OMG, found some gray hairs and I'm feeling very unattractive
 

Okay so my New Year hasn't started off very great, I've fallen into a heartbroken situation that I'm not sure I can get out of. I went to the salon yesterday and they found a few grey hairs. Okay so the grey hairs are pretty hidden and they blend into my strawberry blond hair but I'm 31 years old and this makes me feel very unattractive. I've scared that I'll never get laid and I'm doomed for the rest of my life, and I have over 100 lbs to lose. How do I overcome this fear of being seen as old and ugly with grey hairs? How do I boost my self-esteem considering that a guy I loved got married to a beautiful and intelligent woman who I can't compare to :(

If misery loves company -- I found my first grey hair at 21 -- my mom started dying her hair at 30 because she was THAT grey. Not highlights, straight up dying her hair. I'm turning 27 in a month and they're a lot more prevalent now than they were six years ago.

As far as the guy goes: there's more than one person out there for everyone! You'll start being on plan, gain some confidence, reward yourself with some new clothes or a new haircut, and start putting yourself out there more. But comparison is the thief of joy, so as hard as it may be, you can't compare yourself to the woman he married -- and not because you don't compare -- on the wrong day, someone will always be prettier, smarter, faster, thinner than you. Hang in there!

I've had a few greys since I was about 20. They're all in one place near the front side of my head, which I think of as a white "native" streak... I'm only 1/16th native american, but maybe it's a real thing I've inherited.

Anyway, they don't bother me. I don't feel less attractive for having them. I did pull them out for the first few years but I no longer bother and they've kind of grown on me (not just literally).

I think confidence is something you have to strive for separately from your appearance. It's true that appearance and confidence are related, but there's at least a part of your self-confidence that's completely separate from your appearance, so work on that. Get good at something—make sure you have hobbies. Find ways to spend time with people who like the things you like.

I can't tell you how to improve your feelings about your appearance, but I can tell you there are other ways to be confident.

I love grey hair on women. I find it very, very sexy. :dizzy:

I am 42 and I have an increasing amount of grey which shows in my (very dark) hair. I dyed my hair a sort of magenta-ish burgundy for several years, but not to cover the grey - in fact I was somewhat conflicted about it, because I like the grey so much and wanted it to show, but I also wanted the fun color. The last year or so I've stopped the dying and let the grey do its thing.

Don't let it make you feel unattractive. Not everyone worships at the altar of youth. There are people who recognize that actual grown-ups can be very, very attractive. ;)

I'm 50 and found my first grey hair at 14.:yikes: I'm a brunette and never dyed my hair. . . . until. . . . When I was turning 30, a woman at work gave me h*ll because she couldn't believe that I wouldn't color my hair to hide the grey. I was so sick and tired of hearing her everyday for more than a week that I went into my stylist on a Saturday and came to work on Monday with flaming red hair!:devil: It shut that woman up like a steel drum and she never said another word about it.:D I've not done that again. My color is now more white and silver than dark brown. I love my hair and I've earned everyone of those colorless hairs.:dizzy: Often, I get stopped and asked who "does" my hair. People actually think I get my hair colored silver/white. Go figure. . . .

Get a few highlights or lowlights to cover the greys. That's what every other woman in America does! Probably the world. Don't use over all color or color from a box, that will ruin your hair. If it's just a few grey hairs, pull them out.

I don't think you should surrender to grey until you are at least 50 if strawberry blonde hair is that big a part of your identity. (just my two cents, of course) As far as heartbreak -- you will find someone for you, it just was not that guy. For now, be gentle to yourself and watch funny movies and read some David Sedaris.

Hair is just hair, you can dye it! I'm 55 and dye mine on a regular basis, it's my vanity thing.

On the flip side, do NOT compare you to anyone else!

That is not fair, to you or to them.

I have kids older than you, and grandkids. So yup, I've been laid. Woop Woop.

Don't get me wrong, here. I understand what you are saying. But, I think you are placing too much importance on a perceived "notion" of happiness.

