Huge disgusting (5000 calories?) sugar binge last night. Did not result in pooping or anything other than ~3 lb overnight weight gain and going to bed with a stomachache and having awful interrupted sleep. My motivation to binge frightens me, I powerwalked a total of about 3 miles to get to the stores and back at midnight.
My back feels better though! I think I am going to take the higher road by downing some coffee and heading out for a walk/run/jog/whatever it ends up becoming.
Sorry about the lack of personals. I read your posts but I need to shuffle, today is the big town festival and I need to straighten up my place in case revelers want to sleep over.
I'm a bit of a lurked around here, and I'm getting to the point where I think it's a bit rude of me to keep listening in on the conversation without contributing!
So, first up thank you all for sharing, reading your posts keeps me motivated and reminds me why I'm doing this, it's tempting sometimes to feel like dieting isn't "cool" that I should be effortlessly skinny, but you guys are cool and you work hard!
Krampus - thank you paricularly, I feel like we have similar behaviour/thought processes about food, I've struggled with binge eating an sugar/carbs are my worst enemy (or should i say frenemy, I do LOVE sugar...).
Dorian- your self control astounds me, I cannot cannot turn down tasty food when given to me. I can make healthy choices when it's my choice but if someone else buys food I can't not eat it.
Me: I've lost about ten pounds in the last 2 months, it's slow going but I prefer it that way, mainly because I'm not willing to give up drinking an eating out...
Today I'm going to go work out, I'm on resistance training/weights only at the moment because I injured my hip a while ago, it's SO annoying because right when I hurt it was the point at which running was only just for the first time in my life starting to be fun! I do walk a LOT like at least an hour per day brisk (5-6 kph) walking on top of my normal activities, but I'm never sure if I want to found walking as exercise! To me it's just a necessity, I get cranky and antsy if I can't walk.
Oh man, I just kept right on binging. Did it again last night and then when I woke up today I just attacked the peanut butter and prunes. I still cannot offer an explanation of why this keeps happening, but knowing that I have tainted my memories of my last town festival weekend in Japan (feeling too ill and gross today to go out and see the second day of festivities - though it is raining so I'd probably opt to stay in with Star Trek anyway) just makes me mad.
It's also dumb considering I have been trying to shrink and feel as good as possible about my body for an upcoming weekend trip. At this rate I have 5 days to return to "I am okay with myself" body. Yet another case of having to throw out a goal weight and settle for "not terrible."
RummyMcGin I can completely relate to your injury frustration. I always get really mad and feel like throwing in the towel when it happens. I've had several problems with my feet from running and recently hurt my back and was unable to do anything aside from routine walking (at minimum an hour daily, at a brisk pace). I'm not sure whether to "count" walking; on the one hand all movement counts, but on the other you don't want to sell yourself short since your body has probably adjusted to all that walking.
Good morning everyone. I didn't manage to weigh in this morning, nor did I on Friday, Saturday or Sunday morning, so I didn't have an "official" weigh in for last week (I swear I'm going to buy my boyfriend a scale.) But I stopped by my place on Sunday and jumped on the scale after eating McDonald's hotcakes and sausage for breakfast (600 calories with 1/2 a pack of syrup) and lots of water, but I managed to hit 127.6lbs, my lowest weight yet. So I'm pretty stoked to see what my actual weight is without bloat and McDonald's. Seeing that number made me jump on the treadmill and burn some of that syrupy, sausagey nonsense off, eat clean the rest of the day, and then even go on a walk with the boyfriend later.
Thanks again to everyone who recommended upping the physical activity to break through this plateau. I'm eating more and exercising, and I feel excellent. When I start cutting my calories down to nothing, I seriously start slipping into a depression that I don't even notice until I'm out of it. I can see how truly having an eating disorder would be a horrific cycle.
