3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

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-   -   Honestly, I just need support. (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/depression-weight-issues/308798-honestly-i-just-need-support.html)

PrinceBabi 03-23-2016 10:51 PM

Honestly, I just need support.
I'm going to say one thing, I am quite young, but I'm also obsese. I'm struggling with depression, social anxiety, self-hatred and more, all because of my weight. I'm not happy. I want to change; I need to. I'm just not sure how.
I am fourteen years old, months away from being fifteen. I weigh 286lbs, give or take since the last time I was weighed (January.) I'm so upset. This "fat" thing has been an issue since I was in first grade. Fat gene? Yep. Dad's side. Not fun. Though, I have also been diagnosed with B.E.D. Or binge-eating disorder. I eat a lot in a period of time, and feel awful about myself afterwards. It's bad. It's really, really bad.
I'm so sick of being the fat girl. I honestly can't take the self and peer torment.
This new motivation has all come from a jacket. You see, me being fourteen, I'm extremely intrigued by Japanese Culture. (Anime, Fashion, Music, etc) and some of my favorite Japanese designers are always wearing these adorable hoodies from another popular J-Fashion (Japanese Fashion) brand. So, now not only can I not fit into regular American clothing that I wish to wear, but ALL of the Asian attires as well, being how small the sizings and typical buyers are. I want that jacket. I want to fit into it comfortably in that Asian size and be proud of what I've accomplished. I want to cosplay (Google it-) with pride and comfort, and I want to eventually model. All of these goals and dreams revolve around me losing weight. After all, even past the clothes and styles, I want to be healthy. I want to be happy. I want to succeed in the hardest battle I could possibly throw myself willingly into. This is not I change I want, but something I desperately need. It is not healthy or a path to take in life. Realizing this at such an age like fourteen, is incredibly sensitive. Already, on my first day of cardio workouts, walks, and calorie counting (800 max a day), I've been nothing but triggered and teary-eyed. Does this get easier? What will make this an easier path for such a girl? What do I need to change, increase, decrease? How should I exercise and how should I eat? Honestly, all I need is help and support. My own mother isn't even rooting for me. She doesn't think I can do it. Somewhere in me, I however, do. ****, I want to lose 140lbs. That is my goal. Insane, I know. But I want to be a healthy, typical weight for a young teenager. It's going to be hard, tough, saddening and stressful, so this is why I need you. You're here because you understand. Please help out a fellow lady in need. I need all of it that I can get. You don't understand how much I need it. Desperation, is present.
Thank you.


Cristyna 03-24-2016 10:04 AM

I guess, only the fact that we are on this forum - we already need to support. if we would have been supported by people around us, we wouldn't be here, isn't it? I also need support, and I guess everybody needs it. anyway. your goal isn't insane... we should have BIG goals and BIG dreams! dream BIG and you'll have BIG... I think... I do know what are you talking about... I do understand you. My mother isn't near me, she's in another country... but she never helped me to lose any weight... I really hope taht we would help each other... all of us here on the forum...

Coop27 03-24-2016 03:45 PM

Welcome to the forum, and good luck with your weight loss journey. It's good you have decided to lose the weight now, amd I'm glad you have something to motivate you - it will help!

I do worry that your calories are too low - 800 calories is not enough, you will lose weight to begin with, but after a while, your body will start to think you are in a famine and will stop burning fat to try to preserve its reserves. I would recommend you increase to a minimum of 1200 calories. Make sure you eat a lot of fruit and veg. A bowl full of lettuce contains just 10 calories, so will fill you up and this will hopefully help you feel less tired.

Make sure to include a little bit of weight lifting work in your exercise - even things like planks and push-ups. Muscle burns fat better.

Did you drink a lot of soda? As i'm guessing you have probably cut out sugarry drinks. These drinks often contain caffeine, so for the first few days, you will feel tired and pretty awful, but this is just the caffeine leaving your system - it will pass.

purplecow 03-26-2016 08:58 AM

Best of luck to you. Being 14 is hard enough without an additional battle to fight.

mommyd21199 04-13-2016 12:51 PM

Not alone.
Just looking for people to chat. Support always helps

hpy2502 04-14-2016 04:49 PM

Hi Princebabi! I wish I was that determined when I was 14! You have a whole life ahead of you and trust me if you want it bad enough, it will come your way!!! All grand things start with a belief.

Good luck on your weightloss journey, just my two cents for you and all the girls here:

Calorie counting is IMPORTANT!
Having lost the same 50 pounds a few times over the last decade, losing weight is easy, it's keeping it off that's hard. the secret of weightloss and keeping it off, well at least for me, is calorie counting. I finally learn that I could eat everything I want, as long as I keep it within my allowance. I never have to deprive myself and it works for me. I also become smarter about food choices and portion sizes. Normally I go between 1200- 1600 calories each day.... I don't really exercise, and the weight just keeps dropping.

