PhotoChick, back in the original thread, I don't think I ever said that "from X age on" I was not interested in sex, ever.
(For those of you who didn't read the original thread, this all came up because someone wanted to lose weight to be attractive to others, and I innocently commented that I was "old enough that sexuality is just not that interesting." At which point several posters--younger than I, I might add --felt that I was saying older people aren't interested in sex. Of course I never said that. Someone then asserted that sex is just as important to people in their 70s as to those in their 20s. Well--I don't believe that in general, that's true. I'm sure it is for some, though.)
Also, there are a lot of things that people can't imagine at a younger age that they find later on makes more sense... At least, that's been my experience. No one could have told me in my 20s (and 30s, and 40s) that sexuality would ever not be really interesting. I'm not saying it's never interesting to me now--it's just that my reasons for wanting to lose weight are primarily health reasons, and not for reasons of being sexually attractive.
And so, I thought maybe we'd see what different folks' opinions were about the importance of sex... and here we are.
I'm interested but it's not important. but i don't think age is the factor there.
i have a friend who is female age 44 who swears if her husband became impotent she would divorce him because sex is the most important thing in a marriage.
I was "old enough that sexuality is just not that interesting."
I do think that statement implies that at a certain age, etc. Otherwise you would have simply said YOU weren't interested. Instead you said that you were "old enough" ... implying that at a certain age, sexuality becomes less interesting across the board.
Oh and to add to Nessa's point - I think it's both interesting and important. Now my husband didn't become impotent and I can honestly say that if he had, I probably would not have divorced him, but that would also be contingent on his being willing to find other ways to express his/our sexuality other than just intercourse. I did (in part) break up with my husband due to the issue of sexual incompatibility because I do believe sex is fairly important and he wasn't willing (or able for some reason) to come to some kind of compromise.
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Last edited by PhotoChick; 07-01-2008 at 09:30 PM.
Probably a bad choice of words. I can't pick out an age at which my interest in sex started to diminish. I guess you know whether you're "old enough" when you are. I really just meant old enough in my case anyway--the change seemed only to be related to my getting older.
What difference does it make? Is there some fear that I'm saying that on one of those birthdays of the future a person will be struck celibate?
e fear that I'm saying that on one of those birthdays of the future a person will be struck celibate?
Hahahah. Dear Lord I hope not!!!
I guess since it became an issue between hubby and I, and since finding someone who is more on my same wavelength (and who is much older than my husband was - so it skews the general idea of young=horny and old=not interested ), I find different people's reactions fascinating.
That might have a lot to do with the fact that I have a degree in Anthropology though. I find a lot of things fascinating.
Up until my grandfather was to ill. He and my grandma were sexually active every night. He died shortly before there 55th anni. And they were very proud of it. Made sure kids and grandkids were having well maintained relationships as well by mildly talking about thier activities.
My hubby has a higher drive than me. But I am home with 3 kids plus 4 home day care kids. Pretty exhausted. But we book and plan spontaneous sex or else it does not happen. He drives transport so the number of nights home are only 2-3 per week anyways. The older the kids get (less needy) The more active we are time permitting!
He also love the fact I am loosing weight. My pants "fall" off easier!
I'm interested but it's not important. but i don't think age is the factor there.
i have a friend who is female age 44 who swears if her husband became impotent she would divorce him because sex is the most important thing in a marriage.
Important and interested are two completely different things. When I typed what I did I was referring to interested.
On the subject of important though? No $&#*! way. If my husband became incurably impotent today I would still spend the rest of my life trying to keep him happy - there just wouldn't be sex involved. Would I miss it? Sure, but there is NO WAY I would leave the man I love (or cheat on him) just to get some nookie. It's NOT that important...and besides, while love and sex are two separate things, once you've shared them both with a single partner, loveless sex just isn't appealing.
f my husband became incurably impotent today I would still spend the rest of my life trying to keep him happy - there just wouldn't be sex involved. Would I miss it?
Now I have a different perspective here.
Is sex just penetration? If your husband became incurably impotent, would he still make the effort to satisfy you sexually - through touch or other forms of sex besides just intercourse? I don't see where one partner becoming impotent means another partner has to just give up everything or resort to an affair. That seems extreme to me.
OTOH, if the impotent partner refused to *try* to accommodate the other, then I do think that's a reason to consider separation - because to me that indicates a selfishness that belies a really deep love.
And, I'll be honest, for me my partners reaction is a huge part of my enjoyment of sex. I'd be quite happy to give my partner whatever enjoyment he wanted/needed even if for some reason I lost my ability.
I don't see where one partner becoming impotent means another partner has to just give up everything or resort to an affair. That seems extreme to me.
