Hi there...

Fi, that sounds difficult about the physical pain. :hug: I experience depression in a number of ways, agitation, hopelessness, anger, frustration, isolating, etc. I store a lot of stress in my back and then I get sore, tender knots there.

I'm a bit frustrated with a situation, I am new to seeing a family doctor in Philly and I am confused and upset. He refused to prescribe me antibiotics when I was sick, then we had a discussion about it and now he wrote for an oral steroid but the quantity is double the dosage of his directions. I talked about this with the pharmacist and I'm going to take what the instructions say. Sigh, I just feel a bit unnerved, I don't know how much faith I have in him, he's a resident, so a youngish doctor. I think he's caring and means well, I just feel irritated. Thanks.

Amy

Motorcyclists strap new toys to their bikes; and ride to a central meeting place to donate the toys. Our recipient is Shriner's Hospitals for Children. Our organization has been doing this for 28 years. And it was a smooth success, all the pesky details did fall into place :carrot:

so sorry for not checking in!! working each day, not alot of hours but still going in every day. And MAD at myself for not caring what I've been eating and not working out STILL!! Saw pics of myself at the Toy Run and so ashamed of my huge arms :( and just look chunky. The few pounds I got rid of in spring are back, with more.

I will try to check in more often!!

p.s. about Robin Williams..geez the world is full of people that either understand the desperation that man must have felt, OR are so quick to condemn someone 'who is a coward'. Yeah anyone who says that is sure lucky to never felt that badly.

Hi, everyone!
 

I've been dealing with a "down" for the past couple of weeks and haven't felt much like posting. Welcome to all the newbies to the group. You'll definitely find support here. Sorry for not responding to individual posts right now but I'm struggling with my own form of isolating, which makes it tough to reach out and offer support right now.

As I get closer to Onederland, I'm fighting urges to self-sabotage. It is proving to be a very hard internal struggle to overcome the urge to sugar binge. TOM is approaching and the hormones feed the negative situation. I know that sugar would elevate my mood instantly but the psychological impact is not worth the temporary high. At least, that's what I try to keep telling myself. I've said it before: sugar is my heroine. My addiction is just as strong as someone dealing with alcoholism. The internal drive to reach emotional oblivion is relentless.

I've been keeping up with my workouts, though the gym is losing its charm. I'd rather be outside as our very short summer winds down. As a result, I'm coming home after work and riding my bike or doing speed walk/jog intervals in the evenings. I still need to use the gym for strength training, since I don't have any barbells at home.

Still no support from my mother. She told me last week that I'm abusing my body and that's why I'd hit a plateau. I wanted to tell her that I abuse my body when I sugar binge. When I workout, I'm USING my body the way it is intended. In the end, I said nothing rather than engage in an argument that would give her a chance to claim martyr status.

My husband made a comment last weekend about me "bragging" about how I ride my bike. It hurt to have him classify what I feel is an accomplishment as an opportunity to be egotistical. His lack of support drove me even lower emotionally. It really made me feel like giving up but then I realized I'd just be using his negativity as an excuse to fail. My weight loss, eating program, exercise--all of it is on me, not the people around me. I own what I am doing. I OWN WHAT I AM DOING! This is MY journey. MY success, MY failure is on MY back. It has nothing to do with what anyone else says or does. I CAN DO THIS and I AM WORTH THE EFFORT!

So. There. :D

Because of the urge to self-sabotage this week, I doubled-up my efforts to pack my lunch to take to work so I did not have an excuse to buy something at the cafeteria. I made sure to log my food intake right away and not let it slide until "later." I've maintained extra awareness of my caloric intake and caloric burn. And, I lost 2.2 pounds.

Learning about Robin Williams suicide has been difficult. Since all of us in the thread know what it is like to deal with depression, we know the darkness and despair. My heart aches for the pain he was dealing with. My heart aches for the pain his wife and children are dealing with. I am so sorry they are in the glare of the public eye in the wake of this tragedy. God bless them all.

