Well, the Lord had gone before us and Daddy was not surprised when I told him that his cousin he said that when he woke up this morning that he had a feeling that his cousin was gone. He cried a little but he said he had been expecting it. Then he told me, "You have to remember that I won't be here much longer either". He said he had a feeling that he was leaving soon too. I cried and told him that I know that, but I really was not ready and never would be although I know it will happen. I told him that no matter when it he leaves us, it will be easy to let him go.
We visited and DH tried to pull up FB so he could see pictures and comments his cousins children and grandchild had put on there, but we couldn't get him and I couldn't find it on my cell phone. DS takes care of the places he goes on the computer so she will set it up next time she goes to see him. I tagged him on everything so he can see it when she gets him hooked back up on it. DH keeps the pc running but he doesn't do much online stuff so doesn't know much about setting up website memberships for Daddy. DS has always done that.
We went to the store and got our meds and few groceries and we were so late that we stopped and got McDonald HB. Now I'm going to relax until I have to go to bed which will be earlier since I have to go to beauty shop. I will stick to the oatmeal breakfast and the early dinner with a light snack sometime. My bs later is always less than it is when I have the lowcar breakfast of eggs. Seems to be the way my system works these days.
I'm really tired tonight. I think because of the stress of the day. Hope we all have a good nights sleep tonight.
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Trish, I'm glad your Dad was understanding about the passing of his cousin. It has to be hard for him, but he knows that death is part of life. You did well with this.
DH isn't feeling well this evening. He said he gets depressed in the evening and feels as if he will never get better. Last week he showed a lot of progress but not so much this week. He is still very tired all the time and naps a lot. I guess that's to be expected and it will take time. When the nurse comes it's morning and he tells her he feels good, which he does. But by evening he is very tired and says he feels lousy. He's not taking as many pain pills as he was. He takes Tylenol through the day and only takes the pain pills at bedtime now. Sometimes the pain is in his chest incision and sometimes it's in his hip. I know that most people have either the heart surgery or the hip surgery and he is dealing with both at the same time. The poor guy. He is not used to being laid up like this. It's hard to see him feeling so down. I had to apologize to him tonight for getting short with him. I think he realizes that this is hard for me also and I don't mean it personally.
We are trying to stay up as late as we can so we don't wake up in the middle of the night, but I seem to anyway. There is a CRNP coming to see him tomorrow morning. I don't know what she is going to do that is different from the nurse that comes a couple times a week. Probably just collect a payment from insurance. LOL I am assuming that DH's kids aren't coming until after 6PM. I hope they don't bring a cake. We don't need any more sweets in the house, but DGS loves birthdays and blowing out the candles, so they probably will. I would rather they brought dinner. LOL
Carol Sue My daughter had a doctor who told her that it takes about a year to fully recover from a surgery. If that is true, I would think that it would be normal for your DH to be feeling as he does recovering from 2 surgeries. Maybe that will help him to feel more confident that he is doing better than he thinks he is. I think it is harder for men to recover from things than it does women. I will keep you both in my prayers.
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Thank you for prayers, Trish. They work wonders. I prayed and prayed for relief from pain and his pain is really subsiding.....taking Tylenol during the day and pain pills only at bedtime.
I think its pretty normal for him to feel crummy in the evening Carol: he starts the day rested and feeling ok, especially after the pain pills at bedtime so he isn't too sore. Then he moves and does therapy and exercises, and then gets more tired and sore as the day goes on. If he can nap, and maybe even take a single pain pill mid-day if there is no afternoon therapy, he may do better in the evening. Even 30 minutes of rest can do a lot. I hope the birthday celebration goes well. If any of them call ahead tell them to bring supper, as you are not able to make any. Don't hesitate to ask for help, even call in advance. Its not like DH needs a gift, a gift of supper would go really well!
Weight is down a pound. Sadly, I am up with tummy pain. Accidental exposure to wheat. On Sunday, DH got us wings from the usual place, they don't flour them before frying, and I had some and all well. But that deep fryer also may fry mozzarella sticks and other breaded foods. It hasn't been a problem before, but eating the leftover wings last night, did me in. Like clockwork, about 2 hours later I was feeling the effects. And now can't sleep with the discomfort. I know its not a "dangerous" pain, so not doing anything other than warm tea as that helps. no caffeine though. Hope to get back to sleep in a while, even just dozing or napping on the couch.
I did have a late supper last night. DH said he too wanted to fast but thought 24 hours was as much as he could handle. He asked me to have supper with him then, so thats what we did. Ate lots of leftovers. The fridge is a little less crowded with several containers gone. And we had a nice big salad too.