I was referring to the extreme ladybug was talking about in reference to her friend. And instead of saying incurably impotent I should have implied bed-ridden or maybe paralyzed...as in unable to do anything. I would still spend every moment I could with him because he is far more important to me than sexual gratification. Remember, talking importance here...not interest. My interest is and will, as far as I know, continue to be very strong.
Ya know ... I did. For 5 long years. And it's not fun. It's not fun to be rejected by your spouse who doesn't want sex as much as you do. It's not fun to feel ashamed when you're joking with your friends about going home to your spouse ... because your husband hasn't touched you - not even on your birthday or your anniversary - in years. YOu don't even have "obligation" sex. You got nuthin'.
And not because he doesn't love you - he's fine with the cuddles and hte kisses and the affectionate touches and the foot and shoulder rubs. He just doesn't want sex.
I dunno. I honestly and truly don't understand someone not wanting sex. How can you not want to feel those feelings? How can you not want someone to touch you. How can you not want to orgasm and feel how amazing that feels?
I'm honestly not making fun of anyone here or trying to put anyone down. I just honestly don't understand.
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Hopefully my explanations will help you understand those with lower drives.
In the same way that YOU (and others with a higher drive) can't understand NOT wanting to do it...those of us with lower drives can't see what the fuss is all about.
In all honesty, many things affect my drive (or lack of one).
~For some reason, I don't equate sex with intimacy. I just don't. Honestly, it is more intimate for me to kiss and cuddle and talk, than it is for me to have sex. For some reason, I have always felt this way. It reminds me of the movie "Pretty Woman" where Julia Roberts and her hooker friend have the no kissing rule...so that they don't fall for clients.
~Small children. My drive wasn't big before, but add three kids (9, 7, and 1) and I don't want anyone else pawing at me and wanting anything from me. Especially when the kids were infants and I was breastfeeding and holding them for hours a day. At the end of the day, I am "touched OUT".
~I am not a super affectionate person...physically. I am not one of the friends that comes up and hugs you every time they see you...someone who is physical with others. I am just not. I have friends who I have had for years, whom I have never hugged. However, if they ever needed anything-I would be right there to help them move furniture, watch their children, bring them meals after a hospital stay, or whatever they need.
~For some reason, my husband and I are VERY fertile. As in, it took a total of 5 tries to get 3 children, and one of them was with birth control.
Jasmine was conceived in 3 tries, Raiden on the first try, and Saber with birth control (definitely not planned!) during a time when we were in the middle of a relocation, and my husband was not even living with us. At the time, he was at the new job, and I was trying to sell the old house, staying there alone with the kids. He came back for a weekend visit, and viola-I get pregnant.
Add to that, the fact that my SMALLEST and easiest baby to deliver was a 9 pound, 3 oz preemie a full 5 weeks early (would have been 11ish full term) and numerous health issues (with me) because of it with each pregnancy. I don't want to do that again. If there was any interest at all, having 9+ and 10+ pound babies cure it pretty quick.
~I have OCD. That is also a good damper on the sex drive, especially for someone with my particular issues. I don't see sex as some fabulous, intimate thing...more like an inconvenience, keeping me from sleeping or getting something else done.
Now, I am not at the level that your ex was...I do give in to obligation sex *laughs* and I do OCCASIONALLY get in the mood, but honestly, I initiate sex maybe 2x a year.
Ooo! I believe people in their 70's ARE just as interested in sex as people in their 20's! Why else would ANCIENT, older-than-Jesus men hit on me?! I've heard just as perverted lines from 70-somethings as I have from 20-somethings, I sh*t you not!
Seriously?
As a whole, senior citizens MAY be less interested in sex, but it all depends on the person. I also think some senior citizens really enjoy sex with younger people (WAY younger if they are able to obtain it) because it makes them feel young again, which I imagine is just as much of an aphrodesiac as sex itself!
I had much more of a sex drive in my teen years than I do now. Initially, getting fat ruined my sex drive, but then it still stayed somewhat low even after I lost all the weight. I am with someone who wants sex ALL THE TIME and always has. It gets a bit frustrating at times.
commented that I was "old enough that sexuality is just not that interesting." At which point several posters--younger than I, I might add 
--felt that I was saying older people aren't interested in sex. Of course I never said that. Someone then asserted that sex is just as important to people in their 70s as to those in their 20s. Well--I don't believe that in general, that's true. I'm sure it is for some, though.)
I'm not saying it's never interesting to me now--it's just that my reasons for wanting to lose weight are primarily health reasons, and not for reasons of being sexually attractive.
And instead of saying incurably impotent I should have implied bed-ridden or maybe paralyzed...as in unable to do anything. I would still spend every moment I could with him because he is far more important to me than sexual gratification. Remember, talking importance here...not interest. 
