Best of luck to you!

it looks like you have 2 different issues here;
him
and
your weight loss,
Don't let your relationship mess with your weight loss plan, you are doing amazing,
As with him, it sucks that he feels this way, and you really deserve someone who IS attracted to you, for SURE!!

i don't think you could truely be in love with someone unless there was an attraction. I understand he likes other aspects of you...but if he's not attracted to you...then what???? what's to say he may eventually allow the "temptation" to overcome him with someone who he feels is more attractive than you. And trust me...everyone, even the most gorgeous person out there, will always have someone more attractive. So if he can't find you attractive for your looks now..don't think that the weight loss will help. I think its time you find out what you want in life. Find someone who finds your irresitable, beautiful, and sexy...because you know what... YOU ARE. And someone will feel that way no matter what.
and btw..the whole comment of the alcohol making him say it is BS...alcohol is a truth serum..it allows us to lower our inhibitions and say things we normally would not say because we know saying them wouldn't be appropriate. Its not the alcohol talking...its him talking without a filter. But its what he truely feels...at least that's how i've seen things in life.
I hope you find what you need/want. Good luck!

I have a few comments. They are worth two cents or two squares of toilet paper, whichever you prefer.

1. 168 is not that big! Seriously. Jeez.

2. WHAT AN ***:censored:!! :mad: I can't believe he said those things to you and thought those thoughts... WTF!!

3. DUMP HIM. He made some very disgusting comments that prove he is NOT WORTHY of your affections. How awkward is it to know that you need to lose weight just to please someone who is supposed to already love you for who you are and find you attractive? Honestly, I don't think it's love if the person you are with decides you are unattractive just because of your weight ESPECIALLY if they ENTER the relationship with an overweight person and automatically KNOW they are not attracted to that aspect!!

I know he probably thought he would give you a chance because he liked certain aspects of your being and felt like he did not want to be shallow, but... I hate that logic. Seriously. I AM shallow; I would never get romantically involved with someone seriously overweight (though I am not sure if you are or not, it depends on your height) . I KNOW this about myself, so I would never, ever try to pursue someone I felt like I may not be physically attracted to. It's better to be honest with yourself, admit what you like, and move on then to pretend not to be shallow and hurt others.

Originally Posted by GatorgalstuckinGA:
and btw..the whole comment of the alcohol making him say it is BS...alcohol is a truth serum..it allows us to lower our inhibitions and say things we normally would not say because we know saying them wouldn't be appropriate. Its not the alcohol talking...its him talking without a filter. But its what he truely feels...at least that's how i've seen things in life.
I hope you find what you need/want. Good luck!

AMEN TO THAT! Alcohol doesn't put words in. It lets them out.

Gatorgal, you said that well.

Originally Posted by cbmare:
AMEN TO THAT! Alcohol doesn't put words in. It lets them out.
.

Now THOSE are words of wisdom...even my husband says so.

I really don't think attraction goes away because of weight gain. If you're "in love" with someone, that means you're attracted, period, whatever changes with that person, IMO. I think he's looking for an excuse for his boredom/itchiness, especially since you're the same weight you were when you started the relationship. Sounds to me like you need to let him go ... you'll always wonder how he really feels about you, won't you? I am sorry you're having to go through this. :hug:

Yeah, I think what bothered me the most is not that he isn't attracted to me anymore, but that his reasons for being attracted to me in the first place were "You were so motivated to lose weight!" I've tried to tell him how that's not really the best basis for a relationship (an understatement). Plus, the attraction factor is a really important thing to ME, and if it's not mutual then it feels like there's something missing.

Honestly, I think he lied to himself and to me about what he was feeling and it's just now coming out in his comments and behaviour. I'm not really the type of person who likes to walk on eggshells about who I am. If he didn't accept me for who I was in the first place then why struggle to be with me? Why not just be friends and move on and find someone else? I just don't get it, and now it sucks that I beleived that we had something and loved him and have to deal with all of this now. I think you guys might be right, and it might just be a cover for his restlessness, but if that's the case then I'm not going to let my weight be an excuse for him. Either way, he lied at some point or another.

I'm 5' 5" so I know that this isn't a healthy weight. Also, md8384, I know how hard that must have been to tell your SO that you were no longer attracted to him. I think you were coming from a different place when you said it, but even so I've decided to take your words to heart and be honest with myself about my efforts. If I had been truly doing it for me and not so focused on other people and situations in my life I would probably be at goal right now and a lot healthier, so thank you :)

I'll tell you this though, even though that was the last conversation I would ever want to have, and as hard as the past few days have been, going through this is better than a year of therapy. You would be amazed at all of the denial and negativity about my past that was lurking, and I guess this was my chance to come to terms with it. Very cathartic in the end, but yeah, I don't know what I would have done without you guys :hug:

how much do you love him?
 

It sounds like you're giving your boyfriend the excuse. By saying "you don't want to be with me because I'm not skinny" he can just say "well, yeah" even if that's not what's really going on with him. Next time he goes out without you, tell him that you don't think it's worth being with someone who doesn't want to spend time with you. HE'S the *******, not you. Put him on the defensive, and don't apologize for wanting to spend time with him. If he loves you, he has no excuse. You no longer become the nag, and he might see himself as in the wrong.

Ask him what about you is no longer attractive other than your weight. Chances are your weight is not really the problem. It could be something a bit of talking or compromising can fix. If you really love him, don't let him get off so easy. Make him work through what's bothering him. Remind him that you're a person, you're not a character in a porno, you're not a nameless drunken lay, you're not a hot one-night stand. You're the woman who wakes up next to him every day and comforts him while he sleeps, who's there for him when his dog dies, the only woman other than his mom who sees him cry, whose kisses can make anything feel better, who will put up with his bad dancing and action movies just to be next to him.

I'm in a 2 year relationship with a live in bf. I've put on 15 lbs since he moved in. I've been open about my body issues since we met. He is GORGEOUS. People assume he's famous b/c he's so hot. Before we met, he once jingled his keys in front of a chick he hadn't met or talked to and she went home with him. Now I consider myself very pretty, but I'm not skinny and I don't have big boobs. I told him many times that I was afraid he'd leave if I put on weight. He always told me that the only way he'd care about weight gain is if my weight puts my health in danger. It takes a lot of effort, but I believe him. If he's been with me for two years, it's not my looks that have kept him around.

Good luck.

Personally, I don't buy the "you were so motivated to lose weight," business. Oh, he might believe it, but I would bet that if you had lost the weight already, he would have another excuse for a wandering eye.

Honorable men (and women) do not "go looking" for something better while they're in a relationship, even if the relationship isn't the one they hoped it would be (for whatever reason). They don't start looking for someone else until AFTER they leave.

I suspect that if you had already lost all of your weight, that he would just have had another excuse (that he might even believe) as to why his roving eye is your responsibility. Every "cheater" I have ever met, found a way to lay it at his wife or girlfriend's (or husband or boyfriend's) feet. "She's changed, I don't know her anymore" or "she hasn't changed at all, she's so predictable and boring." Cheating, and even hardcore "looking" while still in the relationshp is usually a lot more about the person doing it, than their partner.

Joyful- I'm so glad you're taking this time for yourself to think about things and put things into perspective. :hug: Regardless of what happens, this time is a good thing for you.

joyful - i think its great you are taking some time to think..it really does help. I hope you figure out what you need and realize in life..there are people that will love you no matter what. Good luck with your choices.