Cruelty of Strangers and Depression
 

Hi Everyone, I am new here. I am a 32 year old mother of a toddler who I love more than life itself. I have PCOS and depression and am a military spouse. I recently moved to a new city and have no support system here yet.

My son and I take public transportation each morning to his preschool and my office. At least twice a week we have an extremely negative encounter with someone (they've all been men, so far) who mocks my weight or general appearance, or says something negative about my son. In essence, someone who wants me to know that it is unacceptable to them, for me to be out in public.

Today two men laughed *hysterically* about my "disgusting ***" for the entire train ride. I calmly asked them who they were laughing at. They wouldn't respond, and instead laughed even harder. Many people saw this happen, no one interjected. I was too shocked and hurt to even think clearly. I should have left the train car, but I was mortified.

I cannot take much more of this. I felt like calling a suicide hotline when I reached work this morning, but reconsidered. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? I'm starting to feel pretty hopeless. This is probably traumatizing my son, and I feel like it is my fault, for not being able to lose weight easily, like my friends did, after they had their children.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. People are such jerks. Wow.

First off, other peoples' rude actions and opinions are most certainly not your fault! That's on them, not you. It's your body, and you are at liberty to do what you want with it! It's really none of their business at all. Wow, seriously. I can't get over what jerks those guys are.

Secondly, and I know this is tough, but try not to compare yourself to other people. This is one that I had to learn the hard way, and am still learning. When you're comparing yourself to others, you're comparing your worst to their best. You never see the things that they're insecure about or bad at, and trust me, they have those things. It is not your fault that your genetic makeup means that you lose weight slower than your friends.

Please don't do anything rash. Always remember that losing you would traumatize your son far more than some random jerk's laughter ever will. He needs you, and he doesn't care how much you weigh. You're his mommy.

Depression isn't something you can just shake off, and it always makes things like this feel much worse. I struggle with anxiety, and it likes to take every little tiny thing that stresses me out, even if it's not a problem at all, and turn it into an insurmountable mountain of stress. This is tough, but you have us in your corner whenever you need to talk things out. Good luck finding a support system in your new city. If things are getting that bad, see if you can't find a counselor to talk things through with. It really is immensely helpful.

Good luck, and don't let the dregs of society get you down! :)

I'm sorry to hear you've been through such an awful experience. Don't let these low lifes get you down. YOu are worth so much more and don't let any mothrfkr bring you down !!! Hugs from Irleand x

Thus the reason I generally detest people. I like individuals, but humanity in general I don't. It's guys like that. Probably every woman on this forum can relate and has had at least one incident of a stranger mocking her. I sure have.

But a couple of things- one, don't give someone else the power to make you ever feel like you shouldn't be alive. A**holes on the train have far less of an impact on your son than not having his mom around would. And those guys on the train are the ones with a problem because they are cruel and hateful. Use that moment to explain to your son how that type of behavior is hurtful and to impress on him that you don't want him to grow into the type of man who would do something like that. Whether you do that just between you and him or whether you do it loudly enough for your detractors to hear is up to you.

Your worth isn't determined by your weight, or by what cruel strangers think. Don't let them have that kind of power over you.

I get this a lot. I'm over 400 pounds. I've had people follow me and harass me, demand that I should not be allowed to sit on busses, given diet advice, been told I should lose weight because "other people have to look at [me]."

The one thing that has really helped me is to think--400+ pounds is a lot. I'm very fat. But besides that, I look like a pretty ordinary person. There's nothing bizarre or unusual or really interesting about how I look, besides my weight. So when people act like they've discovered Atlantis when they see me, I think, Wow, their lives must be so small and uneventful that they need to make a big deal out of me.

You're 165? Objectively, sure, you're a bit overweight. But you're in a weight class with most Americans. I bring this up because it only amplifies what I think: if a couple of jerks have to make a big deal about your weight, and you're only 165, WOW! They must have the most uninteresting and basic lives possible. Because 165 isn't exceptional. A little heft, a little weight, isn't bizarre or even noteworthy. You're just a regular person, and they're making a big deal out of you because they have nothing else to make a big deal out of.

Stay strong. You can do it. <3

One time I was on my way into a restaurant and I passed a woman with a young child coming out. I was wearing a bright yellow outfit. Granted, maybe I'm too big to wear bright yellow, but I liked this outfit and felt good in it. The woman looked at me and said "My, aren't we bright, today!" I wanted to say to her "You are teaching your son that it's ok to make rude comments to others." But I was too shocked to speak.

I have learned that you never know the story behind people...why they are the way they are....so just be kind. How hard is that?