Had a nice chat with older DD on the ship. She is doing fine, but long work days leaving her tired and a bit grumpy. The trip will be over after New Years and they will get ready to cross the Atlantic for a few days before leaving the caribbean. She likes the warm weather though.
Trish: I often find the elderly do fine about friends and family who pass away. It is not a surprise, but more an acceptance. And he is accepting that his time here is limited too.
Its great for you to have such a talk and do some of the letting go now. I am grateful my parents did not shy away from frank discussions about their wishes and living wills etc. I knew what they wanted and could accept that. I hope things will be peaceful when the time comes.
Location: Home of the Pirates, Steelers and Penguins
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Wt is 184, down one lb from my Christmas gain. FBG was 164 due to evening snacking.
Mad, DH naps often during the day. For years, he has gone back to bed while I watch my soaps from 12:30-2PM. He would put something else on TV but often fell asleep. He still does that, at other hours than the noon hour, too. One problem is he doesn't sleep well at night. He drinks caffeinated coffee in the afternoon and evening but CLAIMS it doesn't disturb his sleep. He is wrong. I think this is why he doesn't sleep well at night, but there's no talking to him. When he doesn't sleep well, I don't sleep well. Just my nature.
I won't specifically ask anyone to bring dinner. I was thinking of ordering a pizza and wings, but I will get it earlier, when DH and I normally eat, and they can heat it up when they come. DH will not want to wait until after 6 to eat.
Fatmad: I hope you were able to sleep and feel better when you got up. Sorry for the wheat reaction.
It is not easy to have some of the conversations with Daddy but I know that he is getting us ready because he loves us. BS is back home and things are kind of falling in place the way he wants them so that he can go in peace so I think that is a blessing. I've seen that happen in families before. I DH first wife would have been very upset if she had known their DD first Hubby would have ever had an affair and treated her daughter as he did. God is sooo good.
Carol Sue: It would be nice if your kids would think to bring the food, but if not I think your plan is a good one. Can you order it and have it delivered so you don't have to go out? I pray DH will feel better today. I agree with Mad that he is going to be wiped out after a busy day just because his recovery takes time.
I was blessed with a whoosh this morning and just pray I can keep it. Weight this morning was 217 and FBS was 151. Obviously eating a the oatmeal each morning as I do and IF is working. I was hungry once last night but I had not had dinner until almost 6 so I knew that I really wasn't hungry plus I didn't want anything on my tummy going to bed earlier. I really need to start going to bed no later than 12:30 and get up around 7:30. It gives me more me time to get things done and since I used to always get up earlier it might work out better.
Well, I've got to write DH DD and then get out of here. Today is beauty shop day and I need to go get my salad foods and a few things I can't get at Walmart from HEB after I go see Daddy. I am going to be absolutely lost when I that man leaves us. Maybe that is why the Lord is opening doors now for me to get busy in a church and Bible Study. The Lord has done that with me many times before so I know the signs.
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Step son and family are not coming. DGS is vomiting again. This is the third time in about a week. I don't know what is wrong with him but DIL said the doctor does not want to see him if he's vomiting. I think they should take him to the ER. I would not play around with this. It is probably a virus that is going around, but he could become extremely dehydrated from this.
I'm glad they are not coming because I am very tired. Step-daughter will probably still come but they will not stay long. I still have all their Christmas presents to give them.
I can't imagine a doctor not wanting to see you DGS because he is vomiting. I think this has been going on too long and he should be taken to ER or one of those ER clinics. I'm sorry but I think I would find me another doctor. JMHO I hope things go well this evening and DH and you get some rest.
Daddy teared up yesterday but stopped himself from crying I think because DH was there. He actually cried with me today saying this was hard for him and it is not easy to be the last one to go. I asked him if he had rehab this morning and he said yes, but he wondered why he is doing it. I reminded him that he doesn't know how much time he does has and he wants to live as best he can and he agreed. The med nurse passed his room and I stopped her and asked if he was still getting Lasix as I had noticed that he was swollen yesterday and today. She checked his info and said he gets a mild dose of 20 mg. She said there was a red mark on his weight and she didn't know if that meant it was up or down. She said they could give him more and I told her that when I was doing his meds that CHF and Cardiologist gave us permission to give him 40 mg if he was swollen. She talked to his nurse so she could put it in his records to watch.
I had my oatmeal this morning and could not eat it all. I already use half of servings of the oatmeal and other ingredients. I came home and made myself a nice salad and fish and peas. I ate all the salad, but couldn't eat all the fish and peas. I hope that means my stomach is shrinking. Eating less can only be good.
Hope everyone is doing well today. Going to sit back and relax watching movies with DH tonight. I need to wash but may wait and do all of it tomorrow night.