Worthy— I know that this is going to be a "tough love" response to what you said about sugar, but i had exactly the same problem with sugar being my heroine, and what I had to do was to give up sugar entirely except for Very Special Occasions (such as birthday, Christmas, & recently for me, the end of the BERP, my big house decluttering operation). I started last fall by trying a period of abstinence from my Big Three sugar temptations—cookies, candy, & donuts. I was sufficiently motivated that I was able to go 58 days of that abstinence. There was a problem, though: I was still overeating on sugar things not in my Big Three, like pumpkin bars and pie. Finally, after an episode of just about making myself sick by binging on cherry pie, I decided to go sugar-free altogether. On Christmas and my birthday I allowed myself one big bar of the dark chocolate of my choice. At the end of the BERP, I had one piece of cheesecake: I ate it very slowly so as to really savor every bite. I'm on a very low-carb diet, but I have to allow myself a certain number of carbs a day or I get depressed. So every evening I have a measured amount of muesli with cream (low carb) and liquid stevia. It has helped me a lot to experiment and settle on a non-sugar sweetener I can stand: for me, it's liquid stevia. (SweetDrops brand comes in a bottle with an eye dropper and tastes much better than powdered stevia: I buy it in a health food store, but you can also find in on the Web,) I really encourage you to start by trying a period of abstinence from your worst sugar temptations, see how you feel, and then maybe graduate to being sugarfree except for Very Special Occasions. I find I feel so much better, and have so much more energy, without sugar in my diet. Please consider it!

You ladies are such an inspiration. Depression is something so many people consider taboo, so it's wonderful to be able to come here and interact with y'all and know that you all "get it."

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

Hello!
 

Hello Support Buddies! I have been struggling to stay on my low carb eating plan since going off plan last weekend. I have made improvements, but still have room for more to get back to truly consistent "low carb eating." I am also slowly progressing back toward consistent exercise. Life has been so busy prior to the kids starting back to school (this coming week), so we have had to limit our time with the trainer and I have been a bit lazy about exercising at home. Once the kids start school, I will be consistently back to 2x a week with the trainer (strength training) and get a lot of walking in at home (outside and on treadmill). I have been trying not to beat myself up too badly for my slips without letting that leeway develop into laziness. This weight loss thing feels like a constant mind game I play with myself, and sometimes I get so sick of it. I can't let up, though, because I have a LONG way to go...... ONE day at a time, of course! I will call the Endocrinologist this week to get a 2nd opinion on my thyroid levels. I so hope that she will take me higher on my thyroid med, as it really feels like I have been fighting an uphill battle for a long time now. It is so incredibly frustrating! :(

BamaGalRN: :welcome: to the group! I am happy to see you posting! It is such a relief to have a place to come where you feel a bit more "normal" and can openly discuss depression and anxiety. I hope and pray that you get the correct diagnosis and help for your stress and chronic pain symptoms. You shouldn't have to just live with chronic pain.

Fi: Sorry to hear that you have been battling depression pain again, but I know you have a plan and will stay on top of things. Feel better soon! :hug:

Holly: Great to hear from you!!! Sorry you have been struggling with healthy eating and exercise. Maybe you can EASE back into it, rather than approaching it as all or nothing??? Hope you are still enjoying your summer job! Thanks for checking in! ;)

Worthy: I can so relate to the idea of self-sabotage. I end up somehow sabotaging myself half the time (or more). And it is really difficult to not get DOWN on yourself when it happens, which just makes things worse. :( Sorry you have been struggling, but you are SO CLOSE to ONEderland!!! ALLOW yourself to GET THERE!!!!! I know you can do it!!! :hug:

Chelainabear: HOORAY for your 10 pound weight loss!!! :carrot: You are doing so well! Keep up the good work! Hope you can carve out a little time for yourself in the midst of your busy work schedule!

