Counseling - How does it help???
 

When I saw a therapist, we talked more about why I felt the way I did, and tried some exercises to change my thinking. Some people, I guess, just feel the need to vent, but I needed strategies, too, and I made it clear from the get-go that that was what I expected. I read a lot of books the therapist had in her office, and we discussed them. I don't see her anymore, but my anger and anxiety are pretty much under control, or at least I can deal with them more constructively.

It could be that since it was your first visit, the counselor just wanted to hear your issues as you see them, and hopefull next week you will get more out of it. If not, I'd try another therapist. I went through 2 before I found the best - the third time was the charm. It was frustrating until that point, though.

I wish I could give you some good advice or words to help you along. I still haven't found a good councelor. The one I went to told me to join WW. When I said I was doing Low Carb she talked negative about it and said her mother was on WW and I should try that. AND not to have trigger foods in the house (DUH). Then the next week I went she told me I should try a Low Carb diet. I just shook my head and said, were'nt you listening to anything I was saying these past few weeks. I never went back. Then I had another doctor ask me more questions about my sex life IN FRONT OF MY DD who was 3 years old at the time (I had to bring her with me, I had no one to watch her at the time). I told him it was none of his business!!!! After a few months of his nonsense, I quit him too. SIGH :(

Don't give up. Its never easy spilling your guts out to a total stranger. It takes more than one visit for them to know you and you to know them. Hopefully you have a really good listener that can help you soon.

HANG IN THERE !!!!!

When I started seeing a psych. it was a last ditch effort.....but I had to do something as I wasn't able to cope with several adverse events (called reactive depression). I had to call my insurance co. for pre-cert. myself. They gave me a list of names of psych. who accepted my insurance. I did some phone work and found someone who sounded OK, and they were located down the street from my office (parking is a big issue around here, there is none).

My first visit was kind of a mutual interview...she asked me at the end if I thought she could help me and did I WANT to come back for a second visit....I did (although I was dragged in kicking and screaming resisting to help myself for 6 months). I lucked out and although it took a lot for me to open up and see myself, 2 years later I'm making better choices, am off anti-depressants, have self-esteem and am recovering from major depression (the reactive escalated) and self-medicating. I still shake my head at my past behavior, but I don't beat myself up about it. (the Forest Gump approach).

Sometimes you have to try different doctors, it's not one size fits all.

Hi Ammi,

I agree 100% with what everyone has said about the fact that this was only your first session. Hang in there! Give it a few tries, at least. S/he needs to get to know you before s/he can be of any help to you. The first few sessions will probably be a lot of talking on your part, because the counselor needs to get a real sense of what your *biggest* issues are.

So my advice is to stick with it for a bit -- think of it as a great opportunity to do nothing but talk about yourself! How often do we have a captive audience who just sits there while we talk about ourselves!?

If after a few sessions you feel that this counselor isn't for you, check with your GP and see if the NHS will give you a referal to a different one. Please don't give up just yet! Therapy/counseling is just like anything new in life...you have to let yourself get comfortable with the experience. Therapy has changed my life. I could go into the whys and hows, etc., but I won't. I just know that if I'd given up on therapy early on (when I wanted to), I wouldn't be who I am today. And I like :) who I am today -- which is something I never thought was possible.

Good luck. :D

I found it very helpful to talk to a therapist, but I was kind of in shock following a relationship breakdown. Without her I think I would have gone insane. (By chance, she specialised in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with the military personnel...) Well, actually, I guess I did go a little insane. But like Marble, I don't beat myself up for my behaviour at the time.

My therapist mainly let me do the talking, but would ask me questions. Once I got home I would think about her questions, and sometimes a little light would go on and I'd be able to rethink my way of seeing things. The idea was that I should find my own answers, she was there as a guide. She did give me some advice from time to time, but mainly along the lines of thinking about this or that other way of seeing something.

It did help: I was able to stop blaming myself for someone else's stupid, hurtful choices. And it was great for me to have some one I trusted enough to say what I was really thinking, even if it was totally humiliating.

It is a good idea to ask her how she works; my therapist explained there are different approaches that work for different people, and she would be glad to help me find someone else if I wasn't satisfied. Of course I did pay the thousands of dollars 18 months of therapy cost... (She actually gave me a bulk rate after a while.) Worth every penny. Don't give up too soon!

Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me, I am glad that counseling has helped you. My depression is reactive, stemming from my first surgery, but I know there is a lot of other stuff in my life that I need to talk about and look at differently if possible. I will definitely take your advice and give counseling a fair shot, and I won't be close minded about it. I really hope it will help me, I want to come off the meds and I want to feel good about my life.

Thanks again,

Hugs,

Ammi

Yay, Ammi!
 

:) I'm thrilled to hear it, sweetie! By the way, I was in Wales about 2 weeks ago. Up north, though. On Anglesey. :D

Oh what were you doing in Wales, work or pleasure? I love Swansea, it's a very pretty place, of course it's not Australia, but it could be worse, lol.

