Hey,

I know this may not be the most appropriate place for this post, but I'm at a loss.

I moved to Schaumburg, IL at the end of May last year. I work a lot and spend time w/ my husband.

When it gets down to it, I don't have any friends here. I don't know how to make friends, either. I work with only 3 other people, incl the Dr., her husband and another coworker, Kelli.

In the past I was at school or working w/ a larger group, which made it easier for social events,etc...

I just want to meet new people is all. Make some friends. This is the first time I've ever had to really make a decision to do it, rather than it just happening.

It's not that I'm totally unhappy, but would like stuff to do. I've only socialized when I was out of town.I was invited to a halloween party by Kelli from work.. I went, met a lot of cool people, and was hoping that it would lead to doing more, but it hasn't.

I am thinking of asking Kelli at work if she'd like to get coffee or something, also looking for book clubs/groups I can join, looking at a church ( for more htan just socializing..) I have met her friends and like them, and mentioned us all doing something on her myspace, but she hasn't said anything. I also can't very well just call her friends or add them to my myspace... I don't want to come off as a charity case or have people invite me out out of pity.

I work 10 hours/day Mon,tue and thur. Wed and Fri 9-5 and Sat 8-1, which takes up a lot of time. I love my job, but i want someting to do outside of it.

Any advice anyone can give would be great. Earlier I felt horribly lonely about the whole thing, but I'm trying to take a proactive stance on it. It's just a wierd situation to be in.

My husband is studying for a monster test, if he passes it, we'll be able to do more because he won't be studying ( and the certification brings us more $ ), but that's just with him all the time... I do have friends in other towns, just no one local. He can stay home or not do that much and not care. I've always been more social than he. I'm not talking about going out and partying late into the night, just a beer or a cup of coffee once in awhile, maybe bowling...

I apologize if I seem whiney, but I guess I'd end up making some friends as just a natural progression of moving to a new place... but it's been 8 months, and I can't pass it off as 'oh, we're just getting settled in...' any longer.

Thank you for your time.

OG

I know how you feel, I'm a "transplant" too -- I grew up about 3 1/2 hours away from where I live now and have lived here for over 13 years -- but I haven't had too many friends since I quit working full time (after my kid's were born). My "old" friends from work are long gone but I am making some new friends from activities I take my kids too -- unfortunately, it has taken me a long time, but I didn't want a ton of aquaintances, I'm really looking for some true friends. Do you think the woman you work with are "your type" or just drawn to them because you see them all the time? I know I usually had enough of most of the people I worked with and preferred friends outside of work. It sounds like you are headed in the right direction -- church, gyms, local papers for maybe some concerts, museums, etc. (anything you are interested in) -- I know that once I made a few friends, I entererd into their larger circles of friends and was able to pick and choose from there. (Your husband sounds like mine, perfectly content to be home, friends, who needs friends -- it's like all guys are buddies anyway ). I have to admit, as I get older, I notice there is also a different dynamic with friendships -- they are harder to come by -- because I think people have so much going on in their lives, sometimes there just isn't time to get to know everyone. Also being from out of town, I've noticed there is still a little "high school" in some people, they have "their friends" and they unfortunately stick to their small group and that's it -- so I tend to move on from them to the next opportunity.

Good luck -- hope you get some great friends soon!! Sorry to be so long winded, I just know exactly how you feel!!

i don't really have any advice either. I'm in the same boat. Just recently moved to ALT. I'm working but most of my coworkers are very young and not someone i would be good friends with. I too am looking for friends in the area. I work long hrs and don't have a lot of time. I'm hoping that if i go to more aerobics classes at the gym, i might slowly meet people. I aslo work weird hrs/schedules. So i don't always have a weekend off or i would join a outdoors group or volunteer group. Try those. Sorry i wasn't really a help but wanted to let you know...your not alone (:

I'm glad you are looking into book clubs. Since you like to read, look into writers' groups for the various genres. Even if you are not a writer, they often have meetings/speakers, etc and you can get to know people that way.

Can you volunteer at healthcare organizations that help the homeless in your area? How about Animal Humane associations? Most of my friends come from my volunteer stuff.

Good luck! And ask Kelly to get some coffee!

Maybe if you have a community learning center in your area where you can learn/improve on a skill or craft you like. I took a jewelry class and loved it! I bet your town has a website or something where you can find organizations to suit your interests. Maybe even check at the colleges/universities, too! Good luck!

Each time we have moved, my DH starts chatting with people on AOL chatrooms that are local to the area we are moving. These groups of people often have get togethers. We go. We meet people. Sometimes we make new friends.
Churches are great places to meet like minded people as well, but most churches, you have to become active in smaller groups to actually get to know people. If you just go to the sunday service, you probably will still not meet people.
Besides our group of friends that we met on AOL that we see and go out with about once a month or sometimes only once every other month, I only have "friends" at work. We rarely go do anything with my work friends. I find that most of my work friends are busy with their children, ours are grown.
We are moving to a new community the end of summer and I hope we will have the opportunity to meet people from our neighborhood at the community center.
It is difficult. I miss my friends back in my hometown. I always had someone to go to the Pub with and grab a pint. I always had someone that would go to dinner or dancing or to the movies etc. I haven't had that since 2002 when I moved. Then, we finally had a nice group of friends in KC that we saw every week out dancing--then, we moved. We have been here about 4 years now and have just over the past year gotten to know and enjoy our new group of friends. Unfortunately they live about 2 hours away...so still only occasional get togethers.
Best wishes for you to find some new friends.

