[IBelieveInMe2]

Originally Posted by JenniferDrost

I am also struggling with the depression and weight, I have started weight loss diet and exercise. Its help me for weight loss and depression also.
Taking therapy with proper medication is much helpful for depression issues.

to the group, Jennifer! I hope you will post again and tell us more about yourself. We'd love to hear from you again! Best of luck to you with your weight loss journey! And I wish you many more UPS than downs!!!

[IBelieveInMe2]

Holly: I am SO happy that you posted and shared some of what is going on with you right now. I would first like to say that there is NOTHING "wrong" with you. You are just experiencing some of that nasty depression that often comes with those winter blahs. Maybe it's even more than that, but I still maintain that nothing is wrong with YOU! You don't have to be a tower of strength all of the time. It's okay to have those down times and to share your feelings about it with all of us. As I've said before, we named this group UPS & DOWNS for a reason. We should feel welcome here during BOTH our ups AND our downs. I understand, though, that it is more difficult to even muster up the strength to post during the down moments. I know how much you LOVE summer and so do I. So let's face it, this weather sucks!!! I can't even wait for spring and summer and days at the lake house!!! Let's just hope that March flies by and hopefully we will begin to see some better weather begin to break through. Until then, I am sending you a BIG dose of SUNSHINE and a big hug!!! Hang in there, my friend!!! It's going to get better! I promise!

[Fiona W]

My progress toward getting my life back was short-lived, to say the least. I had one day, last Sunday, of being able to walk without crippling pain, of being able to move around my own house without a wheelchair. The following day was my birthday, so I did what I wanted to do and ignored the evidence that the pain was back, as bad as ever. That one day now appears to have been a fluke: I have no idea why. I am in the same place I've been in for many months: unable to walk more than 6 feet or so, and each step is very painful.

I am so discouraged, so angry, so frustrated... I've been brooding over all that happened to me during the terrible year of 2015, and finding a lot of people to blame—my doctors, that is. But what does blame accomplish? Nothing. Nothing at all.

All I want is to get my life back. I am so down right now I'm thinking about killing myself. Not seriously—don't worry. I am just thinking—not intending or planning. The only reason I even mention it is to give you an idea of how horrible I feel. I don't want to live like this. But I have no choice. Suicide is not, and will never be, an option.

And I'm not depressed, either. I can't ascribe these feelings to an abnormal state in my brain. This is reality.

[Fiona W]

Sorry for being so dark in my last posting. It's been a very weird week. I need to give myself (and perhaps Mike, too) a good talking-to about how the progress of recovery from my Big Disaster of 2015 is going to be glacial. So we all (that includes Bob, too) need to settle down, quit roller coastering, and commit to this for the long journey it's gonna be.

Kinda like weight loss, ain't it? =resigned grin=

P.S. Mike = Qi Gong instructor/healer. Bob = devoted spouse.

[Coop27]

Hi all,

You've all been busy the last couple of days! Glad to see the forum busy.

Fiona, I'm so sorry to hear how down you are, and that your day of walking was isolated. I wonder if you simply pushed yourself a little too much, are there any exercises you can do to gradually build yourself? I'm sorry, I don't know enough of your illness to say whether this is a silly suggestion.

Kathleen, good to hear your son is settling down weel back home. I hope he has a quick recovery ahead.

Holly, it sounds like wknter is really getting you down. We are starting to see a noticeable shift towards spring here, and I hope it spreads to you soon! The daylight is really boosting my spirits.

Thanks for asking after me! I have been very busy the last few days - I'm off work for a few days, and have been busy spring cleaning and learning to knit. I am popping by to give my eyes a break from cross-eyed-ness.

I met with a new specialist for my pain condition yesterday, and he has recommended a couple of new painkillers for me to try out. I didn't deliberately go looking for any information on them, but I found someone talking about them in a pain forum, and it has me a little anxious about starting. The are apparently very addictive, although thankfully not as tiring as my current painkillers, but lead to serious weight gain. I'm so fed up of dealing with this condition though, and if it can help, it must surely be worth it? This condition is pretty interfering, and I've had it far longer than is fair.

[ap14]

Wow, I have a lot of posts to catch up on! Glad to see everyone back

I applied for another job yesterday. I'm tired of waiting to hear back from the gym lady. I applied for a golf sales associate position at Dick's. Hopefully I'll hear back a little faster about that one. I want to start working and making some money. So many things I want....no money.

[Fiona W]

I can't believe it! I walked out to the Boulder (our VW Passat) and went for a drive—leaving just before dawn on Sunday morning, so it was twilight out and there was hardly any traffic at all. My legs got really sore during the short walk in the carport, so I wondered if I'd be able to handle the pedals OK, but no problema. My driving was as smooth as silk: you'd never guess it's been over a year since I was behind the wheel. I remember the exact date of the last time, too—February 21st, 2015.

After picking up a large coffee at the Starbucks drive-up window, I hit the Beltway first, because I adore freeways and goin' real fast when it's safe to do so (85! any slower, and I would've been run over by the handful of other cars whizzing by). I went all the way to the Connecticut exit (Chevy Chase), then circled back so I'd be heading east and could watch the sunrise. It's going to be a clear day. Just a few little pale orange clouds that soon dissipated, and the enormous orange sun coming up. I had Deep Tracks on Sirius-XM turned up loud, naturally, and was surprised, even delighted, when they played "Kyrie Eleison"—rather a limp version, but appropriate for a Sunday morning, I suppose. When I glanced at the screen to see who the band was, it was the Electric Prunes! Who woulda thunk it... (For the younger folks: they were a truly minor, one-hit or maybe two-hits band in the 1960s, mostly memorable for their silly name.)

