Does anyone tell you...
 

"You don't need to lose weight"? I think it's great that people think I look alright, but that's the thing...I don't want to look "OK" or "good for having 3 kids". I want to look awesome (and to be able to put on a bikini), not to mention the health risks I have from having a grandfather die from a heart attack and a mom and grandma having diabetes (plus I had diabetes with one of my pregnancies, and so did my sister). Does anyone else get these comments from people?

Yup. Irritating isn't it?

I'm offended that they seem to think I'm doing this for some sort of 'outside' confirmation.

I'm particularly grumpy about the 'for having three kids' and 'for your age' things. Having children, aging ... are not unfortunate health threats, they're normal life happenings!!!

Phew! That's a pretty grumpy post for me. Sorry!

I have lots of friends and coworkers who are quite overweight (much more than I am). They all know I try to eat healthy, but I try not to actively discuss my efforts to lose because 1) I think it makes them feel bad as they are overweight, and 2) they see my weight as maybe close to where they want to be. I do have friends who are like me - "featherweights" who have gained maybe 20-30 lbs. or so since getting married, having kids, or whatever -- these are the friends I tend to discuss with - several of us count calories on dailyplate or fitday, we exercise together when possible, we make wise choices (or split plates) when eating out together, etc. But around others, I don't bother letting on that I'm trying to lose -- just doesn't seem they'll understand why and just seems to cause friction.

I was at goal weight a year and a half ago. My boyfriend, who was with me through 60 lbs of weight loss, began telling me that I looked "emaciated," even though I had had my body fat percentage calculated and my fitness level evaluated by a professional who said that I was doing great but had a little further to go. Obviously my boyfriend wasn't jealous of me, but I'm sure that there were other similar reasons behind his comments. In the end, you just have to understand that your weight loss might be hard for other people to accept, but they're not the ones who get to make this decision. You are. You have a right to lose weight or gain it when you want, and you shouldn't have to feel snubbed because of it.

It's not like it bothers them that I'm losing weight. They couldn't care less. I'm not even friends with my co-workers. I don't put a huge sign over my head that says: TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT! But when I'm at work (which is a pizzeria), and I don't eat the free food my work offers us nightly, or I bring in veggies and a turkey pita, they start to notice, and ask questions. Then I get the whole, "Oh, you don't need to lose weight, you are fine, you have 3 kids, blah blah" spiel.

yes especially irritating to me is the concept that if you choose not to eat junk food you must be dieting. There is no middle ground.

I have one good friend who's got a completely different body type than me - pear shaped, wide hips, little bust, a wee tummy, I think she's beautiful :) She doesn't especially watch what she eats at all.

But if I mention going tot he gym or watching my weight, I get this look of her. THE LOOK. Part concern, maybe pity? "You're not fat!" She says it so quickly it makes me roll my eyes.

My answer would always be a "come on, be realistic" in the I'm obviously overweight and it's healthier not to be. Her concern for my sensitivity gets me...

Yes! Just this morning as I was getting off of work I was told by a co worker who hasn't seen me in a while, "You really look good for having 5 kids." I immediately said "Thanks!", but after, I kind of wondered if that was actually a compliment! Other people tell me comments such as "You don't need to loose more weight" and "You look great now" but I think people may just be comparing me to how I looked 50 lbs heavier. I do look better now,of coarse, but at 5 feet tall, and a size 8, I know there is room for improvement! I would love to "look great" to other people, and of coarse myself, regardless of how many children I have!!!!

I get this a lot. My usual response is that I'm just trying to get lots of exercise and eat healthfully, and that I'm sure my body will settle at a happy, healthy weight for me. People cannot argue with whether you "need" to have healthy habits, so they don't try!

Originally Posted by mandalinn82:
People cannot argue with whether you "need" to have healthy habits, so they don't try!

Harrumph...come live in my world! I've been told that exercise isnt good for you and also that the way I eat isnt healthy. Did you know that too many vegetables destroy your colon? Too hard to digest. And low fat is of course unhealthy (I somewhat agree...but I mean almonds and avocados and they mean butter and whole milk). Cows are the only source of protein and iron. Milk is the only source of calcium. And Sunny D IS a fruit. As is jello

Lets not get started on how I am destroying my heart, lungs, skeleton and joints by running. :dizzy:

I love this thread. I'm not actively trying to lose weight, because I know that I'm well within what is healthy for my age and height, however I'm learning to add in exercise every day, and if that sheds of some pounds of fat then I'm not complaining. Plus if I can fit back into the clothes I was wearing 3 years ago it would save me A LOT of money! I've learned not to even mention the 'diet' word, because people have a bad reaction to it, when asked I just talk about exercising and trying to eat less fatty foods.

