June 2021 Ups and Downs Depression Thread
 

:welcome3: to anyone who wants to say Hi here! we are a small but mighty group of friends who support each other during our times of Ups and Downs of dealing with depression.

I am copying the recent post from our dear friend Tree x, it was under the May thread and lets put it here :D

Hi Tree x and oh gosh I'm so sorry to hear of the foot fractures, even harder for you to have to deal with while you take care of him! I hope so very much that you are able to get some kind of help. goodness knows you could use it!! and that it is not too much of a hassle to go through though of course those things usually are.


also so sorry to hear that you are in another Covid lockdown! :( Our small State is so fortunate that we are at about 70% vaccinated; and if one is fully vaccinated AND 2 weeks' past that time, one can go without a mask in public!!! I have been enjoying that for about 2 weeks now (as long as the store I am in, is in agreement - stores can make their own policies) But back to you...I hope it is controlled soon!! best wishes! and yes One Day at a Time.


Yes I should chuck the scales, they make me feel so badly.


Work has settled down slightly - or maybe I am getting accustomed to being on my feet again always. I am averaging 2 to 3 evenings a week in the dining room. We just don't have enough staff! I am well paid for it though. And my knees aren't as bad as that first week. And I ordered 2 pairs of shoes ("sneakers", do people even call them that anymore) in the hopes that at least one of them will feel good.


I have been doing as much as I can out on the lawn too, we started so many seeds and now have to plant the seedlings, lol! but I love to be outside and know the plants will be so nice soon enough.


After coming home from work yesterday and collapsing and resting for a couple hours, I got my mojo back and weed whacked then mowed. Got it almost all done, I have to do weed whacking in stages as the battery packs only last about 15 minutes each; I do the Absolutely Necessary Whacking then the Looks Nice if I Can Get To It Whacking, then the Wow I Can't Believe I've Spent Hours On the Lawn Whacking! lol I only have one day off a week so I cram alot into it.


I know I told of stressing about having to buy 2 used cars. We found 2. They are BIG. We did not want big vehicles (to save on gas) but there was just hardly anything to choose from out there. And we've been looking for 3 months. Anyway...one is a Nissan Xterra (my husband loves it) and the other is a Mercedes SUV. Yeah...sounds expensive but it was under $5000 and is in good condition. We still have to turn in my leased Subaru next week, so our driveway is so crowded with those vehicles AND our two motorcycles.


and today I went through our garage and pulled out EIGHT tires...and we don't even have those vehicles that they go with, anymore! grrr. Husband likes to save EVERYTHING. Well I loaded them up and took em to the junkyard, where they looked them over and only bought 2 of them. But I got $30; then went to the Dump to dispose of the remaining 6 and it cost $39 so it was only $9 out of pocket and they are GONE from our property! :carrot:


well that is my current life and i would love to hear from everyone, especially Pat and Lisa!

New and looking for a place to start
 

Hello, I'm not sure where to start here. I'm looking for a small group with consistent support.

I'm 61, married, and have custody of my 10 year old granddaughter. I live in the Hudson Valley in NY, and I've tried many different diets and programs (Richard Simmons, Weigh Down, Medifast, WW, OA...) over the years with my weight going up and down. I've hit 220, not my highest weight ever, but looking to drop about 50 lbs. It's getting harder! I don't binge like I used to but slowly my weight creeps up. Not sure how to do this now, but trying portion control, no sugar, no soda. I have had both knees replaced and have difficulty walking so not too motivated to exercise. I have a history of depression and anxiety and have been on meds for years. Life is so much better since marrying a great guy last year.

Cheryl

Getting ready for work but really wanted to welcome Cheryl!:welcome2: I will be back this afternoon or evening to say more!

Hello and thanks for the warm welcome. Well, I wrote a lengthy post that I somehow lost even though I got "auto save" messages all along the way. Any insight into this quirk appreciated. I'm going to try to recreate much of that post!

I have tried Metformin, but alas I am allergic. I hear there is a new med.

