KLK - I'm totally with you. I enjoy spending time with my husband. Sometimes we are each like children in our own way. (Of course I do get somewhat embarrassed when I go into a petting zoo and its me and a bunch of 5 year olds). We do what we want to do, have fun, enjoy eachother, etc and I don't really see a reason to have kids. Of course we are at the point of craziness with our 2 cats and 2 dogs, which do tie us down a little but to me, they are worth it.

Right! Exactly! That's what I want, at least for a few years -- I mean, I do want to have children, eventually, maybe in another 4 or 5 years or something, but I just don't see a reason for me to start having them as soon as possible. My fiance's cousin had a baby a year ago and she and her husband were basically newly weds (not even married a year) and, I'm sorry, but she just seems SO MISERABLE. Everytime we see them, she keeps telling me, "This is the first and last I will ever have." And she sort of pawns the baby off on her mother and I dunno... talks at length ab how she wants to be a lawyer but how she doubts she will be able to since she has the baby. I tell her she still can, but I kind of don't believe she can either :o Maybe it's just HER and her husband, as individuals, that are having these problems and another couple might not be having them at all, but being around them doesn't make me feel any more enthusiastic ab having children. We left their house once and my fiance goes, "Yikes. That was scary."

KLK -- I feel for your fiance's cousin :D I wanted my kids close together -- then I had one!! We waited 3 1/2 years in between the boys. I will admit, it would be easier if they were closer in age, but I think I needed time to recover!! I still feel I can accomplish anything I want, even with kids -- if she really wanted to be a lawyer -- she could -- there are single moms who do it!!

I think one of the main reasons I want to start a family is that all of my close friends already have kids.
Then my best friend (also no children) were talking about it and she said. "boy, when they are 45 their kids will be grown and they can have the rest of their life and all their golden years to themselves. I don't want to be 45 with a ten year old"
Of course she in no way wants kids now, because she has no one in her life, but she would be very upset if she didn't as she comes from a rather large family.

I really do think that my being overweight is the reason we haven't had a baby as of yet. And my DF made me promise the other day that I would drop more weight before seriously talking about it again.

I also thought I would never have my own kids as I thought I would be far too selfish for kids. I helped raise my cousins and sibs. Sometimes i would come home from school, feed them, help them with thier homework, break up fights, feed them again, and make sure they had a bath before bed time and THEN I would start my own homework. (this was my freshman year in highschool BTW) My aunt worked from 7 in the morning until 9 at night. And this was my life for 2 1/2 years straight. at the end of it all I was glad to have time to myself, where everything was dead silent and I had nothing to worry about other than my own homework. I proudly said... I'm never having kids...EVER!" and I was pretty firm about that until about a year ago.

I ask myself if I'm still too selfish and I can't seem to answer myself. I asked my DF and he said Yes I was still to selfish. I trust his judgement (even if it might be a bit one sided)

As for if I've done everything I've wanted to do before kids... that's a pretty hard question. I most likely won't advance any further in school. I want to be a writer and I already took all the classes needed for that. I majored in English, and took all the fiction classes..ect. I haven't travled much, as i am not very sure of myself at all. And if I never get to see Japan, I won't die. LOL

My DF is still working on his schooling, Though, v-e-r-y slowly, like one class a year. So, I guess I have some time to get some things doen before this next step.

[QUOTE=Sakai;2274499]
Then my best friend (also no children) were talking about it and she said. "boy, when they are 45 their kids will be grown and they can have the rest of their life and all their golden years to themselves. I don't want to be 45 with a ten year old" /QUOTE]

I used to kind of think this way too, but I've kind of changed my tune on it (which is good, I suppose, since I'll be an older mom). I'd rather travel and enjoy alone time with my husband in my 20s and early 30s when I have more energy and youth and then spend my later 30s and 40s raising the kids. The baby in my belly will graduate from high school when I'm 54, and I really don't think of that as old anymore. I think I've changed my concepts of youth anyway, since I've been about 900 times healthier since about age 34 (after losing the weight) than I ever was in my 20s. I don't know -- to me, it just kind of makes sense to spend your 20s figuring yourself out (not that that ever completely happens) and establishing a career and then introducing kids into it when you and your partner are ready. But everyone is ready at a different time, and you make it work however it happens to you, you know?

My husband says things like, "How am I going to keep up with my son when I'll be in my late 50s when he's in high school?" And I just say to him, "Honey, you're in better shape at 39 than most teenagers and 20-year-olds I know, so I think you'll be fine!!" It really depends on your quality of life, not your age. Getting healthy and fit and staying that way makes a world of difference, I think.

Also, why do people think they can't travel WITH their children? Granted, money's harder to come by, but I'm always surprised when people seem to think they'll be glued to their houses once their children come along. I know plenty of families who travel.

JMO...nobody is TRULY 'ready' to have a baby. Even if they think they are, no person is truly prepared for the impact a baby has on them in so many ways. Maybe financially, you could be prepared, but emotionally and physically, being a parent is so huge there is no way you can be totally and completely prepared for it. Especially the emotional part. Holy Toledo!!

It's funny how your concept of age changes as you get older. I used to think that being 55 when my kid graduated from high school was "old". Now I think that being 60 is pushing it. Then again, my BIL and his wife were in their mid-40s when their daughter was born. And now, at 40, I"m thinking ... hm. That's not so bad.

:)

i've had the baby goggles kicked in for about a year now and it's killing me. I want it very badly and hubby and made it very clear he never ever wants children. I'm not sure what we'll be doing abut that... I'm turning 28 in a couple weeks... I always said I didn't want kids either and then- well- I guess I changed my mind. I thought maybe it was a phase, but I still want it.

Hubby had to take care of his 4 siblings & watched having so many kids wreck his parents marriage (there was more to it but kids were a big part i think) - and he just doesn't want it. He says he wants to be able to stay up as late as he wants, he wants to travel still, do what he wants to basically. I say- we don't travel & we haven't for the last 9 years so when are we going to?! LOL

Anyway - I think the best thing to do is to listen to your body and your heart & you will know. And hopefully your DF will follow suit.