Hubby and I are in the same boat, but by a different route, and a bit backwards. When we were first married five years ago we both had great jobs (we married a bit later in life, me at 35 and hubby 32). My husband lost his job and I was having weird health problems and we each had to have a couple surgeries which led to bankruptcy. I had to go on disability, and we moved to Wisconsin and went from an income of $75,000 to $25,000. Then hubby fell on the ice a couple winters ago and tore his rotator cuff very badly and had to have surgery. He never regained full use of the arm and a pre-existing degenerative joint disease (inherited from his mother, he had his first surgery at 16 or 17), worsened, so he too had to go on disability.

There's a slight possibility that I might someday be able to return to work, if my autoimmune disease and fibromyalgia go into remission. However, Hubby's disability is degenerative. We're lucky that we had good jobs, because while our buget is very tight, it would have been much tighter if we'd had lower paying jobs. We're just over the limit for assistance programs (mostly because such programs take income into account, but not medical and medication expenses). So, we're likely to be poor indefinitely.

But, we're frugal, and in some ways our quality of life is better than when we were healthier (in body and pocketbook). We do eat out more frequently than we should, but we have some good ridiculously inexpensive restaurants in our area. Their are 3 family restaurants, 2 mexican restaurants, 1 chinese restaurant, and 1 thai restaurant that we can have a nice meal for about $10 for the two of us, and still take home leftovers. We shop Aldis, Big Lots and other liquidation stores, thrift stores, Walmart, and in the summer farmers' markets.... and take advantage of things like the free concerts in the park. We use skype.com as our only phone and so we pay under $90 a month for our television, internet access, and telephone combined.

Knowing that our situation really is not normal (yet all too common) did make it more difficult at first, but we've come to grips with the fact that normal or not, it is what it is. We're managing fine, and we've found out how many fun, free or nearly so things are out there to do. In many ways our standard of living is at least as good, if not better than when we were working, but we had to redefine our expectations and goals. Whether our situation will someday change for the better, or for the worse, I guess we'll just adjust to whatever comes our way.

Dh & I live paycheck to paycheck. The first year we were married, we were horribly poor. We'd run out of food and would live on emergency food like velveeta, easy mac & roman noodles. I can never eat any of those foods ever again. My mom had to save us a couple of times because our cable & phone almost got disconnected a couple of times. We couldnt drive our car, cuz dh had a couple of tickets and couldnt afford to pay them off. We never went anywhere, had no internet or cell phones. It was just really horrible. We could only afford to fly to Az if my mom paid for it. And that year we went home twice. Once in the summer..then again for Christmas & New Years. My mom finally gave me my own credit card and that seriously saved us. But we live on base, so we didnt have to pay rent or utilities. Of course..they took that money out of our paycheck which is why it was so low. But then when dh made rank..we got a pay raise..and that helped us out a lot. Plus, it helped when he deployed. We got hazard pay, separation pay, his reenlistment bonus, plus his usual paycheck.


Right now though, I'm really stressing about moving. We decided to live off base so we can collect on the BAH. So thats no problem..But driving to MD is what I'm worried about. Hotels and gas prices are stressing me out. We're planning on buying this travel book that will tell us the places that offer Military discounts, but that sometimes isnt enough. Half of our money will go to gas probably. Plus..I wanted to start going to college for massage therapy. I dunno how I'm gonna pay for it. Probably financial aid. DH wants to go to college too..for auto mechanics. (he's already an EN in the Navy). But he's taken care of, cuz he's in the military.

We are going to start trying for a baby when we move. My friend already said she'd give me her crib, and hand me down clothes..but only if I have a boy, lol. If I have a girl, then I'm screwed on that one.

To be totally honest though..I think we're going to be fine. I worry way too much. Dh has a better understanding of our finances than I do. I suck with money. I'm only good at spending it, lol. We may not have a lot of money and are always living paycheck to paycheck..but we're happy.

I feel like puking.
I don't have a lot of credit card debt, but it's there. Last year I bought a house. I only bring home like $1000 per month, my mortgage is $838. That lives me very little for groceries, gas, insurance, utilities, blah blah blah, and credit card debts. I am always broke. And I can't even get divorced because I can't afford it. HA HA HA.

When I first got married my husband brought home all the money and due to my mental illnesses, I didn't work. I wasn't allowed to spend his money or make suggestions, so even though he made GOOD money, he spent it all on gambling and b.s. There were weeks we would go to the store and pick out a weeks worth of ramen and hamburger helper. ON a good week. So I know i'm better off now..BUT GEEZ.

I can't even classify this as "paycheck to paycheck" because it doesn't matter which pay check I land on, It's already all spent.

By the way, I live in a house with my grandmother (who I care for), my brother (who just got out of prison and can't find work) and my bf (who quit his job).