Weigh Down Workshop has received quite a bit of criticism, but one aspect I have gained from that is eating when you are hungry and stopping when you are satisfied. Also, that no foods are inherently bad. I need to behave, not make the food behave. I notice my granddaughter, who is slim, leaves food on her plate much of the time. Occasionally she eats extra servings, but not often. I let her eat what she likes.

Anxiety .. I hate it. Mine is better since my home life is happy and stable now. My older daughter, my granddaughter's mother, is psychologically unstable and manipulative and the source of much of my anxiety. I do belong to a support group for grandparents with custody, and that helps somewhat. Irun a small nonprofit substance abuse prevention agency, but we have been working remotely since March 2020. I've been really isolated socially as I hate the phone. I have phone anxiety, so I have friends but just don't stay in contact. We are back in the office part-time, but I'm alone when I'm here.

I have an exercise bike but no motivation to use it. It's the one exercise that doesn't hurt my knees so it would be good for me.

the scale was 222 this morning, so I'm going to use that for my starting weight. A nice round number. I'm nice and round too!

LOL!! :rofl: Well I hope you find it nice here Cheryl, we are SMALL (but always looking for more friends!!) and very supportive and some of us have been here for years. We have a couple friends whom we haven't heard from in a while and we hope to!! (Lisa and Pat)

It is wonderful that you found love in this chapter of your life! Wow at having custody of your granddaughter, that must keep you busy. I am sorry about your knee pain, was the replacement supposed to help that? and sorry about the anxiety. Kudos to you for running the nonprofit to help folks!!

we hear ya about losing your post ! so frustrating. When I think of it, I open a Word or Google document and do my post there, then cut and paste. But that's usually only after I lose a LONG detailed wonderful post, lol.

Kathleen - when I spoke of working the dinner shifts, yes that is after I've been in the kitchen in the day. It is not horribly long hours - usually I start my kitchen shift around 8:30 and finish by 2:30; then I can go up to Staff and take a nap! and the dinner shift goes from 5 to sometime after 8. Yes I hope at least one pair of the new shoes feel good!

LOL!! :rofl: Well I hope you find it nice here Cheryl, we are a small group (but always looking for more friends!!) and very supportive and some of us have been here for years. We have a couple friends whom we haven't heard from in a while and we hope to!! (Lisa and Pat)


It is wonderful that you found love in this chapter of your life! Wow at having custody of your granddaughter, that must keep you busy. I am sorry about your knee pain, was the replacement supposed to help that? and sorry about the anxiety. Kudos to you for running the nonprofit to help folks!!


we hear ya about losing your post ! so frustrating. When I think of it, I open a Word or Google document and do my post there, then cut and paste. But that's usually only after I lose a LONG detailed wonderful post, lol.


Kathleen - when I spoke of working the dinner shifts, yes that is after I've been in the kitchen in the day. It is not horribly long hours - usually I start my kitchen shift around 8:30 and finish by 2:30; then I can go up to Staff and take a nap! and the dinner shift goes from 5 to sometime after 8. Yes I hope at least one pair of the new shoes feel good!

I forgot to mention to Cheryl, my particular type of depression is very low outlook sometimes, very low self esteem, alot of apathy during the winter months.

I have a lot of apathy in the winter months, too. I used to tell myself "I hate you", even out loud, fairly often, but that only happens occasionally now.

I'm having trouble getting motivated to exercise. Nothing new there. The knee pain was there before the surgeries and remains after, I've had foot surgeries as well. Standing still actually hurts more than walking. I used to be fairly active so it is very difficult to be so limited.

It's a beautiful June day here, looking forward to some time outside when I take my granddaughter to karate later.

Hi Cheryl, wow how frustrating that even after surgeries, you still have pain :( I have found an exercise lady to follow, she is so warm and friendly, Pahla Bee https://pahlabfitness.com/ she does have some seated workouts if that is an option. I just like to recommend her because she is a hoot to listen to and she preaches moderation at this stage of our lives (over 50) and her little dog is in her living room and her cats wander in and out :D

I hope you got to enjoy the beautiful June day yesterday! we had a heat wave but then a cold front and now it will be a blessed 70-ish in day, 50-ish at night, I like that.

I hope you have a great day and HI to everyone else!

