Anger and Frustration. How to deal with it?
 

As a person I rarely get angry. In fact I can record almost all occasions I got angry this last two years because they are so rare. The problem is that even in situations I am eligible to feel anger, I rather avoid the feeling of it.

First of all let me tell you I do not come from a family background that people do not complain. My parents do complain when they are frustrated and usually they state the reason for their frustration. I, usually, when angry go and tell the person calmly that "You know, you did so and so and this makes me feel angry with you right now" and in 90% of the cases I get an apology.

Ok, so you are probably wondering what is the point of this post. I feel really bad when I get angry. Once I start to cool off, even though I stated myself calmly rather than shouting I feel so guilty. I feel like I shouldn't have lost my temper, that this might lead to trouble in the end and then I feel like binging.

My best friend even told me once that "Dangit Katerina, you should feel ok to be angry. There is nothing wrong with you getting angry. I won't love you any less!"

So my question is, how do I deal with the aftermath of my anger. I am really frustrated because if I get angry, I end up feeling guilty and this leads to me want to binge. :?:

Hey! Well, it is OK to feel angry--everyone does from time to time, even the Dalai Lama! What's not OK is to express that anger through hurtful deeds and words against others.

It sounds like you think just getting angry is wrong. It's not--it is human to feel anger, especially when a wrong is being done. Would someone feel guilty if they became angry at a terrorist bombing? I would hope not.

So the feeling is not a bad thing--it's the actions. If you are in control of your actions and able to express yourself in a non-hurtful way, then there is no wrong in that. Now, if someone was angry at a terrorist bombing, and then got a gun and shot people, this would not be a good thing. And it wouldn't be good if in anger you shouted, called names, hit someone, and so on.

Perhaps all you're feeling is the aftermath of a strong emotion. When this happens, go for a walk, get some fresh air, think about people you love and places you love, do something constructive, etc.

Food just doesn't fit in here! Guilt, anger, guilt over anger--this is an excuse for binging, which is another way of not controlling your actions. So... skip that part! ;)

Jay

Anger is a normal emotion, let it out with excersie or go to a room by yourself and yell it out

A lot of women feel guilty when they express their anger. It just doesn't seem as "lady-like" as crying does. But the truth is, it is very healthy to express it. Just like JayEll says, as long as you don't lash out at people for no good reason. Just keep practicing....you can get used to it. We are all entitled to have these feelings!! Besides, anger turned inward leads to depression.

Do you feel guilty when you express other emotions? When you are sad, or happy, or grouchy? Anger is perfectly normal, and a healthy reaction to life. Jay is right - how you handle that anger is the key.

Try journaling how you are feeling and why you are feeling angry. Prayer and meditation also work well too :)

Just wanted to add that I don't know how to deal with anger appropriately, either, although I'm not exactly sure that this is what you're trying to say.

I am definitely angry still, I just don't know how to channel it. I'll usually sit on something and it ends up blowing up on me.

*sigh*

CountingDown: I saw your post and I pulled out my journal. Thanks for the suggestion. :)

First of all thank you for the comments as they were helpful, at least comforting.

I usually have problem with my negative emotions. I can't easily express anger and sadness, while I am very good with positive emotions, happiness, positive thinking and making people happy are my strong points. Now when it comes to anger, I usually state my displeasure as politely as I can (I don't call people names or hit) and usually in a very quiet voice and I rarely scream. I usually end up screaming (but still not calling names) if one ignores my please to stop annoying me and become irritating beyond the point I can control myself from not screaming. That said, whether I scream or state my anger I feel very bad afterwards because I fee I had hurt the other person's feelings. Ok, I know, cuckoo.

I used to not deal with sadness very well, if someone hurt me or got my really sad I would just lock myself in my room, have a good cry and go to sleep. My dad used to call it "my daughter's cave moment" (an animal retreating to its cave to lick its wounds).

I am not sure for grouchy as it seems that when I am grouchy it really shows on my face so people attempt to cheer me up immediately or tend to stir clear till this passes.