Location: Home of the Pirates, Steelers and Penguins
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Wt 183 FBG 149 Only 2 more lbs and I will be back to pre Christmas weight. FBG is higher than I like but I ate more yesterday and some things I wouldn't normally eat. It's still not anywhere near the highs I was getting a while back.
DH called his daughter yesterday and told her not to come. She had just finished up work for the day and DH was getting tired. She is off today so maybe she will come in the afternoon while he still feels good. I'm glad he's the one who is calling her, so it doesn't sound like I don't want her here.
We both slept fairly well last night. I actually feel like I slept, whereas other days I felt that I did not.
I have been going to the store almost every day. It is only about 2 miles away on back streets. I'm doing it for driving practice, and also because I don't want to have a lot of groceries to bring into the house. We are pretty much eating the same things over and over. The only "meal" I've cooked was Christmas, and DH often eat a hamburger patty with potato and veggy, which is a meal to him, but not to me. Takes no time to prepare. One thing I noticed we are running out of is toilet tissue. I normally think "food" when I'm there and forget about these other necessities, so it's on the top of the list today. I also might make a trip to the bank. I like to have plenty of money on hand.
I have some laundry to do, so it's nice that we don't have any medical people scheduled for the next 2 days.
Trish: thats great you were able to advocate for you Daddy. And reframing things for him to help him do well in his remaining time. He is fairly healthy and may last a while.
Carol: so glad you finally had a good sleep. Things will get easier for you and DH as time goes on. I don't suppose you could switch him to decaf coffee in the evenings? My parents loved their 11pm coffee with the news, not sure when the switched to decaf, but they kept the habit at least until Mum died. I don't think Dad was doing it the last few years though.
I am in a funk so will just rant and whine feel free to skip what I say, but its therapeutic for me. We were to see my friend yesterday. She is my dearest friend, we are in the same profession, but also genuinely like each other. We have been friends for about 25 years. But we have some big differences too, one is in how we eat. She goes more for plant based eating, not a strict vegetarian, but hardly ever eats red meat or pork. Any how, we were invited over for lunch so I could also see her DD and grand-daughter, who is just 1 and 1/2. I had a great visit with the younger people. In about six months, my friend is planning to retire and move away to where her DD lives on the east coast of Canada. I may only see her once or twice a year. We have never had a friendship with phone visits, or email or internet, so not sure how that will work.
But lunch was kind of weird. They had already eaten when we arrived (at 11) so didn't really serve a set lunch. She gave DH a piece of pie, but didn't have much I could eat, so mixed some left over roasted veggies with rice noodles for me. All carbs etc. I hadn't eaten yet that day, and I was hungry, and ate it, but the carbs were not sitting well with me. After the younger folks left we played a game with her and her husband.
She remarried a couple of years ago, and I don't particularly like him, and she has confided about some of the problems they have had adjusting to each other, I see him as a control freak and he has a nasty temper. He has said abusive things to her while in a temper, so knowing about it also colours how I think of him. But my DH is a guy who can make pleasant conversation with anyone and they get along ok during visits. I have limited visits with my friend at her home because of him though. We mostly meet for a drink, a tea or a meal away from there. Thats also because we like to talk about work and we can do it without guilt without the guys around. We can talk shop all we want.
So we start this game, the rules seem simple and they help along the way but the rules were not explained really.
At some point, I am getting tired and want to go, want to finish up the last round. I feel a carb crash coming on. and I am getting tired of this man's competitiveness. He is a sore loser about the rounds he has lost so far.
I do something that is apparently not allowed. Now everything in this stupid game is out loud, its not like you can cheat and maybe no one knows. And if you know me, you know thats not my way. But anyway, what I said isn't allowed. He berates me in a most embarrassing way. And then stomps off and says he is taking the dog for a walk. We leave in an awkward way. I felt crummy the rest of the day. We went to a movie later to try to stop thinking about it. But I still felt terrible, and had a cry.
DH thinks I am grieving the friendship in advance, that its going to be mostly gone when she moves and its already changed with her remarriage etc.
And that I haven't let the grief of not having my own Dad around and older DD away, and all the changes we have had this year. He thinks its all hitting now, and this just triggered it.
But I am still upset/embarrassed, blue and bummed out.
I know now I will never visit my friend when she moves, as long as he is around. I have gone from mild dislike to contempt and I really never want to see him.
Of course I was stress eating last night, so weight is up. I will get back to fasting tomorrow (well actually after supper today) , no matter how I feel emotionally. I can't go on using food as a bandage for my mental attitude.
I also know some of it is my own fault, and I blame myself, but the embarrassment from him is too much.
