Broke down and ate a bunch of junk last night. My weight is waaaay up now. Blah. I'm not going to let it spill over into today, but I'm feeling pretty bummed about it.

124.2 today. Ate like no carbs yesterday but then went out for a big glass of wine and nibbled on the free candy at the bar. I won bingo though!!!

Tonight is a big potluck with all the friends. I'm bringing salad and wine, my roommate is bringing a creamy soup, bf is bringing 7 layer bean/cheese/sour cream dip and tortilla chips, another friend is bringing quinoa/kale mix...I'd be really surprised if I'm anything but this tomorrow:

http://indianapublicmedia.org/earthe.../FatCat411.jpg

As my friend would joke, "I suck at life!" ;) Man this month is busy. I only babysat for a week before the mom decided to just stay home early. She was going to next Spring anyway. So I did a lot to get my house baby ready, and lot to get it back to normal! Lol Christmas tree and inside/outside are decorated. I love blasting Christmas tunes all day. :) Lots of holiday parties and more to come. I hope everyone is having an awesome Christmas season so far! This week is my one-year maintenance. Rough year, but pretty good overall in terms of weight loss.

I'll be back soon and catch up. You ladies are always so chatty! :)

Jessica : Good luck for your job interviews!!!

Alexis : Letting the guy know where you are standing right now sounds like the better and mature thing to do. :) If you're not sure you're feeling this, you can't really help it anyway! He will probably appreciate the fact that you are being honest.

LeilaJey : Bwhahaha. I can be SUCH a ***** you have no idea. But it's only when I'm concentrating. Or tired. Or if it is early. LOL. You said ''just keep baking''. I think the guy is getting spoiled, last night after dinner he started to complain lile a 4 years old that ''we ONLY had shortbread cookies left for dessert...'' Well bake yourself a freakin cake, boy :D

Okay, this tea drinking with chocolat thing sounds like MARVELOUS. I don't think we have this kind of chocolat here though :(

Joss : YUMM, langoustine!

Woah, your body is following a strict pattern, you're like a clock! ;) I always feel like I've discovered that the Earth goes around the sun when I see something like that concerning my diet! Did you manage to go through your 11th day without much trouble?

I'm also glad to know I'm not the only one going into the GETOUTTAHERE when I workout. LOL poor boyfriend. This is weird, it's only when I do some muscles things.. when I run I'm chatty and happy like a Disney princess going for a ride in the forest. Go figure.

Mottaini : Good luck with your exams! It's gonna be over soon! ;)

OhthePlaces : I think your plan for this weekend sounds fair! it might not me the usual gym routine, but going for long walks do count for something :)

Kakers : Glad to hear that you at least got a part of the money back! Must be a releif!

Bayzee : D*mn, must be frustrating after seeing the 115's number. Hold on!

Thebunneh : You'll get back on your feet.. It happens to all of us!

Krampus : All that food you describe sounds deliciouuuuus. You're gonna be a nice furry cat! ;)

Chickie : Nice to know you're alive! :)

***

Yo! Still 136.2 this morning. Don't know if I am really holding steady or if something is up with my scale. I think I'm gonna try and get new batteries. My boyfriend's weight is normal though. And I DID ate a lot last night, I went for another serving of chinese mac.

I also only got my Christmas Chocolat Calendar last night (did I forgot to mention that I'm 8 years old somewhere along the way!?). My boyfriend already has his Star Wars one that I got him last weekend. So we ate all the chocolat from the 1st to the 5th in one sitting... Iit was 125 calories for the 5 pieces. Not TOO bad.

Planning to bake healthy muffins (banana and zucc, and maybe with some peanut butter chipit if I can find some) this afternoon when I'll be sick of my thesis. I also need to find what to do for dinner, we only agreed on eating something with shrimps last night. Ideas?

Leila ~ Thanks for the understanding... Ha. That's exactly what it was (a vent) and I'm hoping that I'll be able to just let it go. I WISH I was your 136.2 buddy (I think that's Turbo?) but believe me, I want to be joining that club soon.

Joss ~ What a revelation on the "binge/refeed/treet night" cycle! I can definitely co-sign and have experienced almost the exact same phenomenon of bucking the plan after about 10 days... when I'm on a plan. Which hasn't been often... lately.

mottainai ~ Sounds like a lovely hubby, indeed. :) What's in Japan?

Ohtheplaces ~ Hope you have a great time with your family!

Kakers ~ Your gymnastics team sounds like so much fun! Did you compete as a kid?

TheBunneh ~ *hums the Aalyiah song* "Pick yourself up and try again... You can dust it off and try again... try again..." Or the old army sloga "FiDO" (Forget It Drive On) <-- Love that one. (I'm in the same boat. Have been telling myself these things all morning...)

Krampus ~ Awww, fuzzy kitty! It's "fluffy, not fat" ;) That party spread sounds de-licious! And fairly healthy, too...? How have YOU been with life/work/things in general?

