3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

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-   -   Does anyone tell you... (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/featherweights/133970-does-anyone-tell-you.html)

frog0726 02-09-2008 10:51 AM

Does anyone tell you...
"You don't need to lose weight"? I think it's great that people think I look alright, but that's the thing...I don't want to look "OK" or "good for having 3 kids". I want to look awesome (and to be able to put on a bikini), not to mention the health risks I have from having a grandfather die from a heart attack and a mom and grandma having diabetes (plus I had diabetes with one of my pregnancies, and so did my sister). Does anyone else get these comments from people?

srmb60 02-09-2008 10:59 AM

Yup. Irritating isn't it?

I'm offended that they seem to think I'm doing this for some sort of 'outside' confirmation.

I'm particularly grumpy about the 'for having three kids' and 'for your age' things. Having children, aging ... are not unfortunate health threats, they're normal life happenings!!!

Phew! That's a pretty grumpy post for me. Sorry!

walking2lose 02-09-2008 12:03 PM

I have lots of friends and coworkers who are quite overweight (much more than I am). They all know I try to eat healthy, but I try not to actively discuss my efforts to lose because 1) I think it makes them feel bad as they are overweight, and 2) they see my weight as maybe close to where they want to be. I do have friends who are like me - "featherweights" who have gained maybe 20-30 lbs. or so since getting married, having kids, or whatever -- these are the friends I tend to discuss with - several of us count calories on dailyplate or fitday, we exercise together when possible, we make wise choices (or split plates) when eating out together, etc. But around others, I don't bother letting on that I'm trying to lose -- just doesn't seem they'll understand why and just seems to cause friction.

KendraLynn 02-09-2008 12:47 PM

I was at goal weight a year and a half ago. My boyfriend, who was with me through 60 lbs of weight loss, began telling me that I looked "emaciated," even though I had had my body fat percentage calculated and my fitness level evaluated by a professional who said that I was doing great but had a little further to go. Obviously my boyfriend wasn't jealous of me, but I'm sure that there were other similar reasons behind his comments. In the end, you just have to understand that your weight loss might be hard for other people to accept, but they're not the ones who get to make this decision. You are. You have a right to lose weight or gain it when you want, and you shouldn't have to feel snubbed because of it.

frog0726 02-09-2008 02:32 PM

It's not like it bothers them that I'm losing weight. They couldn't care less. I'm not even friends with my co-workers. I don't put a huge sign over my head that says: TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT! But when I'm at work (which is a pizzeria), and I don't eat the free food my work offers us nightly, or I bring in veggies and a turkey pita, they start to notice, and ask questions. Then I get the whole, "Oh, you don't need to lose weight, you are fine, you have 3 kids, blah blah" spiel.

ennay 02-09-2008 03:03 PM

yes especially irritating to me is the concept that if you choose not to eat junk food you must be dieting. There is no middle ground.

souvenirdarling 02-09-2008 03:47 PM

I have one good friend who's got a completely different body type than me - pear shaped, wide hips, little bust, a wee tummy, I think she's beautiful :) She doesn't especially watch what she eats at all.

But if I mention going tot he gym or watching my weight, I get this look of her. THE LOOK. Part concern, maybe pity? "You're not fat!" She says it so quickly it makes me roll my eyes.

My answer would always be a "come on, be realistic" in the I'm obviously overweight and it's healthier not to be. Her concern for my sensitivity gets me...

RNmomof5 02-11-2008 12:12 PM

Yes! Just this morning as I was getting off of work I was told by a co worker who hasn't seen me in a while, "You really look good for having 5 kids." I immediately said "Thanks!", but after, I kind of wondered if that was actually a compliment! Other people tell me comments such as "You don't need to loose more weight" and "You look great now" but I think people may just be comparing me to how I looked 50 lbs heavier. I do look better now,of coarse, but at 5 feet tall, and a size 8, I know there is room for improvement! I would love to "look great" to other people, and of coarse myself, regardless of how many children I have!!!!

mandalinn82 02-11-2008 12:22 PM

I get this a lot. My usual response is that I'm just trying to get lots of exercise and eat healthfully, and that I'm sure my body will settle at a happy, healthy weight for me. People cannot argue with whether you "need" to have healthy habits, so they don't try!

ennay 02-11-2008 03:59 PM


Originally Posted by mandalinn82 (Post 2048971)
People cannot argue with whether you "need" to have healthy habits, so they don't try!

Harrumph...come live in my world! I've been told that exercise isnt good for you and also that the way I eat isnt healthy. Did you know that too many vegetables destroy your colon? Too hard to digest. And low fat is of course unhealthy (I somewhat agree...but I mean almonds and avocados and they mean butter and whole milk). Cows are the only source of protein and iron. Milk is the only source of calcium. And Sunny D IS a fruit. As is jello

Lets not get started on how I am destroying my heart, lungs, skeleton and joints by running. :dizzy:

dvsminx 02-11-2008 04:21 PM

I love this thread. I'm not actively trying to lose weight, because I know that I'm well within what is healthy for my age and height, however I'm learning to add in exercise every day, and if that sheds of some pounds of fat then I'm not complaining. Plus if I can fit back into the clothes I was wearing 3 years ago it would save me A LOT of money! I've learned not to even mention the 'diet' word, because people have a bad reaction to it, when asked I just talk about exercising and trying to eat less fatty foods.

BlueToBlue 02-11-2008 04:53 PM

I get this all the time, but that's probably because I really don't need to lose weight. :carrot: Well, I guess it depends on who you ask--one website that I use to calculate body fat% says my ideal weight is 111, which I've never been able to achieve. But I think that website is high. I don't really need to lose any more weight. I'd like to lose a couple of "insurance pounds," but it's not really a necessity.

But when people ask me if I'm trying to lose weight or express horror that I might be losing more weight, I usually just tell them that I'm trying to maintain my weight. That generally quiets them down. Luckily, here in CA, no one would ever suggest that exercise or veggies aren't healthy!

But I also think people sometimes just say that out of habit, not because they really don't think you need to lose weight. I find myself saying it all the time to people. Someone says they need to lose weight and the automatic response is to tell them they look great and don't need to lose weight. And, in my experience, most of the time that's really what people want to hear anyway.

gastronome 02-12-2008 02:51 AM

I get this a lot too. They have a cow when I say I'm dieting. Especially since I don't eat out with them or eat most of the junk that is brought in. I bring all my food to work and eat at my desk and passersby will get to see exactly what I'm eating. They'll tell me I need more fat, more carbs, more protein....more more more. They'll even put candies on my desk and say, "Here, you NEED this". They will have arguments with me about why I'm not eating what they've given me. It's kind of like a joke for them, but it gets old for me and sometimes derails me from my plan since I might go home and binge because of it. Why do people feel the need to comment that you DON'T need to lose weight and then try to force feed you?

Scenestealer 02-12-2008 01:41 PM

Hopefully this doesn't make me sound food-obsessed, but I think everyone should be on a "diet". Not necessarily restricting everything they eat, but at least looking at nutritional information and making careful decisions. In today's fat-laden high-calorie world, it's quite difficult even to maintain without being conscious of what you eat.

frog0726 02-12-2008 02:57 PM

I agree, scenestealer. I'll be doing that basically for the rest of my life. The way the girls at my work act, you'd think I'm some sort of weirdo b/c I don't want to eat a 600 caloie piece of pizza or calzone 2-3 times a week. WHAT!?!?

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