Relationship Advice - In a Rut - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

OnceUponADrive · 12-07-2007, 04:21 PM

Alright now I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and I feel like I've hit a wall. We spend tons of time together and I'm very satisfied that we love each other and there's lots of snuggling and all that good stuff. However, I feel SO bored lately that I can't take it anymore. He is a very even-keeled person who is rarely excited or really happy about anything...kinda the sarcastic type. That's not to say he's not happy, he just doesn't outwardly express a lot of positiveness. Recently an old male friend came back into my life who is the total opposite of my boyfriend...outgoing, fun, adventurous. I did previously have a small thing with this guy but it was very brief and we remained friends afterwards. I hadn't seen him for 5 years and we recently hung out again (with my boyfriend as well). And I just had a flood of feelings for him so strong that I don't know what to do. I've never had any sort of feelings for another man since I've been with my boyfriend and this is all new to me. I know after a few years the magic can subside and boredom in a relationship is normal, but I don't know how to get my mind off of this other guy. He's all I think about. I do love my boyfriend very much and I can't see breaking up with him, but I feel horrible for wanting this other man as much as I do. And the problem is, if he knew I felt this way, he'd want me too. We have that kind of history. Any suggestions?

GONNABE165 · 12-07-2007, 04:29 PM

Boredom in a relationship is normal (after a few years) I have been with the same man for 7 years yesturday and I have not been bored yet - it's a comprimise. You gotta make anything and everything in your relationship interesting. If you want the other guy you have to break it off with your BF or that would not be fair. This could possible turn out to be a no win situation - are you prepared for that?

OnceUponADrive · 12-07-2007, 04:37 PM

Well I'm not prepared to break up with my boyfriend because I love him. And what's to say if I break up with him and get together with this other guy that the same thing wouldn't happen again in a few years with him. I'm guessing I'm feeling this way because 1)I missed being around him in general, we always had lots of fun and 2)He's something new and exciting, so of course I'm going to be drawn to him. I love him as a friend first and foremost so I don't want to have to completely cut him out of my life (and I really don't think that would help any either). He and my boyfriend got along great and we all talked about hanging out again. I'm really just looking for suggestions on how to get him off my mind and try to make my relationship interesting again. It's just difficult because of my boyfriend's personality. I can't FORCE him to be outgoing and exciting, I have to take him for what he is. So I have to somehow make more of a change myself...I just don't know what that is.

GONNABE165 · 12-07-2007, 04:40 PM

Being as all three of yall get along why can't yall hang together sometimes and that way you still get a feel for some excitement (a friendly feel of it). Have you tried talking ro your BF about how you feel - not about the other guy but about yalls relationship?

kimmieone · 12-07-2007, 05:25 PM

You and the "exciting" guy broke up for a reason. You are flirting with messing up your good relationship. There is a saying that people bore themselves, why don't YOU shake things up? Plan something exciting and fun for you and your boyfriend and surprise him.

If you just don't think he's the one break it off to be fair to yourself and your current man. Trying to be friends with a man you want to sleep with isn't going to work. Bottom line, you are fooling yourself if you think you can.

Anyway, good luck