Chickie ~ "Happy Maintain-iversary to you!!!"

~~~
Didn't have the best day yesterday, food-wise. I had therapy yesterday morning and as soon as I left I felt overwhelmed by this massive wave of all-consuming hunger. I KNOW that it was emotional, and yet I still gave in. Started with a bagel+butter and the massive eat continued through the day (stopped for a McDonald's cheeseburger + chicken nuggets and then 3 oatmeal cookies on the way home, followed by food after 8PM, my personal "out of bounds line"...:().

Notes to self:
I am a danger to myself and others when I eat compulsively.
I never stop at "just one bite/taste/bag".
It's not about the food, it's about the behavior...<- remember this one, self.

So far, today is going better - I had my daily fruit for breakfast (1 pear+1/2 cup pineapple + 1/4 cup dried apple) and have been going strong all morning long. Plans for veggie+lean protein lunch/dinner.

Am going to a lecture/event tonight at a college nearby and am excited to catch up with friends on the drive over. Possibly going to a party tomorrow with the aforementioned "give 'im a chance" guy, so the weekend is looking promising. Also booked a hotel and car for Christmas trip down to Nashville to see my lil sis. Both are refundable, should the trip end up not happening, but it's exciting to plan for now.

Did some Christmas shopping last night, too, and the poor debit card didn't know what hit it. Got a call from the fraud department of my bank confirming that I actually made these charges... Yep, I made 'em all...

Holiday hugs to everyone!

Turbo ~ lol - 8 yrs old + 55 years old... it all equals out in the end. ;) And thanks for the words re: the guy. Mmmmmm zucchini muffins... mmmmmmmmmmm.... :)

Chickie - THERE you are! Glad to see you're keeping busy and enjoying the start of your holiday season!

Krampus - I want to cuddle the **** out of that big fat kitty. It sounds like a great night planned! I will be wishing I were out drinking wine and having dinner with friends as well, but instead I'll be acting like a good friend and going with my roommate to see her daughter (she's 7) and her class sing Christmas songs for their school holiday event. Oh joy.

TheBunneh - Aww, I'm sorry to see you had a rough night! Did you binge or was it just overeating a bit? I think as long as you like no $hit get back on plan today the damage will be minimal and gone before you know it. Don't beat yourself up over it!

Bayzee - Perhaps you'll have a whoosh after TOM? I know everyone's cycles are different but it seems a lot of ladies start to hold water the week prior and then lose it at the end. I've never noticed a pattern personally, but I'm a sporadic weigher. Even when I do weigh regularly, it's still only once a week.

LOL I'm glad you were joking about the brownie... some people lose their minds over silly things like that!

Kakers - Thank goodness you got your money back! Sometimes for whatever reason people really get the short end of the stick on things like that and I would hate to see that be the case for you.

haha, it sounds like you had a good workout, so maybe 'eating like a pig' actually went to good use? I always feel better if I have a great workout before or after indulging a bit too much. At least in that case I know that some of those extra calories went toward fuel and/or rebuilding muscle. It's a very VERY small condolence, but a condolence nonetheless. :)

OhThePlaces - The rice krispies treat pig out couldn't have been too bad if you stayed within your calorie range! Besides, they are nutritionally devoid of anything redeeming, but at least a rice krispies treat isn't a huge calorie bomb. When I hit the sweets, I'm digging in to rich chocolates, truffles, pastries and things with lots of fat. Yum. :) hahaha I can do a LOT of damage considering calorically dense things like nuts, peanut butter, chocolate and ice cream are some of my favorites.

Traveling and interrupting my routine always causes me a bit of anxiety as well, but I've managed to make it through some pretty hairy travel schedules and locations by just doing my best. I travel a good bit, so I try to make sure that I book a flight or leave at a time on the first day of the trip that allows me to get a solid workout in first. I always take several changes of gym clothes with me, along with my ipod, and have a great base of bodyweight workout moves I can do literally anywhere. You can drop down next to your bed in any house or hotel room and get a great workout doing a circuit of ab exercises, squats, pushups, squat jumps, burpees, etc. You can even do jumping jacks or jog in place to get some extra cardio too!

Eating while traveling can be much more difficult. I try to do my best to pack snacks in my purse as well as my luggage for use in emergencies. I love Quest protein bars (they have the best nutrition stats I've ever seen for a protein bar, taste good, and travel really well), individual pouches of instant oatmeal, 100 calorie packs of almonds or other nuts, green apples, beef jerky, sweetener, individual pouches of tuna and protein powders. It might not be the tastiest thing available, but I always feel better if I choose a healthy snack over some quick airport or gas station crap.

You can do it, you just have to set your mind on it.

Mottainai - I hope you were able to concentrate long enough to get some studying done! :) I get super excited before I go ANYWHERE, so I can only imagine how much I would be jumping out of my skin before going someplace as amazing as Japan.

Guys my 400% Vitamin D daily supplement is turning me into a grinning maniac. I like this a lot.

JossFit 7 year olds singing Christmas songs, at least it's not 4 year olds singing Christmas songs. Being a good friend is an awesome thing to be, though! And at least watching kids sing isn't just sitting in a room half-drunk eating until it hurts.

Alexistrophic My life's good. Work, play, work, went to London for a week, have I mentioned my job is the easiest thing in the world? Play some more, eat, go to the gym. Nothing too noteworthy. Sorry you had a rough day yesterday - therapy should theoretically have the opposite effect? Glad today is starting off better. As for the potluck, none of it is particularly healthy, so I'm balancing it out with the salad.

TurboMammoth I have a chocolate advent calendar from Harrod's. Don't tell my roommate but I've been throwing out the chocolates...they are SO STALE, bleh! You could deep fry the shrimp and make fried coconut shrimp, MMMMMM

http://stickygooeycreamychewy.com/wp...870d15eff0.jpg

ChickieChicks I don't think "being busy spending quality Christmas seasonal time with your family" and "sucking at life" are compatible :P Happy early maintenance anniversary!!!!!!!!

TheBunneh Aw man, I hate when that happens, but you'll recover soon! What did you eat? I hope it was awesome.

Bayzee That's the worst. If I put my scale on carpet I weigh 1.2 lbs less every time...

kakers Happy to see your money situation is getting more manageable. It's nice to have parents willing to help out in times like these!

OhThePlaces Staying within calories counts even if half of them were Rice Krispy Treats! :P I hope you enjoy your weekend back in your hometown, your exercise plan sounds totally doable and I'm sure there will be some good choices available to eat (though I don't know what your family eats).

