousal. I know! It's hard to believe! Maybe you ought to broaden your horizons... Join a gym like the YMCA... take some fitness classes... read about healthy eating... Find some new friends...
As for your weight, someone early on pointed out that you are barely even overweight at 167 and 5 ft. 7. So, forget the "I-won't-eat" scenario. That leads nowhere fast.
Okay, I dont like to do this... but I think you need some tough love. I hate making judgement calls about people, especially people I dont personally know on a forum.
But
You have got to go! Listen chicka, you said you work at a strip club... he doesn't respect your requests, and he ignored you when you came home crying after work. I'm sorry... it doesn't sound like he respects you very much and could possibly just be using you. Please seek some help. Wake up and get a hold of this situation.
I'm sorry.
Guys are visual creatures and most (not all) masturbate at least once a day even with an active sex life (and if they are swearing that they don't to you then that's just a can of worms they DO NOT want to open lol)......now that being said if he does not respect your wishes and does not want to compromise (and not about your weight) then you need to either just take it as it is with what I said above or walk away.
I used to be really insecure about myself when my husband and I finally moved in together after dating for almost 6 years....I found pics on his computer and freaked out. He deleted all of them and got rid of any magazines he had. I mean it made me so hurt and mad I was ready to throw it all away for some pictures. How could he look at those "perfect" women and still want me? Right?
If I could go back in time I would have smacked the **** out of myself and let her in on what I know now
I think this is a self esteem thing more so than the porn. Oh yeah and please eat! Lose weight for yourself and to heck with him!!
Last edited by TJFitnessDiva; 11-11-2008 at 06:18 PM.
I think the bottom line here is to get clear on what you want in a partner and what is acceptable and unacceptable for you.
Once you know what you want, you (and only you) can decide whether this relationship is worth fighting for or if it's time for you to move on. Once you've made that decision then it will be easier to ask for specific help/advice from your friends. Like "OK I want to be with him but we really disagree about porn. What can I do?"
You can't change him so focus on what you can do to have a healthy relationship with him.
As for not eating or thinking you don't deserve to eat I would recommend getting professional help from someone who specializes in body image or eating disorders. Research has shown that eating disorders can lead to serious health issues and even death.
A few weeks ago I found a few porn websites that had recently been viewed on my laptop. Well I don't look at porn, so the only other person that uses my laptop is my boyfriend. I was pretty upset that he used MY laptop to look at other women. His excuse was that he was had been laid off the day before and he likes boobs. Not a great excuse. I asked him how he would have felt if I used his computer to look at other men. He said he was sorry. I told him to not use my computer anymore for that stuff. What he looks at on his computer is his business. Sure it makes me feel crappy that he looks at that stuff, but I know that he can never have that in real life so I don't feel that bad about it.
I don't see how you deducted that you needed to lose weight because your boyfriend watches porn. Find a man who DOESN'T watch porn anyway. You have to understand there are different methods people prefer depending on the way they feel like, you know, relieving themselves. There's not just one way. And, crash dieting shows you aren't serious about long term results.
I guess in this advice is, learn to not find him watching porn a personal insult, or to learn to lose weight for yourself, and yourself only.
Maybe you ought to broaden your horizons... Join a gym like the YMCA... take some fitness classes... read about healthy eating... Find some new friends... 