Holly: Wow! You said those are "not horribly long hours," but starting your work day at 8:30am and finishing sometime after 8pm, even with a few hours and a nap in between, sounds brutal to me! That is a long work day! I'm very happy that you are getting paid well. Do you still like working there as much as you always did? Are the same bosses and employees there for the most part? How are your new shoes feeling?

My anxiety is sky high again. I am constantly thinking about and worrying about what needs to be done next. I know I would benefit from going back to therapy, but the thought of more appointments gives me more anxiety. It would be one more thing on my "to do" list. Plus, I don't have any recommendations for a good therapist, and the thought of starting over with a new one exhausts me. I think I'm going to start writing in a journal again and see if getting some of my anxious thoughts out on paper (and hopefully out of my mind) will help. I think it would if I did it consistently. Years ago, I used to journal all the time, and it was my lifeline.

Thank you for being here for me and the others in the group all of these years, Holly! Your support means so much to me. :hug:

Hello group,
I don't use the computer so much on the weekends, so I'm just checking back in. Thanks for all of the great suggestions. I like the idea of 10 minutes on the bike, as when I think about doing more than 20 I chuck the whole thing. I think I could do 10-20, and if that is guilt free rather than thinking that was a failure it might stick. I'll check out Pahla Bee.
I got on the scale this morning and didn't lost much, but I had Chinese food last night so it could be water. I had tofu and veggies but the sauce probably had a lot of sodium. I'll weigh again tomorrow and see if there is a difference.
I took my daughter and granddaughter strawberry picking, and it wore me out. It felt like quite the workout! My right big toe is fused, so it is shorter than the left big toe.I can't flex it at all. I know that getting the weight off of my knees and feet will help.
IBelieve, as far as therapy, I was a therapist for for 28 years, and I've been in therapy myself many times. There is no magic there, but it can be helpful. Journaling can be great as well. Just checking in here with others is therapeutic if you do it consistently and feel the support.
Happy Monday!
Cheryl

Hi Cheryl and Kathleen!


Cheryl I am also so impressed that you were a therapist for all those years!! shows such a commitment and compassion. I also think that if one feels no motivation to exercise, if one says "okay, I'll do 10 minutes and see how it feels", it might lead to a longer session or a more frequent session. and definitely pick something that you kinda enjoy, I surely love spending time with that lady I mentioned.


Strawberry picking is strenuous! alot of bending! I always wonder if the property owners check to see how many berries are popped in the mouth, I sure can't help doing that :D


Kathleen, oh gosh that worries me so much that your anxiety is so bad! and that even the thought of taking steps to deal with it gives you more anxiety :( If journaling helps then if you can find the time to do so, I hope you can! or is typing things out quicker for you? could you do it here? either on this thread or start a blog? I am no expert at all but just want relief for my friend :hug:


I have today off, my one day off a week. The lawn doesn't look terrible but it will need 'doing' so I could weed whack today and mow tomorrow after work. I have such a boring life I don't have alot of commitments :D which is how i like it, lol. Since stepping down from President of United Motorcyclists, I have aLOT less things to do and I like that also.


my new shoes/sneakers...well I bought them as Wide and a half size larger, and they are white, so to me they look HUGE :( and I wore them at work and three people made comments on them; I am so very self consious anyway and that made me want to throw them away :( which is stupid I know, but it just seems like such a mean thing for people to do. Maybe if they had an idea that it was hurtful to me they wouldn't have, but I only comment like "oh, that top is so pretty" instead of 'wow, look, Holly got new shoes, they sure are white" . Now that I typed that out, it really doesn't seem hurtful but it was enough for me, from 3 people, to never want to wear them again.

Hi to all from Oz.

Life is fair to middling but as with all of us, just got to keep on pressing.

H's foot is a lot better but his general diagnosis for any mobility improvement is dire. Won't bore you though. It is what it is and just got to battle on best we can. A tiny bit of help is about to trickle in. Sometimes I wonder if all the pre assessments and phone calls and paper work is worth the hassle though.

