Pregnancy, Depression, & Weight Gain

  • I'm 28 weeks pregnant, and becoming really depressed.
    I had a previous History of a 90 lb weight loss, with abdominoplasty for extra skin. Also a History of depression with one suicide attempt.
    As my pregnancy progresses, last week I felt the last of the internal stitches from my "tummy tuck" rip out internally. Because of tiredness from the pregnancy, I've also had to quit both my (physically demanding) full time job, and my volunteer job, a big part of my identity. When I had to quit my full time job, I lost my insurance, so going back to counseling is no longer an option.
    The one thing that has been keeping me going is that I have planned a long hiking trip for this summer. I feel like it's the only hope of losing baby weight, and regaining my identity. I really want to take the kid with me, but the father of the baby says no. However, FOB has no plan for how he would take care of the kid, and no money, but says it would be safer with him. People keep telling me that I'm a "bad parent", "abandoning my child" and "ignoring my responsibilities".
    I feel like if I don't do this hike, to focus on my issues, and allow me to get back into shape, I'm worried that I will get so depressed I will literally try to kill myself again, or at the least not be in a good state of mind to raise a kid. I know its "natural," but I can't stand the amount of weight I've gained and sitting at home being fat and boring and unable to do anything about it seems unbearable.
    Anyways, I apologize if this is too serious for a weight loss forum. Just wondering if other people felt this way when pregnant at all? I have posted in the depression forums on this site in the past and gotten really supportive results in the past. (Cross Posted In Pregnancy Forum)

Tags

depression, pregnancy, weight gain