Hello everyone, haven't posted in a while but that's because college has been crazy! I'm in hibernation mode now...sleep, eat, go to class, so on so forth. But I'm starting to get used to it and get my healthy lifestyle back.
First let me say this...I've come to find out that us really fat girls don't always see things as they truly are, or perceive them as they are. This could be for lot's of reasons...maybe because society has shunned us so badly. But I feel as though I'm a little out of touch with how normal weighted folk interact.
Now let me say this...I gauge how much attention I receive from men to be an indicator of how attractive I am. I know this is wrong! It's wrong and it's against my morals. I will teach my daughters to neeever be like that...but it's how I am and I can't change that right now.
Whenever I go out and look nice (nicely fitted clothes, hair done, nails done) I receive almost no attention from men. Even if I small and attempt to flirt, I just get blank stares or just get plain ignored. This is a constant, I promise you. That's how it is for me!
But when I go out with my hair in messy not washed in a day waves, in my tattered old shirt that needs a wash, and no makeup...I tons of attention!
Tonight for example. I feel a cold coming on but I stumbled out of bed long enough to go to a convenience store. I was sneezing and my eyes were bloodshot, and I was wearing my BF's shirt. The clerk at the store commented my eyes, and said I reminded him of this beautiful girl he knows.
I've been to this store lots of times...bought my food from him...and he never said anything to me. But the night I know I look like crap he gives me attention?
In fact almost every time I recall being flirted with, I wasn't looking my best. I get more smiles and conversations when I'm not trying to look cute. This has happed tooo many times for it to be a coincedence.
Am I giving off a better vibe when I'm in comfy clothes?
Is there a new fetish for big girls who look sick and wear shirts from the 90's?