Hugs,

Ammi

I lived in Derbyshire for awhile, and the people I lived with (my best friend and her boyfriend) have a caravan. It's on Anglesey this summer. :) So it was a holiday, not business. I love Wales -- especially Snowdonia and (I have NO idea how to spell this, so I'm going to do it phonetically) the Phlin Peninsula. That's...ah...also in north Wales, if you can figure out what I mean by "Phlin." I have a friend who lives in Nefin (<--- ALSO not spelled right). I think I can spell "Bets-Swy-Coyd" right, though. Maybe :dizzy: . I like it there, too. :) And Canarvon (ack, misspelled again.) I'm going to give up now, and just say "I love Cymru." ;)

That's cool, my hubby used to live in Staffordshire, Burton on Trent.

Not being native to Wales I am pretty much in the same boat as you when it comes to spelling the welsh names lol, but don't worry I know where you were talking about. I have been to North Wales once, and I loved Caernarfon, it has the best castle.

I am glad you had such a lovely holiday, any plans on visiting again?

Hugs,

Ammi

Hey Bassetts, my father was born in Derbyshire, in a little town called Pilsley. Ever heard of it? He ended up posted to Moose Jaw in Canada during WW2, and fell for my mother, a seductive older woman. (She was 26, he was 20.) So he ended up getting Canadian citizenship as a Canadian war bride!

The only thing I can say is that well sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn't. But if you find the right therapist then it usually helps. Thats the biggest thing is finding one with good qualifications, and that has experience with the issues you are facing. Don't be afraid to tell him or her that you were kind of expecting more.

I am a huge believer in therapy........I have been on both sides........therapist and patient. Lots of times it is about finding the right "fit".........the bottom line is everyone can benefit from therapy..........no one is exempt........we all have issues, from our past or present and lots of times we have things to learn about ourselves........the best way to fight depression is medication plus therapy. The summer before my son died I was having chest pain/panic attacks, was drinking (not falling down drunk, but to take the edge off), and using work as an escape........I went on paxil for six months and went for therapy...it gave me the tools I needed to "survive" my sons death one year later.........I am sure I would have ended up on a psych ward otherwise....I don't know how to explain it but we all have ways we have learned to cope through our lives........avoiding, eating, drugs, alcohol, passive aggressiveness and other personality disorder traits........we are human.......life is a journey, a process and nobody has it totally together......therapists don't do the work, we do through reading, digging deep, and taking responsibility for our physical and emotional health.....what a therapist says and does is actually such a very small part.......it is what we are willing to say and do.

I hope this helps......life is difficult and once we accept that we can move ahead to do what we need to keep doing to find joy, peace and contentment......self help books, mixed in with fun stuff, practising skills whenever given the opportunity and realizing that it isn't going to be easy is a beginning.

Hugs to you and thanks for sharing........I look forward to getting to know you better and with the support of you and others here continuing on my journey......it is a long long road......

Peace.................Liz

Thank you Kitty and Liz for your responses. Kitty - I will definitely speak to the counselor next week and ask her how 'it' all works.

Liz - I am so sorry that you have lost a son, and I am glad that therapy helped you to deal with the loss. My sister's son committed suicide when he was 21, she has never gotten over it and I have often wondered if counseling would help her.

Take care both and thank you again,

Hugs,

Ammi

Hi Ammi (and everyone else :) )

I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing, Ammi. I was away for the weekend, but was hoping things were going well for you with the counseling. (And no, unfortunately I have no plans to visit Wales again soon, which is a bummer).

Carla49 -- I don't think I've ever heard of Pilsley...you said it was a small town, so I don't feel so bad not knowing where it is! Do you know what part of Derbyshire it's in or what town it's near? I lived in Buxton, which is pretty close to the Staffordshire border and kind of on the "Manchester/Cheshire side" of Derbyshire. Do you live in Moose Jaw, or somewhere warmer :D ?

Hiya Lovebassets, great to hear from you again. Where did you go for the weekend, somewhere nice I hope. I am doing ok, although I had a bit of a kick in the teeth from my daughter today. She is at her dads and made an online quiz which she sent to me and all her friends. One of the questions she wrote was what does she and her half brother and sister (on her dad's side) have in common. Her answer, that they all don't get on with their mums! I thought Beth and I had a good relationship, yeah I know she hates that I remarried and have a step daughter now, but I didn't think she thought we don't get on. I will have to talk to her about it when she comes home. I have so much to deal with in my life right now, and now I have the worry that my daughter hates me. What's a girl to do :(

Hope you, and everybody else is having a better weekend,

Hugs,

Ammi

Ouch, Ammi, that IS a kick in the teeth! How old is she? Let me guess...somewhere between 9 and 14 ;) ? I used to teach 7th grade (12 - 13 year olds) and it sounds like something they would do. I'm not a parent, but I would say just try to keep it in perspective -- she was with her friends and if she's adolescent or pre-adolescent, (from my experience, anyway) complaining to each other about their parents is just kinda "something they do." That probably doesn't help you much... :( Like I said, I'm not a parent, so I don't have any actual experience, just second-hand knowledge from my former students.

