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When I got married. Which, pathetically, shocked the people at church.
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I've had different boyfriends I've lived with over the years. My fiance and I had only been dating 6 months when we moved in together. It wasn't planned out, it was somewhat of an "emergency" situation, and I was going to move out as soon as I found a place I could afford. But when the time came to move, we both realized it was stupid and we had already "crossed that line". We knew I'd either always be at his house, or he always at mine, and that we were a great match.
It was ironic because we'd both vowed not to live together before marriage. We both had not-so-pleasant experiences in the past and thought living together too early ruined a relationship. Personally, I say it depends on who the people involved are, how well they know each other, and how dedicated and in love they are with one another. One couple could move in at 3 months together and be together for life, and another couple could date 3 years and move in together and be miserable and break up. The only sad part is that you're going to give up your cat. :( |
I moved in w/my BF (now DH) after 2 years of dating. We lived together for 4 years before finally getting married--we'll be celebrating our 12th anniversary in 2 days. The funny thing is, when we first moved out together, I left my cat at home w/my parents. My cat had a major attitude problem about it (going from being very docile and loving, to being agressive and b*tchy) and developed an open sore on the underside of her neck, which the vet said could've been stress related. It took quite awhile for it to heal and for me to get back on her good side. She's now 13 years old and still has the attitude problem. :lol:
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I like to say that DH spent the night and just never left. We'd dated for 4 months before he started staying over here consistently. Incidentally, 3 months after he moved in, we got married. It was a huge adjustment for me because I'm really not a people person and sharing my space with another person was very difficult. We still have our space issues, and we still have other things we don't agree on (housekeeping, shopping, etc) but we've learned to agree to disagree. If he tries to help, I am thankful rather than irritated that he didn't do something "my" way. In my opinion, that's really the only way living together works out peacefully and relatively stress-free for everyone involved.
Hammer out the big details before you move in. Finances, boundaries, etc are very important in this situation. If you can talk openly about your little quirks and get a semblance of a plan together, things will be much easier. |
Hmmm we started dating in January and kinda moved in together when the dorms closed in May. He was living in a house with 3 other guys, so I moved in there when the dorms closed and then we got an apartment together that fall.
We had already decided we were going to get married when I graduated though. That was 18 years ago |
okay...so i have a big question that no one has addressed...and maybe that just because it's me. See i'm a big time animal lover. (i'm a veterinarian by profession also). WHY THE HECK ARE YOU GIVING UP YOUR CAT TO MOVE IN W/ THE BF (i know you said he doesn't like cats)? Sorry i know you asked about moving in....but here's my deal. Any guy who dated me knew the deal. I have 2 cats and a dog...and they are part of the package. They are my babies...and they will go where ever i go!!!! I did make some adjustments for DH..ie when we moved in together, we agreed that the pets should stay out of the bedroom (and trust me...god do i get better nights sleep now lol). But my DH loves my dog and i think he enjoys playing (boarderline torturing LOL) my 2 cats. But i'm just confused why you would give up your cat. That's sort of sad to me. As a vet who's worked as a shelter vet for 2 years and had to euthanize over 300 animals a year mostly due to ppl who either kicked them to the curb or "gave them up cuz they couldn't keep them"...it makes me sad. it just makes me sad to see ppl "give up their animals" for someone else. I'm sorry, i'll get off my soap box now. :soap: I just don't really understand it? :shrug:
As for the question you asked...me and DH moved in after about 1.5 yrs of dating. At that time...it was looking like we were going to get married (since we had been ring shopping). And the apt i was leasing sold...there fore i had to move out and thought it would be a perfect time to move in, instead of finding another apt to rent. So i addressed the question with DH at the time. He agreed. We were then married 8 months later. So i personally think 5 months is a bit too early. Especially if BF has never had a roomie. But if you think its right...it's your decision. |
I think the fact that you're putting so much thought into it shows that you might be ready. I think it's when people jump blindly into a situation that things have a higher chance of falling apart (not that spontanaiety always means disaster, but thinking things through and discussing things seriously shows both maturity and good communication for you guys).