mottainai AHHHHH so excited for your trip. My friend never got back to me about Tokyo gyms, I'm sorry! Just spent some time last night catching up with a friend who went to Japan for frivolous fun for 2 weeks. She wants to move there really badly. Is your husband from Tokyo proper?

Alexis : Yeah, the mean between 8 and 55 years old is 31.5... which is not THAT far from my age. I'll take that!! ;)

Banks can be stupid. A guy I know was travelling in the States last year and he got his card blocked in California because the bank thought ''it was weird stuff were being bought so far from his home''. The poor guy was trying to pay for his dinner and almost had to wash the dishes LOL

krampus : those shrimps look GOOD. Might be doing that!!

***

OKAY, I'm amazed how Amazone is just FREAKISHLY efficient. I places an ordre last night for my brother Christmas gift and it got delivered THIS MORNING at like 10AM.

It's a bummer I can't order ALL the Christmas gift on Amazone :P

Thanks for the encouragement guys. :hug:

I had a giiiiiiant salad for breakfast and already feel better.

-And, as I was writing this post I got a fedex package. I'm always really excited to get stuff in the mail... except it's an unexpected holiday wreath from my estranged half sister. I know my reaction should be "oh, how sweet of her!" but mostly it just feels weird. I haven't spoken to her since I was about 15, save for a brief greeting when she found me on facebook... Would sending her a thank you message on FB be enough return?-


Joss I'd call it a binge simply because of the attitude that went along with the eating, even though it wasn't a large quantity. I allowed myself to say "Screw it! What I do won't make a difference anyway!" even though I know that's just me lying because I was feeling self destructive...

Krampus That shrimp looks SO good. Also love the picture of the kitty! I hope you have fun at the potluck.

And sadly, what I ate wasn't anything I even enjoyed very much... it was like, handful of M&M's, then a handful of chips, then a bit later a couple scoops of ice cream, etc... would've been a lot better off just making myself a satisfying meal. :rolleyes:

Turbo Those muffins sound yummy. I need to start baking again...

Alexis Glad you're having a better day. Thanks for those quotes, I really like the "Forget It Drive On" one. And I agree with you that it's not about the food, it's about the behavior. I need to remember that too.

I think I was working on my post so long that Alexis and Turbo both posted in the meantime... didn't mean to leave you ladies out!

Turbo - Amazon CAN be freakishly fast, depending on who the distributor is. Sometimes I order something and it's on my doorstep almost immediately while other times I order something and it takes forever!

I would probably eat the whole months' worth of chocolate if I had one of those advent calendars, but I've always loved them. I'd like to find a really nice wooden one or something that I can put my own little treats into. I've seen them around but never purchased one. Maybe next year?

My 11th day was okay, but the cravings were strong yesterday for sure. Today would be the 12th, and so far it's about the same. I'll be fine because I REFUSE to give in. Now that I see that there is a pattern I have a bit more confidence and I think if I just continue to hold tight and ride it out I will make it through until my PLANNED holiday meals. I just ran to the drugstore to pick up some wrapping paper and ribbon, and there was SOOOO much candy and junk there! Drug stores specifically carry those small snack-sized items too, so it would be so easy to give in. I made it though! hahaha

I'm sorry you seem to be a bit stuck with regard to the scale, but at least it isnt' going the other direction right?! Small blessings! haha. Maybe it will come down in a day or two. Here's hoping.

Alexis - You've done that before with the pattern too huh? It's crazy! I think just recognizing it has given me so much more confidence though, so I'm glad that I did. I can see that I somehow 'conditioned' myself to this over the past few months and now I need to uncondition it! :)

LOL, I had to chuckle a bit at your note to self of "... a danger to self and others..." How are you a danger to others? I sincerely apologize if that's not meant to be funny but thats how I percieved it. Regardless, I hope today does end better for you than yesterday did.

I had a similar shopping experience lately! I got my credit card statement and between the traveling (plane tickets, oy!) and holiday shopping (which I did all in one fell swoop) my bill was GIGANTIC! haha, oh well, thats what happens I suppose. I'm glad to have my shopping out of the way for now, but I think my husband and I will be buying ourselves a new set of bedroom and dining room furniture when I go see him later this month. It's going to be pricey, but I'm super excited to finally start building OUR home together. :)

Krampus - LOL, do you not know me at all yet?! I REALLY dislike children, especially en masse, and I love nothing in the world so much as drinking and eating until it hurts. *sigh*

I think it's natures cruelest joke that excessive eating makes us fat. Why can't our bodies be solar powered and food is just a fun, delicious, calorie-free thing?!

THAT is my Christmas wish this year; Santa, I want to be made into a solar powered person who is incapable of processing calories. Please and thank you. :D


EDIT: I did the dual post again! TheBunneh - Even though it wasn't something you planned or wanted, it doesn't sound like you did too much damage in terms of calories. I'm sure that doesn't make you feel much better about the situation, but knowing you didn't put on a few pounds has to count for something I hope!

Apparently the rice crispies didn't ruin me, because the scale went down a bit to 133.4 this morning. I'll take it! Did I mention that the rice crispies had frosting and sprinkles on top? Thank god my husband ate the rest last night!

Chickie, Happy 1 year of maintaining! That is awesome and something that I really need to figure out this time around. Sorry that the babysitting didn't work out.

Turbo, I love Amazon so much and I'm amazed how quickly my orders are delivered!

Krampus, your potluck sound amazing!

Thanks, Joss! My parents eat fairly healthy and my mom is trying to lose a few pounds too. I figured I'd probably run to the store for my essential foods when I get there so I'm not as tempted by junk that they may have. I'm also thinking about bringing my 30 Day Shred DVD with me. I usually don't go to the gym on Sundays anyway, so Saturday will be the only day I'll be missing if I come back Sunday night.

Alexis, your "notes to self" are great reminders for me too... I'm also one that fails at having just one bite/serving. Moderation is a struggle for me.

Bunneh, it happens. Like you said, just don't let it spill into today. Pick yourself up and move on. That happened to me last week... I had one sh*tty day of eating which turned into 3 days before I could get over it and back on board.

Today if my Friday.. Woohooo! I just got home from work but both of my babies fell asleep in their carseats so I'm sitting in the driveway with my car running, catching up on 3fc. I'm attempting the gym tonight and will definitely bring Ruby (my daughter) an extra change of clothes in case she decides to be a super-pooper again.

