I've posted here a few times in the past, but for the most part I've been more of a lurker. People seem to be good w/ the support and helping each other out, so I was thinking maybe some of you can help w/ some of the issues I've been having lately. I feel kinda weird/lame throwing this stuff out there, but here it goes...

Right now I kind of feel like there is nothing much going on in my life, like Im kind of stuck, going nowhere doing nothing. I just graduated from college last May and I guess Im in that phase where Im not sure what to do w/ myself. I guess some of that is pretty typical, but still Im not happy w/ the way things are going.

I've never been entirely happy w/ myself. I'm not overweight by definition, but I feel I could defintely look a lot better than I do. I was a pretty ugly duckling during my jr and highschool yrs, and while I don't feel like Im that ugly anymore, I don't feel "pretty' and maybe part of that has led to me holding back from people and things. Right now, since graduating I've been back home living with my parents, I have a office type job, not exactly what I went to 4 yrs of college for, its not terrible, but not ideal, (I probably will go back to grad school eventually) . I really have no social life at this point. I've always been kind of shy, so I've never really been that much of an outgoing person who had a tons of friends, but I did have a few and I did go out occasionally, but now really I don't do anything. The few friends I did have arent really local anymore, so I don't see them very much.

And at the risk of sounding even more pathetic, Im 23 yrs old and I've never had a boyfriend, not in HS, not in college...nothing. Part of it as I said is b/c Im not the beautiful outgoing girl who is going to attract all the guys. Another part of it Im sure is me being insecure. I've had a few guys who seemed interested over the years, but nothing really ever got close to getting off the ground b/c I think Im either unsure if they'd actually be interested in me and/or Im embarrassed/afraid b/c I am in my 20s and don't know really how to be in a relationship. I'd kind of feel foolish not know what to do and all that. But now, it doesnt seem I really have even any of those opportunties anymore b/c really I'm not in contact with very many people. I guess there is always that opportunity when I go to grad school, but thats probably a couple yrs down the road and I'd really like to figure things out by then.

Anyway thanks for anyone who took the time to read my rambling. I feel kind of lame posting my silly life story for all to see, and I'm not sure if this was the exact right place for a post like this, since its not really that much about weight loss and such, and I don't know if I really posted a particular question to be answered. But if anyone has been thru a similiar situation and has any kind of advice on how to get my life together, it would be greatly appreciated.

Hey sweetie. You sound like me. I'm turning 20 in a week. I've NEVER had a boyfriend either. My self esteem is way down, though it's gotten a little better. I feel like I just wasted my high school years. I spent them skipping school to stay home so I wouldn't have to face people. I ended up dropping out my senior year then going back to a different school and graduating a year later. I've been out of school for over a year and I'm JUST getting into college next month. And it's not even a big university like my friends, it's just a stupid lil community college. I always feel like I've ruined my life. I feel old and tired. I'm fat and ugly. Seriously. I always feel awkward around people so I have few friends. I always manage to somehow come off as weird. I'm a freak. *sigh* So you're not alone.

Hi Razz and

Congratulations on graduating college, I think thats FANTASTIC

First, your not lame, your young and just getting started with life.
During your entire post, what came to my mind was that you sound like a great person who just needs to learn to love yourself first before you can expect others to be attracted to or love you back. Beauty IMHO is not always on the outside, but on the inside. When you learn to show your innar beauty to others (guys) your gonna be fighting them off with a club.

Your very young, learn who you are first, enjoy yourself and everything else will naturally come. Take care of yourself, paint your nails, wear cute shoes...anything to make you smile (smiles are contagious ya know and they do attract the opposite's eye...promise).

I don't think your lame, pathetic or silly.... I just think now that school is over, and you've worked your butt off to graduate... now the fun starts...its YOU time. You'll see...give yourself a chance, I think you WILL like what you'll find.

Hugs and kisses to you both !!
Leenie

Men aren't going out of style. The trick is to find the one who will accept you no matter what you look like. I, for one, have never had a real boyfriend myself and I'm going to be 28. I know he's out there, but the more I wait the more I figure out what I really want. I want companionship more than anything, and when I look back at the guys I've dated (or have wanted to date), I see that they weren't right for me. You're young and full of life. Keeping living it and eventually someone will see how beautiful you are and fall in love with everything about you. You should never waste your time on someone who isn't into you completely.

I agree with the ladies here. I'm shy myself. But maybe you have some co workers, or people you went to college with that you could maybe talk too and start hanging out with? Or maybe join a group or an event/activity. Its always easier to talk with people when your busy doing something.

Also when I met my husband, I was NOT looking for a man then! So concentrate on you, go out with friends, have fun, travel, do whatever it is you like and the "Right" Man will come along when you least expect it!

You can do this!

Ah to be young again!!! Your life is just beginning, have fun, enjoy yourself for a few years! At 18 I was pregnant with my first child and spent the next 13 years in an unhappy marriage. I never finished college. My 20's were years that I would never want to do again.

The right man does come along.......when you are not looking. I was in my 30's and working as a letter carrier when it happened to me. A co worker started showing interest in me and convinced me that I was worth pursuing. I divorced my first husband and began dating this man.............10 years and 2 children later, life is good!!! Be patient.

