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- - what would you do? (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/general-chatter/143833-what-would-you-do.html)

Quote:

Originally Posted by aphil (Post 2225940)

Hmmm...

I would have to say, in all honesty, not to jump the gun on this one. Kids play "doctor" more than one might realize...it does not mean that this child is automatically being sexually abused. I would avoid, at this particular time, calling child protective services. Instead, I would request a conference with the principal, teacher, etc. at the school.

This is private, but when I was a kid, there was some show and tell/playing doctor going on as well, and I was not sexually abused at ALL-and neither were my friends/cousins/etc. My husband told me (when I mentioned this thread) the same thing. Neither of us were abused as children-physically, sexually, or otherwise. We are talking kindergarten here...I would be more worried if these kids were in 2nd or 3rd grade and the same thing were happening.

I am only saying this, because you don't want the possibility of a child being taken away from his home, if nothing is going on. Talk with the teacher and principal FIRST. Then, it is their responsibiltiy to discuss this with the child's parents...or you can call a conference and request that the other mother be present.

In my opinion, it isn't a behavior that is always "learned from an adult". Potty games/humor rears its head pretty early in school...

Now, I am not saying that nothing is happening to this child...but I am saying that no one knows for sure at this point, and it isn't fair to make assumptions.

ITA! This was actually a discussion another board I talk on about a month ago. More disturbing than anything was that the OP (on the other board) said that it wouldn't be as big of a deal if the children were opposite sex. Homophobic much? :(

If the children are just doing this just as an "experiment" and out of curiosity instead of one of them being sexually abused, now that it has come out into the open they will probably still do it, just get better at hiding it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittycat40 (Post 2226125)

I really don't want to be connected to an investigation going on.

Why are you leaving this to someone else to handle?? Honestly, I don't get it. If it were my kid I be AT THE SCOOL in person, DEMANDING answers. Doesn't matter if the 'ringleader' is being abused or not -- that isn't something you are going to be able to prove and I'm w/other posters on this issue -- BUT, my GOD how can you not do anything? Just wait until school is over and then what? School will roll around in a few months and the problem will likely still exist and possibly be worse. What happens if this goes unchecked and girls start getting involved?

My son, who is special needs, got a yeast infection on his penis when he was around 6 or 7. It was very itchy and took a long time to finally go away (doctor was NOT clear on directions for apply salve but that's another story . . .). Anyway, he was always rubbing it because it itched. The infection went away but he had gotten into the habit of rubbing himself. We gave it a few weeks to 'lose it's novelty' b/4 trying to stop it. At the time he was only doing it at home. Then he started at school. The teachers were like ' we think it's just a tactile thing and after 10 mins or so he calms down and stops'. Uh NO WAY JOSE! When I found this out I knew that we had to put our foot down. His teacher was very, very annoyed that we were so adamant about not letting him do this. We suggested that they find something else to 'stimiulate' him or whatever but there was no way this was going to continue. If he wasn't special needs would they just go along with it? No. This is inappropriate behavior, special needs or not. He would do this even at recess. They had to comply w/our wishes, we told him he wasn't allowed to do it anymore and gave him some substitutes (which he promptly ignored). We told him he could only do this in the privacy of his room. Now, suppose we went along w/the teachers and just let him go? This behavior would have taken place anywhere he felt like it -- in the classroom, on the bus, anywhere in public. He's now 15 years old. What do you think would happen if this were still going on?

My point is, you do not have the choice to just do nothing. Do the responsible thing and go to the principal. If the aids truly ignore it, they should be fired. Same goes for the teacher. If the principal does nothing, go to the superintendent. Go to whoever you need to but this needs to stop. NOW. The other parents need to know about it (personally I think the school should contact them) and these kids should be watched like hawks when school comes around in the fall. Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hat Trick (Post 2228761)

My point is, you do not have the choice to just do nothing. Do the responsible thing and go to the principal. If the aids truly ignore it, they should be fired. Same goes for the teacher. If the principal does nothing, go to the superintendent. Go to whoever you need to but this needs to stop. NOW. The other parents need to know about it (personally I think the school should contact them) and these kids should be watched like hawks when school comes around in the fall. Good luck.[/COLOR]

Agreed.

