How much to give for wedding gift??
 

:) Okay........what is the "going rate" (for lack of a better word) these days for a wedding gift. Our good friends' daughter is getting married. We have to travel to the wedding, stay the weekend at the hotel where it is being held. I am certain it is around $100.00 per plate and my husband, myself and one son is going. Is it expected to give $300.00 or more for a gift????:dizzy:
We are also invited to the Sunday Brunch the morning after the wedding.

This is going to end up being an expensive weekend. Let's just hope that I can buy a dress at least one size smaller by the time the wedding comes. I have 5 weeks to go.
Suzy

The "per plate" cost should have nothing to do with your gift.

A gift is just that ... a GIFT. Freely given, with value not being the primary factor.

That said, I believe that there are certain life events that "deserve" a little bit more. Graduation, marriage, and new babies ... to me those three things deserve a bit of a splurge.

YMMV.

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I loathe the whole "cover your plate" mentatlity of wedding gift-giving but at least it's regional and is considered insane and rude in the region where I currently live (yay!). It's not a shower, it's not a fundraiser, it's a WEDDING. If people are blowing their budgets counting on making the money back from guests, the should scale back.

Just pick something foofy from the registry.

I'd say what you can afford.

I do not believe in the whole "pay for your plate" either... Give what you can afford!! I think $100 is sufficient... It should be your presence at the weekend that is valued and treasured more...

If you had a daughter who was getting married, what would you think would be reasonable for your good friends to give as a gift? How good of friends are these?

If your budget allows and this is a girl you've known since she was a little girl, I think $150 or more might be a reasonable gift. Are they registered? Or do you prefer to give cash? If they are good friends but not your best friends or you've only known them for a short while, I'd think $50-$150 would be reasonable.

The gift should really be based on your friendship and relationship as well as what you can afford and is reasonable.

An example is we received over $100 for our wedding from decent friends. My husband had been friends with the guy of the couple for for 10 years or so. We were shocked they would give us that much money for our wedding and it made us a bit uncomfortable (luckily, they got married a year later). Now if it was someone who was my mom's best friend and older people who had been there since I was a little girl, it wouldn't have surprised me.

I HATE the "per plate" idea of wedding gifts too but unfortunately that is how people think in this end of the country. She is a good friend and we do want to give appropriately however we have to stay in a hotel and eat some meals out and it is going to be difficult. I will look and see where she is registered. I am from the old school,when my sons get married, I would just rather my friends be there than care what their gift was.

Honestly, I never heard of the 'per plate' idea and I've been to a lot of weddings and involved in the planning for a few of them, including my own. I was happy to have people come to my wedding and we actually had an inexpensive wedding because we wanted to not break our budget and didn't expect to recoup costs through gifts (although we did actually receive more in gifts than we paid for the wedding). If someone told me that it costs them a certain amount to have me at the wedding and that is what they want me to give as a gift, then I'd say to them have a nice wedding :)

I have never heard of the per-plate thing, either, and I just got married 2 weeks ago.

$100 was the average gift amount. We were a little surprised since we had registries set up at a couple of popular places, but I think it's easier for people to cut a check. We recieved everything from $20 bills to $100. It didn't add up to any significant amount (we only had 75 guests), but it was really nice to have fun money for the honeymoon. But that wasn't the point.

We noticed that the average amount given in money was $100, while the average amount spent on gifts was around $50. I don't know what the discrepency is there, but we thought it was interesting. Also, in the end, we found that cash was much easier on all fronts. It was easier for people to just write a check and put it in an envelope, while we are still figuring out where half the registry gifts are and it is actually easier in terms of thank-you notes and our own organization. NOT that we're complaining. People had to travel a long way and spend money on a hotel and our main point was to be able to spend time with everyone, which we were able to do and had a blast.

It really has nothing to do with the amount. It's the simple gesture of giving a gift and saying best wishes for your life together. Really.

And my favorite gift so far that I smile everytime I use it is a $15 pink cutting board. For what it's worth...

A gift is supposed to be a gift... not a "required". Technically, you don't have to give anything... because the party is thrown by the bride & groom to celebrate their new life together, not because they want you to go shopping for them.

That being said, most people give something. I don't believe you need to "cover your plate". Give from your heart. If it's $100, if it's $300... whatever you feel is right. If you find something on the registry that you'd like to give... if you find something not on the registry that you'd like to give... if you don't find anything & you'd rather give them money! Doesn't matter. It's the feeling behind the gift that's going to matter. Just make sure to include a nice note with warm feelings about the wedding and how it makes you feel. (I'm a sucker for sincere notes.)

