There's no rules for posting, so don't you sweat it. Just wade on in - the water's fine. :) I practically live at davesgarden.com, so I don't always remember to come to 3FC and check anything except my watched threads. I am in the same boat. Do it for yourself, though.

Oh, jdee, my dear, I don't think anything you wrote makes you sound bad. You're just exhausted from everything you've been facing recently, especially since you don't seem to be getting much support from anyone else. Depression is a physical illness that has to do with brain chemistry. It has real physical causes and treatments. It's not a sign of weakness, lack of faith in God, or lack of character. I can only echo the excellent advice you've already been given, to find a competent psychiatrist and work with him/her to find the right medicine & dosage. I've just said a prayer for you and your recovery. Please take heart, and get some medical help.

Thank you for your prayers. I've actually felt a little better after getting all this off my chest. Maybe that's a big part of what I needed. I've started watching what I eat a little more, althougth I must confess that I didn't do very well today. My husband bought me some plants for my garden, since there won't be many more cold days left where I live, I was able to plant them. It felt pretty good to get out there and dig. I know this may sound crazy to some, but gardeners will understand when I say that I just love the smell of dirt. :)

As for finding a psychiatrist, that's going to be hard. Not because I don't want to go, but because I live in a small town. Not country,but still quite small. It's going to be really hard to find a competant Dr, that specializes in this field here. The other doctors just give you drugs if you look sad. Maybe it's not quite that bad, but sometimes it feels like it. My regular DR is a great doctor and I love her, but the last time I went back on my meds, they didn't work. I guess it's my fault for not going back and telling her that, but the first thing she does is get that skinny little nurse of hers to weigh me. Right now, I have no idea how much I weigh. I'm afraid to look.

Jdee
I have to add one more thing.

You are of value. God doesnt make junk. Please do not base your self worth on your weight because it has nothing to do with weight. You are okay just as you are!

I imagine you are grieving over your Mother too.no one can take the place of our Mother! No one......................

As hard as it is.........if you can.get back in church.it isnt about what you are wearing........but it may be just what you need for a spiritual uplifting. God loves you JUST as you are.even when our hearts are broken and we feel the lowest HE loves us! Focus on God not the people at church.people always let us down!

Thanks for sharing..It probably helped you a lot too! ;)

Cin

Hi!
I just wanted to say that not everyone judges you by how you look. I know there are lots of superficial people but you don't have to worry about what they think. Genuinely nice people will like you for you personality no matter how you look, and they are out there, trust me they're everywhere! (especially in this board lol :))