On a side note, when eating out with friends, family or significant others, is anyone else embarrassed to order? I went to Red Lobster for my aunt's birthday on Friday and ordered broiled, half-portion tilapia and broccoli, and had to ask the waitress about how it was prepared and everything -- it got me a lot of attention from my family, almost teasingly, and when they ordered a birthday dessert at the end of the meal and offered everyone some, I wasn't even offered anything. They looked at me and were like "Well, I know YOU won't eat any since it's fattening!" I wasn't going to partake, but only because I don't like cheesecake. I most certainly would have indulged in a sliver of white or chocolate cake or something to celebrate a birthday. AND on the weekend I was determined to eat within my calories, so when the boyfriend and I decided where we wanted to go for breakfast on Saturday, I asked if he would look up the calories. He rolled his eyes and was exasperated and kind of laughed at me. Maybe I'm sensitive, but I immediately was embarrassed and told him not to worry about it and blinked away tears. He apologized for hurting my feelings (he really is the nicest guy and I don't think he meant to) -- he even ate healthy with me the rest of the day and went on a walk, but you can bet I won't be asking him to look up nutrition for me again. I feel like I have to do this secretly, and that everyone silently wills me to fail.
Anyway, one full week until I'm on a plane to Pasadena, I'm going to kick A$$ this week and feel smoking hot on my vacation, I'm determined!
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krampus - I have to wonder what is making you binge on prunes, of all things? I don't really binge much, but I myself have binged on peanut butter. I hope you can find some balance and get things back to normal so that you feel confident this weekend.
RummyMcGin - Welcome! I definitely have a hard time refusing delicious food, I just try to think about how pissed off I'll be later when I indulge. I do count walking, because I tend to cycle it with jogging and running to keep my heartrate up. But just a regular walk with the dog or whatever, I tend to not count.
Dianne042425 - I hope things calm down for you soon, stress and anxiety are not healthy-diet friendly. Be sure to take some time for you and relax when you can!
skinnyelle - Glad to lend a hand in some new found motivation! You've got this!
Sorry this post is grossly long. Good luck, everyone.
RummyMcGin Hi! I'm from London (well London/Essex border) too but I live abroad at the moment. I'm moving back briefly in September though. I completely understand about your injury spoiling everything, grr.
Krampus I know it must be hard, but try not to focus on your slip up and focus on clean eating and plenty of water, one day at a time and you'll feel better in no time at all.
everybody else Glad you are all doing well!
I have been eating pretty terribly recently since I've been out a lot with my friends drinking/eating/picnics etc. No one else I know is on a diet so I haven't been either. However, since the foot surgery is next week and I should prepare myself properly, I'm going to start calorie counting properly, for honestly the first time ever just calorie counting, normally it is just a check for some other kind of diet. I'll be using my fitness pal and think i'll set them at 1,700 for the rest of this week, and 1,300 after surgery. I'm thinking the majority of what I eat should be protein and veggies, don't really need carbs if all I'm doing is sitting on my (hopefully not expanding) rear.
On the bright side, I rocked the 5k race I did yesterday! I got a new PB (24:35) and am pleased to be finishing on a high. Literally all my stabilisation muscles are killing me now and I couldn't even do some of the leg heavy things in Pilates today so it is defo time for a break. I'll just have to suck it up, rest and come back stronger in time for some 5ks in November
Dorian5, I hate when people judge me for ordering certain things, and YES it happens all the time. It's because everyone has hang-ups about their weight, and everyone projects or feels guilt or thinks about what they should do vs. what others are doing. Very rarely do I have honest, non-judgmental, fact-exchanging conversations about food/diet with friends like I do about other things. I'm sorry you have to go through that!
krampus, are you still going through binge/restrict cycles? It seemed like you were in a really good place until this last one. Your body's resistance to dipping under 130 lbs seems to be strong -- maybe it makes more sense to maintain at 131-ish and make sure to break the binge cycle for good?
Rummy McGin -- I don't count walking as exercise, necessarily, but as a separate exercise goal -- I should be walking 3-4 miles a day by default just to get to and from my errands, and I try to work out ~300 calories on top of that. Sometimes I don't miss the workout goal, but on those days I can know at least I've done a little walking. I get antsy if I don't move around at least a little bit.