I get this all the time, but that's probably because I really don't need to lose weight. :carrot: Well, I guess it depends on who you ask--one website that I use to calculate body fat% says my ideal weight is 111, which I've never been able to achieve. But I think that website is high. I don't really need to lose any more weight. I'd like to lose a couple of "insurance pounds," but it's not really a necessity.

But when people ask me if I'm trying to lose weight or express horror that I might be losing more weight, I usually just tell them that I'm trying to maintain my weight. That generally quiets them down. Luckily, here in CA, no one would ever suggest that exercise or veggies aren't healthy!

But I also think people sometimes just say that out of habit, not because they really don't think you need to lose weight. I find myself saying it all the time to people. Someone says they need to lose weight and the automatic response is to tell them they look great and don't need to lose weight. And, in my experience, most of the time that's really what people want to hear anyway.

I get this a lot too. They have a cow when I say I'm dieting. Especially since I don't eat out with them or eat most of the junk that is brought in. I bring all my food to work and eat at my desk and passersby will get to see exactly what I'm eating. They'll tell me I need more fat, more carbs, more protein....more more more. They'll even put candies on my desk and say, "Here, you NEED this". They will have arguments with me about why I'm not eating what they've given me. It's kind of like a joke for them, but it gets old for me and sometimes derails me from my plan since I might go home and binge because of it. Why do people feel the need to comment that you DON'T need to lose weight and then try to force feed you?

Hopefully this doesn't make me sound food-obsessed, but I think everyone should be on a "diet". Not necessarily restricting everything they eat, but at least looking at nutritional information and making careful decisions. In today's fat-laden high-calorie world, it's quite difficult even to maintain without being conscious of what you eat.

I agree, scenestealer. I'll be doing that basically for the rest of my life. The way the girls at my work act, you'd think I'm some sort of weirdo b/c I don't want to eat a 600 caloie piece of pizza or calzone 2-3 times a week. WHAT!?!?

i know. What is it about having kids that tells others we now have a license to be fat for the rest of our lives?

i don't think so.:p

I feel ya :) People assume I have an eating disorder...I explain that more people in my family are overweight than healthy.

It odd cas Im only 19, but I already have eating habits that are healthy and I believe I can and will keep with me for the rest of my life. To alot of people the idea that I will NEVER EVER eat an upsized McDonalds Combo (or even a combo for that matter) again really gets to them. But I like it :)

My partners mum is the worst, she always asks him if Ive lost anymore weight, and watches how much I eat whenever Im there....admitedly I don't eat that much. But thats cas I DON'T NEED IT! Not cas Im anorexic or trying to look like Nicole Richie....

Gosh!

No threat here?
 

My DH is being funny when he says

"I want you to weigh 300 lbs. so no other man will look at you"

Or is he :?:? I think he would rather I was "frumpy" again rather than "sexy and curvelicious" (all quotes are direct from his mouth) but he can't really say that to me now can he :p?

I think he's feeling very threatened :( because I'm in so much better shape than he is and I'm 5 years older!

I think most people feel threatened by change, even if it's positive. I don't discuss my weight loss with anyone. It's really none of their business.

I'm very fortunate :) in that I work outside so there is no desk to put the candies on or group lunch or free food (FREE FOOD - I'm in!) at work to derail :devil: my diet.

Dagmar :cool:

I had a friend who kept telling me be careful you don't want to loose to much. She would watch what I ate at work and tell me "is that all you are going to eat today?" I found out a few months later that she wasn't that great of a friend after all. I know now that she was try to sabotage my diet. You know when to start maintaining and not lose anymore.

I'm a little worried that once I reach my goal weight I won't want to stop and then I WILL end up like Nicole Riche.
Of course I'm getting way ahead of myself, this is only day 3 of my diet.

Justdoit, that doesn't sound like a very nice friend! My best friend just lost 15-20 lbs and we've been very supportive of each other.

Originally Posted by thinnythighs:
i know. What is it about having kids that tells others we now have a license to be fat for the rest of our lives?

i don't think so.:p

A license? how about an OBLIGATION to be fat. Seriously. I am still way bigger than my SIL, but my MIL thinks it is unhealthy for me to be this weight because I wasnt this weight before i had kids so it "is not natural"

"Natural" ... I like that. It's sorta like how I used to think I was a sturdy flemish woman.

I think part of the key is change. We like that which is familiar. "Don't change anything, it makes me uncertain".

Thats sucha good point :)

I have never been slim...well maybe when I was 2 years old? Always been justa bit chubby but never slim! Now Im finally heading somewhere towards slim and people are saying that I don't need to cas its not natural for me! Thing is I am NATURALLY petite! I have tiny wrists, a tiny waist and should be at the lighter end of my healthy weight range!

....But im scared if i do get to that everyone will think Im sick or something...

