Oh yeah, I invited people to our wedding I knew wouldn't be able to attend. I just couldn't imagine how they'd feel knowing I didn't even bother to invite them. I don't think anyone thought I was just out for gifts (or at least I hope not!).

In case anyone missed the update, the whole family is invited and the couple even has activities planned for the kids throughout the reception. So I guess it was just an error in labeling! I do hope they'll remember to include my name, or at least "the family" in future mailings...that's just another of my neuroses, I suppose. I end up having to remind my husband of all the birthdays on his side of the family (mostly his immediate family), so I get upset when they fail to acknowledge me on this type of thing.

Thanks again for all the advice!

I'm glad your husband ended up just asking. :) It cuts through all the overthinking. (And saved many a hurt feelings!)

Okay, I have to say I'm a bit of an etiquette nut. And I know I'm probably very old fashioned about this... but... if people followed the rules then there wouldn't be any questions! *^_^*

If someone is invited, their name appears on the envelope. (Unless it's "The Family Smith"... which includes children.) Awhile ago, if children were invited, they were frequently invited separately. Parents on one, children on another. Even "and guest" was never considered formal. Although, people do that now instead of trying to figure out who is dating who & whatnot. And also to be generous and allow single folk to bring someone if they choose. Yet, a long time ago a wedding used to be a great place to go single. (Meet other singles in a romantic setting!) Married couples are always invited together. Always.

Yes... I actually read Miss Manners books before going to bed.

I am glad that your husband called to make sure that you were invited.

For those who were unsure about the proper ettiquette, I took a course in wedding planning about 10 years ago, when I was preparing for my own wedding. (I planned the entire thing myself, and my husband and I paid fo everything.)

~If the invitation says "Chris Smith" then Chris Smith is who is invited. It does not mean that the person can bring a friend, casual boyfriend, children, etc.

~If you are married, and the invite just has one of you on it-be sure to call and confirm that the spouse is invited! (It is terribly RUDE to invite someone and not their spouse, however!)

~If the invite says "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" then those two adults are invited-NOT the children, and cousin Joe living in your basement! :lol: If the invite is MEANT for everyone in the entire household, it should say "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith AND FAMILY".

Some people see this as rude...but I understand it completely. For people on budgets, sometimes you simply cannot afford to pay for food, drinks, table and chair rentals, a larger space, and so on for double the amount of guests. Especially if it is a more formal affair which small children would be bore at, anyway...

~If the invitation includes an RSVP card, PLEASE return it! I think that not RSVPing to an event that asks you to is very rude, and very annoying. When I did our wedding invitations, I actually BOUGHT STAMPS for every single RSVP card and put them on myself. All people had to do was jot down yes or no, and stick it in the mail! No postage needed-and people STILL didn't return them. We ended up renting about 4 tables and chairs too many...decorations and tablecloths for those unneeded tables, and we paid for food for those 25ish people who didn't RSVP. If they would have sent in their cards, they could have saved us a LOAD of money, and we wouldn't have had to eat leftover wedding food for 2 weeks. :rofl:

Interesting reading. I once worked in a corporate setting - myself (married) and my department co-worker (engaged). We were invited to another co-workers wedding. My young co-worker was invited as a single, which hurt her feelings. In what I thought an appropriate moment, I asked the bride-to-be if this was an oversight. It wasn't. She was on a budget, and her (huge) invite list was full. She was stunned by my inquiry, I was embarrassed that I asked, and my co-worker found herself to be upgraded to an 'and guest' invite.

Right or wrong, I now handle these rsvp's either by:
1) Go by myself (like a HS reunion!)
2) Send regrets since I wouldnt want to go by myself, yet wouldnt want to put the invitee on the spot in case a 'single' invite was their intent.

BTW, I am glad, Amy, that you got the green light on your invite!!!!