Enjoy the wedding, enjoy the reception, enjoy the brunch!

I think it should be taken into consideration that you're having to travel a distance, stay in a hotel, etc etc.

Also, it depends on what you can afford and what you're comfortable spending. Everyone here has given some really good advice.

I'd ignore the 'per plate' price.

You give what you can afford. Short and to the point.

In His Hands :dance:

TACKLENURSE

Maybe my family is weird but whenever there's a wedding everyone just gives money. It's usually the per plate rule. So if you bring a date and it's 100 a head then you'd give 200....

I think that's a Jersey thing. I have some friends from there and whenever a wedding has come up there's always a big discussion on the acceptable amount to be given with no mention of registries or gifts, just $$$.

I agree. totally. give what you want to give and what you can afford to give.

Also keep in mind that you have up to a full year after the wedding to give a gift (and no, they do not have a full year to write thank you cards! :) ).

So if the travel costs to the wedding are eating into your gift budget, there's nothing wrong with sending something a few months later. We went from Georgia to Michigan for DH's cousin's wedding a few years ago, which was a little spendy, and then sent them a fairly expensive gift about 4 months later.

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Yikes, IMO just the thought of making our guests pay for their meals is cheezy. We believed that paying for their meals was our way of saying "thanks for joining us for our big day".

We didn't have much money - so we splurged on the meals instead of anything else. They say that the thing you will remember most about a wedding is the food.

In NY, weddings are extravagant (mine included) and athough I know that a wedding is about the marriage and the couple starting a new life together and NOT about a party and gifts, I kind of like the whole enormous circus-wedding thing. I'm Italian-American... it's part of our culture to have big, big weddings lol. And no one gives actual gifts... the gift is money. (Does that sound horribly materialistic?) Around here, you give a gift for the bridal shower and money for the wedding.

That said, if I were attending a good friend's wedding, or their child's wedding, I'd give $100 PER PERSON (so $200 total for myself and my fiance). I'd give that amount regardless of how much the wedding was actually costing. If the person was even closer, like a cousin, I'd give around $300, as I gave my fiance's cousin for her wedding last year, and I have no idea how much her wedding cost. I do think it's kind of tacky to actually tell people who are coming to the wedding how much they have to give to "cover" their dinners.

I agree with Photochick -- there are times to splurge and be really generous and there are times to watch the $$. A wedding, imo, is a time to be as generous as you can, especially if this is a person who you've know for her entire life. Also, I don't think you expense to travel to the wedding should matter in how much you give... unless you honestly can't afford it.

I totally agree with this.

An invitation to a wedding is just that - an invitation, not a command performance. If you *choose* to attend the wedding, then you should do so without holding the cost of your travel over the heads of the couple (even in a more subtle way as in "I paid X amount to travel, so you're getting a cheap gift").

That's not to say I think you should go broke for someone's wedding. Don't get me wrong. I think any *reasonable* couple (and being in the industry, I know that some couples simply aren't reasonable :D ) should understand if someone can't come, or if maybe only one person from a couple/family attends to represent the whole family, and if by paying to attend, it means they spend a little less on a gift or take longer to get one to you.

One has to be realistic from both sides.

:)

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It's like that in NY too. No one gives gifts at weddings here.

I'm getting married in a little over a month and I have a few out-of-town friends who've asked me where I registered and I don't know what to tell them bc I haven't registered anywhere.

It's funny how different weddings are from one part of the country to the next.

For our wedding, we didn't register anywhere but we also told everyone that gifts weren't expected, which of course didn't really fly :) But when you are a young couple without anything it is different than if you are a couple who have lived separate and together and have had to already furnish your home and really have everything you need or mostly everything.

Of course not registering meant that we got some interesting (not in a bad way) wedding gifts or cash.

I have a similar question. I got married a month ago, and one of the groomsmen is getting married in less then two weeks and we have no clue what to give them. Now, please don't take this the wrong way, but it's a little awkward because he didn't get us anything. I know he's not that financially secure, and i would absolutely understand if he gave us a card that said something to the effect of not having the money to spend on a gift. But there was nothing, so my husband and I can only assume what happened.

His fiance wants to get married in Canada, so my husband, two other friends, and I are driving from DC to Canada for the wedding. And the "cover your plate" thing isn't going to work, because there is no reception. However, there is a dinner were we are to treat the bride and groom.

My husband wants to give the standard $100, I'm a bit more torn, since he's also throwing this guy's bachelor party. But we have been friends with him for 9 years...