Originally Posted by ennay:
Harrumph...come live in my world! I've been told that exercise isnt good for you and also that the way I eat isnt healthy. Did you know that too many vegetables destroy your colon? Too hard to digest. And low fat is of course unhealthy (I somewhat agree...but I mean almonds and avocados and they mean butter and whole milk). Cows are the only source of protein and iron. Milk is the only source of calcium. And Sunny D IS a fruit. As is jello

Lets not get started on how I am destroying my heart, lungs, skeleton and joints by running. :dizzy:

OMG too funny!

yeah, before my wedding I told a bridesmaid I wanted to lose 30 lbs before my wedding (it never happened). Well, she was like "Why would you want to do that? Do you WANT to look like a slut when walking down the aisle???" And I was like... "huh??" What, because I am overweight that provents me from looking slutty? Or if I became thin, that would automatically make me slutty? I was astonished when she said this... and very puzzled. I can't help but wonder if it's just that I have always been the "big girl" in my group of friends, but now they have gained weight, and I wanted to lose? Not really sure. Interesting thread, though!

I'm no featherweight :) so I'm seeing this from a slightly different perspective.

I've known a few of my friends who were on the slimmer side of the scale to constantly talk about their need to change their diet and lose weight. They were fishing for that "What? You look fantastic!" compliments. (In fact, they outright said so... and boy did I feel great as the fat friend telling someone they didn't need to lose weight :rolleyes: Maybe they just wanted to rub it in my face, but I won't go there!) It became an automatic response to them. So, I know that for me, were I to say that, it's not to be insulting. I just figure someone needs to hear that they look nice.

I have a co-worker is also quite slender, and she follows WW, and we talk about it sometimes, because I, too, follow WW. She explained to me that she wasn't truly trying to lose weight so much as eat healthier, and she liked the balance she found at WW. Now that I could understand & relate to. So, we talk about health, not weight. :) (I could talk about nutrition & food all frickin' day long!)

I don't think minding our own business, and shedding a few unwanted pounds while getting healthier is anyone else's business. I'm surprised, and a little worried, that as I approach my goal area I'd get treated the same way. I've tried to replace my "Oh, but you look great" response when someone says "I need to lose weight" with simply "Oh?". They'll talk about it if they want to, and I can usually gauge whether they simply want to hear "You look good" or if they actually want to eat wiser & exercise.

What annoys me terribly is reading that some of you are told those "You look good... for being (insert age here/pregnant/having had kids)". Please. Those are terribly backhanded. If we think someone looks nice, can't we just say "Oh you look so nice!" and mean it?

Also, that people think losing weight is a purely cosmetic thing. Yes, slimming down is part of what I'm doing, but come on, I ENJOY eating healthier & exercising now. So, if I enjoy doing it now, when I need to lose quite a bit more, am I not going to continue to enjoy eating this way when I'm at goal? As if eating healthier & exercising are only for people who need to lose a lot of weight. There's nothing wrong with me now for refusing a slice of pizza, and there's going to be nothing wrong with me a year from now for refusing a slice of pizza.

Wow Faerie - You've made some outstanding points in your post! Well said!

I totally agree with all points across the board. Alot of friends will instantly say, "oh you look great, you don't need to lose weight". But in my opinion what else are they gonna say..."yeah you really need to"? that would be horrible!

As for people discouraging you in a maliscious manner thats just wrong! I have a friend who is a "all about me" type and she constantly nags at me for losing weight and the way I choose to do it. I work out 5-6 days a week and count calories and she says I am over doing it, and changes dont happen over night. Does she think I am an idiot? I have been working on this since the end of december and she is going to put in her two cents after I lost 15-20lbs, no thank you. She has an issue with the fact that she eats unhealthy, doesn't excersize and then at the end of the day wonders why she can't lose weight. I just write people off that are out to destroy you. I believe the phrase is "Misery Loves Company"

I see that all of you are basically in my weight range when you started your diets. How did you reach your goal? I started my diet on Jan 5 and have only lost 3lbs. I exercises 5-days per week. I figured it was going slow b/c I only had 20lbs to lose but this is ridiculous. I had 2 pieces of cake (on 2 separate occasions) and that is the only time I have slipped in 9 weeks.

I've read all the posts and i can't believe how much i can relate to a lot of them!! Especially the one about the friend trying to 'sabotage' your healthy eating plan. I live in a house with 3 girls and i've been eating healthily since i moved in here basically. I've known them for 2 years and they just can't get their heads around why i would possibly not want to eat CRAP like them! Just because i don't want takeaways every other day etc doesn't make me anorexic!

