Basically - here's my view on it.
I'm a 19 year old female college Sophomore with a 3.8 GPA. I'm in a stable secure relationship with my boyfriend whom I live with. I don't necessarily believe in waiting to have sex until you're married. But I absolutely do believe in being with someone long enough to have strong foundations of your relationship in place, and an understanding of respect, maturity and fidelity before considering having sex. As well, of course, as using protection and being as safe about it as possible.
If my guy wants to watch porn - he absolutely can, and I'd be okay with watching it with him. I don't personally take offense to it, because I know we're secure enough in our relationship that I don't perceive it as a threat to our bond. Just as if he wants to masturbate, I won't take that as "Why don't you want to have sex with
me??". Sometimes you just want what you want, and if you know what you want, and it doesn't hurt of affect anyone else around you - go for it (and sometimes, I just REALLY need to study LOL).
I can respect that he thinks there's something erotic about watching people have sex (Like I think it's erotic to watch him editing blue prints before work, when he's focused and work-oriented and dressed up - Mmmmm) , and I don't look at the girls doing it as something indicative of what he'd prefer me to look like (Can you honestly say you don't flirt with the cute waiter when you're out with your girl friends? And even though you do, aren't you still so glad to come home to your guy?) . I'm sure if we had our own pornography he'd be happy to watch that as well.
It sounds to me from how you prefaced the situation that you care more about your insecurities than about him watching the porn. He's not out having sex with other women, he's home with you. HE thinks you're beautiful, and HE wants to be with you. If you are morally against porn, then that's a talk the two of you need to have. If it comes down to morals and your opinions differ, you could have a lot more future problems in your relationship than this one. But just try not to let the negative voices in your head take the reigns in your relationship. I'd suggest you watch porn with him, and see if you can at least understand what it is he enjoys about it. Watch it. Talk about it. Communicate - that's really what it comes down you.
And in my opinion, just as it's wrong for him to 'hide' the porn from you, it's also wrong to snoop around his computer. If you're looking for dirt, anywhere, for any reason, it's usually possible to find at least a little dust. Nobody's perfect.
Oh oh oh. And I wanted to add that it's actually pretty common for guys to fantasize about other people during sex. It's not a personal thing - it's just what guys do. Whether it's Christina Aguilera or the coffee chick around the corner, it happens. My personal opinion on THAT - is I don't care who my guy talks to, or flirts with, or dances against - as long he comes home to *me*. As long as he's not making out with some chick in the corner, or having an emotional affair - he's free to go out with the guys and be a guy - as long as he comes home and does me
I definitely don't want our relationship to burn out too early because we're acting like we're an old married couple at only 19. I want us to last - and part of that is letting eachother be young while we're young. ****
And now that I've written an entire novel for you, I'm pressing post now, haha. Good luck.
(**** Disclaimer: I have no idea if this is the recipe for success or not, I'm totally guessing. I just know that I want to marry this guy and I don't want us to divorce twenty years from now because we screwed up somewhere along the line, like my parents. :S But it sounds good in theory for now, and it's working for us so far ****)