Very attractive that works at my gym. Bad idea to ask him out?

  • Alright. For the past 8-9 months or so I have been working out at my company's gym. Well, they have a guy that works the desk and stuff. I guess he isn't a "personal trainer" or anything, he just kind of takes care of the place. Well anyway, I think he is incredibly attractive. I have ever since I started working out there. We've never really talked though, besides "hi," "bye," and "have a good evening." Things like that. Well basically, I recently became single and I got the bright idea that I could actually ask him out or something if I wanted to. I found him on MySpace and he is single, and seems to be someone I would really like. I was 50 pounds heavier when I started going there, so he has seen me looking pretty nasty. Plus now even though I have lost a lot of weight, I still feel kind of squishy and untoned. He is in good shape and works at a gym so I'd imagine he likes girls to be in good shape too (I'm only guessing).

    So instead of asking him out... I thought maybe I could ask him some questions about toning my arms or something simple like that, to get a conversation started. He actually seems like a pretty shy person though so I'm not sure if it would lead to much. I guess I COULD ask him to help me with weight lifting. Anyway, I don't know, I've been with the same guy for many years so I'm afraid if I ask someone new out, they will shoot me down. I don't feel attractive enough for him. LOL.

    Any suggestions?
  • Okay... I think it completely depends. If it doesn't work out the way you hope, are you going to turn around and say: "Man...I guess he didn't like me because I'm not pretty, and still kinda fat and flabby"? If the answer is yes, I think I would hold off on it until your confidence is up there. If your reaction would be more like: "Well, I guess we didn't really mesh well, that's too bad", then go for it!

    You shouldn't feel like someone is "beyond" you because they're fit and work at a gym! You both might have a lot in common. Physical attraction is usually what draws people together in the beginning but it isn't what sustains a relationship in the long-run. What sustains it is the ability to share in similar interests and have conversations. He may be finding you attractive, too! You just don't know until you try. He may be really impressed with your progress!

    If you want to broach the subject and get to know him better by asking him some pointers on lifting, you should! Ask him to check your form on a squat or deadlift or something
  • J ~ you have the perfect opportunity to get to know him better, right in front of you, before taking the plunge. Sit down and make a list of things you could start a conversation about (esp relating to the gym), then make a point of talking to him at least a bit each time you go there.

    My main concern would be if you jumped in too early; he says NO and then you might not want to go to the gym anymore becuz of embarrassment. By taking it slow, that gives you time to work on your self-image as you get to know him better.

    Over the next while, you will see how he reacts to you; friendly or not. You will also get to know the real him as a friendly acquaintence first. That way you can be sure whether you really like him or not too. Then take it from there ...

  • What's the worse that could happen? That he'll say 'no'? So what? If you don't ask, you'll never know.
  • Oh, and PS~ One of the guys who trains the athletes at my University is a total hottie. I wanted to learn good squat form last semester, and he took about 20 minutes to help me out with it, was super nice and said to ask again for help any time. I'm not single, so I wasn't looking, but he's since said hello to me in the gym--and even once in the mall when I saw him. Who knows? If I were single and braver, I might have asked him out for coffee or a drink sometime. You never know until you approach someone!
  • Start out slow and just generally be nice to him, ask him questions about fitness and how to use the machines.... Stuff like that... Then you never know he may ask YOU out... I'm from the old school that the man should ask the woman out... ... Call me old fashion

    When I first met DH I thought he was way too smart for me... We've been married 25 years... He's still smarter, but only in certain things
  • I agree...I would go slow, and try the friend approach first. Then see what happens. Let's face it...relationships are hard! And ask yourself this: If it doesn't work, whether it ends on good or bad terms, would you be able to go work out and face him everyday??? If it wouldn't be a problem for you, then that's good. If it would be a problem, I'd think about it a little bit.
  • I pretty much agree with what everyone else before me has said.

    Just don't do what I tend to do and try to open up conversations with things like "Did you know that an octopus can fit through an opening the size of a quarter???"

  • Here's a kind of sneaky conversation starter. Ask him if anyone found a book (or whatever item is appropriate) you think you might have left there. That's how one of my friends met her hubby - she totally staged it (she came clean about it later and he thought it was the best pick up line he'd ever heard)!

  • Did anyone here see the brief MTV series called 'The Pick Up Artist'? It was hilarious. This guy called, of all things, Mystery, took a bunch of really geeky guys, gave them decent hair cuts and taught them to talk to (and pick up) women. It was right on the line between touching and skeezy, but it was very funny. They had some very lame (and yet oddly effective) pick up lines/conversation starters. One of the things they would do is go up to groups of women in bars and engage them in debate as to whether flossing should come before brushing, or after brushing...It was bizarre.

    Jpye, I think that you might as well flirt it up a bit and move towards asking him out, SO LONG AS you will feel able to keep going to the gym if he turns you down.
  • baffled- lol! I totally saw it. Dh and I still laugh about it, and he will occassionally ask me if it is okay to engage in "light kino." lololololololol!