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Dorian5 04-14-2011 08:56 AM

I have weight falling off of me left and right this week! Woke up to weigh 130.6! My heart jumped into my throat when my digital scale flittered around in the 129s before settling at 130.6, SO close to 120's! I'm not going to change my ticker yet, I like to change is when I can round down and 130.6 rounds up to 131. No biggie, maybe tomorrow. :D

I had a Fage greek yogurt and some almond/craisin trail mix for breakfast, I found a new flavor of the Fage that I had not tried (cherry pomegranate) and I think it's my new favorite!

I also bought the mock (vegan) chicken salad at whole foods because that stuff is delicious and I have some for lunch today. (I added sliced red grapes into it, yum!) -- I'm not vegan, but I used to be and I fell in love with it!

Indiblue - I would love to post a picture of it! I will get one with my crappy camera phone after work (doing it in the bathroom in the office might be awkward, lol.)

Claire - I already have a baking date planned with a friend for these brownies! I am definitely thinking cherries, too, that sounds amazing! My friend isn't vegan either, but she is allergic to all dairy and eggs! So these are perfect. Thanks! Also, YUM at your lunch, goat's cheese is SO delicious.

kat999 04-14-2011 01:29 PM

Day off from work spent in the warm (but not TOO warm) spring sunshine, taking a long run, and oh, my gosh, I feel amazingly wrung out in a very pleasant way. Now THIS is what we should be focused on, IMHO, making fitness be a relaxing part of a healthy lifestyle. Yes, I've had good news on the scale today, but I care less about that than about the fact that I increased my mileage/time ratio and am going to now settle in for a nap with my kittycat. :)

Wildflower 04-14-2011 04:51 PM

Hi everyone...

I've been away for awhile and still catching up with reading how everyone is doing.

I'm struggling BIG TIME! 2 Fridays ago I was finally down a pound to 137...I should have been happy about this, but instead I started obsessively reading my old posts and calculating how long it took me to lose that one pound and then got super super discouraged. I've been pretty good at keeping to 1200-1500 calories. I have a cheat meal on the weekends, but I don't just full out binge...yet I am so hungry constantly, and when I drop down to the 1200-1300 range for several days I start feeling like I am going to pass out when I sit / stand up. I know this is mainly blood pressure related, but it's scary when my vision goes each time I stand up off the couch, or I feel like I am going to fall over and have to grip the wall like an old lady!!!

I know weight loss is hard...and reading posts here about having to eat 900 calories a day to lose anything, or doing 2 hours of exercise a day to help, are just even more discouraging to me. It may be reality, but I don't want to live on 900 calories a day in order to lose weight. I would just rather stay the weight I am at. It has nothing to do with a lack of willpower, it's just common sense. I don't want to meal skip, I don't want to eat that low, I don't want to work out for 2 hours a day. I just want to lose 1 pound every two weeks by eating 1300-1500 calories a day and exercising moderately. For my body, and for others here, this seems to be unrealistic and to see any progress drastic measures are necessary.

I don't know where I am going with this...I guess I am giving up. It pains me so much to start to believe that this is the only way i will see weight loss as a feather. Maybe it's because I used to do this when I was younger, that I would basically starve myself for days on end so I could eat out with friends. That I was so busy I would easily go all day without eating. But it all changed for me when my younger sister was hospitalized with anorexia. I couldn't believe I ever did that to my body.

I don't know where I am going with this, or what my point is. I started doing this journey "the right way" over a year ago. I started by cutting back on junk and running and doing tons of yoga. I barely lost anything and I couldn't cut back my calories under 1800 with all the running. So in September i backed off excercise and started dieting. For the first few months, I lost well at 1500 calories, but since January I've been frustarted and stalled and losing really slowly while craving crap I would never even want to eat in the past.

This last weekend was one of my "Goal Weekends" I'd been planning towards since January. I was so sure I could get down to 130 by then. I had a trip planned with friends and I wanted to show up thinner and happier and feeling wonderful. Instead I showed up down 2 lbs and feeling lousy about myself. the whole weekend was spent inside my head feeling fat. I tried to hide behind others when getting my pictures taken - i look like I am going to cry in most of the pictures. I was really, truly miserable with myself for not making my goal. And did I do anything to deserve not making it? NO. I've refused treats and gone hungry and blah blah blah to absolutely no avail.