Anyway, now that I've babbled a bit too much...I thought this was a good place to admit that I fell COMPLETELY off plan yesterday. And Saturday, too :dizzy: . I was a baaaaaad girl for the first time in months and I thought if I admitted it here (among friends) I'd feel less guilty about it. I was with a bunch of friends I haven't seen in YEARS -- and tomorrow's my birthday -- so...well...cake, candy, and donuts were involved....BUT I'm back on plan now and eating carrots as I type this, so I think I'll be okay.

Sorry...the thread is now VERY off-topic.

- Kate :)

Hi Kate,

You guessed correctly, Beth is 14. Thank you for your perspective, it did help actually. You just reminded me that I often moaned about my mum and I loved her to bits. So I may still have the chat with Beth, but I won't take anything too much to heart.

Good for you for letting us know you fell off plan. You know, I don't reckon it should be called that. This is supposed to be a lifestyle change isn't it. Well I don't intend to spend the rest of my life never having a day where I eat what I want. It was an early birthday celebration for you, so I am glad you ate well and enjoyed yourself. Happy birthday for tomorrow, and thanks again for your reply. It did help a lot.

Hugs,

Ammi

counslouing
 

Sherry I am so very very sorry about your son. I don't know how I would deal with losing a child of mine that way. I am glad the therapist has been helping you. I have only seen my therapist once, and when she looked at the clock a few times it just hit me that this woman doesn't really care, she is being paid for her time. I would feel the same way if I was in your shoes now, I would be reminded that I was just another paying customer. I am sorry you are going to have to deal with a new therapist, but I hope you will find her even better than the one that has just left.

Hugs,

Ammi

Sherry, it's really tough starting with a new therapist. Mine told me she was planning to retire a few months into therapy, and it sent me totally off the deep end. Somehow it felt like another enormous betrayal. I was lucky because she decided to keep seeing those patients who needed her until they were ready to go, but I do understand the feeling of abandonment.

After 6 or 7 months with the same person, you've established a routine, you've gotten past your inhibitions and let an awful lot of stuff out, and most importantly, you've built up trust. I hope you'll give the new one a chance, and if it doesn't click, move on before wasting too much time. But you may find this one is actually better than the last, once you get over the disappointment and the fear of change. (My poor doctor kept seeing me for almost two years before I felt ready to let go - more than she had bargained for, but at least it was less frequent towards the end.)

The loss of your son to violence must be unbelievably hard to recover from, and the last thing you need is another disruption. There will be another good therapist out there for you. Hang in there!

does it help?
 

Such stong incredible women here..........very humbling. You are an awesome bunch of strong women!

Hugs to you all! Liz

Ditto's Liz :grouphug:

Well I am off to see the therapist for the second session. Not looking forward to it, but it has to be done. Will let you know how it all goes this time around.

Hugs,

Ammi

Hi Ammi :)

Thinking of you today as you see your therapist right about now! I'm so pleased you're giving it another try!! :) Please do let us know how it went.

- Kate

Just to throw in my 2 cents - when I was a teenager I would say things about my mom that I didn't mean. I feel bad about it when I think about it now. But when you are a teenager it's almost uncool to act like you get along well with your parents. Maybe she was just trying to sound cool? Maybe she had just had an argument with you earlier that day and was mad when she answered the question? I would talk to her but try not to take it too personally.

Counsellors - be careful!
 

I had a counsellor and I ended up thinking she had a mental problem worse than mine! She started calling me at home - once she called me and said that she couldn't tell me where she got the information but "something big was about to happen" and I should immediately drop whatever I was doing and pick up my (then) baby and leave! I told her that without more information I wasn't going to just jump up and take my child and leave. She started yelling at me that it was very important, that she couldn't tell me her source, but that really "something big is about to go down" and you have to get out. I said "I'm not." She said, "Yes you are!" I told her that if any problem came up I would call the police. She hung up and I never heard from her again. Guess what happend??!! Nothing!

So recently I ordered the Lucinda Bassett tapes and that has worked well for me.

I felt like my counsellor was trying to make me paranoid. I was in need of counselling and in a vulnerable state of mind at that time. I thank God that I didn't listen to her! Just be careful and make sure your counsellor is worth his/her salt and don't let anyone make your problems bigger than they really are! (I know some problems are already big) Just please use discretion!

Icmethinner - thank you for your reply and for sharing with us what happened with your counsellor. That must have been the last thing you needed having your councellor loop out on you like that. I don't blame you for getting a tape instead. Is Lucinda Basset a good counsellor?

Thank you too for your thoughts on my daughter. The situation has worsened but I think I will do a seperate post about that.

Kate - thank you for thinking of me, it's great to know that I have people in my corner here thinking of me.

Hugs,

Ammi