So I had a HUGE fight with my BF of 8 years today, which started lastnight. He told me lastnight that I am terrible girlfriend and he would NEVER marry me. So I said if I'm such a bad girlfriend why is he still with me. Why dont you break up with me? He said fine and great now we're broken up because you can't just put out. (we fight over sex ALL THE TIME b/c I have no libido and NO desire for sex at all)
So I said fine... pack your **** tomorrow and get out. It was like 4AM and I went to bed. This morning he trys to act like nothing happened after acting like a 10 year old while we slept. Any time we touched anywhere, like my foot touched his leg-- he pushed me away and moved over all the way to the wall... how f'n immature.
So we fought this morning/after noon about how i'm such a bad person/girlfriend b/c i dont want sex and refuse to change... ok so i'm taking a female libido enhancer and it's all MY fault that it's not working... clearly there's something else going on...psychological or something...Nothing that can be fixed with a "i'm going to do this" pep talk. He doesnt care about anything. He doesnt own anything according to him and if it's not his he doesnt respect it-- he doesnt care if it gets broken or ruined. He is a f'n bum he has only worked 2 WEEKS in the last year!! I've supported him this whole time and big freakin deal he had some unemployment benefits but it took me 3 months of raggin on him to actually start the claim and then I had to remind him every sunday to claim it and then the benefits stopped and he waited a MONTH before calling to find out why and then found out it was b/c he missed an appointment for re-employment counseling and he refused to go b/c he was only a seasonal layoff- which he returned to that job for a week and then stopped going. I am a college graduate and we decided that when i was done with college he would then go- we would both have a degree in something and live comfortably-- well I hurt my back and am on a limited income b/c of it and havent worked since sept 07... well i'm still getting income and it's more than 140 a week!! He just got a job-- full time w/benefits so that is good but we'll see how long this one lasts-- if he quits this job-- HE'S GONE. I'm not staying with him if he refused to keep a job-- all he wants to do is smoke pot and play video games. He asked why he has to stop smoking if he passed his piss test-- he only passed it b/c i got him 25 dollar pills to help him pass... i've been asking him to stop ever since he quit his job in april!! of course he didnt so we had to spend 25 bucks on some sh*t that would make him pass... he needs to GROW UP!! I don't want the college party frat boy type boyfriend!
He never wants to do anything with my family. he told me he doesn't like them or hates them. there is no reason for him not to like my family. They dont know him so dont know if they like him. They tell me if he doesnt want to be part of the family then i shouldnt be with him b/c he wont ever change...it's hard to change a man...its hard to change anyone if they're not willing. So then he tells me his family doesnt like me and they're straight forward with it... UHM NO his family is so f'n fake it's not funny-- they are so nice to me and according to him they're always telling him to break it off with me... my family is doing the same and it just seems like we should split but after 8 YEARS and living together for like 4 of them its so hard...
I just want to disappear or move far far away it'd be so much easier...
I'm so upset I can't stop crying and I just want to SCREAM...

there is so much more going on that i can't even think about what to say first so i wont waste all of your time but i really really really needed to rant so thanks for reading and if you have any advice for me I would like to read it.
I'm going for a long walk-- hopefully this will get rid of some of my rage and sadness...

You deserve better than this.

I'm sorry you are feeling rage and sadness. You also sound frustrated. Good for you, going for a walk is a great plan!

Bargoo's right. No one can tell you what to do, so take some time to clear your head and think about what you really want. Good luck...

I agree with Bargoo..you do deserve better.

I know you're upset and any time you end a relationship you have to go through a grieving process, but I have to say it really sounds like you NEED to end this. All I was thinking as I read your post was "Good riddance!" Life is FAR too short for you to deal with someone like that.

Thank you all. I just don't know where it went wrong. When we got together we were so compatible and happy and now days we're always arguing and mad at each other. I just walked 3 miles in one hour which is pretty darn good for me!! But now I'm paying for it... I have a charlie horse in my right calf and want to die and my face is as red as this guys: . I didn't stretch before because I'm not the smartest person when I'm so p.o'd...
We've made an appointment w/each other to talk about this when we're not so p.o'd...