Winter is approaching here. Because our country is barely vaccinated (about 5% fully) another covid outbreak looks to be looming. Our state had a patch and is now going OK but the rest of the country is showing some troubling movement with the new Delta variant.
Isn't it so hard to think of life before Covid? When there weren't lockdowns and masks and people getting sick and politicians constantly arguing about vaccine roll outs and such. Very tiresome!

OK just reporting in quickly to say hello and I hope you may get some sunshine over there soon :)

Hi all,
Happy Monday!. I just packed off my granddaughter for the first day of karate day camp. Usually summers are harder for childcare, but with camp 9 - 4:30 Mon-Fri, it frees me up to work more than with school, which was hybrid remote and in person. Trouble is, I have no desire to go to the office. 11 months to retirement and I'm just not interested.
Tree, I'm sorry to hear that you are in the thick of COVID troubles. We are 70% vaccinated and the world is opening up again. It is a great relief on many levels, but as a homebody I could just as well stay home with hubby and isolate. As is, when I go to the office I'm alone there, so it is quite boring.
Cheryl

Hello friends!


Tree - you are so brave! and do please vent here if it helps. lord knows I do, over much simpler stuff! I hope the tiny bit of help is, well, helpful to you. Oh gosh I wish so much that your country could be at a higher vacc rate!! and the thought of your season changing, hope that doesn't 'do you in' too badly. Hang in there, Tree :hug: !!


Cheryl, glad that your granddaughter can go to day camp! it is specifically all for karate? wow that's intense! good for you to have the time freed up, even if you don't want to go anywhere. That you have the option. We are also at over 70% rate and I am most happy at not having to wear a mask in stores (though stores can decide their own rules) and being able to get together with our sons (and hugging them!) and not having to space people apart in the dining room at work. I am sorry you are not excited about retirement.


Kathleen ah I see about your journaling, what works for you, the act of writing and seeing it on paper, yes. I hope you can find the time to do it and that it helps you, my friend!! and OH my gosh please never ever feel embarrassed or stupid about speaking about whatever is bothering you!! nothing is too trivial, if it hurts you or makes you anxious (as I just proved, about my shoes, lol)


I am still working about 2 nights a week in the dining room, but we just got 4 new employees and I am hopeful. We DID have 5 but one emailed the day after his first shift and said he was going to hike the Appalachian Trail for a month. Okay, I guess working for a living is not a concern for that young man. My knees are still holding me up but they are not happy.


I am at my 20th year with the summer job and my interest and passion are dwindling. It is because of the new (2 years ago) chef and his crappy staff hires. He does not seem to mind that they are not 100% and sticks up for them when we point out their errors. And the manager lady (who really does take care of me, money-wise, when I work extra) butts heads with him almost every day. The tension is not fun. I try to stay in my own 'bubble' but it is hard not to get down with the bad attitudes. But I am thankful for a full time job, doing what I like, and I still gets lots of comps from the guests in person which makes my day :)


Kathleen yes we are enjoying our new 'rides'! I am loving sitting up so high in my big SUV even though it is a gas guzzler. I do alternate with riding motorcycle when I can.


My flowers are doing well! I gathered white and purple petunia seeds last year, and planted them indoors on heat mats and under grow lights in March. I had accidentally sprinkled DOZENS in each little cell. And as they appeared and grew, I oh-so-carefully took them out and carefully separated their tiny roots and put them in increasingly larger containers. I now have so many petunias :D but I love them so much and the white ones give a POP of contrast that make the planters gorgeous. And I hope the purple ones do their 'thing' which was being super-ruffly and pretty. OK yes I love my gardening !

Holly, I wasn't clear - it is current work that I am not interested in - retirement I am looking forward to. Allison's karate camp definitely involves other activities. They go swimming daily and yesterday they visited some ice caves. She thought they were air conditioned! I said no, they are naturally cool. She said "That makes sense. There were no outlets to plug in air conditioners". She is a hoot.
My knees are never happy! However, they hurt more standing still than when I am moving so I try to keep moving when I can't sit.
I can't really work with tension in my environment every day. I have left jobs because of this. I hope things get better for you there.

Oh thats good Cheryl, glad you are looking forward to retirement! ( I didn't read properly)

I started a July thread - https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/dep...ml#post5436423