I may be sentimental but I like the whole idea of giving an actual gift at a wedding. I always think of the person whenever I use a certain bowl or my special tableware. I also appreciate the dishes that were passed down to me by my grandparents that came from their weddings. I just think it's a nice to have memories like that.

I had a moderate wedding with about 140 guests. I would never have expected anyone to "cover the cost of their meal" -- I was just thrilled they were able to attend (my family lives about 3 1/2 hours away). I appreciated each and every gift, right down to the dolphin bottle opener (not sure where this idea came from :dizzy:). However, my favorite gift was the $10 cash from my aunt who I knew could barely afford it because I know how much I must mean to her :hug:.

Anything is appreciated and nothing should be expected. Hope you have a wonderful time.

Along the same topic (kind of) anyone get a wedding gift that was odd, awkward, etc. I think we received between 10 to 15 wedding frames/albums -- a little overkill.

He didn't give you ... anything besides the honor of his presence? Not even an explanation? Not even the vague promise of a future gift when he can afford to give you something nice? Jeez...

Eh... I'd be iffy about giving this guy $100 too... He couldn't come up with ANYTHING for you? Is he homeless? Does he spend all his money on drugs? Did identity thieves crack into his checking account and clean him completely dry? If not, then he should have been able to wrestle up at least $25 for you. Even if that was too pricey, he could have bought you a card for $3 and wrote "Best of Luck" inside. Jeez... few people's financial situations are THAT precarious and like you said, you've been friends for 9 years...

I'd give him $50, MAXIMUM. It's 50x's what he gave you...

Erm ... a guest has up to a year to give a gift for a wedding. And that guest is not require or obligated by the rules of etiquette to a apologize or explain taking that length of time. And didn't Jenn say she got married only a month ago?

I don't mean to be b*tchy, but tit-for-tat is hardly a way to be a friend. What is this? You dissed my wedding so I'll dis yours, neener neener?????

If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to be more adult than that.

IMO, of course.

Jenn, to answer your question, I'd say give the $100 if that's what you usually give. Don't make a simple wedding gift a bone of contention in a 9 year long friendship. For me this is one of those "hill you want to die on" issues. :)

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Not to generalize but sometimes I think men are clueless in this regard. Take my husband, who never thought tipping to have your hair cut was an option :D. I wonder if he just never thought about the whole gift/card with all the wedding stuff going on.

i laughed and snorted when I read that. My husband and I were confused too. I know the guy is absolutely stupid when it comes to money management. I'm with you on the $50, but my husband is way more generous then i am.

Okay, as far as etiquette goes, if invited to a wedding you are required to give a gift. Even if you do not go to the wedding. But, you do have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift, according to all the etiquette books I own (which is a lot~I collect them.) Of course, if the couple says "No gifts" then you should respect their wishes.

That being said, I have NEVER heard of a per plate rule. That seems petty to me. Presents should not be the reason why you invite people to a wedding. You invite them because you (or your family) want them there.

Spend what you can afford.

As a matter of fact.....

When I was about 18-19 I was invited to an acquaintance's wedding as was my Best Friend. We went shopping for the gifts together(had no idea what a registry was). We didn't have a lot of $$$-I was a cashier at Target and she worked a Long John Silvers. Well, we decided to get a nicer gift for each of them(2 gifts) instead of each of us getting them both a cheaper gift(4 gifts). We figured that's how it was done.:shrug: So we got her a pyrex baking dish and him a nice flashlight.

So they're opening the gifts and we notice that everything was like housewares and chickish stuff and she was doing all the unwrapping. Hmmmm. She opens the flashlight and just looked at it kinda funny. He took it and kinda looked at it while she finished unwrapping. Completely humiliated, we got the **** out of there as soon as they were done with the gifts.

Well, a couple of years later I just so happened to deliver a pizza to her house. She said that flashlight was the gift that stood out. Her DH was thrilled that there was at least one damn present for him in that pile and that someone had actually considered that there was a groom in the wedding. HE LOVED IT!!!:encore:

WOWOW Thanks for all the tips !!
 

:dizzy: Thank you everyone for helping me with this wedding gift dilema. I think the Northeast is strange with the "per plate" minimum for wedding gifts. No one actually comes out and tells you what the price of the dinners are but it is expected that you figure out what they are paying for the dinners by where the wedding is being held. :o I hate the whole concept but it is what it is. Unfortunately I can not afford to give what is probably expected of me because we have to stay overnight but I will give what I can and hope that all this worry is for nothing.
Thanks again,
Suzy