Dianne and SkinnyElle -- Meaningless jobs are so draining. I did two internships at which I felt like my work was both slow and utterly without purpose, and I hated both summers... and, yes, they sapped the will right out of me. I didn't want to exercise or do anything else productive, either. Have you looked into a second, secret job/hobby? Content-writing for a website or keeping a blog or something else you can do remotely that requires more planning and can boost up a resume when you leave your current position?
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Well, I survived 'senior week,' but I'm coming in on my college graduation, which was my original goal date for 110 pounds, and I'm far from that mark. Actually, it's a little annoying that people seem to not have noticed anything... and worse that I'm still facing a huge amount of stress with the housing search. But I weighed in at 117.4 today despite drinking and eating out for basically every meal for the past three days (senior week, what can you do?), so I figure that between 'guesstimating' calories and wimping out on exercise, at least my current rate of loss is pretty sustainable.
I'm trying to be happy with how slowly I'm thinning, celebrating the NSVs instead: a S/M cinch belt that I used to struggle to get on fits noticeably looser -- a little too loosely. My waist is definitely my largest part, so this is big for me.
Last edited by lackadaisy; 05-23-2011 at 01:32 PM.
I think there are little wizards inside my body because after seeing 139 midday on Sunday I am back down to 132 Tuesday morning - after only a day and a half of clean eating and one standard-issue Tae Bo cardio DVD workout. I was doing great until the binges and I feel great now. I suppose that's something to celebrate. Motivation to exercise after a week of back pain and excuses is high.
Seriously excited for Osaka this weekend. I love that city, it's my favorite place in Japan and the people are just so cool, especially compared to the squares in Tokyo and Nagoya. No matter what I weigh I am looking forward to seeing friends, dancing a lot and loading up on some goofy Satan/goat shirts at the goth store.
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lackadaisy Senior week, ahhh the memories. I'm glad you had a good time - you'll never get another senior week ever again so it's good you made the most of it. Congrats on the belt NSV and 117.4! I don't know what the heck is up with my body but I'll just work on focusing on health and sanity for now and perhaps good things will come from it.
claire0412 So happy to hear about your PB on the 5k. Must leave a sweet taste of victory in your mouth. It is so hard when none of your friends are on a diet and everyone is a healthy size, I can definitely relate. Hope all goes well and you find a comfortable balance with eating pre and post op.
Dorian5 Pasadena is so pretty, will you be re-enacting "Big Bang Theory" there? I am happy to hear you've put yourself in a healthier place and are feeling better because of it. I also completely hear you on the frustration of feeling like it's you vs. the world when it comes to eating. With my family it's no problem because my parents were both super in shape at my age and acknowledge my lifelong struggle with my weight, but with friends/bf it's hard - most of us eat healthy all week and sort of lose it on the weekends when we get together. Are your family/friends at all conscious of their weight/dieting?
lacksadaisy Good about the belt! As featherweights we all have to focus on NSVs more because our scale victories are hard-won and slower than if we had more to lose. The wonders of the human body (
Krampus Glad everything has got back to normal really quickly! Have fun in Osaka, I am so jealous of your exotic life I'd love to visit Japan some day.
I started tracking my calories today, which is hard when none of the brands I use or restaurant meals I eat are on myfitness pal. Hmm. I had lunch with the bf today and ate cabbage strudel, couldn't find it so I added it under mushroom strudel. Who knows?! According to the thing, I am way under my calories today (1,200 instead of 1,700) but I think I'll take that with a pinch of salt considering I had iced coffee and a white wine spritzer... Stupid tracker things, precisely the reason I don't use them. I've looked for a German language one because I thought it might have more of the things I eat, but they don't seem to exist. Ho hum! Good for guesstimating at least.