I guess this is a giant rant...sorry for being miserable, I just don't know where to go from here. I feel like doing weightloss "the healthy way" is useless and "the unhealthy way" isn't for me, but staying at my current weight makes me feel miserable about myself. I don't know where to go from here...my wedding is in 6 months and despite having started this journey a year and a half in advance it's going to be a sprint to the finish line which is probably going to involve me eventually starving myself and living on one of those cabbage soup diets you hear brides talk about. Or I suck it up and be the chubby bride, captured for all eternity in thousands of dollars of pictures my family will purchase and display everywhere.

:( Sorry to be such a downer...I know I am really negative and am not trying to offend anyone...I just need to get this all out.

maydaymayday911 04-14-2011 06:28 PM

Wildflower- lots and lots of hugs. Thank you for sharing. I don't know if you just wanted to rant or if you wanted a response - so if you just wanted to rant, ignore EVERYTHING I put below:

You mentioned that you'd rather stay at your current weight forever than take drastic measures, but you also said you are miserable at your current weight. Sometimes the hardest part of weight loss and dieting is learning to love ourselves again. Gaining self-esteem is more important - and frankly, harder - than losing pounds.

I don't want to question you or judge you, but I want to throw this out there: Is it possible that you are stunning and beautiful at your current weight? You may need to come to peace with where you are - healthy - and start considering the rest of the weight vanity/"I'd like to but it wouldn't kill me if I didn't" pounds. It may help give you the courage/strength to stick with a non-drastic plan even if pounds are coming off slower.

This is going to sound really weird, but one thing I can suggest is this: take your fiance shopping with you, and let him dress you for a few weeks. Let him pick out your outfits and just go with it - even if he asks you to wear less inside the house, go commando with a sundress on, or wear something you really don't think fits. Trust him to let you be sexy - and you will feed off his reaction. Nothing will boost your ego like the person you love drooling over how you look.

I can promise you one thing: no matter what, you will look beautiful on your wedding day. I have never in my life - even looking at pictures of someone who is 100+ pounds overweight - seen a bride look ANYTHING but gorgeous on their wedding day.

kat999 04-14-2011 07:58 PM

Wildflower, Mayday has some adorable, nurturing suggestions, and makes some excellent points. If you're getting married to someone you love, you will look beautiful no matter what. And also? At your current weight, you are HARDLY going to look chubby to ANYBODY, believe me! :hug:

I can't think of a one of us who hasn't remarked on here that the less weight one has to lose, the harder it is to lose it. And no, you don't have to do unhealthy things. You may have to accept that things are going to go really, really slowly, though. For my own part (and at your height, I might add), every ten pounds has taken about 4 months. I can't seem to lose more than around a half pound or so per week. I think it's just too hard once you're already in a healthy weight range (which you ARE) to expect the kind of results that people who have far more to lose see.

Here's something I did just today, though, and it made me feel great about what I've accomplished THUS FAR. I took some dumbbells and made a pile of them in the amount of weight I've lost. And then I took all these dumbbells and tried to pick the big stack up. Let me tell you, this was heavy and not easy. And I thought, "I carried this around!" You've already lost what, 15 lbs.? That's not nothing, girl! Maybe if you looked concretely at your already-lost weight as an accomplishment and, with a positive, proud mindset, focused on a specific plan for the rest of it--maybe not all that you'd previously thought about losing, but a PORTION of it--and realized that yes, this is going to take a long time to do carefully and healthfully and at times it might suck a little bit, but being MODERATE about it is the only reasonable way to go.

And again, no matter what, you're going to be gorgeous at your wedding.

Wildflower 04-14-2011 08:41 PM

Awww...thanks guys, I really appreciate the encouragement. You are right Kat, 15 lbs is a lot.

I am TERRIFIED about wearing a wedding dress because my heaviest part (my arms/shoulders) will be the only thing on display. My tiny waist, smallish thighs and tiny legs are all going to be hidden away for my big beefy arms to be on display. :(

I know it's not the end of the world...and you are right, all brides DO look beautiful and my fiancee thinks I am sexy already. Mayday, you are right about him and that's a funny suggestion to have him pick out my clothes! Ha. I work in conservative job and he's always wanting me to wear something that's trashy/clubby in my mind. So maybe I can't wear that stuff to work, but I can wear it out to dinner, etc for him once in awhile or around the house. :) Cute idea, thanks! And also, yes, it's entirely possible that I look fine already...I guess it's just hard knowing I used to weight 112 lbs in college and thinking how much attention I got then. You are right in that I need to start being happy already...it's just hard sometimes, especially when i've spent the last 6 months obsessing over weight loss.

xty 04-14-2011 09:18 PM

Hello feathers! Ive been doing pretty decent the last couple days. Eating well, on plan, workouts are ramping up, pain continues to lessen and weight has stayed out of the red zone if no major loss to report (129.2 today). Ill take it!