I take care of 4 people and all the bills with my crappy wages.

I'm glad it's not just me.

Chicky - You are doing AWESOME. It will get better. Obviously you guys are doing what you need to do and have really good heads on your shoulders.

DH and I are both teachers. We've been married 4 years, no kids. I'm 40, and he's 37 (almost exactly like you and your DH, Colleen!).

I feel like we are doing ok now, but most of my twenties were spent quite poor - I ate lots of canned beans and popcorn for dinner in those days, and I also always planted a small garden in the summers. I did a lot of scrounging under the floor mats of my car to get change for a couple gallons of gas. I lived in some run down little places too, which I always loved for their "character". I started teaching at 27, and $ got a little better then, but I still had several years of student loans and debt to pay off. It's tough.

I think I never really expected to make much money; therefore, it never really surprised me to not have any. Hang in there... as you can see, lots of people are (or were) in the same position as you are now. Things will get better, and the lean times do build character!

I personally feel that no cable is a good thing. It is really an unnecessary expense and Netflix is a MUCH cheaper option although I understand if you don't splurge on even that.

Being poor is what being young is about. I was poor throughout college and even when I got a decent paying job after college, the job was in an expensive area and I had new expenses I never dealt with before like a car and car insurance. It was a bit of a struggle to figure out how to deal with my income and expenses and took me a few years to figure out. Things did get better though. Although I still cut expenses where necessary, such as not having cable, shopping for deals, etc.

Living paycheck to paycheck may be rough and isn't the way to go for the rest of your life, but it is understandable when you are young and out on your own. When you do get a chance, do start saving, every month, at least something (10% is a good guideline). Then you can save more. I know it can be stressing when you have little/no money to spare.

Shopaholic - I drove from CO to MD, it took 3 days, which meant 2 nights sleeping in motels. The motels were reasonably priced at around $50 (including tax and often some continental breakfast). I'm not a big fan of motels but when you are in and out, they aren't bad.

You guys are not poor at all; you are actually doing very well, especially when you consider the cost of living today. When my DH & I started out, we lived in a small one bedroom rented cottage with no running water and wood heat only. We grew or raised a lot of our own food; and you would gasp if you knew how little we were living on some months.

Things are better now becuz we soon had to learn how to be extremely frugal and thrifty; and we still are today. We had only ONE VEHICLE which is really all most people starting out need. There is often ways that people can cut back, but they make excuses for the second vehicle, insurance, gas, and eating dinner out multiple times each week.

Most people can't afford expensive vacations unless it's on credit and I won't go there. It is essential that you put something away in savings even if it's only $5.00 a pay; I think most people can afford $25-50 a month, if they want to do it. Sometimes, it's better to have a part-time job and walk or take the bus than do without too much until a full-time position comes up.

I know people that have started there own repair and cleaning businesses when they couldn't land work: there is work out there, if you know how to get it. People here need grass cut, snow shovelled, painting done, repairs made, stuff moved, trash thrown out or towed away, and so on; and this will be more so as the population ages becuz they will hire people to help out around their homes. You have to be on the lookout for opportunities all the time, even if you have to make them come about yourself.

Our income isn't high, but we have no debt and are doing fine. I am meticulous in my budget, put away savings each month and whenever any extra money (like income tax) comes our way. I save all our coins and wrap them and save those for Christmas gifts and other special stuff. We recently bought a great car using some of these savings; no debt!

As a college student (I went twice), I walked or took public transit. We are renting becuz the cost of homes today is absurd. Financial experts will tell you that if you can rent cheaper than own a home, then you should RENT, until you can afford to buy a house only! We don't have cable TV, my computer was given to my by someone who bought themselves a new one, and we have dial-up internet becuz it's cheapest (as low as $10-24).

We pay rent and hydro, phone, internet, car insurance, and that's all. For some larger purchases (ie our refrigerator), we had one credit card to use wisely only one large item at a time; we buy on sale only, pay half or more cash down and rest in 1 or 2 payments; and for any small items we pay cash only. Each year, we buy one big thing if needed only: this year we are buying a small rototiller for our garden.

We eat out only 1-2 times a month at most; there have been many we didn't. We look for sales always, and go to farmer's market; I make homemade stuff and put in freezer. I even make jams and relishes (like chunky chillie sauce). I do whatever I need to, to make ends meet; most times, if we can't afford it, we don't buy it ...

Honestly, we are happier than many people who buy and buy and fret over their bills; and I don't feel deprived. We even buy second-hand whenever we can (I mean items in good condition like antique furniture). DH even made some of our furniture.