Joss ~ Oh, holiday events... :heh: I play with a community orchestra and my (dear, long-suffering) friend came to our last holiday concert. She mentioned that a couple sitting behind her had taken the liberty of providing their own ummmm.... "refreshment" (champagne, she thinks) and one of them got the giggles real bad halfway through. Not that I'm saying you oughta pre-game... but ;)

Krampus ~ I guess I just saw "quinoa/kale" and thought oh, health food? It looks like a good time, all the same!

Turbo ~ It was probably my fault for making all the purchases at once, rather than spacing them out over a period of time. What can I say? I am an all or nothing kinda girl...
What did you order for your brother from Amazon? Agree that they are SCARY efficient.

LoL right back...
How am I a danger to OTHERS???
Just ask the poor check out clerk whose head I nearly bit off because he didn't double bag my groceries with paper AND plastic (not just two plastic bags --I re-use them)... or the gas station attendant that I chewed out for being too slow with my change... or anyone within 10 feet of me who has to put up with the atomic gas clouds that I create when I'm eating compulsively.

I would almost say that I'm more dangerous to others than to myself. When I overeat, I just get chubby, but the people around me have to deal with the fallout from my rancid attitude.

(heehee... typing that out is making me realize exactly how destructive my poor eating behaviors can be!)

Okay, I'm posting like a mad woman because I am currently working on my thesis on my computer, on working on my computer in the kitchen just get me this EAT EAT EAT! feeling! HUUUUGH. I tried to control it by sipping water but after 500 mL drank, I was still lurking around for food...

I just made myself a tea. Hot beverage always sooths the hunger... Hope it last. I already ate my usual afternoon snack (an apple).. WAY to early. I'm gonna be dying at 6PM tonight lol

Joss : Gosh, drugstore are INTENSE with the food. I know it's practical but god, I ate going there and just seeing chocolat and candy and chocolat and candy...

I am duper proud of you though! You,re not giving in! Rock on!

Alexis : I got my brother the Band of Brothers dvd... that was on his list ;) I also got The Batman trilogy and the movie Joyeux Noel (there is Diane Kruger in it, I think) for me though... LOL

Okay... I know my weight is up but I just got dressed to workout and exercise pants that were recently tight are approaching loose. I've been looking at myself in the mirror recently thinking my stomach was getting a lot bigger - I think my perspective might just be off cause my hips and legs are a bit smaller? Don't know if it's true but still feel a bit more motivated not to let the scale discourage me.

Alexis I know what you're talking about! I'm a terror to be around when my eating is a mess.

Turbo Hope the tea helps! I think I'm going to buy some fun flavors of herbal tea next time I go shopping to stave off the munchies at night.

Hello everyone!! I'm down another .6 today. I've had a lot of carbs today and a mediocre workout so we'll shall see if it holds. All in all I'm doing well. I just wanted to stop in quickly, I'm suppose to be doing a nursing care plan. So not motivated!!!!

Crazy day Feathers.....

Somehow I COMPLETELY missed my programming final exam. Thought it was this afternoon, but it was totally yesterday. Thank goodness I've been doing excellently in the class, because the professor is letting me make it up tomorow, but goodness, I was scared for a bit I'd fail!!

And then we went out for all-you-can-eat fish and chips....yeah....haha. Had wayyyyy too much. I don't usually eat any fried foods, but this is about the once a year I made an exception! Forget dieting, lol. At least I've got my fill of remembering how crap greasy oily food makes me feel! xD Whatever!

So the lingerie came in the mail on Wednesday, and just let me say. It will never fit. Like, the corset is so small, the only way it will ever fit is if I remove a couple ribs, or something... even then, who knows. Anyways, it was a bit discouraging, and made me feel huge :( On the bright side, the company I ordered it from does free exchanges (even pays the shipping both ways), so I'm waiting to hear back from them on how to initiate that process. However, I don't think it will be exchanged in time for Christmas, so I just need to decide if I should buy something locally as well. I do have other gifts for my husband aside from this, but he's expecting it, so I don't know if he'll be disappointed if it's not here on time.

My phone interview went well yesterday, I think. Hopefully I'll hear back from the recruiter soon on whether I'll get an in person interview. The in person interview is a 4 hour interview, so that will be nerve wracking, but apparently after that, it eases up, and they just do background checks, and what not. I forgot how stressful the technical interview process can be, I've been full of butterflies. It almost makes me want to just forget it, and ask my boss for a raise instead. But it can't really hurt to continue on, the only thing I've got to lose is a bit of my ego.

132.6 this morning. I'm not sure if the drop will start to level out soon or not. I guess we'll see how it goes over the weekend. My husband and I are going out for dinner tomorrow, so I'll probably eat more than usual then, and then next Wednesday is my work Christmas party, where I'll be eating a ton. But I'm feeling confident enough now that I can get back in the 120s before Christmas.

TheBunneh : I have 4-5 tea flavors in my kitchen and it really help me control de cravings so far :)

Domlacha : Congrats on the 0.6 lbs down!!

Mottaini : Oh god, that is awesome that you get to take your exam anyhow! That was always my biggest fear ever in college, to just missed the exam time lol!

Jessica : Posted at the same time! Do you think you could return the lingerie and get reimburse so you could re-order others stuff? Or they really just are doing exange?

***

Hi! Stepped on the scale at 136.2 AGAIN this morning, got all WTF, stepped on it again and it red 136.8 lbs. I guess I should have been happy to see the first number LOL It's only 0.6 pounds up, but it's still bumming, I haven't been able to crack the 135 in foreveeeeeer. Oh well.

I have quite a busy days, filled with things I'm not forward too... Bleeeh. Just feel like complaning ;) Take care feathers!

Turbo ~ Those sound like lovely Christmas presents. I feel like DVDs are like an invitation to curl up on the couch and get cozy. Silly scale! (I'd again, probably take the average of the two numbers and call it a day... )

Thebunneh ~ Glad someone else can commiserate with the whole overeating holy terror thing. ;) Perspective is everything when it comes to weight, but try not to obsess. If your workout clothes are getting looser, that's a huge accomplishment, but you're IN your workout clothes and that's what really matters.

Domlacha ~ Those unexpected drops are always rewarding! Keep on, girl!

Mottainai ~ What a relief that the professor is letting you make up the exam. And where did you go to get all you can eat fish n' chips? Sounds (greasy, but) delicious! I gathered from Krampus's response that your hubby is from Japan, is that right? Sweet! :) How did you guys meet?

JessicaB ~ How disappointing about the lingerie. :( Not even anything you could have done about it. Glad that you feel like the interview went well! I work in recruiting and it's such a crapshoot on how interviews go.... Fingers crossed for you!
~~~