Ok, rant and whine over. Thanks for letting me vent. Our friends who come for Saturday morning brunch every week will be here in an hour and they are true friends to cherish. As is my very different kind of friendship here.
best wishes
Location: Home of the Pirates, Steelers and Penguins
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Mad, I'm sorry you had such a bad visit with your friend. It doesn't sound like she made a good choice of a husband, but we do have to accept our friend's choices. We do not, however, have to accept poor treatment from them and I feel you are right to be hurt and angry. Also, I feel that plans should have been made in advance if a meal was to be included in the visit, not just giving you whatever they had on hand. Since you already know you will not be visiting with him around in the future your get-togethers will probably be away from her home and better planned.
I agree with your DH to a point that the holidays can be an emotional time after you have lost a loved one and your DD is far away. Your tears are understandable.
I feel very good today. Showers have been taken. DH's is a trial at best. Breakfast has been made and eaten. Clothes are in the washer and another load waiting. A list has been made for the store. I decided to go to the bank today and that involves driving on the highway, so I have to psych myself up for that. The library is right next to the bank so I will return a book I have. I have been going online and renewing it since I haven't had time to return it. I want that done before there are no renewals left. Someone else might be waiting for that book.
Step daughter just called and said she is going to come over around noon, so I will go to the store now and hope to be back before she gets here.
A new low this morning of weight 215 down another 3.2 lbs this week. FBS 156. I have to say I miss my eggs for breakfast, but obviously the oatmeal breakfast works so I will continue doing it. I obviously don't have the problems with wheat or other carbs as long as I eat them moderately. They do seem to keep me better satisfied and I am finding it easier to get back to sensible eating. I can't believe some of the foods DH bought for us to eat, but I can work around them. The nice thing is that they are one serving foods and I usually just make us a salad and I measure out what I want and give him the rest of it. I can have my eggs on Sundays when we usually have breakfast for lunch. I'm sure it is better to have more of a variety. Since we aren't going to be eating a lot of meat, I want to start buying the better meats with no hormones etc.
DH said he always gets fried tenders because I don't cook them at home. I bought WW flour and will cook us 2 a piece and put our salad and veggies with it with healthier gravy. I want to start cooking healthier again even some healthier cookies etc since he likes his sweets so.
I got a WW Magazine yesterday. I notice they have dropped the name Weight Watchers just WW now. I get the feeling that WW stands for Wellness eating works or something like that. New plan must be called Freestyle. I haven't read it much yet, but it has a lot of good recipes in it.
I too am sleeping extremely well now. In fact, I started taking 2 of the Walmart Tart Cherry Extract. I think since I'm not hurting during the night, I am sleeping better. I slept all the way through the night last night and would not have woke up then if I hadn't had a leg cramp and had to get up and walk it out. I had no problem going back to sleep and didn't get up until after 9 which is very rare for me.
fatmad: I am so very sorry things went so bad when visiting such a good friend. I think the attitude of her DH and the carb reaction along with knowing she is moving so far from you was just too overwhelming for you. I'm sure your DH is right too, because the first holidays etc with out your Dad and you DD away from home it just was too much. I pray your visit with the friends you are with this morning helps to offset the bad time last night. (((hugs)))
Carol Sue: You are being so busy these days but I think it has been good for you. I'm glad your Hubby called his daughter instead of you having to do it. I hope y'all have a nice quite weekend and DH can get rested for everything next week.
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Step daughter stopped today while I was at the store. DH gave them their Christmas gift and some money to buy chicken for me while they were at Walmart. They are going to stop back to bring the chicken and visit a while with DH.
I went to the library, then the bank, then to Dollar Tree, then to the grocery store. I am very comfortable driving this vehicle. If I do the highway a little bit at a time when it's not rush hour I will soon be doing it without thinking like I used to. I am happy that I'm doing this again. It was just a big mental block for me.
The only problem I'm having personally besides the sleep depravation is my knees hurting, but I think both the sleep and the knees will improve once I get my Tart Cherry Extract. Many times when I need something from downstairs DH will go down and get it for me, so I think doing the stairs more often is bothering my knees. I am taking the MSM and maybe it's helping too, but I don't know how long it takes to start working. I hope I'm not injuring my health by taking these supplements. I have never been one to take them in 72 years of life.
Trish, that's amazing that you are down to 215. The lowest I recall you saying before was 216. 3.2 is a great whoosh!!
how do you take the tart cherry? in a pill or liquid? how much? I am thinking about managing it and not trigger an insulin response.
thanks for the support with my whiny rant. I too am to blame somewhat, but the reaction is upsetting. I guess she manages him well, she is not meek at all, but I still hate to see someone with extreme reactions.