ANYHOW, sorry if I was long-winded, but you can always do better than you think are doing now ... you know the adage "Take care of the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves!" Well, it's very true; start saving all your change in a jar for those things you want, and you will be surprised how fast it piles up! From what I read, compared to millions of people on this earth, you are a millionaire! If you don't believe me, just ask someone in Calcutta ...

:hug:ROSEBUD:hug:

Wow, thanks for all the feedback! I feel better now, knowing I'm not the only one, lol! I'm trying to get us to eat out less, and I work really hard so I don't have to ask our parents for help, even though I know none of them would mind.
DH's aunt is going to let us live in one of her houses next year so we can pay cheaper rent and save for a house. She's a wonderful lady (she's also the minister that married us). And she owns some land in the city that she is giving to us to build a house on someday.
I think we're fine; I'm just a worry wart. I'm so thrilled and thankful for the sweet responses. I know it'll get better, I just feel bad trying to save money for my Master's classes when I could be setting it aside for a house. Then again, it's not like I'm blowing the money on shoes or a fancy car...

just
lol most people really have NO idea what bring poor is all about. I grew up with no indoor plumbing and no running water. There was an out house and a well. There was plenty of food if the garden and hunting went well. If they didn't there wasn't enough food. Now, I am not poor, I am average I guess. We lived in a very small two bedroom house with 2 children for 10 years before we SAVED ( oh I forgot that is a dirty word these days lol ) enough for a down payment on a house so we could afford the payment and not have to worry about losing our house ever day. We do not eat out, that is a waste of money to me. We shop at goodwills when we can. Spending money on new clothes if you can get them used is a waste of money to me lol. I guess how we look at things depends on where we have come from. My kids really have no idea what it is like to do without. Don't we all make that same mistake with our children. To them doing without and being poor means they don't have all the things other kids have lol.

good information . i should off read this before i made all the mistake i made . but im working on them now .i love this website it's not only about how to lose weight . thanks guys

I do think being poor is very relative. There is obviously true poverty but I think the poster was really talking about struggling with finances. I think most of us at one point in our life will struggle with finances.

Personally I was amazed at my grandparents who never made much money throughout their working career (low income jobs) but were still able retire and still able to do things like travel, send their kids to college, etc because they started saving money when they were young. They didn't splurge when they were young and were able to not worry about finances despite their relatively low incomes.

Actually, you are going about things in a SENSIBLE fashion. After way too much time moderating frugality groups, I can tell you that most people DON'T have the sense that you have. You are decades more mature than your peers. What many of them are living is an illusion. 2 student loans, 2 car loans, a HUGE mortgage, and a half dozen credit cards is NOT a wise lifestyle choice.

I can tell you that when their house of cards falls, they are looking for the information that your common sense gave you from the get-go. You obviously have gotten the fiscal impulse control thing in great shape for your age. Kudos! Keep filling the emergency fund, 'cause stuff happens!

Thanks Marbles! We have student loans too, but DH will be able to pay his off easily when he graduates, thanks to locking in those nice low interest rates:) And mine will be paid off by the government after I teach special education for 5 years in my state.
You guys are right. I'm realize that I'm not "poor", just tired of living paycheck to paycheck. Thanks for keeping me in check, chickies!!

I can totally relate. I think the most depressing moment of my life was a month after graduation, receiving my student loan bill and realizing I could not pay it.
I have been a working girl most of my life, since I was in high school I worked hard and went to night school for years, and after busting my behind for close to a decade I'm completing an advanced degree and finding I'm qualified to receive slightly more to pour a man's coffee. Nice!
My long term partner came to this country from Cuba in his mid twenties, a place that IS truly impoverished. He told me at one point cats were dissapearing from the streets because people were eating them. Throughout his life he'd heard stories about the greatness of America, but after coming here he's still not convinced. Although there are opportunities and we're not eating domesticated animals, I find his opinion so interesting. He's mentioned the lack of community in this country, which I now see and totally agree with. We are suffering the effects of extreme capitalism, gluttony and greed. We are totally going in thr wrong direction. I hope and pray that things turn around. I have spent most of my life in non-profit and I've seen the worst of poverty and desperation. In reality, many of us are just a paycheck away from being homeless. It's not that far off of a reality!
So please do not feel bad. So many of us are in the same situation and it's not unusual at all, especially not now!

I lived in Bosnia for two years when I was younger (13/14), most of the time without running water. The sense of community was absolutely incredible and life-changing though. It took a huge amount of time to adapt back to life in the states. I agree whole-heartedly, Koren.

My boyfriend and I also don't have credit cards, and we've opened up savings accounts to start saving for our student loan bills (though we're only Sophomores) - but with books alone being over $600 per semester, used, it's already so stressful and exhausting to think about. Preparing for the future is proving a lot scarier than I'd anticipated.