Afraid my friends will leave me
 

Hey,

I know this is one of my first posts here but I kinda wanted to post it on a forum where no one knows me yet..

As the title says I'm really scared/afraid that my friends will leave me. Not only my friends but also how my daughter will never actually love me.

This mainly because I am way too heavy (12 stone - 5'5), and whenever I'm with them I get the feeling they're ashamed of being friends with me cause I'm such a bother, fat and ugly.

I'm afraid my daughter (she's 2) will never love me because when my ex and I broke up, he took her with him and it took me over 5 months to get everything sorted, 5 months to actually see her again. Now I see her on a weekly basis and I'm not sure if the reason why she seems "happy" is because she just know that she'll see daddy again and crying won't help him come back earlier. Also because he lets her do everything she wants and never tells her off and I do..

It's always been the case in my life how the people I use to love the most ended up leaving me (including family), never giving me an actual reason apart from things as "You moved to a different country so why should we still care about you" or "I just hate you."

I went to therapy before when I was a bit younger, but it didn't help at all and I'm starting to believe how living isn't something I'm good at.

You need to seek professional help.

Hey there,

I think that your friends probably see more in you than just the fat bother. But maybe you don't? That would be understandable regarding your story and how your family treated you but we are born into a family and don't get to choose them, so we all have to live with the one we got.

Obviously you are not happy with who you are and how your life is going right now. I think you took a great first step with registering here and trying to lose some weight. Not for them but for yourself and your self esteem.

If you feel like the only one with problems weight related or else, it could be helpful to look for friends who also have to struggle. The Internet is such a great opportunity to find others who also have issues to confront, maybe even the same.

As for your daughter - you are her mom, of course she will love you! Kids don't judge their parents by appearance, at least not when they are so young. Your daughter doesn't need a skinny mom now but one that is happy with herself and her life. So that is where you should start :)
How is your relationship with your ex? Can you talk to him about it? I guess for your daughter it would be best if you both could decide on a common style of raising her, not because she won't love you but so she doesn't get confused and has some rules that are reliable for her.

Last but not least I do think as well that you should get professional help, if you want to. Not all therapists and therapy styles are the same. I personally went to therapy as well when I was younger and it didn't really fit me so I thought it's nothing that could help me. Now I am seeing a therapist again and this time it pretty much changed my life and helps me a lot.
Maybe you could also get some family counciling or something.

Siiya,

I am very sorry you aren't feeling loved and appreciated. You came to the right place. Everyone here will do their best to make you feel welcome and encourage you on your journey to health - both physical and emotional health. Feel free to talk to us about anything and everything, not just weight loss. We all use this forum as a place to vent from time to time, and you may get some useful advice.

Your daughter - she loves you. I promise. I have 3 kids of my own, and my two older ones are not with me all the time due to divorce. No matter what, these kids love us. Your daughter doesn't care what you look like. You are her one and only mother. I will say, your daughter will be better served with a mother who is happy and healthy. It may improve your life and your relationship with your daughter if you were to seek therapy.

Glad to have you here and hope to talk to you again soon!

Life changes over time. Friends come and go, for different reasons. That is ok. I have some from a long time ago, and some, I decided, were not what I wanted in my life.

Family, well, some of them are ok, some of them, not so much.

As an adult, we have to be an adult. Sometimes those choices are difficult, but we know deep down, that while it might be hard, we know what the right thing is, it's figuring out, how to do it!

Some times we just have to put on our big girl attitude, and plow forward, and do what is right!:carrot::D

Is the rest don't like it, tough noogies!

I just saw this post and had to reply. I think when things look this low and you feel this much in despair you really need to seek professional help. They can guide you and give you coping skills to help you out of your depression and put you on the right path. It's not easy but it's doable. You will be a better mother to your child and a better person for yourself. I have been there myself and wouldn't be where I am today without the help of my psychiatrist and therapist.

Just because the therapy from before didn't help doesn't mean that it won't if you try again. Therapy is like finding the right shoe that fits. If it doesn't work the first time, sometimes you have to try again to find the right kind or the right person who understands you. Good Luck!

Therapy has changed my life for the better. Keep at it and don't give up.

This is definitely not a mindset to have. Please talk to your family about this, especially if you are harboring suicidal thoughts.