AND in exciting news, I signed up for my first 5k and am going to try to raise $10k in the next 30 days to support an org I just joined as a board member. Would appreciate any moral, mental, or of course financial support: http://www.nami.org/namiwalks11/SFO/xty

*Dorian5* - feeling up to buying a bikini is a major victory, woo! Not so sure how friendly that friend seems :P I lold with the chunky chicken vs hawk.

*krampus* - listen to your body and worry a little. Id focus less on calorie intake (seems ok at a first pass), more concerned about BP. That is very low and could def be why you feel a little light headed and 'off'. Work on the sodium?

*claire* - welcome!

*minifluffy* - I vote for considering this is a small irregularity and presuming thing are back to normal, maybe skipping weigh in with an agreement you will make better choices this week and weigh in next?

*lackadasiy* - Dont know enough about your workout regime or eating plan, but raising a small (friendly) red flag that you seem awfully hard on yourself. Im guessing the stress of exams and maybe the parental stuff is finally catching up with you. Take a breath and remember you are awesome :)

*indiblue* - Ugh I hate making silly mistakes. But things happen, and if you cant fix it…move on and remember to proof better next time. YAY for staying at 126 and feeling so good about health. That is super.

*Wildflower* - First a big hug. You sound frustrated and boy do I understand. Take a few deep breaths and when you are ready try to be self-inquisitive and analytical about what has worked. Also what hasnt and see if you can figure out why and some alternatives. Maybe we can help? Dont give up. There is *always* a way forward. We just have to figure it out.

krampus 04-14-2011 11:02 PM

Down to 59.0 kg/130.1 lb this morning. 7 pounds of bloat and some fat since Monday and my "fat face" feeling is nearly gone. Last night's semi-desperate snack attack at 10:30 pm (plain yogurt, nori) and having to quit my Tae Bo DVD five minutes in because of BP-related wooziness suggests that I take a day or two of slightly higher caloric intake with more salt.


Wildflower, *HUGE HUGS.* I'm so, so sorry to hear about your weekend panning out the way it did. I have been there many times, most recently when my mom was visiting Japan - I couldn't stop thinking about how I was "supposed" to weigh 115 lbs and was in a terrible way the entire time she was here, and I HATE the pictures! It's the most difficult because rationally we know no one cares about our weight except us, but it's impossible to just stop caring. I sincerely hope you can find some answers or at least a little peace; perhaps letting your fiance dictate your self-esteem about looks for a while would be a good idea/would transfer to your own thinking? You are not going to be a chubby bride; you are going to be radiant and beautiful - like you already are.

xty Glad to hear things are going well on your end, esp re: pain subsiding and your 5k! I dumped soy sauce on my dinner and felt better an hour later; coincidence? Probably not. It seems weird and counterintuitive to consciously aim for salty foods, but the average Japanese person eats something like 5,000 mg of sodium in a day (!) and they live forever...

MiniFluffy I love those days where you're dreading weighing and find you haven't actually gained anything. Good news!

kat999 Nothing beats a relaxing day where exercise is just part of your schedule, especially when the weather is nice! Sounds like a perfect day.

Dorian See you in the 120s thread soon, I hope!!! Congrats on the loss!

indiblue AAGGH typos and goofs; hope the readers recognize them as such, which seems likely. I'm really glad to hear you're feeling so good about your health and body - that energy undoubtedly transfers to other areas of your life too. You have lots to be proud of!

Claire California, Vienna, sounds like no matter what, your future is looking bright. I will continue daydreaming about my European life; I have no prospects or connections over there aside from one year of German 101. Not ready to throw in the towel and work as a prostitute yet.

indiblue 04-14-2011 11:53 PM

claire Because the chickpeas were subbing for flour, they made the brownies very dense and dry. I sometimes have to cook gluten-free for potlucks and other gatherings and I'm starting to learn that's the most difficult challenge for baked goods without flour. I really love the idea of sneaking proteins into dessert through which is why the bb brownies (flour and all!) sound wonderful to me.

