Sandeecheeks and anyone else who needs this,
Let me tell you a little bit of my story. About 10 years ago I met and married a man that I thought would be the best man for me. Right before I met him, I had lost a lot of weight was in great shape and everything looked wonderful. (a lot of weight means I was in a size 9). We dated for 2 years and we got married. As soon as we got married everything changed. I was crying on my wedding night wondering what I had got myself into. He was both physically and mentally abusive, he had OCD, and I was dealing with my own very real depression (which by the way I had before then but this exasperated it.) I let myself go so much it was not funny. Suddenly food was the only thing I had to turn to. He had cut me off from my always very supportive family. In fact they got mad at me because I could never come around of I would get in trouble from my husband. But the kicker was that he would go and see them. He worked to turn them away from me. It worked for a while. I had no one. If friends called me, he would yell at them, etc. He did everything that he could to cut me off from everything. And he succeeded for a little while. Then one day he went to my mom's house and proceeded to tell her everything that he felt was wrong with me, down to the way that I sat on the toilet and the fact that I refused to take more than 3 showers a day. My mom on hearing this suddenly realized how bad it was for me. I had packed on the pounds and weighed more than I ever had. One of the favorite things he loved to call me was "a fat lesbian *B*". I think the lesbian came from the fact that I wanted sex every once in a while and he never wanted it so he figured that I would do anything to have some sex (I am not sure about that, but is was terrible). After we had been married for about 2 years I was trying to leave one night (like I had many times before) and he pulled one of his guns on me (he was a cop). He also went into the bedroom cut up all of my clothes and threw away all of my books (I am and avid reader and that is one of my few pleasures). I think that was the night that I finally realized that it was never going to get better. Shortly after he moved 12 hours away for a job and did not want me to come. Oh he still wanted to be married, he just didn't want to have his wife around. (he hated woman, but it looked really good in his career to be married). Finally this was my chance to get out. I had tried many times before and at the start he swore he would change and apologize so I would take him back and then after that didn't work for a while he started threatening me. Anyway, after he had been gone for about a month I told him I wanted a divorce and sent him the papers. He fought with me and stalked me for a year and a half before the divorce was finally granted. After he left for his new job, I remember looking at myself in the mirror and realizing that I could not go down any farther. I was fat, I was a slob, I hated myself, and what I had become. I started on a diet and exersise routine the next day. I got to where I was swimming 3 miles a day and was kickboxing (the real stuff where you actually hit bags) 3 times a week. Can I tell you how much therapy that was. I lost 60 lbs in a very short time and was looking great. I started dating again (the man I dated was a very good friend that had known me through about half of my nightmare.) I married him a short time later. He tells me now that the one thing he always set out to do everyday was to get me to smile. I now have two beautiful children from him a little boy that is 5 yrs old and a little girl that is 22 months. He accepts me for who I am and supports me in everyway possible. I had 2 very hard pregnancies and have fallen off the weight loss. That is why I am here now to make sure that I am around for my children and my wonderful husband for a very long time. I have a long way to go again, but I know with your support and their support I can do it.
I am sorry for the ramble, but if my story can help just one person then it will be worth it. I hope that it helps you find some perspective sandeecheeks and anyone else out there who needs it and realize that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And it is much more worth it than being in the situation you are in now.
I am sending love and support to anyone who needs it.
Trish
