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-   -   Frustrated... Depressed... (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/dieting-obstacles/224180-frustrated-depressed.html)

Initiative 01-30-2011 03:09 PM

Frustrated... Depressed...

I've been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia for about 2 years now, and I had serious problems from it a year before that. Looking back some of the aches and pains never seemed normal compared to every other kid around me but it wasn't ever painful enough to worry about. Stress, over-working myself, not sleeping... I have no idea what might have caused it, maybe all of the above. I've also always had bowel problems. I wake up between 4-6am every morning because of my bowels. If there is a day or two of relief then it's just the rest of me that kicks it up a notch and I still feel horrible. I don't have medical and don't have money. That's just lingering at the back of my mind though. I am trying to keep myself healthy on top of every day chores along with college followed by needing an income and new place to live in a few months. I have no idea how to achieve this considering I've barely dug myself out of being in pain and literally doing nothing but sit in bed with a heating pad. I can hardly handle my pain, staying healthy, keeping the house clean, grocery shopping, cooking and school... I don't know what I'm going to do. I've applied for SSI and I've applied for state medical but they say that I am not considered disabled. I seem and look perfectly fine, I can bend and stoop and lift. I can walk a pretty good amount... but only for so long. I can do all of those things but doing them consistently every day... I'm so stressed out over everything. My family doesn't understand what I'm going through much less care to. They keep telling me to find work and to finish school and to lose weight. I wouldn't want anyone to ever have to suffer from this but if there was a way to show them; make them feel what I feel... I'm battling myself and the world around me. I feel like I've already lost every single day because of this problem. I used to be so active and productive. I even did have a very active job in high school.

Since my graduation 2 years ago I had:
-been arrested falsely
-gained 50lbs
-been kicked out of my house
-been homeless for almost a year
-lost my medical
-family trauma/drama
-started smoking
-lost myself

Sorry for the long rant but I need some reassurance that things will work out. I just feel lazy even though I'm doing the best I can to get better and function...

P.S. I haven't smoked for over two months! ^_^

LightRaven 01-30-2011 10:53 PM

Hey Initiative,

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time at life right now :( Life sometimes throws crazy curve balls, eh? I've been through my fair share as well.. still am!

Unfortunately I don't have much in the way of encouragement... I don't have any experience with Fibro- It's sounds awful though. But congrats on your weightloss so far, as well as quiting smoking (It's next on my to-do list)

What Country/or State do you live in? Being a student and not having income could qualify you for State assistance as well as medical care. Also, if you live near a city- many have clinics that use sliding scale payment options- if you have no money, you pay no money.

As for disability- I guess having Fibro doesn't qualify? I dunno. But I believe depression does. I dont know if you are saying you are depressed as in, you have the actual condition, or if you are just feeling bummed because of life's circumstances...... I believe disability covers depression if it affects the person's ability to function in normal day to day activities- which of course, has to be noted by a doctor, etc.

Meh, I'm just throwing things out there. I hope things turn around for you though! :hug:


oklahomachick26 01-31-2011 12:01 AM

keep your chin up and i promise things will get better for you! *big hugs* ;)

Initiative 01-31-2011 11:22 AM

Thanks guys, every once in awhile this stuff gets to me.

LightRaven - I have been diagnosed with depression but never had it looked into deep enough because I never liked the doctors. I am positive I have bipolar depression, I change moods so quickly and my family pays for it. :( Plus the seasons changing doesn't make me all joy joy in the winter either. I basically have an outline of all these things with my doctor but it all came on so late I lost my medical before I could really get tested. I have re applied for medical because I got back into school so I'm hoping I hear back soon. I'm so nervous to find out. That's another one of my stresses; we've looked at all kinds of low income medical places and all of the tests I need are expensive and they can't help or they just wont see me. As for the SSI I've heard they turn down everyone the first time unless it's something they can't ignore. I plan to get better medical records hopefully soon and go back to them. It's been a year and I'm gonna tell them that things haven't gotten much better and I still need help.

Happy Canuk 02-04-2011 04:09 PM

Hi. I do feel for you, for I do have FM as well as OA. It is hard to carry on some days, and STRESS is one of the things that really is bad for FM. It does cause more pain. Can you do meditations? Look on the net or buy a CD of them, and then just relax. It will make a difference. Some gentle stretches also seem to help, but GENTLE is the word. I have terrible fatigue with the FM at times, and am still searching for AN"YTHING that will help with that one lol

Take care and good luck. It is truly a journey, and it does slow us down, which in this day and age, is NOT a bad thing. Being Bipolar might be a curve thrown into the mix. IBS certainly is part of FM.

fatmad 02-07-2011 06:20 PM

this might seem extreme, and depends on what else is happening with your family. If they have medical that you are now disqualified from because they made you leave, you could get legal action to have them put you back on the plan, especially if there is medical reason for the problems. I would also appeal any state disqualifications. and re=appeal as needed.
I hope you don't let them get you down, and you can keep working to get better.

whiningawayxz 03-10-2011 02:21 PM

You say you're feeling lazy--I've got to counter and say I doubt it's laziness. It sounds like you're incredibly stressed and your body is just tired.

If you're still not covered by insurance is there a state plan that you could look into? I know that several years ago when I was v low income, there was a gov plan that assisted. I think it varies from state to state, but maybe there's something available.

Initiative 03-13-2011 01:55 AM

I've applied a couple times. Last week I went for another disability exam of course through a state doctor... He told me that what I was experiencing was depression. WTF!?!?! He was talking about the debate on whether fibromyalgia is real and I could tell he thinks it's all bullsh*t. I've had depression since I was a young child and then at 18 probably 10 years after I had been experiencing it BAMM! Horrible pain! I was an athlete, I was in weight lifting and now I can't even feed myself or get out of bed a lot of the time. I literally force myself to workout because if I don't I start to get sick again. I am finally starting to pull myself out of a year long flare and it scares me to... deal with this in silence I guess. The government won't listen. The best thing they've done for me is allowed me to get medical marijuana because at least that doesn't cause worse effects than I'm already dealing with and I can actually attend school again.

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