The thing is, happiness, peace and contentment is not found in others, but within ourselves.

So, take a breath, and work on your own happiness, the rest will fall into place!:hug:

Hey Womman! Stop looking at those gray hairs and start hearing yourself ROAR!

I started turning gray at 13, so I understand where you're coming from. For me, I got so tired and embarrassed whenever strangers, clerks, etc would ask my age and they always responded that I was way too young to be so gray. Talk about feeling awful. The solution was in a box, but that was not an easy decision to make. Dying my hair in my late 20s made me feel like a phony.

I started turning gray at 13, and I don't understand how you're feeling, because for me, it wasn't about my looks/premature aging, it was about people leaving me alone. Shaving my head was an option I considered, but I am sensitive to drafts!

It's just hair, hon. And your hairdresser found those grays, not you. With your hair color, they're likely not easy to see. My old man has your hair color and his grays are barely noticeable (hatem). Me, I'm white on black. (Let's not talk about DH going bald, tho!)

It sound like you have a Long time before you really need to think about dying your hair. You and I have a lot of weight to lose, and just imagine what we can accomplish in just 6 months. Just imagine the nice men you might meet who just signed up for a gym membership or who run or walk along your trail, etc. Get Out There, Girl! You're still sooo young!! But aim higher than "getting laid"--especially in your head. You seem like you want more than that. There are lots of unmarried guys in their 30s, and I'll be a Lot of them have gray hair!

I started noticing gray hair in my late 20s, but I didn't feel compelled to color it until my mid 40s a few years ago. Gray hair happens to all of us at different ages and different rates. My natural hair color is a vibrant dark red, so the gray hair didn't blend in so well. With strawberry blonde, I bet it's not even noticeable to anyone but you :) and won't be for years. I was really really nervous to color my hair, but it's been totally fine. What made me be brave about it was noticing that all the young girls I work with (I work in retail) colored their hair for fun. Like, just because they felt like it not even because they needed to! It just ended up being another beauty/self care regimen and now I don't even give it any thought. Women of all ages can color their hair for various reasons, and if you decide to color your hair, know you are not alone. Have a great time with it :D

You've got lots of great inspiration from the amazing women posting here, PrincessKLS! For example, I thought TooWicky WAS in her 20's till I read her post! (you go girl!)

I'm 27 and my students walk up to me and randomly pluck the WHITE hairs I have without even asking. lol oh well. I hope you feel better soon! :hug:

This is so true. True even for the seemingly perfect girl he married.

Here's the real deal: nobody can love you until you love yourself first. When you're happy with your inside, nothing on the outside can make you feel less. When you don't like what is inside, looking like a model isn't enough.

Get some help so you can love you.

I know, I posted earlier.

Dye it.

What was weird to me, was when at about 40, I found grey pubics! Now that just makes you feel WTF! Grey pubics!?

Ya get over that too!:carrot:

I got my first grey hair at 9, and was colouring it all over in my mid 20s, so don't fret about being old.

The real issue here is your crush marrying someone else. That has got to really hurt. I've always wanted the men I couldn't have, who sometimes ended up with beautiful, skinny, intelligent women. It's been a real sticking point for me, and really does rip your self esteem to shreds.

Cut them out of your life, distract yourself from the emotional pain with anything except food. (This is really hard! But it will get easier). Focus on weight loss and exercise like your life depended on it. It will be easier to find someone else when thinner.

If it bothers you color it. But it doesn't bother me when I see a woman with repay hair. If it bothers a man you probably don't want anything to do with him.

I just turned 60, and I've had 30 or so silver hairs grow in during my 50s. Nobody believes me that they are grey hairs because I used to (even during my 40s) be a natural blonde. Now I'm a dark blonde, and people just think those hairs are just a sign of my getting blonder again. I guess as all the grey finishes growing in, I'll be a silver blonde. =laugh=

I liked undyed hair myself, but I think that's a personal decision. You certainly don't have to feel unattractive. I hope this thread has cheered you up!