We both have things to change and if we can't work on them and start changing then we'll have to part ways... heartache or not... it's got to be done.

I've let a lot a couple of boys get me down...and what I felt like ruin my life when I feel I did everything in my capabilities for them...and I was depressed for a while after they got out of my life, but I must admit.... life is better without someone like that because I realized I deserved better and you definitely do as well....good luck

When I hear someone say that, you know there are big problems with this relationship; and when you find yourself saying, 'he this or she that' regarding so many issues, that's a sign that 'YOU MAY NOT BE COMPATIBLE'.

At the beginning of all relationships, we overlook little things that the other person does that irk us because you're in love; but later on, they can drive you crazy. What you really have to decide is 'WHAT CAN YOU LIVE WITH FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?'

Your partnership is suffering with major issues that can destroy it: one is joblessness, which leads to financial problems, and is often a deal breaker for most people. Sexual issues affect how you feel about each other and often this isn't just a physical problem. If you don't feel loved or accepted by your BF or his family, that can affect every part of your relationship. And, if your partner is disappointing you all the time, it is hard to respect him and find him attractive.

Because you have been together so long and are living like a married couple, you are experiencing the same problems that many married couples go through. Sometimes, they are called 'DRY SPELLS' where the relationship needs some reassessment and work. If one or both partners can't or won't work with the other partner, the relationship is doomed, unless one of you chooses to give in and be a doormat!

You are fortunate that you aren't married and can see what problems you are having now. Most people want to be married to someone that loves, respects, and adores them.

ALL RELATIONSHIPS HAVE PROBLEMS. Some people fool themselves about this fact; actually, most people argue about the same issues: money, sex and affection, communications, family, children, religion, friends, holidays, work, and education ...

You need to ask yourselves these questions: What issues are a must do? Where can you both compromise? Are your problems solvable? Can you find some solutions that work for both of you? If not, the relationship won't work and one or both of you will be very miserable. They say pain is inevitable, but misery is optional; because it's our choice.

I hope this helps you a little bit, so that you won't be so hard on yourself about what is going on. Try to talk about your issues as calmly as is possible, and if it gets too heated or hurtful, stop until you can. You may be able to work things out; but if you can't, at least you've learned a very valuable lesson for the future. Hugs to you; I'm sure you can use some right now.


ROSEBUD

My thought was your libido problems aren't physical, they are psychological. I'd have libido 'problems' too if I was with that guy. From your description, he sounds like unnecessary baggage. I'd definitely think about why you are in the relationship. Maybe you need to write down the pros and cons of staying in the relationship and a pro can't be "I love him" because that isn't enough.

what an awful situation to be in! IMHO you need to try to get past this guy because I believe your problems are way too deep already. I know from experience thats easier said then done, but you need a chance at life! Give it a try!

From what you wrote, it seems like he's a 14-year-old boy trapped in a man's body and it seems like sex, pot and lying around are his top priorities. I personally wouldn't tolerate that kind of laziness and drug use from anyone, not matter how big of a libido "issue" I may have or how long we've been together. Maybe things were great at the beginning, but people change and maybe you've matured and outgrown him in these last 8 years.

In any event, good luck, and remember that even though you've been together for a long time, you're not obliged to stay with him.

I agree with KLK. Just because you were with him a while doesn't mean you HAVE to stay with him. You sound like a real catch! He doesn't. Basically, it sounds like he wants to live off of you, have you support him while he smokes and plays games all day, AND you have to be available for sex whenever he wants?!
I think talking to each other when you've each calmed down is a good idea. Whatever you decided, good luck!

I know it's hard, but it does not sound like he is someone that you can make a future with.
He's not going to change more than likely.
If he wanted to, he would have already.
I say run, run away as fast as you can, before there are children involved.
It's time to stop wasting your time.

I wish you the best.

There's nothing really that I can add...think everyone has said it all. I just wanted to say "Hugs to you and I wish you the best."