Don't be so down on yourself. Your obviously intelligent to have graduated from college already. Being an outgoing person is something you can work on, find something that interests you and join a group or club. We are not all "pretty" by definition. And "pretty" doesn't necessarily translate to happiness. Some of the prettiest girls I knew were also the most unhappy. Make the most of what you have, get a new haircut, polish your toes, reward yourself with a nice relaxing soak in the tub. Do this for you. Most men won't even notice this kind of stuff, LOL......I could change my hair color drastically or cut it off and hubby might notice in a few weeks.

You are not pathetic!!! You are just young and at the beginning of this trip called life. Take it one step at a time and enjoy every minute of it that you can. You will succeed.

Hi, Razz! Thank you for introducing yourself.

I read your post and I saw a young woman who is ripe with potential! You've got the major building blocks taken care of, and you're in a position where you can fashion the kind of life you want.

The times I've felt like this - not much going on in life (good OR bad), a little restless - I've made major personal changes. One time five years ago when I was "bored" with life, I quit smoking. Another time I was restless, I got a different job. This last time when I felt I had extra energy, I decided to lose some weight (still working on that one).

I'd recommend looking at yourself and saying, "Where am I today? What do I want to be?" and take some concrete steps in that direction.

Try a free dating web site, okcupid is a fun one. Maybe post on craigslist for a chess partner or something. Find something you get excited about and seek out volunteer opportunities (humane society, library, etc.). Make it a point to start hitting the trails on weekends for exercise ... I've been doing that lately and I get more smiles and nods from men than I ever do in a bar. LOL.

That's true. There are a lot of hotties outside. Maybe that's why I haven't found one. I doubt one of them is going to walk by my TV set.

Hi Razz.....
I couldn't help reading your post and thinking to myself...has she seen the movie, my big fat greek wedding? Most times when we are down on ourselves we don't really see who and what we are? you have alot of potential!!! Congratulations on graduating college, you are smarter than most people who don't go. Thats a good thing!! When you have some free time, walk through some makeup counters in dept stores and ask for a free makeup application. When you get your hair cut, ask for some future ideas (highlights, a more dramatic hairstyle) 23 and no boyfriend? you are sooo young with your whole life in front of you. I met my future husband when I was 24 and now we are 20 yrs later..... Take a look at your hobbies, take some special interest classes.....someone mentioned that this is 'you' time, and they're right. Mr Boyfriend will be there when you are not looking.

Thanks all for the positive feedback.

Its good to know that Im not compltely alone in this situation and that others are in the same boat or had been in the same boat and everything worked out.

Maybe I will try and look into diferent classes or sports or something, to give myself a chance to meet some people.

Dear Razz,

I thank you for your ramblings. It reminds me of the past.

But, you know what, dear, people change. I was a nerd at school. But without even realizing it, the changing process happened.

And, who and what I am now, is based on the process.

Back in school I also had no boy friend. I didn't find it fun to have a boy friend since I was busy with school. Sometimes, not having a boy friend is not always because you're not attractive, it's something you choose, whether you realize it or not.

Don't worry, you still have plenty of time.

Enjoy life the way you want it, not the way others do.



Love,

La Agua Fresca
http://aguafresca.healthifica.com

did you go through my brain when you wrote your post? seriously - you wrote everything i felt just a few years ago - and yes, even still today. when i was 23 and i had graduated college - i felt the EXACT same way as you are now. no clue as to what i wanted, NO boyfriend (and i sooo badly wanted/still want one)...i was unhappy and overweight. but i got on the ball and i joined WW and i lost 60 pounds...now granted, i've gained back 15 (but thank GOD it's not the entire 60)...and ya know what too? i'm not using my $70,000 degree either - BUT i'm making $30,000/year (thanks to a temp service job that turned into a REALLY good "real job") and i'm NOT working for min. wage anywhere...

and as for the boyfriend thing...i'm always looking - always going on dates - met some great guys off of match.com - met some guys through friends, had my heart broken a few times, broke a few hearts along the way.

i've gotten the same exact advice from many people that these very awesome women on this board have given you today - and sometimes, admittedly - part of me thinks the advice is "crap" when it's not what i want to hear...lol...but it truly is all very good and very REAL advice that's the truth - and one thing i completely and utterly agree with is 100% - is find out who you are. join a club, dig into a hobby (mine is my genealogy), i've also joined TaeKwonDo - which i LOVE (and it's great exercise too).

things will eventually work out for you the way they're supposed to. i believe that wholeheartedly. for examply- i truly thought i'd NEVER find a job that paid more than $8 / hour and wasn't "customer service" (btw, my degree is in TV production - VERY hard industry to get into)...and by sheer LUCK i found a FANTASTIC company & job (allbe-it i stress about bills, but the more $$ you make, the more $$ you spend...) and i believe it's because it was the right time. and that's what life comes down to. and you just have to "create" yourself while you're on that journey waiting for life to give you what you'll eventually receive.

life works out the way it's supposed to. things WILL fall into place for you when the time is right - but you have to work hard at it in the meantime.