MiniFluffy I am SO happy for you! Kudos to you! I've never had that happen to me- when I feel I've gained I always have haha.

Wildflower :wave: it's nice to see you back! I'm really sorry to hear you struggling. I was having similar hunger problems too at 1200 and not willing to cut cals back. I was having trouble too, and since then IF + reducing carbs to 100-150 g a day/upping protein has done wonders for me. I eat full meals and get in all my nutrients and have been losing slowly, but at least losing. I think I've mentioned those before to you so as usual, comes with my caveat of 'ignore them if they don't apply to you or if you've heard them already!'. The other thing that has made a big difference is switching up my exercise. I was doing 3-5 yoga sessions a week and I think my body just got really used to it. I've cut back yoga to 0-1 time a week and replaced it with lifting and running. I'm pretty convinced this has something to do with it.

All that to say I remember one of the hardest things for you was stress and lack of sleep, so how are those going?? Are you feeling more relaxed and have a bit more time to enjoy wedding planning amidst school and work?

I hear you on the arms versus tiny waist and legs. My upper arms are disproportionately fatter than the rest of my body. It's one of the few places I have a true fat deposit spot. For that reason halter tops and strapless shirts tend to look better on me weirdly enough, I think because it's not a capped sleeve or short sleeve cinching my fat upper arm!

kat your run sounds fabulous, and I totally hear you on using fitness to relax and rejuvenate rather than punish. I'm looking forward to trying to hit 30 mins on the treadmill today, if an old injury I'm trying not to agitate doesn't flare up!

xty congrats on getting out of the red zone! Best of luck for your 5K, it sounds like a great cause.

krampus yay yay yay! You must feel so much better and smaller with the bloat gone. Thanks for the well-wishes on the letters- fortunately at least where I've worked cover letters are only glanced over for key words and phrases so it's likely the spelling typo won't be noticed. we'll see... Let us know how the Great Salt Experiment goes.


Well today is my birthday, quarter century. I keep forgetting it actually. I don't like big celebrations so I haven't told anyone here about today. My boyfriend arranged the surprise weekend trip a few weeks ago as my gift, so we will probably just be hanging out tonight at home, which is just fine by me.

Unfortunately my scale looks like it broke this morning. It was giving weird readings so I replaced the battery and now it only reads 188.8 LB ST KG. I put in the old one with no luck. There's no reset battery and I haven't been able to find any help online or on the website or instruction manual.

So... I may have to go without weighing myself for a while after weighing 2x a day for the past two years. That, and I'm out of a scale until I go back to the US (the ones here are really poor quality).

Dorian5 04-15-2011 09:01 AM

Good morning everyone! I have no idea what I weigh this morning, the beau and I had sushi for dinner and I crashed over there... he has no scale, of course. I went to see if his gay room mate had a scale, but he doesn't. His room mate looks like a Calvin Klein underwear model, what does he care about his weight? *sigh*

Even though we had sushi, and they weren't terribly healthy rolls, we split just 2 rolls and I had fairly low calories from breakfast and lunch and only 1 beer. I may be retaining water, but I know my calories are golden.

Indiblue requested a picture of my hawk tattoo -- I'm not gonna post the actual image in here because I'm kind of in my bra and don't want to offend, but here's a link to it if you want to see it. Please ignore my Godzilla-tits if you can, I've (unfortunately) only lost 1inch in them since I've lost 20lbs. :rolleyes:


PLEASE let me see 129's by my official weigh in on Monday! I would be so so happy! (Not likely, I tend to eat over my calories a lot on the weekends.... but at least 129 some time next week!)