Since you are so young and still growing, I do suggest you to consult a nutritionist about your diet and just be educated about food. Personally I don't believe thee is such thing as "fat gene". To me it's more like the whole family is just not educated enough about food, hence an unhealthy diet lead to fat kids. I think I am the victim of this too, it's very hard to break the habits/choices formed from your upbringing. So do educate yourself as much as you could!!

Good luck!!! All the best for you!!

Karencat 04-15-2016 04:38 AM

HI PrinceBabi
- I know its a struggle being the *Fat Kid* being 2 to 3 or even 4 times bigger then your friends at 14 makes life hard
good for you setting yourself a big goal
I have been obese or overweight since I was 5 or earlier as long as I can rememeber- now 40 and I have tried for years with different things to lose weight, lost a little gained lots up to a weight of 330 pounds ! Since Feb this year I have lost almost 30 pounds
these are things I have learnt along my journey so far.... and most of them only recently (it took a long time!)
Make sure you are getting enough calories to keep your energy levels up and not drop into starvation mode - if you don't eat enough you run the risk of the body storing every thing which can be as bad as over eating too ... keep it healthy
Yes calories in -calories out with a negative result =weight loss...
Track what you have eaten and exercise you have done... it helps - its hard but it works - do you have a tracking app - MFP (my fitness pal) is a free app to track calories if you don't
Drink water - avoid sugary drinks, and diet drinks have there own problems too - they can cause you to retain water upset the digestion and shut down your kidneys
It helps to Keep on track, and track -one way to make it not so daunting it to break up your large goal into mini goals
plan it out - say 20 pounds at a time Celebrate every 20 pounds - even if its doing a little happy I did it dance - something to acknowledge it helps and it reinforces the feeling of success when you do...
Just remember - You can do it .. even when it feels like you have mucked up - pull up your socks get back on track - and remind yourself you can do it

Karencat 04-15-2016 04:43 AM

hpy2502 is right when they said
Since you are so young and still growing, I do suggest you to consult a nutritionist about your diet and just be educated about food- Its hard to do on your own

if your tracking everything and consult a nutritionist then you can show them what your doing - and they can help you on your way to success - it makes life easier if you can do that
another site to consider it http://www.livestrong.com/
they help you work out calories and safe speed to lose weight - 1 kg a week or 2 pounds is usually considered safe
the more you have to loose the faster it can go though

as for the fat gene weather there is one or not when you come from a family where you have big people through out it for pretty much every generation you can track or as you said when 1 of the parents are fat too -It feels like there is one, - some people are pre disposed to be fat medically and yes it inherited - its not that we should be fat it means its harder work to not be fat
consulting a medical professional also means they may be able to help you discover if there are any underlying problems that they may be able to help you address to make your weight loss journey more successful

MustangSally308 04-24-2016 05:27 PM

Hugs to you.
Hi there. I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling so much, and I wish I could give you a big hug. High school can be ****.

I'm also so sorry to hear that your mother isn't in your corner. As a mother myself, this breaks my heart.

I'm going to echo the suggestions to seek help from a nutritionist or dietitian. Your regular doctor should be able to provide you with a referral. He or she can help you learn about food and how to properly fuel your body. I know food feels like the enemy, but we need it, which is what makes overcoming BED so hard. 800 calories isn't nearly enough for you to be healthy, and the weight loss you achieve isn't sustainable. I can say this having eaten that little and even less so many times in an effort to get thin; every time, I gained it all back and then some because none of us can live healthily forever on that little food. 1200 calories is the minimum your body needs to survive, and those of us with more weight to carry around actually need more calories just to survive. That doesn't include all the calories that are used up in exercise. That kind of deprivation may do you more harm than good in the long run.

Your mental health also matters so much to your overall well-being, and being constantly starving and triggered isn't doing you any favors. I would also suggest seeking counseling. Counseling is nothing to be ashamed of using, and a good counselor or therapist could really help you gain control of your eating and develop a healthier attitude toward food (easier said than done, I know). You don't have to do this alone. I know your mom hasn't been supportive, but if she's willing to help you with making an appointment with your doctor to get the necessary referrals, do it. It could be really helpful.

Bottom line: You deserve to love yourself.

PrinceBabi 04-29-2016 12:14 AM

Hi there! Thank you ALL so much for the support. I honestly forgot I made this, and looking back, I've achieved a lot. I started weight-loss pills and I've been eating better, and I've even tried learning dances in the space of my room. And guess what? I've lost at LEAST fifteen pounds! I've gone from a 22w pant, to an EIGHTEEN! I had to start buying so many new clothes, and I'm still dropping the weight at my own pace. I look so much better, and I feel so much better. I will try to update you guys whenever I feel like I've accomplished more! Good luck to all of you, and thank you all again so much.

