Frustrated with food and friends :(

  • Hey all,

    So the past few days I've been having lunch with some of my friends who are fairly active and eat healthy, and it's becoming really depressing lately. I don't know if they just don't know how hard dieting is, or if I'm just being stubborn, but everytime I bring my lunch and eat with them, they CONSTANTLY make comments about what I'm eating.

    The other day for snack, I had peanut butter with celery (2tbsp) and it's about 150 cals.

    the other day for lunch I had salad (broccoli slaw + 4 oz chicken) with 2tbsp thousand island dressing = 400 calories

    They keep making comments about how I'm never going to lose eating these dressings, but I've told them that eating things I like has kept me sticking my eating plan a lot better, and I have been losing!

    I'm not going to change my plans but everytime I eat with them I feel like they're secretly judging me for not taking their advice it just kinda bums me out.

    I've tried a lot of the low cal dressings, and they honestly taste gross to me, so as long as my calories are low and i'm eating a variety of foods and losing, does it matter? I got my labs checked and my cholesterol and everything was normal too. I just hate the judgy-ness I keep feeling from them.

    Would love to hear your advice! I should also add, I know they mean well but it's just hard for me to make a change like that, at this time.
  • You can say exactly what you said here - basically that you're aware of the food that you're eating, and happy with your loss so far.

    Sometimes people mean well, but it's worth telling them if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

    Full fat dressing is just fine, especially if you're already taking into account the calories and fat that are in it. You're doing great
  • I had a lot of issues with people judging my diet food too and I had lost 150lbs so I must have been doing something right. (I gained some back but it wasn't because of the diet, I went back to my old habits during a stressful time in my life. But that's another story. )

    What I had to do...and it might sound extreme or impossible...but I had to stop eating in front of them and do my own thing. I could see them for coffee, tea, at the library, shopping, walking, etc. but never ever involve food.

    For the once in a while times that food was involved, I just stopped replying/responding/justifying my choices. I told them I worked with a dietician and my food logs are approved every week (and again, can they not see my success right in front of their face?).

    Keep doing what is right for you. My biggest (no pun intended) critics were the ones that had food and weight issues themselves. It doesn't sound like your friends have that problem though.

    As a side note, I use Trader Joe's fresh salsa for dressing now and it's amazing! But I wouldn't tell you what to do.
  • I would honestly only give it one last shot before I no longer eat lunch with them. I would simply tell them that you do not wish to discuss your diet or what you are eating, and that if they cannot respect your wish, you will no longer be dining with them. End of story.

    They aren't secretly judging you. They are openly judging you. You shouldn't have to put up with that.

    Great job on your loss so far and keep it up!
  • I think it's rude even if well meaning. I never comment on someone's food. Sure, I see it and have my own thoughts but they stay in my head.

    I'm lucky, tho, I didn't have that issue with anyone. But as I plan to eat how I eat the rest of my life, I am prepared to smile sweetly at and not respond to anyone who may make a comment in the future. Now, sometimes people ask me questions and that I will respond to. But if someone were to suggest that something I'm doing is not "healthy" when I have spent a lot of time reading and researching for myself, it would not end well. "Healthy" is a real buzz word for me. Esp. if said person smokes or drinks sodas and eats a lot of processed food.
  • It is rude, even if people are trying to help. My standard response is, "Hmm, that's an interesting thought. My current plan is working for me, though".
  • I think that, very plainly and simply, you need to tell your friends that you feel they are being disrespectful of your life and your choices by being judgmental even when you have told them how well this diet has worked for you. True, you could avoid eating with them in the future as others have said, but my personal preference is dealing with issues honestly, openly and directly. If the direct route STILL doesn't work, then you may have to either go the avoidance route, or remind yourself that these are THEIR issues, not yours. Diet is a highly personal thing. What works for some may not necessarily work for others, and you might want to remind them of that, too.

    Best of luck!
  • Thank you all for your comments!

    I ended up telling them individually that I'm trying to stick around a diet plan that works and once I'm comfortable removing items, then I will! But for now, I'm keeping things around while i can lose.

    They were pretty understanding except for one of them who keeps telling me "don't say you weren't warned" she's a little pushy, not intentionally but she definitely never sugar coats anything for anyone lol. I feel a little liberated!! oh another note, I lost almost 4 lbs in the last two weeks. Quite sure it's water weight, but i'll take it!

    Anyway, thank you all for your comments! I'm glad I wasn't the only who felt it was a little intruding =)
  • Yeah. that's not ok. And you SHOULD be eating full fat foods (even bottled dressings which are always canola/vegetable oil and not the best), instead of stuff marketed as low cal which have the fats removed (FATS DONT MAKE YOU FAT, GAHH) and replaced with some kind of sugar. You do what you want to do. Your "friends" sound like jerks. :-/
  • As Jez said, there is nothing wrong with full fat. I eat peanut butter every day. And olive oil, and avocado. If I were to remove those items that people consider "too high in calories" and substitute with something lower calorie and less satisfying I would be one seriously unhappy camper and probably unsuccessful managing my weight long term because I'd like to be happy as well as healthy!
  • What has helped me a lot is to always go by my own judgement. I've received too many conflicting bits of advice to believe any of them (and it mostly feels like they researched for a day or two and suddenly think themselves experts, so I just ignore it).

    You seem to be getting varied nutrients in your meal, so that dressing isn't going to get in your way. It's more caloric than having it pure, yes, but you're not adding too much and you're controlling how much you're eating (and still having a fairly light meal), so by logic, you're fine. Most people don't recommend salad dressings because people go crazy with them, but you know how well you're doing. I honestly don't think it's a change you need to make in the future at all if you're losing - I don't like dry salads myself and it's not an impediment for everyone.

    My advice, if it's really bugging you, is to cut them off, make it clear their advice isn't wanted. You don't need to be mean to do this, but you can either say "I appreciate it, but I've got a good plan and I'm not looking for feedback" or just go "I don't really agree, but that's an interesting point of view". I've had to cut people off before and it may not have been super pleasant but they don't treat me any differently and they did stop.

    Good luck!
  • You have told them that you are counting your calories and that the dressing is counted in there?

    I had the same issue 20 years back when I was in high school and on Jenny Craig.. It was a new program at the time and I was too embarrassed to tell people I was on Jenny Craig so I just mentioned I was on a diet.. Well one of my friends saw me eating the chicken salad out of the can (label ripped off) and proceeded to tell me how I wouldn't ever lose any weight If i ate stuff like that..

    Happens to all of us I guess.. people who "know" better or dont think you realize what you are doing...
  • They have backed down on me quite a bit!

    But I have noticed I have to keep my distance with this group, they are extremely competitive and it really bums me out when we can't just be happy for each other.

    But thank you all!!
  • There are a few things that are really no ones business and to ask is tacky. Diet choices, weight and if your having kids.
    All of them can have factors that no one knows about and is no ones business. There are people who have significant allergies, health conditions etc that can treat affect all of that. If you don't bring it up, it's not their business. Short of providing broad encouragement whatever their known goals are, they should mind their business.
    Glad you told them!
  • Jez,

    You're doing an awesome job. Ditto to what everyone else said. Just keep your chin up always keep your goal in front of you. Use your colleagues / critics' remarks and positive motivation to fuel you. Keep positive and have a "I'll show you attitude."

    When you hit your weight goal b/c of your self-discipline - you'll have the last laugh!

    -Daniela