ok, here it is laid out straight.

i don't mind exercising. i swear i don't. really. when i used to do the firm tapes regularly, i even sort of kind of enjoyed it.

my problem is that i feel like a dork. i feel so uncoordinated, so un-graceful, so pathetic. whether i go to the gym and see real live people or whether i do a home video and see people on my screen. i always feel like such a loser.

gosh, this is hard to explain. lets see if i can give an example. i was all hepped up on tae bo. it sounded and looked fascinating and like a lot of fun. i bought a couple of dvds and popped one in yesterday morning. about 10, 15 minutes into it, i turned it off. once they got into the punches and kicks, i felt like i looked ridiculous. i even kept looking out my living room window to see if anyone was riding by and could see me (the window is huge, and even though its covered, i was convinced my neighbors were riding by and laughing at me.) i felt so uncoordinated. i was watching all the people on the tape, and their moves looked so sharp and clean and in time, and then there was me. flopping my arms around, missing kicks, putting the wrong arm out with the wrong leg. i feel like i can't get anything right.

i feel this way with all tapes so far. even the firm. i get all stumbled up going up and over the box/transfirmer. i can't get my feet to do what theirs do when their arms are doing what they are doing. it feels like my body doesn't work in synch. it feels like i have no grace whatsoever.

sigh. i can't join a gym because the "people looking at me and laughing" thing is too strong right now. i had these issues before and it took a lot out of me to resolve them to the point where i didn't think EVERYONE was looking at me and laughing. but its getting strong again. so, since i didn't want this post to turn into a psych therapy session...

does anyone have any suggestions? i am planning on moving my workout space into the basement, as soon as $$ allow. this way, i don't have to worry about the neighbors looking in (since i am SURE they have nothing better to do with their time ). but. then what do i do about my own screwed up head? i'm a perfectionist in some ways... i don't like learning curves. i expect myself to be able to know things instantaneously. so when i try to do the videos and i get all bumbled up, i get frustrated and mad at myself.

so, are there any videos out there for a graceless soul like me? something i could use to get my confidence up? don't get me wrong. i've loved all the videos i've tried so far. i just feel so inadequate by comparison.

any suggestions? other than seeing a psychologist for my issues, because really... that is on my to do list. erm, once i get over my issue with calling to make appointments. wait! let me shut up before you all suggest trying to get out of a straight jacket for exercise!

kindly,
susan

Hi Susan,
I know how you feel, I've felt the same way. I was like you for a while when I first started to exercise. You really need to stick to it and eventually you'll get the hang of it. No one really knows what the next move the instructor is gonna put us through. so you'll stumble, miss a move or flop your arms about the first few times but you'll get it later. Just keep it up

Fortunately, burning calories has nothing to do with GRACE you just need to MOVE!

I am sorry you have such difficulties with feeling "less than" and don't like learning curves. What about trying calisthenics? You'd need only to do jumping jacks and so on...no coordination needed, it gets your heart rate up and you burn calories!

That being said, you will get the "hang" of it if you just keep at those tapes.

Ask yourself this: What is the fear/feeling associated with people watching you? What do you think theyr will do? Laugh? Have contempt? feel like you aren't any good?" Let me tell you, anyone who thinks ANYTHING but "Oh! Good for her! She's becoming more fit!" is an @$$...and you, YOU my dear are a Goddess, for trying to improve yourself!

I know that when I purchased the Tae Bo video tapes many years ago, it came with an instruction tape on how to do all the moves. How about practicing them before going into the actual full work out. I cant get some of those kicks either, but you will get there. Is simply going for a walk and option?

kathy

thanks ladies. calisthenics might be a good idea. i am always falling into the other stuff, because it just looks like it might be more fun. but, i guess i have to start with whatever works...fun or not! maybe i can find a "fun" calisthenics tape, maybe something with music from my era - 80's and early 90's - rather than the generic background music. i'll have a look around on collage or one of the other fitness tape selling sites.

as for walking. it is sooooooo cold. i don't tolerate the cold very well. in fact, i hate it. i am trying to convince my husband that we need to move to arizona in the next three years! LOL! we are actually hoping to go out there for a visit next year to find a spot for ourselves for when he retires (early) from his job. but thats off topic. yeah, i don't handle the cold well. i know it sounds like a lame excuse, but i get all shivery, my jaw starts to clatter like in the cartoons, and i start to move at molasses speed. i have always been like this, since i was younger. but its gotten much worse as i get older. in the summer, the baby and i walk just about every day. but now that the winter is here... we just don't.

as for the people looking at me... yeah, i guess i'm afraid they'll laugh or wonder why i'm bothering. kind of a "whats the point" attitude. however, it is so not them. its all about me and my issues. i am sure no one is even looking in my windows as they drive by, much less thinking anything other than where they are getting their coffee or who has the cheapest gas prices. but in my own warped little brain, i've convinced myself that i'm worthless and that they all know it too. ~sigh~ but there is more on that on the depression board.

as for the exercises. i'm going to put billy in my dvd again tonight and do it anyway. no matter how stupid i look or feel. i did start to sweat even after those 10/15 minutes, so it must be doing something, right? i'll just have to learn to stop sabatoging myself.

i think i read somewhere about an inspirational tae bo? is it still available? is it really inspirational? maybe i'll try that one, too. hey, if nothing else, i am a prolific financial supporter of the fitness video industry.