Woke up feeling like crap (throat feels like carpet, eyeballs are hot, barking seal cough, etc. :( ) Trying to just drink lots of fluid and kick it out. Am putting off making calls for work because I sound like an 80 year old lounge singer... Bleh.

Am supposed to go tour a winery tomorrow. Hoping I can knock this crap out before then...

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF this is the second time in a row I wrote a long reply and lost it.

Basically I overate a lot at the potluck but it was worth it. I didn't eat anything I didn't love (ignored the tiny hot dogs and bread) and the 4 1/2 homemade chocolate chunk cookies I had were worth it. As well as the quinoa salad, my salad, blue tortilla chips and buffalo chicken/7 layer bean/sour cream/guac/cheese dip, chili, massaman curry soup, Toscana cheese, and whatever else it was.

NSV alert - I grossed everyone out sticking my full stomach out and pretending it was a baby. When I had an actual gut to speak of (now it's just a bit of fat and some looseish skin, but looks flat under clothes) I never would've had the chutzpah to do that. I am pretty sure drawing attention to one's stomach is something that only a person who has "grown into" their (feather)weight would do.

125.8 this morning. Stiiiiiiinky poop at work, I have probably destroyed the hallway. Party tonight with a friend who is notorious for serving only mediocre unhealthy food. nnggffff. Will be going to the gym beforehand!

Alexistrophic Feel better!!! Sleep 12 hours and load up on Vitamin C. Hope your voice comes back!

TurboMammoth Good luck on your busy day!

JessicaB That sucks about the corset, I hate when things don't fit and it makes me feel like it's somehow MY fault. I'm sure you'll be able to find a decent substitute in the meantime. 4 hours is nerve-wracking indeed, but you'll be OK!

Domlacha I had a mediocre workout yesterday too. Is it something in the air??

mottainai MMMMMMMMMMMMM fish and chips! I bet your tummy is having a field day today. Take care.

TheBunneh Listen to your pants, not the scale!

OhThePlaces Wishing you the best for your trip to the homeland and weekend away!

JossFit WOOOOO he-man big eaters "no kids allowed" club unite!

ITS FRIDAY!!! WHOOT!

I don't really know why I'm so excited because I don't have any big plans this weekend. I just am bored at work lately and sitting at my desk, especially in the afternoons, seems to be a HUGE cravings inducer for me.

Thank you very much to the jerkface who brought in several boxes of Dunkin' Doughnuts. Heaven forbid we have a day when someone doesn't bring in baked goods to the office! I know it's my own issue and it's not like anyone is waving them in my face by any means but I still wish they weren't there.

I'm debating weighing myself tomorrow but I think I'll most likely continue to hold off until the 22nd. I doubt I'll see anything I like at this point!


Alexis - So sorry you woke up feeling rotten today! Man, that's the pits, especially with a winery tour tomorrow. Some things you can still enjoy when you feel a bit under the weather, but I assume a winery tour would involve sampling the wines. If that's the case, it might not be as pleasant or as tasty with a scratchy throat and wacky sinus issues. Good luck feeling better before then! Take some Emergen-C, drink some Theraflu, hot tea, or whatever and get lots of rest!

You know what? I'm probably a danger to others when I'm eating compulsively too, but in a different way. I'm ZONED out when I do that; I'm eating when I'm driving and probably not paying as much attention to what's going on around me. Its probably as bad as texing and driving.

I'm sure there have been some days that my gas alone could have killed someone, and my husband's sex drive is probably also in danger! LOL a bloated wife stuffing her face wearing sweatpants is not super sexy. Ick.

DURING those periods I'm pretty happy and social, but AFTERWARD... yeah, rancid attitude here. Yeesh. I'm like, depressed the day after I eat like that.

Turbo - Meh, I would still count that as 136.2 and ignore the higher weight. In my mind when the scales do weird things like that the higher number is the fluke. After all, a lot of things can add weight (bloating/water/TOM/clothing) but you can't exactly take away weight that really is there, right? Does that make any sense?

Any decorating or baking going on this weekend?

I'm so glad you know what I mean about the drug store goodies. I know I can't be the only one who sees how set up it is for single serving indulgences. I NEVER would buy a whole box of cookies, even during a binge (because I like a variety of things and I have this weird issue where I won't buy anything I don't think I can finish off) but drug stores and gas stations take care of that by putting everything in individual containers. Jerks!

Jessica - Shopping online can be so hit-or-miss. I ordered a dress and some pants that *should* be arriving today, and I'm a little nervous about how, or IF they'll fit... especially the pants! I would just send the lingerie back and then go somewhere local to pick out another ensemble. That way you can be SURE it fits, that you like it, that you feel comfortable in it, and that it compliments your shape. Good lingerie can do amazing things, but bad lingerie can be soooooo baaaaadddd... hahaha

I hope all went well with the first part of the interview! It's over now, and you did all you could, so the rest is in fate's hands. Let us know how it turns out!

You are less than 3 pounds away from hitting those 120's, and there are still a full 17 days between today and Christmas day... as long as you don't TOTALLY overdo it at your dinner this weekend and the party next week you can hit that! Just buckle down the rest of the time, get plenty of sleep and stay hydrated. :)

Mottainai - How fortunate that they professor will let you take the exam still! Will you get full credit or do you get any sort of penalty off your score because it is a bit late? Do you feel prepared for it?

LOL I don't think all you can eat fish and chips is up my alley, but I could do with a piece or two of some really awesome fish with some super zesty, dilly, lemony tartar sauce and crispy fries. That is one of those meals that, when done right, can blow your mind -- but a bad batch can turn you off of it forever. Do you eat yours with tartar sauce, malt vinegar, or something else? I have to have something acidic to break up all that fried-ness.

I don't think I've had it in about a million years though.

Domlacha - Ugh, a nursing care plan sounds, um... not fun. I don't blame you for procrastinating a bit! Down another .6 pounds?! Awesome sauce lady! It looks like a lot of us Feathers are really doing well so far this month. What a change from just a week or two ago when we were all hoovering up everything in sight!

TheBunneh - The issue with your clothing is one of those things we all TALK about but not many of us can actually wrap our minds around; "the scale is just a tool and it doesn't matter... what matters is how my clothes fit". yeah... TRUE, BUT really, how many of us remember that and take it to heart when we are the ones looking at those two seemingly conflicting things; looser clothing and a higher scale read-out.

Fortunately for me the scale has been higher AND my clothes have been fitting tigher so there is no confusion there! hahaha :D :o

In either case, congratulations on the little NSV!

OhThePlaces - Bring the DVD! Worst case, you don't use it... but if you DO have time you'll be glad to have it with you. Good luck, and have fun this weekend!

Krampus - I always love how candid you are about your poop... hahaha! Its funny how hung up people are about their stomachs isn't it? Why is it such a taboo area to show? I have a nice midsection even when I don't think it's at it's best (like now) but I would still feel weird walking around in a cut off shirt. Strange really...

The potluck sounds like a lot of delicious fun, so I'm glad you enjoyed it! I would have been all over those cookies too. Instead I watched a bunch of 7 year olds BUTCHER holiday songs. Some of them were super cute in their little holiday outfits, but some of them behaved like spoiled little a$$holes and I was happy it was a short event.