Skinnyelle and Lackadaisy Thanks for the support. It really does make me feel better that you can relate with the job situation. I try to express it to my friends and family but you truly cannot understand unless youve been in a job like that. And i dont mean for a month. If youve been in a slow, meaningless job that gives you an idle mind for 8 hours a day, it REALLY messes with you mentally, physically, emotionally and psychologically. I am not complaining. I am very grateful and life could be worse, but it still doesnt help with how hard it is. Unfortunatley I have thought of everything you could imagine to make the time go by here. I have even started writing a book lol Its ridiculous. I pray I get into that Sonography program not only to get me started on my career path, but to get me out of this job. I would be so curious to see how I my body and mind feel once I get out of this lifestyle that i have been in for almost 4 years now.
Dorian CONGRATS!!!!! YOu hit into the 127's!!! I think that was the lowest I ever hit also. Oh I cant wait to be there again. Good job girl!!!
krampus I think you are part Alien. 130 to 132? Remarkable.
127.0lbs this morning! Wahoo! Hope this keeps up, I deserve a little bit of a WHOOSH after it's taken a MONTH to get from 127.8lbs to 127.0lbs! If I can make those 3 first numbers 125 in one week I will be oh so happy! (Seriously, 125.9 and I'll do a dance before jumping on a plan to CA!)
I will be buying some shorts this weekend because I literally do not own any shorts. None. Not 1 pair. I'm not sure why, because I have slim, pretty legs -- I even have a bit of a thigh gap starting at 129lbs. All of my weight is in my tummy, boobs, and upper arms. So I'm hoping that the size I fit into at Old Navy appeals to my vanity!
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Krampus - LOL, if I can manage to look like Penny then The Big Bang Theory reenactment will be a go. Congrats on your weight loss wizards, let me know if you have any to spare. Can't wait to hear how much fun you have and how CONFIDENT and HOT you feel this weekend! Nobody around me is very health conscious at all, my family is overweight a little but no one is obese so it never occurred to anyone to get fit. I'm solo in this little venture, aside from you ladies!
lackadaisy - That's exactly it, people most definitely project their failures onto others. I have learned to just NOT discuss it with anyone! One girlfriend had not seen me since I was 150lbs, and I saw her last week at 128lbs. The first and only thing she said was "Oh, wow, your boobs got smaller." ...seriously? Anyway, ENJOY your NSVs - those are my favorite! It sucks that those last few pounds practically have to be pried off with a crowbar, but I know you'll be able to reach your goal. I can't imagine that your weight loss isn't noticeable, I think people just feel awkward bringing it up - like it implies there was something wrong with you in the first place.
claire0412 - I hope you have a speedy recovery! Make sure you get enough calories and nutrients when your body is first healing. And congrats on your 5k!
Dorian5 Congrats on your weigh- in this morning girl! I don't even know what its like to see that on the scale, lol. 129lbs is the least Ive ever weighed. Good luck on the short shopping as well. I don't own any shorts either but that is because my legs are probably my least favorite body part.
I caved in at ate a burger AND some fries last night. I was craving, thinking about and obsessing about it. I did it for sanity honestly. I told myself Id eat it, enjoy it, and get back on track. The only problem is it wasn't a great as I had hoped. Definitely not worth the splurge and I was up on the scales this morning but at last I scratched the itch right?
Yesssssss 130.5 lbs/59.2 kg this morning. Clean 1100 calories yesterday with a nap and a mini-run (~2 miles each) at night and this morning. Go wizards, go!
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skinnyelle That's interesting that you weren't impressed by the burger and fries - I had a similar experience a couple months ago and was blown away at the fact that I just don't like them anymore. I think it's good that you scratched the itch; fixating on food is not a good place to be.
Dorian5 WAY TO GO!!! That's so exciting! I'm jealous of your thigh gaps; enjoy shorts shopping and Penny cosplaying. WTF is wrong with your friend, by the way? is it so hard to contain jealousy and say "you look great" and leave it at that?
Dianne Trust me, I understand the mental fatigue and "I'm wasting my life" feelings that come with a dead-end job. I am finishing up a third year of such a job and I have 26,000 posts on another forum. How have you been doing lately?
claire0412 I dream of Vienna and fantasize about how amazing your life must be. The feeling is mutual! It is really hard to track calories living abroad. Since Japanese people are so weight-conscious some places print calories and nutrition on their menus, but the ones that do are usually gross chain restaurants that I never go to. Would you say Viennese on the whole are thin, or are they chunky like Germans?