We moved from Arlington Heights to Memphis. I will say that it's been really difficult trying to make new friends down here. People are very tight with their own groups - church and family and established friends. I know exactly what you mean about meeting people and then kind of left hanging.

You have a pretty tight work schedule but here's a few suggestions. Stop at or call the libraries - Schaumburg, Elk Grove Village, Arlington Heights and find out if they have book clubs. The Schaumburg Library has a website with several adult programs listed. Don't know if you work near Woodfield Mall but right down the road is Busse Woods. Find out if they have a weekend walking club. Sign up for some Adult Continuing Education classes at Harper College in Palatine - there's all sorts of general interest topics, not just "book learning" types of courses. We used to get a quarterly booklet from School District 214 that had continuing education classes where you could take a 6 week cooking class for instance and maybe meet some new people. The local newspaper - The Herald also has a section - on Sunday I think in the Living Section (might have the name wrong) that will list local meeting groups on a variety of subjects - most of which we don't care about but hey, it's worth a shot to look

Down here it seems that most transplants meet new people through their church. We are trying the volunteer route (ie. putting in a few hours a month at the local animal shelter). Don't give up trying - it can get frustrating. Good luck in your new home!

I can't express enough thanks to everyone's replies. It really helps to know that I'm not the only one who is in this boat. The halloween party I was at had lots of people, some who Kelli didn't know, either. I figure the most I can do is try, and instead of signing up for something w/ the agenda of making friends, just doing stuff that I have an interest in. I live in a sub division, and was even thinking of posting a sign about starting a walking group w/ the people here ( when it gets a little warmer ).

I felt really down when I wrote that post, but it felt so good to get it out there. To whoever mentioned the writer's groups, that's a fantastic idea. I'm a published author of optical columns, but want to get into non-optical stuff.

There's a site called meetup.com which has groups and stuff. So far they are either in Chicago itself (I'd take the train ) or meet up on times I'm not available. I could even start a meetup of my own in my area...

thank you all so much for your thoughtful replies. It helps/helped me so much!!

I was reading through the thread and was going to suggest meetup.com, but I see you've already found it. I might also suggest Craig's List (www.craigslist.org if you're unfamiliar), but be sure to stick to the right areas there, as the personals and such can sometimes get pretty raunchy, but they do have a community section and sometimes people looking for things like workout buddies.

I've been in northern VA now for about 3 years, and I still don't really have any friends here. I talk to the ladies at work, but most are really not my "type," so we don't do things together outside of work. I've been thining about starting to volunteer lately, though, at an animal shelter, so m aybe that will help. I had joined a community choir at one point, but the other members were all much older than me--not that I need friends the exact same age as me, but we were at very different points inlife and had little in common.

Good luck!

Have you considered joining a community theater group? It's great fun, and you really get to know the people you interact with (a book club, or fitness center, or bar can be very hit or miss).

BTW, I grew up in Naperville, IL, just a stone's throw away!

Oh, I had another idea: You could join a bowling league (maybe a beginner's league, if you're just starting). That's one thing I really really miss about the midwest--the bowling! In Boston, we have very few bowling alleys, and most of the ones we do have are "candlepin" bowling (blech!).

When we moved here I was looking for a play group for my kids. I found a wesite called meetup.com and it was very helpful. They have groups of people from lots of cities that get together based on similar interests. You should check it out.

If your area has an off the leash dog park, get a dog and take it there. That's what helped me.

I moved out here almost 5 years ago to be near my (then) boyfriend. I didn't know anyone and most of his friends were work friends. I started working and only met one person close to my age that I had a lot in common with. Then she moved (but we still keep in touch).

I don't have a lot in common with my current coworkers so don't do anything with them outside of the office.

We got a dog in April last year and then my husband moved out in May. I didn't know how I was going to get through it. I started taking the puppy to the dog park and before you know it, I've met some kick *** people that I hang out with/talk to almost on a daily basis.

You'll notice people tend to go about the same time of day and at first, you only know them by their dogs name. Then you start talking while the "kids" play and one night you're all going out afterward for mexican food and margaritas!

Also, check your local community college for continuing education classes that you might be interested. I just started taking a photography class and it's been a lot of fun and I'm meeting some very nice people.

I relocated recently as well-I have been inmy new city for 2 years now, and have made a lot of new friends.

The first thing I would recommend, is writing down some of your hobbies and things that you like to do. Start looking online for things pertaining to that in your area. A book club would be an idea...but another idea would be to take a class. It might be for cake decorating/yoga/line dancing/floral arranging/learning a foreign language/whatever.

One thing that I think is important when making friends, is making friends with people that you have something in common with. For me, this stems from my husband having his old friend over years ago-and I was left to entertain the girlfriend of whom I had nothing in common with. I am a sci-fi/fantasy girl...and she would bring over "chick flicks". I was more artsy/alternative, and she was Abercrombie & Fitch. Bad, bad match. She was a nice girl...but not someone that I would have chosen to befriend myself.

You will find more genuine friendship, I think, if you go out and do things that interest you-and meet like minded people along the way.

Thanks so much! I've been looking into taking martial arts classes, which I've always wanted to do. Also, the Schaumburg Park district offers various classes in both physical things and stuff like guitar lessons, caligraphy and cooking. I'm psyched about it and it's not that expensive nor is it far away. It also helps that I'm changing my attitude from, oh, can I meet people here to 'oh, wow. That looks like fun ...attitude is huge!

Thanks again for all the great advice, ideas and support !!