Bah Humbug! haha

Okay, I'm ready to go back and do some personals.

OhThePlaces The thought of grubby little hands all over something doesn't particularly turn me off too much either. I personally believe some level of germs and dirt is good for you, so I don't stress too much about such things. Glad to hear that even though you indulged, you didn't go way overboard. That can feel like a failure sometimes, but I personally know that now when I indulge, I usually at least eat less than I would have a year ago, so that's something in and of itself at least.

kakers Glad to hear the bank refunded most of the fraudulent charges. A long time ago, like 10 years now, I had fraudulent bank charges, but never managed to get anywhere with having them refund it before I just gave up. Credit card companies are much better with that sort of thing than banks are, unfortunately.

Bayzee wishing you a speedy recovery with your pulled muscle, and hope it doesn't affect your workouts too much.

ChickieChicks One year of maintenance is awesome. Congrats on that!

TheBunneh Not sure what I would do about thanking your estranged sister for the holiday wreath. At the very least, if you go the facebook route, I'd try to write a bit more than just thank you, like how have you been doing, etc. Then at least you are making a bit of conversation, but not awkwardly stuck on the phone. An e-mail even might seem a bit more personal than facebook.

Alexistrophic Hope you feel better soon :)

Domlacha It's hard to keep up motivation sometimes. Good luck with your nursing plan.

mottainai Good luck on your exam today. I used to always have trouble sleeping the night before an exam, because I'd have nightmares about sleeping in and missing it! Great that your prof was understanding about it.

Domlacha Congrats on the drop

Turbo I think they have a larger size in stock now so the plan is just to exchange it... if they return my e-mail that is! I think if I just do a return, I'll lose a bit of the money on it, so either way I'll exchange it. I initially bought online because it's so much cheaper, but I'll probably also follow [B]Joss[\B]' suggestion and get something local too, since it won't be exchanged on time for Christmas. I just hope my husband doesn't complain about me going over the budget we agreed upon. In actuality, the lingerie is sort of a gift for both of us, so I just tell myself it doesn't really count against what I'm allowed to spend on him.

krampus Glad you enjoyed the potluck. I've been known to eat mediocre things just because of the I'm already overeating I might as well flawed logic. So awesome of you to just stick to the things that you love.

Joss I don't think I could deal with people constantly bringing food into work. I am not looking forward to when the guys at the office start bringing in their wives holiday baking! I've already decided I am not going to do any holiday baking this year, aside from gingerbread, because I don't want the temptations around. The gingerbread I am doing because a gingerbread house is always a fun project and something I have fond childhood memories of. I'm planning on making 2, one to give to my daughter's daycare provider, and another for the family. I imagine my husband will eat most of it.

---------------

So I mentioned in passing that my husband and I are going out for dinner tomorrow. I am really looking forward to tomorrow, because my daughter is going for a sleepover at my in-law's, and I basically get to drop her off after lunch time, so I'll have almost a whole day kid free. We are going to a restaurant to use up a groupon I purchased a while ago, which is for any 2 entrees and an appetizer. I'll let my husband pick the appetizer and hope he eats most of it. As for the entree, I really want to get one of the most expensive things on the menu to maximize the value of the groupon. I'm thinking steak, since it's sorta healthy, and served with veggies. I may skip lunch tomorrow to try to stay within my calories.

When we pick up my daughter, the in-laws are going to be making us breakfast, so I'm hoping they do eggs & bacon, rather than french toast. I have been eating more carbs lately, and I think they are aware of that, so they might not be so considerate in making something a little on the lighter side. On the bright side, since it's just breakfast, at least I'll be able to plan what I eat the rest of the day to balance it out. Then we are going to go pick our Christmas tree, which I am very excited for!

Everyone have a great weekend.

Hi guys, a bit busy for personals, but again just checking in. (:

Thanks for everyone's comments about my exam! It was super freaking easy. Would've been such a shame if I'd failed the whole course just because of missing it!

Alexistrophic, yes, my husband is Japanese! We actually met on the internet, haha. Not on a dating website, just on like a language learning website, as I study Japanese and he English, starting Skype-ing, then I flew up here to Canada to visit him once, just for fun....and right before I got on the plane to go home he kissed me. xD And from there on, well, things just kept on improving! It's a great story, right?

My gosh, I felt so awful last night from the fish and chips. It was good, and the place we go is a great deal (12 bucks for truly all you can eat, good quality actually too, and they're very generous about bringing you more and more and more! xD) but I felt pretty crap afterwards.

....I'm just gonna be honest here: I've been binging my face off for the past 48 hours. All sorts of stuff I usually never eat, besides the fish and french fries, chips, cookies, jelly beans, and of course ice cream ice cream ice cream.

And the worse thing is, I don't even really care all that much! I know it's the wrong this to do, but I'm making the choice to do it now. I'm kinda stressed/anxious for finals to be over, bit nervous about going to Japan....that's not really why I'm eating though. It's more like...I'm having a lot of thoughts about my whole way of eating and weigh-loss stuff. I kinda realized that I don't really even have a very good reason for losing weight. I wasn't really doing it to get healthy or anything- mostly I just wanted to to boost my self-esteem, because unfortunately the thing I put most of my identity and worth in is my appearance, especially lately with all the weird upheavals going on in my life, and, in all honesty, to be able to binge eat without feeling guilty about it. I really need to put my motivations in better things. Otherwise I can see that I'm so headed for a life of bad eating cycles... If I can only feel good about myself when I'm thin and hitting weight goals, what's getting pregnant going to be like? If I keep romanticizing this weird mega-food binge-like eating meals, well, when I think honestly about it, there are a lot of negatives I just don't usually acknowledge in order to justify continuing the habit.

Whew, sorry for all that heavy stuff guys, but I've just got a lot going on in my head right now.

My question for you all is: What are your motivations for losing weight?
Just curious, could maybe use some ideas and thoughts here.

Best wishes for all the rest of you!!!

Mottanai...I'm with you on this one. This is just my opinion, but I think a lot of people start dieting (seriously) because they have had enough of feeling and looking NOT at their best. I think people want to eat and be healthier (that's why they start dieting), but in the end, we all just want to look better...for whatever reason.