Hi, everybody! Like RummyMcGin, I've been a lurker in this forum for a long time, too. I feel like some kind of stalker, already knowing who all of you are before my first post, haha. But I thought I've been lurking long enough, and I ought to speak up before I enter maintenance and really need some accountability.
Dorian5: Congrats on another pound lost! I don't wear shorts, either, skinnyelle. I carry most of my weight in my legs and have always had a lot of cellulite, so I find long pants to be more flattering on me. So go out there and rock the shorts for us, Dorian!
Skinnyelle Don't sweat the burger! Isn't it funny how when we can have things, we don't want them as much?
Krampus I've started adding all the German foods into myfitnesspal, but sometimes I can't be bothered and look for the nearest hing! Viennese on the whole are thin, yes! And very health aware. I don't know very many people who diet, they just do everything they can to stay healthy. However, this works both ways and most people don't understand why I'm so bothered about losing a few pounds when I'm healthy already. My boyfriend is always telling me to chill out and just leave it, and I wouldn't even dream of telling my friends I was on a diet!
126.6lbs after finally using the bathroom this morning (TMI, my bad) -- COME ON 125! I've got 6 days to make it count - I think I'm actually going to do it. I could kiss all of you that recommended getting off of my *** to break that plateau.
I think the only reason I have a little sliver of gap there is because I have a small frame (tiny wrists and ankles) but wide hips and thin thighs -- I think it's just genetics. Yeah, my legs look nice now, but I'll have scrawny chicken legs when I get down to goal. But hopefully my stomach will look nice and my upper arms won't look like Christmas hams anymore!
It also occurs to me that my legs are like, offensively pale. So a tan is in order before I wears shorts anywhere.
ALSO my boyfriend just let me know that he had ordered champagne and breakfast for our hotel room everyday on vacation - omg, I've never stayed in a nice hotel like this or anything, how awesome.
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skinnyelle39 - I did that when I started losing weight, I obsessed about pizza for 2 straight weeks (it even permeated my dreams) -- in my brain, it was going to be a religious experience. When I actually ate it I was like "...this is what I was obsessing over?" It's definitely weird how that happens, but if you're wanting something that badly you should go ahead and have it. I'm sorry your burger was lacking, but glad you scratched that itch.
krampus - Hot damn, I cannot BELIEVE that you are already back at 130.5lbs, that's effing amazing. Yay wizards! In my brain you have little Harry Potters and Ron Weasleys in your body, zapping one fat cell at a time with their wands. Yes, what's also odd about that friend is that she is stupidly hot, I think she just has low self esteem. It was kind of a backhanded compliment (I will b!tch about how I hate my godzilla tits to anyone that will listen) ...but yeah, it was still like "Wow, petty much?" Aaaanyway. Can't WAIT to hear what you weigh by the weekend!
sumire - Welcome! Glad you piped up! Isn't it strange how we're all shaped so differently? What I wouldn't give to wear a shirt that has triangles at the top - you know, like string bikini triangles. I haven't met a triangle yet that could tackle the monsters attached to the front of me. Ugh. What is a feature of yours that you DO like? Arms or stomach or anything?
claire0412 - I would have definitely thought you would have a little bit of space there since you run so much? Or maybe your legs just have sexy muscle! Mine have no muscle, which could contribute to the tiny gap. Again, funny how we're all shaped differently. I also don't talk with friends about weight loss or dieting -- just another reason I love coming here.
Happy Wednesday! (or whatever day it is for everyone scattered everywhere )
I feel like I have to do this secretly, and that everyone silently wills me to fail.
I'd love to visit Japan some day. 
Glad you piped up! Isn't it strange how we're all shaped so differently? What I wouldn't give to wear a shirt that has triangles at the top - you know, like string bikini triangles. I haven't met a triangle yet that could tackle the monsters attached to the front of me. Ugh. What is a feature of yours that you DO like? Arms or stomach or anything? 