Wildflower I don't know what to say that hasn't been said, except that I've never looked at any bride on this planet and thought that she looked bad at ALL. I know you'll look amazing. It IS frustrating that it's so hard for us to lose, especially the closer we are to goal. I, also, have tiny thighs, a tiny waist, and then just store fat in my chest and my upper arms. :hug: I bet in all those pictures, even if you do look sad, you look hot. And if you asked your fiance he would tell you so! :D

krampus Woohoo, 130.1 is AWESOME! .2lbs away from being in the 120's! Excellent! I should see you there shortly, I hope!

xty Awesome on signing up for the 5k, and staying out of the red zone!

indiblue HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! That does suck about your scale though, I would be slightly panicked without knowing what I weigh each morning. Hopefully you can get it working again??

kat999 I love what you said about the dumbbells, I did something like that the other day at the grocery store with the butter. I was looking at the boxes when it struck me that, wow, ~20lbs of butter would be a lot.... and I lost that much... holy crap. But I think trying to lift something that weighed that much, like you did with the dumbbells, would really help me out on days when I'm feeling hopeless about this weight loss thing.

Have an AWESOME day everyone!

claire0412 04-15-2011 10:09 AM

xty - good luck for the 5k! I have a 5k on 22nd May, and a triathlon with a 5k in June so after this half I will be in full 5k training mode!

indiblue! Happy Birthday! Good that you couldn't weigh in on your bday, nothing like a bad weigh in to kill the birthday mojo!

Kat - I love those exercise sessions. I had one of those yesterday too. I left my garmin at home so I didnt get too obsessed with my times, I just enjoyed the run. It was raining though, so it seems like you had a better time!

Dorian - haha I don't know any boys who own scales. When I moved in to my boyfriend's flat and brought my scales with me, he just looked at me like 'erm, why are you bringing those with you?!' They are no buried under the suitcases in the spare room to avoid the 5 x a day weigh in!

I was doing well today, until I started to revise for the exam i've got (in an hour!) I bought some Nervennahrung (chocolate covered nuts, normal nuts, cranberries - 100g packet). I obviously ate the whole packet mindlessly while reading some powerpoint slides. Hmm. 550 calories in 15 minutes as a snack, well done me! I've got to get better at this intuitive eating or i'll be forced back to calorie counting and dieting, and i'd really rather not! Clean slate from now on...

Have a nice day everyone! It is the start of the school holidays here in Vienna, thank god!!!! I just need to get this exam out f the way and then i'm free!

indiblue 04-15-2011 10:57 PM

dorian really incredible tattoo, thanks for sharing! I love your new avatar pic. You are lovely.

claire hope you have a wonderful break from school for a bit. Good luck with the intuitive eating- regretfully it doesn't work for me because my body intuits I need about 2700 calories a day to survive, but I hope it works for you because it's definitely better than ccing :)


Birthday was a bit of a downer in some ways, but that's mostly my fault. For some reason I get a little down on my birthday and I don't know why. My boyfriend was sweet and got dinner and made dessert. We stayed in and watched tv, which is really all I wanted to do. Being abroad I didn't get any phone calls, which is a bummer because birthdays are often a nice excuse to catch up with friends, but I know it's par for the course when you're overseas with an international number. I also didn't get an email or whatnot from my brother and sister which is a bit disappointing, but a few good friends and my ex-boyfriend (who is still a good friend) did send me sweet emails, so that was nice. Sent out two more job applications but have yet to hear from any, which I had said two weeks ago that's all I really wanted- to hear back from somewhere. :( Scale is still broken so I'm not sure what I'm weighing these days. Maybe it'll be a good lesson for me... to just focus on keeping calories down and getting in exercise every day. Hopefully when I weigh in next I'll be down, we'll see.

EDIT: Ten hours later, heard back two from positions in India requesting information for the next step in the interview process. Huzzah! Ok, universe, you're a few hours late, but thank you for fulfilling the bday wishes... fingers crossed for more good news in the coming days.

claire0412 04-16-2011 12:41 PM

I understand about the birthday and no phone calls, I don't get any from my family or friends in the UK either. My mum sends me an email and my friends write on my facebook wall...
Good luck for the interview! Sounds all good :)

I'm just preparing for the half marathon tomorrow. I've bought a cool new outfit (purple!) and have charged my garmin and mp3 player. My boyfriend is running with me as a pacemaker and I'm ready to go! We're cooking a massive pasta feast tonight (anti intuitive) and then early to bed fr me! If there are decent finish photos, I'll link them here :D

Have a nice weekend everyone :)

Morethananumber 04-16-2011 02:30 PM

am i considered a featherweight if i need to lose 30lbs?

bargoo 04-16-2011 02:38 PM


Originally Posted by Morethananumber (Post 3811113)
am i considered a featherweight if i need to lose 30lbs?

I would say , yes.

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