For me, it's looking good in a bikini..which I don't. Too much belly! Lol! My dream is to put on any bikini I want and not feel self-consious. Doubt it will ever happen! lol! I need to get "Joss abs" surgery..she has my dream abs! LOL!

Yes, I doubt it's uncommon. It's just that, OK, so once I've gotten where I have, where I do feel great about my body, that motivation no longer applies, unfortunately, because I've already attained it, you know? Wanna look better --> eat good, lose weight --> wanna look even better --> continue --> finally look great --> ???
Anyway, I think that's my problem!

Hmmm..."Finally look great" means to me that I can:

-focus more on losing body fat then the scale and maintain for a long period of time
-eat clean
-not go on crazy binges
-eat unhealthy foods without guilt and in moderation
-continue a vigorous exercise program
-not obsessing about carbs, calories and crazy fatloss plans

WITHOUT IT FEELING LIKE WORK OR FEELING DEPRIVED!

Then, I will know "I feel great" about my body.

EDIT: It's almost wine time my feather friends! Cheers to Friday!

I see, yeah, that sounds very reasonable!
Unfortunately, my "feeling great about my body" didn't really include any of that. I feel like I going more literally, simply "body shape looks and feels good," rather than including kind of the actions and habits part.

I'm posting from my phone so please forgive me for not using the quote feature.

You still need to do the things you did to lose weight in order to maintain it, and maintaining can be difficult because of that. My desire is not just to maintain but to keep progressing and that isn't necessarily a WEIGHT thing so much as it is a physique thing. There will always be more fine tuning no matter how far i progress.

As an aspiring fitness professional my body will be my calling card and will help me to bring in new clients. That is a direct financial motivator as well!

Aside from my professional motivators though, it's just IN me... I can't explain it. Being able to put on any clothing and feel confident in it, feeling strong and fit in my own skin, looking good in photos... those are secondary effects. I don't know... something just propels me to always be better, feel better, and as a result I think I look better.

Isn't that the whole thing? When our actions and habits are consistent and in check, the body will look good. When they're not, we gain and and try to get back on the game plan.

Joss...EXACTLY! Improving fitness goals, body parts etc...is a challenge within itself. And I'm starting to think it's "In Me" more now too. I just want to do it because I feel better about myself when I do..physically and mentally. I know I will "fall off the wagon" on my trip, but I hope to get right back to it on Jan 4th when we get back. I've set a 60 day challenge for myself to continue this path. I'm tired of yo-yo dieting and to me, that's when I will be happy; A lifestyle rather than a diet plan!

Alexis : I loooove receiving DVDs, so I hope my brother will enjoy receiving some ;) Hope you’re feeling better. Drink a lot of water!

Krampus : This 7 layers dips sounds GOOOOD. I don’t know why, I love dips. Any kind of dips.

Joss : Might sounds crazy but I don’t like the Dunkin donuts much. But I do agree that there is a difference resisting in the way ‘’I’m not stopping to get some on the way’’ instead of ‘’I’m not stopping by this DESK to have some.
Don’t know yet about the baking... I maked muffins yesterday, so I think I’ll try to eat a bit of those before baking something else ;) But there is the fact that I might bake something if we go eat at my cousin’s place tomorrow... LOL

Jessica : You seem to have it all planned out for you dinner with the husband! Have fun!

Mottaini : It’s okay to let go of the stuff that is going on in your head!! I’m quite impress that you are able to be so downtoearth with you overeating in such a rational way... When I overeat, it’s like ‘’I eat all the word bouhouhou’’. And you are so not the only one being scared of the pregnant thing : my biggest fear is having all to lose the weigh after this.. That is going to be horrible lol (I'm not even talking about what it is going to be like WHEN I will be pregnant, all this hard belly growing on you is so disturbing to me)

***

Just got home and I am EXAUSTED. I’m just so happy to be cuddling with the cat on the couch, watching youg-brad-pitt-fightclub-abs on tv. I spent the afternoon with a friend that just moved in town and then drive 3 hours there-and-back to attend this wake funeral thing. The boyfriend is out for his job party and they are doing karaoke. I wasn’t invited so I only hope he will destroy ALL OF HIS KARAOKE SONGS. Bwahaha.

My eating was also all over the place today.. It’s not that bad but I’m expecting a gain tomorrow. I did not poop today and feel dehydrated, my pee was still really yellow tonight. Plus I’m pretty sure the food did not help... I had a big oatmeal cookie and a latte in town and brought myself a 100 g bag of chips for the way back... At least my dinner was only a WW English muffin w/PB and an apple.

For your questions about motivations, mottaini, it got me thinking and realized that... oh well, I guess I’m pretty vain too LOL I think at the beginning when I started to lose weight, it was 100% vain : all my friend had lost a tons of weight and I was the only fat one in the group. I just wanted to look good.

But now that I can look good in clothes (I’m still not super hot as I would like to be naked/or bikini), I really appreciate working out on my fitness and eating healthy, especially since I took on running. So I guess now it’s... probably... 70% for the look / 30% for the healthy & fitness LOL (still an improvement from the previous 100/0%...). It’s still hard to keep focus though, because looking thin is muuuuch more easier than looking fit. Sometimes I just don’t know if I can pull out all the efforts it needs.

Good morning Feather Friends! I'm up way too early for a Saturday. Haven't been sleeping well this week and it's starting to tick me off. I LOVE my sleep and need it.

I need to thank Red vino AGAIN for my 115.0 weigh in this morning. Yay again for dehydration! The scale actually said 114.8 once, but then jumped to 115. TOM is on the way so I doubt it will stick.
Krampus...I thought about moving the scale to the carpet, just to see some lower numbers! LOL! I actually have TAPE on the floor to mark the scale spot. Sad, but true! It's only because I want my weigh-ins to be consistent and my husband moves the scale all of the time. The tape did not go over well with him! LOL!

Plan for today...coffee, workout and clean the house! I'm going to brave some shopping after dinner. I love shopping, but really hate the crowds this time of year.

I checked my weight today and I wish I hadn't! I know there is nothing I can do about it but I'm hoping it is a fluke... somehow I'm up 2 pounds from where I was before Thanksgiving and back into the 120's. 118 was my 'red line' weight and now I'm 120.8?? Crap.

My eating was sort of all over, I'm sore, and my face is breaking out so maybe my super unpredicable TOM is making an appearance.

Well... here's hoping I see a 'whoosh' for next week!