Amy: Love your new hairstyle! Hope you are able to get things straightened out with your new doc in Philly! Hang in there! :hug:

Sorry if I missed anyone! I am a bit pressed for time right now. Waving HELLO to all of you and wishing you well!!! :wave:

Hannah and Sabrina (FLeurDeLis)
 

Just wanted to mention you both by name! Thanks for checking in when you can! You are both also valued members of our group! :hug:

First of all - hugs to all of you.
Thank you, Kathleen, for mentioning me and making me feel welcomed and valued.
Worthy, I am right there with you. I hate getting like this because it makes feel like giving up all of my projects (not just weight loss). I want to isolate myself. I don't want to socialize or go outside. I am binging on sugars again. I feel ashamed of myself. I am tired. I have been trying to be outside and with friends, but it is a struggle. I just want to lay in bed. Robin William's death has affected me. I started going downhill when MH17 crashed in Ukraine. Just feel such sadness for the world.

Like, right now I am so exhausted that I can't even remember what individual people were posting, just the general feel as a whole. I appreciate all of you and I am sorry. I am not ignoring you. I read all of the posts. I promise.

Hi
 

Hannah- :hug: I think you are a very special person. I'm sorry you're a bit depressed about Robin Williams' death. It's very sad. I hope that you feel better about things, I used to binge much more than I do now. I think what helped me was to pause during the binge and try to stop myself. I still overeat but it's tough, I try to not bring trigger foods home.

Believe- thank you! I really like my new hairdo. I feel a sense of relief that I found a hairstylist who I like. I had been obsessing about my hair and I feel relieved that I found someone who I like. Obsession about my hair has been a long time struggle with me, I don't know why. I'm sorry if I rambled!

Bama Girl- that is so kind of you to say! I find you being a nurse is such an inspiration! I wanted to be a nurse for so long and I finally got my med. assisting degree but I decided it's not the field for me, at least not right now.
Good for you for being a nurse!

Fiona- Good for you for your abstaining from trigger foods. That must be tough. I had abstinence in OA for a few months and I've been debating going back.

Holly- That is such a wonderful cause about the toys that you donate. How wonderful! How have you been?

I've been doing well, or at least pretty good. I saw family today, we ate a lunch out at a fun restaurant and then went to a museum. I am so glad that I got to see them. Tomorrow, I may go to church, it will be nice to get out. I'm thinking I need to get new eyeglasses!

Amy

Just a quick note to say I'm very busy getting ready for Mary's visit. She doesn't arrive until the morning of the 20th, but I have my last art-education day with Grace on the 19th, so I really have to have the guest bedroom and bath shipshape by the 18th, or at least the morning of the 19th. There's an enormous mound of clothes on the guest bed which need to be stowed somewhere: I've made a considerable dent in it, but there's more to go—plus grocery shopping, cleaning all the bathrooms, you know the drill. At least today I didn't have any depression. Just working slow, because I need lots of breaks...

Melissa: I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with those pain issues, I hope they get worked out soon! And I'm glad you are finding support and acceptance here :hug:

Worthy: I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with a down, but I'm glad you're at a point where you want to be around and check in again! It's nice to hear from you. And it's good that you recognize that you ARE worth it! We all believe in you, too.

Kathleen: Thank you! I actually have a day off tomorrow, I'm going to use it wisely.

Hannah: :hug: I think most of us have felt something like what you're feeling, though none of us would presume to understand exactly. Just remember that sometimes an unhealthy choice here and there, or some isolation, can be self-care. Do whatever you need to do, and we'll still be here.

Amy: The hair looks great! I can definitely see the auburn in it, but like you said, it's a pretty tone :)

Fi: Seems like you have a lot of stress going on, good and bad! Hang in there, and I'm glad to hear that today it was just busy, and no pain.

It seems like it's a lower point for many of us this month, and I'm no different. I worked 11 hours yesterday and 12 today (with about 6 hours of sleep between) so I'm exhausted.

And it didn't help that one of my coworkers at my convenience store job, let's call her A, was incredibly mean to me tonight. Normally we don't have any problems, though she seems to be upset with someone at all times. Tonight was the first night it was directed at me, and I don't handle that well. When she went on break, I asked our third coworker if there was anything I was doing wrong, or could be doing better, because A seemed upset with me. My coworker said I was doing fine and not to worry about it. A entered right at this point and assumed we were talking trash about her, and she got upset and yelled "Yeah just keep talking ****" at me a couple times. I said goodnight and went home, but I cried once I got to my car. I have no idea what I did, and I hate being yelled at.