~~A much happier, Red

Candidcamster 05-02-2016 11:58 PM

1 Attachment(s)
PrinceBabi welcome and I related so much to your story even though I'm old enough to be your mom! lol I, too was the fat kid in school and bullied mercilessly for it. Other people didn't have to hold me back, I held myself back, I think when you're my age (33 yrs old) you'll see a lot of your problems now are more in your hands than you give them credit for.
That said, I'm older than you, and probably started with a slower metabolism than you when I began my journey 2+ years ago, and I was able to lose more weight than I ever have in my life by eating more appropriate portions of the foods I love. When I say that, is there really a good portion of ice cream or cake? However if I used to swallow the whole cake in a night before, and now I eat a slice or 2 that is definitely progress! lol And better yet, I don't weigh 350 lbs. anymore!! I say this not to brag, as I also have Binge Eating Disorder something fierce and have regained around 20-25 lbs. sadly due to depression (using eating as a coping mechanism) and then just crappy habits I am trying to break away from as a result. You don't have to starve yourself (I'm not an expert but 800 calories a day without medical supervision is starvation in my book), I don't know your caloric-intake when you are not actively on a diet, but let's say it is 3,000 calories a day, if you drop to 2,000 calories a day, especially with physical activity you should lose weight! I speak from experience, and basic math, it isn't exact but I've been there, most of what I've lost was eating 1,800+ calories a day. Trust me you can do this, but please don't overwhelm yourself or risk your health and emotional/mental health by trying to get there overnight, you won't and that is OK.

You've been bigger most of your life from your post, I know the temptation to race to the finish line is there, but just think for a moment, you can sprint in the marathon, get too worn down and stop (then feel like a failure, loser, "what's wrong with me", etc.) or you can take your time, be reasonable with yourself and look back May 2, 2017 and hardly recognize yourself because of how far you've come (I'm living that). There's an old saying "slow and steady wins the race", it's not a sprint it's a marathon (taking that from my mom) so please conserve your energy, you'll need it in this fight.

Next, about your self-esteem, again I've been there, in fact I visit there pretty frequently, but I will tell you the truth, your looks DO NOT DICTATE YOUR WORTH! *yelling for emphasis ;)* You are so incredibly brilliant which comes through in your post, if you don't learn to love yourself as you are, it will probably be difficult to appreciate yourself as you will be. This is a hard lesson, I am still learning it, but in my heart, mind and spirit I know it is the truth.

Some self-love tools I want to recommend:
Baz Luhrmann, "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" I was your age (back in 1997) when that song came out lol. *wow* It is just cool spoken-word song full of wisdom.

If you're on Instagram or Tumblr check out body positivity/fatspo pages, it sounds funny, but it helped me love my 300+ lb. body enough to want to LIVE and not just EXIST anymore, to take care of myself.

Kimberlyuhles1 on Youtube, her videos are super motivational and relatable, one of my absolute favorites (I watch a lot of Youtube lol).
Here are a few of her videos I hope you enjoy-

Also as far as modeling, I am sharing a previous magazine cover w/one of the most well-known plus size models Tess. You do not have to be thin to model, and most thin or otherwise models are not going to be supermodels, so don't let the "Well as a plus-size model I won't get as far as..." because most models don't period. Tess is actually more popular and well known than most models period (not referring to super models, I mean women and men who get into the industry, few rise to the top and most don't end up on magazine covers like this).

Wishing you great things, I support your weight loss, just choose healthy methods for yourself.

Jessi901 06-06-2016 11:50 AM

I wish I could help you with something... But I always seem to be depressed over my weight issues... My boyfriend always tells me this... But thank you everybody else for posting these supporting messages. So far I have not read all of them, but I am going to download this post to read in offline mode... later, in the night, when I would really need support.

Bostoncreamprincess 06-07-2016 08:26 PM

Honestly, I rarely login in but I saw your post and felt the need to comment.

First of all, thank you for sharing this all, and really you're just a step closer now because you're showing desire and a commitment to change.

The part in your post where you mentioned your own mother doesn't support you? I feel that same way. It's as if nobody is rooting for me. But the thing is, we have to just do it for ourselves, not for anybody and not even really to prove them wrong (because who cares what they think).


Jessi901 06-14-2016 07:23 AM

I totally agree with the member who posted above. thank you for sharing this and what's even more important is that you found strength to post it. sometimes it is not important if somebody reads it, it is important that you wrote it! but keeping it that way you're going to reach far things! everything starts with a simple little step!

Bostoncreamprincess 06-20-2016 12:25 PM


Originally Posted by Jessi901 (Post 5264954)
I totally agree with the member who posted above. thank you for sharing this and what's even more important is that you found strength to post it. sometimes it is not important if somebody reads it, it is important that you wrote it! but keeping it that way you're going to reach far things! everything starts with a simple little step!

Thanks xxxo :)

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