They'll study everything i eat, watch what i buy, see what i have in the cupboard, look at me in a discouraging way if i have a small dinner or a piece of toast etc (i eat 6 small meals a day, not 3 big ones!) and i just think 'i don't need this on top of trying to stay on plan'. but on the other hand i think 'right, this is going to motivate me to do the right thing, i know i'm making HEALTHY choices and that's worth more than anything!'.

It's just sad when you're made to feel bad about making the right decisions about healthy foods.

Originally Posted by Sarae878:
I see that all of you are basically in my weight range when you started your diets. How did you reach your goal? I started my diet on Jan 5 and have only lost 3lbs. I exercises 5-days per week. I figured it was going slow b/c I only had 20lbs to lose but this is ridiculous. I had 2 pieces of cake (on 2 separate occasions) and that is the only time I have slipped in 9 weeks.

I lost 15 lbs. in 9 months. I have slipped :o so many times in such large ways that it's too embarrasing :o to detail.

There are as many different methods for weight loss as thee are people on this site. I would suggest reading a bunch of different posts in a bunch of forums to see if you can't find something to work for you.

You could also detail your plan for us and we could maybe make some suggestions. We have many "expert" dieters on board.

Dagmar (let it snow - NOT!!!)

Since I have a long way to go until goal. I can only give some general advice from what I have learned so for on this journey I am taking.

Do I find the journey easy, yes most of the time. Now, that might be because most of my weight gain was from meads. It could also be because before the weight gain I was always reasonably thin and in shape so I have never had to lose weight before.

I think if a person is eating the required amounts of the four basic food groups a day. If a person is staying within reasonable ranges of calories, fat, carbs and proteins a day for their build and age. If they aren't doing without all the things they love but are instead incorporating those things into their daily meals. They are doing what is good for them.

We have all learned we do not live to eat, we eat to live. There are a great many people that need to learn something else. We do not live to watch what we eat and exercise. We watch what we eat and exercise to live a long and healthy life. There are a great many people who really don't eat enough. They do not get enough of the food groups in and all that is on their mind 24/7 is to get thinner. Those people are not having a very healthy life. A great many people never lose all the weight they need to lose or they don't maintain their weight loss. Why, because they can lie to them selfs about how they are eating but they can't lie to everyone else.

Those of us that have had to lose a great deal of weight and maybe even some people who have only had a few pounds to lose know we don't always see our selfs as others see us. I don't see a great deal of difference in how I look right now than how I looked 48 lbs ago. Yet, everyone else around me see a huge difference.

Sometimes I think others don't want us to be thinner, healthier and look great. Sometimes I think we need to pay more attention to what others see. They see us as we don't see our selfs.

When someone says to me you don't need to lose anymore weight and I have a few people doing that to me even now. I tell them, I should be between 110 and 125. When I get into that range I will start asking those of you in my life that love me and care about how I am, if I still need to lose weight.

Wow, I completely relate to all of these posts. There is always someone in better and in worse shape that you so how can anyone say, "you don't need to lose weight" or whatever, their opinion is usually based on their own insecurities. EVERYONE can be healthier. You have to know you're own limits. But I don't tell people I'm trying to lose weight bc they get almost angry with me bc I "don't need to lose weight". The best bet for me to say that I just want to be healthier. I love this thread, its great to see people who feel the same as me. -JILLLLLLL

Well I have tried calorie counting and it has worked in the past but this its not I'm constantly thinking about food and hungry even after I have reached my calorie limit. So now I am trying low carb. 25lbs is the most overweight I have been but getting weight to come off has been hard.

If I receive these comments.. I simply tell them, it's not that I want to weigh a certain amount... I want to "Feel my best"... Feeling your best and feeling lean and strong is a big motivator for me...

I feel the same way everyone. I don't want to lose weight to look good for having two kids. I want to look good no matter how old I am or how many kids. My husband doesn't think I need to lose weight but knows that I want to make changes because *I* am not happy with me right now. I don't care if anyone else knows I am thinking about dieting or losing weight, in fact I probably won't let my friends and family know just because I don't want there to be any pressure. I feel like if they do know they will judge me on how much I have lost, etc.

I really want it to be a change towards a healthier lifestyle for life. And I expect that if I really do have a healthier lifestyle I will be in that target weight for my height.

I'm starting to get those comments and "don't get too skinny" now that I'm shedding my last bits of excess fat.

FairySarah made a point that i can completely relate to, especially as i'm also 19 - friends telling me it's not 'natural' for me to be any thinner...

That got me so angry! I'm not overweight but I overeat, so by cutting down to healthier portions and exercising more, weight has been coming off, and I don't see how that's unnatural!! Fair enough I can't eat takeaways every night like some of my friends do without them gaining a pound, but THAT doesnt make me unnatural - you're just blessed with a fantastic metabolism if you can do that and not put on weight, not the other way around!!