3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community - Lifting/Toning and looking manly

Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny:
Don't leave just because you didn't like one person's answer. Your questions did come off in a way that some people would find not only insulting but a little passive aggressive too. For example you say "I know this topic has been discussed forever, but I just can't get a grasp on why people keep saying women who lift won't become manly looking." Some people would take that you mean that you've already heard the various reasons why people say that women can't bulk up but you think the opposite anyway and are challenging the facts that you've already heard.

You say "...how do people weight train without looking square??" This is also antagonistic because I'm pretty positive that not one single person, not even very serious athletes trains for the purpose of looking square. And since it has been discussed to death, it takes a whole lot of effort beyond just a work out per day in order to make your muscles that large.

Then you said "I hope I'm not being offensive-I know they've gone through tremendous work to look this way" - which states again that you already know how difficult it is to achieve that level of build, and it's easy to avoid if you don't want it.

You say " I feel like all the women who work out and have toned arms immediately look more square than the bottom half" - again with calling women square, and then making a sweeping judgement on all women who work out.

And the of course you say "I feel like all the girls who do squats also shrink their hips a bit (which I know is healthy) but also results in a smaller waist" - sweeping judgement and obvious lack of knowledge about what squats are meant for.

I really was not offended or insulted by your OP. But to continuously say that you don't mean offense and can't understand why any of these things are offensive... well ya that doesn't sit well with most people. I'm not personally offended but that's not exactly the best way to go about a conversation if you truly don't mean to insult anyone lol. More or less you're saying "please don't take this the wrong way, but why do you want to look like a man and what can I do so that I don't look like that at all?" So I hope your questions are all answered, it seems like you don't have much to worry about right? It can be confusing when you're first starting out but it sounds like you have an awesome trainer who will do her best to help you not look like her. Also, did you ever figure out what your body shape is according to that link I sent you?

The first link I posted (in my original post) is titled "Proof that Lifting Weights Will NOT Make Women Bulky" but when I look at the photos *to me* it looks like she put on quite a bit of muscle. I'm not challenging anything I'm saying if this is *proof* it seems women CAN get bulky. So I want to know what I should do if I don't want to get that muscular. I guess the word "square" is causing all the commotion? I think I'm rectangle shape but as I've gained it's more square, that's the whole reason I'm trying to work out and not accentuate those features.

This is why I posted Jen Selter profile, because she was not as curvy before she was working out, and after getting toned/fit she got more curves, so I asked if it was genetic, because *if I were to lift/tone* that's the look I would want to go for.

Anyway, I'm tired of this thread/topic and have no desire to really comment on here anymore. I go to xfit gym so I based what I saw on the people I see and talk to there, I know how hard they work for their bodies, I talk about this square topic many times and not one girl/guy has ever been offended so I didn't think it was an issue, again my apologies for offending anyone.

Originally Posted by Sinead:
I'm curious to hear this advice, thanks!

Me too!! I really feel like this is what I wanted to ask, I should have asked my question differently. Her daughter does modeling for Abercrombie so I'm assuming she has a very clean diet! That's gonna be rough for me :(

Originally Posted by TooWicky:
You sound a bit put out about being made to feel temporarily awful or insulting, but it's important not to hang on to all of that - life is too short for emotional roller coaster drama and I don't subscribe to it.

Your original post mentioned not wanting to look manly or near manly twice, and seriously not wanting to be square or squarish twice.

I wanted to gently point out that some of us on the extreme end of the body spectrum do not have a choice about looking squarish. Some of us will not and can not have an hourglass figure or even hips bigger than our waists. Some of us ladies naturally have a much larger upper body with broad shoulders and bigger arms. Do you think it's possible that equaling that type of figure to being manly or near manly (the opposite gender, in fact,) might possibly be a bit oft-putting to some of your fellow posters here? Even more unfortunately, and to quote you, you even typed "Personally, as a girl, that's how I would want to keep my figure" referring to preserving your hourglass shape. Oh boy.

I am absolutely all for a person having a preference for whatever body type and physique one wants to achieve! I mean this when I say I wish you the best of luck in the gym. As an "inverted triangle" shape, it does get tiresome, though, to be held up as the HECK NO and WHY WOULD ANY GIRLS DO THAT TO THEMSELVES type of example, though. If I had my druthers, people would focus on what they want to achieve, rather than point out people as examples of that they do not want. To me, anyway, it keeps the spirit of supportiveness and positivity alive without inadverdently insulting someone for something they can't change.

On an additional note, I want to say I very much admire you for getting a personal trainer at the gym!! I am having an awful time getting started with fitness. Up until this point, I have lost all my weight through diet alone. Again, good luck to you, and I mean this sincerely. Please update us on your progress - this lively thread aside, I'm very curious about what workouts and advice your trainer will be giving you about maintaining your hourglass figure.

I am the squarish/rectangle shape (as I gain I tend to look more top heavy and square), I want to keep the more rectangle shape if I can as it is my preference. The girls I work out with at the gym don't care for a shape per se, they work out for competitions, dead lift, it's pretty intense stuff.
Luckily my trainer knows what my goals are, so I will direct these sort of questions toward her next time.

I also wanted to add, I don't think Ive ever said I had an hourglass figure? I want to achieve it if I can, but if not keep my original shape which (looking at older photos) seems like a rectangle.

Lastly, Diamond made it seem like I was pointing out flaws in attempt to purposely insult someone, and got quite catty with her comments. "Taste of your own medicine, don't get mad when people tell you your butt would look better firmer, or thighs smaller? Dear god. When I say I'm not trying to be offensive, it means I'm not trying to insult, I get this is a sensitive issue. If I lost 50 lbs and someone told me, if I were you I would lose 10lbs more, I would not be insulted, that's a preference for *their* body.

I had quite a few people look at this thread and thought things got blown out of proportion and how it's very common when women start losing weight to want to look a certain way. I'm going to direct these questions else where from now on.

Anyway, thanks for the responses.