Morning ladies! After my worry about over-eating while OOT, I was actually under by 100 calories yesterday... Woop! I'm sure I'll make up for it in the next two days until I go back home. I did pack some of my own food in a an insulated lunch box to bring down with me... Pre-measured ziplocks of grapes, apples, yogurts, my 100 cal popcorn mini bags and diet hot chocolate... It sort of makes me feel like a crazy person but the peace of mind is worth it.

I'll catch up on personals when I get back! :)

Morning, Feathers!

I have another exam this morning...almost done....

I've totally crashed and burned these past three days. Totally and completely. Exam craziness, awful sleep, and of course, the bad eating. Probably the worst days of binge eating I've had this year, no kidding. I was planning on going clothes shopping once we got to Japan, and now I definitely need to--except it's for larger ones, not smaller!! And then to top it all off, this morning I tripped and fell and messed up my knee, so I can't even walk, much less exercise....just stuck feeling very stressed and bloated and uncomfortable and gross....

Though I feel like THE WORST CRAP right now, in a way, it's good-- definitely a wake-up call. Yeah, I had some awesome success losing weight, but if this inevitable break happens, it's not worth it. I can justify keeping binge-like-eating in my routine to the ends of the earth when it's working, but then this happens. Am I just kidding myself that I can keep doing it? It's very confusing. /: I've been able to be honest with my husband about everything I'm struggling with with eating and body image, which has been great. I'm also getting a good hard look at my priorities.....

Basically I'm so ready for a vacation. Taking a break from school, and also taking a break from working out (well, at least the amount I can't do since I can hardly move my leg!) and dieting and obsessing about being thin...just going to hang out and try and enjoy the other parts of life a little bit more, since I just have gotten quite overly obsessive with just being skinny lately, unfortunately. At least I can see that now!

Sorry, no time for personals again, exam is literally starting in 10 minutes and I've got a 5 minutes walk, haha. Love to you all!

I saw this ecard online and I was ''wow. this is pretty much the 3fc thread chat'' LOL

Have a good saturday ladies!

http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/6531/3fcy.jpg

Turbo-That card is awesome! Who doesn't love young Brad Pitt!!!!!!

Mottainai-OMG I totally forgot about an exam once, I made it there an hour into the exam, that was tough. Glad your professor was understanding and that the exam went well. Sorry to read about your binging and not feeling great. My motivation to workout is that I want to be strong. I am also an actress, usually just for fun or when a cool play drops into my lap so to speak. I have been particiating in theater for the past 17/18 years. I am at a point where I would like to get more serious with my acting, the competition is high. And there aren't a lot of roles for black women so I figured I should try to look my best.

JossFit :hug: Keep working hard and making those fantastic meals and you'll get back to where you want to be. I bet its just period bloat.

JessicaBGood job on the drop, staying on plan really helps that water weight drop off! That sucks that the lingerie didn't fit, at least it wasn't because of something you could control. Some companies make things impossible small.

I don't have any kids. I have assisted two of my cousins during the births of their children. I also have a large family there are a lot of little ones!

Kakers Glad the bank is working with you and your hubby!!! That is not any fun at all.

*****

Well I am at 149.4 for day two which is awesome considering that I went out for a holiday party last night, lots a food and booze. It was a lot of fun. They set up a casino for us all and you could win prizes at the end. I did have a great workout beforehand which I think help not present a gain today. We'll see about tomorrow.

LOL Turbo, love that. Yes, that is this chat...

Happy Saturday all! I made this deliciousness for lunch today;

http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphoto...35677027_n.jpg

It's 3 Trader Joe's turkey meatballs (cut in half) plus some fire roasted tomatos, tomato sauce, italian seasoning, garlic, and shiritake noodles. It's hard to see, but there is also shaved parmesan cheese on top. It's melting though so it just looks like more noodles. :) It tasted yumtastic.

So... as I posted earlier my weight was way up from where I hoped/thought/wanted it to be. I honestly think its a bit of a fluke! I got a massive headache during my workout and my eating was all over the place yesterday, so I'm wondering if I wasn't retaining some water due to dehydration and extra salt yesterday. Not only that but I have been lifting quite a lot and have been decently sore.

Today I did a somewhat lighter workout, drank a lot of water, and I'm going to try again tomorrow morning and see if it's any lower. If it is... awesome. If not, well, I'm not going to stress over it.

The important things are that I still look good right now, my lifts are up, and my clothes fit. I actually got the dress that I ordered to wear on Christmas and a pair of ITTY BITTY jeans in the mail yesterday and honestly looking at the pants I didn't think they were going to fit! They're from Express which uses like super vanity sizing, but they even looked tiny. They're a size 2 stretch skinny jean so they have some give but I was still a little skeptical. They fit PERFECTLY though! I was so happy! My dress fits and looks great too, though it is a lot more forgiving than the jeans. :)

Anyway, we'll see what happens tomorrow but even if it's still up I'll just try again next weekend and hope it's lower.


EDIT: So, I just spoke with my husband and he told me that he doesn't feel like drinking over the holidays. He usually get hammered on Christmas Eve at the Ranch party and spends Christmas hungover. I'm actually not only excited that he won't be hungover and can actually enjoy Christmas with me, but I feel like it takes some pressure off of me. I will be easier for me to eat well and keep some excess calories at bay if I'm not trying to keep up with him (or snacking while I'm waiting for him to get tired of partying so we can go to sleep.)

That also means we don't have to go out on New Year's Eve, and I can get to the gym on Christmas if we feel like going! Yay! I guess I just feel like I have more wiggle room now to indulge LESS if I so choose. If I don't start losing some dang fat soon I will probably be choosing that very route... haha

Domlacha - I've noticed that a lot of ladies don't experience a gain when they expect to after a night out, and the common culprit is the alcohol! Dehydration will definitely do that, so don't be upset if you are up tomorrow when things even out a bit.
It sounds like you had a great time!

Turbo - Yep, that's us! Have a good weekend!

Mottainai - Glad the exam went well for you. I hope that going to Japan gives you the break you need to get things sorted out a bit. It can be so hard dealing with those issues, and it seems like every other day there is a new idea of how to deal with them! Relax, enjoy your trip, and enjoy your time with your husband!

OhThePlaces - Nice job! Hope you're enjoying yourself. :)

Bayzee - Congrats on the weigh-in! Only 1 pound to hit your goal right?!