As mandated reporters it is the Aide's DUTY BY LAW to report such activities to the authorities.

CPS conducts investigations for a reason.

If NOTHING untoward were found, then so be it but think of what it would feel like if it came out that abuse HAD been going on.

So, to answer the OP's question, I would do the right thing and contact the school counselor and principal and then follow up to make sure that this was handled appropriately.

I would also take my child to counseling to ensure that more didn't happen and to address it if it did, and to process his feelings about the event so there would be less of a chance of him having hangups about these issues later.

IT WAS FABRICATED!!!

That is why I did not rush to authorities. (But, you are wrong in thinking I did nothing. I did tell the parents to talk to their own children.) I know what a poor witness a little child is. And I know MY child. And, yes, I myself have witnessed the issue back in prescool. That, I knew was fully true. I had no proof here. And yes, the original boy mentioned does indeed ask the other boys to pull down their pants but they refuse-- so the story currently goes.

And yes, I will consult a professional about MY OWN son.

And please, stop for a minute and think what damage could have been done if I went running and screaming for authorities.

Quote:

And please, stop for a minute and think what damage could have been done if I went running and screaming for authorities.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you.

As someone who had to suffer through foster care and being a part of the system due to an overzealous youth minister at my church ... thank you.

People who say "contact child protective services" at the drop of a hat have likely never been IN child protective services. It's **** on earth. Being a foster child is ****. It's the worst **** I'd ever wish on a child next to true abuse. If there is a TRULY abusive situation going on, then yes, CPS is appropriate. If it's a bunch of kids playing with each others penises (PENIS - see .. it's not a bad word), then you're dooming a child to years of **** over something that you don't even know is a bad thing.

People need to think before they act. And know what the results of their actions should be.

.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittycat40 (Post 2229110)

And yes, I will consult a professional about MY OWN son.

I am really happy you are consulting a professional for your own son.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittycat40 (Post 2229110)

And please, stop for a minute and think what damage could have been done if I went running and screaming for authorities.

I don't think your comment was addressed specifically to me (I am not taking it personally) but I just wanted to address the idea and say that bringing such things (even IF they are just stories) to the attention of the people in charge (staff, principal, school counselor) is an appropriate thing to do and does not constitute "running and screaming to the authorities". It empowers them, as trained professionals, to make a judgment call and take action as their educational expertise and ethical obligations dictate.

I agree, Soulbliss!
As a teacher to young children, we talk about what is okay and not okay to do. Kids who want to fondle themselves are told that that is something to do at home in their room. I don't tell them it's dirty or try to shame them. But.....I do document all incidents like that, I tell the nurse, counselor, and the parent, all in the same day! If it's something that looks questionable (like aggressive self-fondling, anything involving more than one kid, sexual play-acting with others or dolls) than I tell the principal, and all of the afore mentioned people. Yes, I react quickly. That's my job. I think any parent who has concerns should talk to the school personnel. If the parent doesn't get any answers, a phone call to the school administration people usually gets people jumping! Very young kids are very impressionable and easily persuaded. That's why we have parents and teachers that need to be involved. We don't need parents/teachers who "dismiss" it. Good for you for being so persistent in getting answers!

There were two factors preventing me from immediatly going to school staff. First, my concern was that there was no time to complete a full investigation and this would be swept under the carpet (is it carpet or table-- not sure of cliche) and second, as most people raising or working with little children know-- they can be creative with the truth-- intentionally or not. I really wanted a viable witness to this.
My friend's son is a known truth teller. Mine, a known storyteller. When she probed her son and came back without corroberration.... I probed further and was able to elicit a more accurate version of what happened.

As this experience proves, it is OK to take time to evaluate circumstances before making grand accusations. But, no they cannot be dismissed.

Thank you all for your input. It is appreciated. :)