I'm 24 and had gone to college (so I'd lived in dorms with other girls, an apartment with 5 other girls--talk about drama--and a duplex with varying roommates, both male and female). After college, I moved in with my sister and her husband (boyfriend at the time). In early February 2004, I met Jeff online in a chat room. In March, we met in person, and we saw each other just about every weekend (we lived about 4 hours apart at the time) until October when I got a new job closer to him. Well, little did I know that even though we were not far apart miles-wise once I moved, traffic in the DC area made it so we still only saw each other on weekends. I was living in my own apartment, and he was living in his older cousin's basement. He never lived with regular roommates or even alone--but we had discussed finances and such, and I knew he was responsible (he refuses to get a credit card because he's seen the damage others have done with them, has no debt, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't gamble...none of the typical ealry-20-something issues). And so, after about a year-and-a-half of weekends-only dating, we moved in together in a 2-bedroom apartment that is a nice halfway point between our jobs (since I work in VA and he works in MD). We've been living together for almost a year-and-a-half now, and we have never had a single problem. I think it helped that we got a new place together rather than one of us moving into the other's place, ya know? So we were both getting into something new rather than anyone "invading" anyone else's space. We have a second bedroom with a full bed, and I had that as my comfort knowing that if things got too rocky at any point, we could have separate rooms, but that has never happened. We've never so much as spent a single night not sleeping in the same bed (aside from one trip he took to help his cousins when someone was in the hospital and one overnight trip I took when my sister had her baby). We even survived one major blowout of an argument where I literally packed a bag and was ready to walk out of the apartment at 11:30 at night, but he stopped me, we talked it out (and screamed and cried and all that good stuff), and still ended up going to bed together. So yeah, it depends. And I disagree with EZMONEY wholeheartedly (shocking, Gray, I know :p )--I think living together before marriage prepares you for what marriage has to offer. Better to be able to break a lease on an apartment if thing don't work out than to have to go through a divorce. Living with someone shows you so many more sides of that person--you literally see them at every high and low--and I personally would never marry anyone without having experienced that first. |
OH, and major congrats to those couples who have survived without marriage when dealing home OWNERSHIP. Jeff and I are thinking of getting a townhouse next fall when our lease runs out, but I've already told him I won't get a joint mortgage (in this area, neither of us could afford to buy a home on our own) without at least an engagement with a set wedding date. If he thinks we're ready for a potentially 30-year financial commitment together, then he sure as heck better be ready to commit on a personal level as well ;) I know we would probably survive as an unattached couple, but it just makes me more nervous when there's that much money and paperwork involved (we're talking a $300k townhouse).
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Glad I could :stir: things up here a bit ;) . I already said I made some of the same mistakes I think "some" of you are making. I'm not trying to make personal attacks here because I care for all of you dearly. All I am trying to say is that unless your relationship is blessed by God, then it isn't the one He wants you in OR not as good as it could be.
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My hubby and I didn't live together until after we were married. My parents would have killed me and even though I was 24 when I got married I did live in their home and felt an obligation to them and to the way they raised me to not cause them any undo stress. Plus, my hubby and I went out on our first date in January and got married in May, so we didn't exactly wait forever. LOL...
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One final thought...moving in together should never be a matter of convenience. In my opinion, it's a matter of love, unselfishness, total commitment, shared goals, dreams, and values, and marriage. |
Then bf now hubby and I moved in together after 6 months... but for us it was a matter of neither of us had been on our own before and living with the parents wasn't working for either of us any more.. and i spent most of my time at his place already...
Plus we already knew we were going to get married at some point, it was one of those met online, met in real life, love at first sight kinda deals.. We lived together for about a year and a half before getting married, and we're about to have our 5th wedding anniversary. I think it depends on your situation, your relationship, what you are comfortable with. From what you've said the only think that worries me is that he's always been on his own... for him it might be a really tough transition and I think you should be prepared for that. We had a LOT of fights over stupid stuff that revolved around living together - chores, money, etc... so I agree you need to have that figured out before you do anything. And just as a side suggestion, I suggest you keep your finances separate. I wish ours were, I also see people every single day at my job that got completely screwed over by their SO and ruined their credit... it's not something you think about when you're in love but it's something that you do need to think about. I don't know if I'd ever cosign for anything major with my hubby, it's got nothing to do with trust or love, and everything to do with common sense and protecting yourself and your future if something happens (breaking up, divorce or even death). |
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but that TOTALLY makes sense. :( so yeah - i'll just have to make sure my mom takes her in to the vet next week. btw - yeah - we went to ashley furniture today to buy a new desk for the place (mine sucks - his sucks - we needed a new one) - and it'll be delivered in a few weeks!!! and then we started looking at bedroom furniture...we're planning on moving into a 2 bedroom here in his complex once my lease is up - and he'll only technically have 2 months left himself...so we'll just transfer. oh yeah - and the REASON i'm giving her up...well - he really doesn't like cats. and the truth is - my mother has been wanting a new cat - i got her one a few years ago - but they had to put her to sleep a few months ago. :-( and my mom has ALWAYS loved my cat - so i suggested she take my cat for now - plus, too - even if my boyfriend LIKED cats - the pet fee you have to pay to keep a pet in an apartment here is a bit pricey - pay a down payment then a pet rent. :( so it's just better all around - and, again, i'm not TOTALLY giving her up - cuz i'll still see her a lot. :-D but my mom and dad LOVE my cat and it'll be a good thing. |
I've been with my BF about 8 months or so and live seperately...he lives just down the road though lol. I mean literally probably 500mtrs :P Some days it does seem pointless having two homes as we're over at one or the other house every night of the week. I know he's thinking of buying a second house in about 6 months so who knows, maybe then we will?
As for whether 5 months is way too early or not...my two cents on that is my parents fine example lol. The met, moved in and were engaged within 5 WEEKS. 27 years and going strong as of Australia Day for them ;) Just a matter of following what feels right I guess. Liv |
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