Since you so avidly support the fitness video industry (I'm guilty too), have you thought about trying TurboJam? I bought it and find that's a little bit less complicated than TaeBo and has better music. The instructor is kinda goofy/funny, but you can really tell that she's into it, big time, and is very likeable. Plus (unlike the Firm) there's no equipment to stumble over...

Oh my gosh, that is EXACTLY how I felt and still do. I hate going to the gym because I have no balance or coordination that I can barely walk across a room without stumbling somewhere along the way. I started doing videos at home so I wouldn't feel so self-conscious and I think it has helped a lot, I do it a lot more frequently for longer periods. When I get up more confidence (and hopefully more grace) I will go back to the gym.

The first tapes I tried were the Firm series. I barely got through the first five minutes because everything was going so fast and they kept switching steps- I gave up every time it got into those little dance combo things and I would get soooo frustrated, I would just give up for days feeling like a completely helpless loser. I didn't want to give up completely because I know how much exercise is going to help me lose weight, so I tried a couple of different ones, and trust me, the Firms is still one of the hardest ones I have found. I have gotten a lot better at it and can go through it in it's entirety now but I struggled for a long long time.

I would definately suggest trying something else if you don't like those yet. Trust me, you will get bored and more advanced that whatever you get, save those for a little bit more down the road so you can see the progress you have made too.

For starters, I would try Walk Away the Pounds with Leslie Sansone. They are really good, you get a good workout and she goes slowly and modifies things so you don't feel like you are just trying your hardest to keep up with the moves.

I also really liked the Slim in 6 series with Debbie Siebers, that one is a little harder than Walk Away but she does go slower with longer reps so you can keep up. There are a lot of good toning exercises in there, but they are a lot longer workouts - usually around 50-70 minutes.

What I have been doing lately is Yourself! Fitness. I have only been doing it for about a week now, but I enjoy it. It's like a game, only a virtual personal trainer. (I think you can get it for Playstation 2, X-Box and PC). It is really fun for me because it makes working out into a game. What's really good about it is it will give you a physical evaluation first to test what level you are at in certain areas then make a workout for you. You can decide what music, background, and how long you want to make it. And, after every workout she will ask you how you felt about it and adjust accordingly to your level- then every so often, you take another test to see your progress.

Anyway, I hope that helps!

thanks everyone!

baker - turbo jam... i've been hearing a lot about it on here. i get it on the beachbody website? sounds interesting. i'm always looking for better music!

lucky - oh, i so know what you mean about the firm. i can tell they work, but... jeez! i can't even keep up with the switching boxes! LOL... by the time i re-arrange my box or transfirmer, the instructor is already into the exercise! i have to be the slowest moving person alive!

as i said, i am a staunch supporter of the fitness video industry, and upon looking through my collection, i found one of the leslie sansone WATP videos. still wrapped. i will try that for now.

the yourself! one sounds neat, too. i will have to look into the pc version (we don't have the gaming systems).

well, thanks for the advice and support. i know exercise is super important, so i will continue to try to find something that works. again, thanks for the help!

kindly,
s

I can so relate on the coordination problems. I have a mild version of cerebral palsy, and my physical coordination was such an issue as a kid, that I was sent to a special school, as they assumed because I couldn't catch a basketball or tie my shoe laces at seven years old, that there was something seriously wrong.

I joined the gym this year at 262lbs and was scared to death of falling, not because I would hurt myself (I'm pretty much unbreakable after 33 years of mishaps) but because I would look an idiot.

My gym instructor pushes me, he modified things at the beginning but now makes me to do the lot. I hated lunges and squats, and yep I have fallen on my ample derriere in the gym, and you know what, not a comment, no one even noticed. Except once, when a lady said "thank goodness I am not the only person to have done that".

In my experience everyone has AGN (acquired gym neuroses) it goes with the territory. Everyone thinks they are the fattest, the most unco-ordinated and the most unatrractive to have ever stepped over the threshold, completely normal!!!

My advice is do whatever works for you, but don't worry that others will laugh at you, because it is very likely they are just thinking "phew glad it wasn't me --- this time!"