When I got off at the Greenbelt exit, I didn't go home right away. Instead I went out to the nearby Beltsville Agricultural Center (a big government experimental farm, with both crops & livestock) where the speed limit is 25, and completely changed pace—cruisin' along, not a single other car on the road, admiring the way the sun, just above the horizon, was making the dew-covered pastures glow in varying hues of green and golden. And because the trees are bare, I could also watch that huge orange-gold ball of sun through the strips of forest. Beautiful! When I got to the Baltimore-Washington Parkway, I circled back again and came home. It was about an hour's drive in all.

Wow oh wow, did that feel like FREEDOM! I was grinnin' so much the whole way, my smile muscles started to twitch. =laugh= I feel like a human being again! Even on some future day when I can walk around the neighborhood, and around the lake, it's not going to give me a thrill like that. I've been out driving, usually alone, just about every day of my life since I turned 16, including many loooooong road trips, and now I'm 61. So that's a lot of years. Being in an automobile is my favorite mode of travel, by far. When Bob and I go well over a thousand miles to my home state of Texas, we always drive, never fly. Now that I know I can drive again, any time I want, whoa, what a head trip...Now I can't really accomplish anything by driving, because I can't get out of the car and walk, but still....

When I got home, I did have a bit of a misadventure. I'd walked further than usual, for practice, last night, and I'd told Bob he didn't need to bring the wheelchair upstairs—more walking, to the bed, and back & forth to the bathroom!—so putting weight on my legs was seriously agonizing. (No pain at all in the car, of course.) Plus I'm not used to walking, even just standing up, in my Birkies. No one wears shoes in the Mindfulness Center, where I see Mike. I did fine getting to the door, because I could lean on the car and then hang on the recycle bin, but there are two little steps up into the house. I made the first one OK, but the second one...it was only like three inches up, but oh man, what a hassle! I got my right foot up without a problem, but my left leg was like it was paralyzed: it would not lift my foot, no matter how sternly I ordered it to do so. I tried dragging it up sideways; I tried everything I could think of. The clock was ticking on how long I could be stuck there, because my legs were starting to give way beneath me. What an irksome ending to such a great adventure! So before I was gonna fall flat on my face, I grabbed the stereo rack and lowered myself gently onto my knees, just inches away from my wheelchair. From there, with a big effort, I managed to get both my feet under me so I could pivot into the chair. Whew! I was quite winded by then.

But that was just a little thing. The BIG thing is that I can drive!! =huge grin=

[Coop27]

Fiona - so pleased you made it out for a drive! It must open up so much more for you sometimes just going for a drive for the sake of it can be such a great way to clear your mind, and I'm so glad you took full advantage!! I hope your legs don't hurt too much tomorrow.

[Lisaluvshearts]

I need to catch up on greeting the new members. Please be patient with me.


I had a nice relaxing weekend but it's back to work for me, tomorrow.


My mood has been pretty good. After tomorrow, I won't have a job. I am praying that I can find one that suits my disability. That is the hard part. I am looking, please keep me in your thoughts.

Fi, I am so glad you had a good day and was able to drive. I can't imagine how hard it is, being in pain constantly. Know that you are in my thoughts.

Kathleen, it was so lovely to see you post. I miss you so much when you don't. It doesn't feel quite the same around here without you posting.

Holly, my wonderful friend, just like Kathleen, I miss you so much when you aren't here with us. You mean the world to me, you all do. Post when you can and I will try to do the same.

Coop, thank you for keeping the board going with your posts. I feel really bad that I don't post as much as the rest of you do. My life is so calm, I don't want to say boring, it's just relaxing. I do my best to keep the drama nonexistent.

Right now, I'm watching Jurassic Park, the movie. Good flick.




Have a wonderful Sunday night. I'll try to post again tomorrow. Much love to you all.

[CallyMay]

Hey, am just checking in after I have had a rough two weeks. I have been having arythmia and heart palpitations, so haven't really checked my weight or watched my eating. I saw my doctor twice last week because of it, was prescribed Oxazepam and that got it down, have a 24-hour ECG on Friday. My gp did an ECG in autumn and one last Monday, both were alright, so I don't think I really have a heart problem, but my dad said my heart might be sentitive to stress because quite a few people on his side of the family had heart problems, especially the maternal side, so I probably inherited a sensitivity which, combined with anxiety disorder, probably caused the problems.
Sorry, just had to get this off my chest. Please don't tell me about the horrible problems I might have, I never google symptoms because I don't want to read that stuff. I'm seeing my doctors, so it's under control.

[Coop27]

Callymay - sorry to hear of your heart concerns. A bit disconcerting, and I hope they find something with the monitoring. Modern medicine is very good, so I hope it ends up nothing to worry about.

Lisa - good to see you posting again! I hope your last day at work goes well, and I will keep everything crossed for a short job search.

I am a little relieved tonight after a slight scare with a mole that went itchy and bumpy - thankfully just a patch of eczema over a mole, but I had some very horrible "what if" thoughts. I also always have a moment with these things where I think "this has to be the turning point that persuades me to change for the better" but it never really drives home. I still eat too much and exercise too little... but I am getting my OH on board, and it will help in the long run.

[Fiona W]

It's March! Will someone please start the March thread? Kathleen?

I'm doing OK. Legs hurt. Eating right. I'll say more in a day or so...

[IBelieveInMe2]

Fi: I just started the new thread. I am thrilled to hear about your driving adventure!!! Your vivid description made me feel as though I was a passenger in your car. I love your imagery! So happy that you were able to go for a long drive and feel "normal" and free again..... at last!