My shift at my other job was great though. We went to two community events, and went on a decent hike, getting some cardio done while working. Two birds, meet one stone.

Chelain, you're going to find someone like that at most jobs. I've dealt with more than my share. Trust me, the issue is not you or anyone else "A" yells at or complains about. "A," like the people I've had to deal with, is an incredibly unhappy person who tries to feel better about herself by treating other people poorly. Try not to take her outbursts personally but if it continues to be an issue, start documenting the behavior so you can take it to your supervisor, should the situation escalate.

If you need resources, check out the Workplace Bullying Institute online. You'll find descriptions of workplace bullying and strategies for dealing with it. Because this is an issue I've dealt with for years in a variety of workplace settings, I'm asking that you save yourself from the stress and anxiety that I have suffered. Educate yourself on the issue and stand up for yourself.

If "A" comes back at you again, don't be afraid to tell her, I wasn't talking trash about you. I was asking why you were so upset with me. So now, I'm asking you, what's your problem and why are you targeting me with your anger?

It takes guts to do this. If you remain calm and controlled, it should defuse the situation because she'll know you're not afraid of her. Most bullies don't like to engage in confrontations they are likely to lose. You'll either earn her respect or she'll hesitate to come at you again because she knows you'll call her on it.

Fiona: I was sugar abstinent from Nov. 1, 2013 until a couple weeks ago, when the doctor said I could try some frozen Greek yogurt as a treat. I could not find sugar-free frozen Greek yogurt. It was an experiment that reacted about the way I expected. That little bit of sugar ramped my cravings through the roof. As a result, I've returned to the super low-carb, high-protein regimen I've been doing. It's taking longer to get the emotional upheaval caused by the sugar under control but I'm getting there.

I took advantage of the nice weather yesterday and went for a two-hour bike ride. 16 miles and lots of hills. Yes, I'm saddle-sore this morning. My knees were aching last night. When I mentioned my achy knees to my husband he said, "No one made you do it," meaning going for the long ride. The closer I get to Onederland, the more he seems to become upset with the amount of time I'm spending exercising. I suspect he's starting to realize that while I've been losing weight, he's been gaining.

Rain today so I feel less guilty about taking a rest from cardio today. I don't do rest days as often as I should because I keep thinking of all the opportunities I missed in the past by slacking off and not sticking to an exercise program. Since it is a rest day from cardio, I have a long list of chores around the house that need to be done, so that's where my energy and effort will go today.

This morning's photo of the kittens: Nénu on the left, Oscar on the right. It isn't that great of a photo, but it does show off how much Oscar has grown. Nénu is still ahead, but Oscar is keeping pace with her. Not bad for the runt of the litter!

They adore that lightweight washable silk sheet I use to cover myself when taking naps on the couch in the summer. They hide behind and under it, they pounce on toys that are in it; it has a hundred uses. Because it's black and silk, it's warm, especially when the sun is on it. And it's loosely enough woven, if they get tangled in it, they can still breathe through it. But I've watched them with it a lot of times: it's slippery, so no one gets tangled for long.

Oh, while I was writing this, they settled down for a nap, and they looked so cute, I couldn't resist another pic.

I hope y'all are all doing well! =smile=

I have missed everyone
 

Hello everyone!! First I want to thank everyone who supported my decision to turn down the "shady" position I interviewed for a bit over a week ago. I have since had another interview that seems more promising and should hear something by Wed this week. I have kept most of my thoughts about the whole experience internalized (I am overthinking which is one of my symptoms) and choose to process them through personal reflection while walking the treadmill. I have also spent a tremendous amount of time researching sites to get some good, valid info on food nutrition and food combinations. I did find one that I think is fabulous!! Not sure I can post the link on here, but if anyone is interested I am more than willing to share.

My diet plan is low carb (or focusing more on good carbs like sweet potatoes) and having them earlier in the day and high protein, lots of water w/lemon and incline walking. So far this is working for me and keeping my mind busy with positives.

I wish everyone the best with whatever battle they are fighting. Stay focused on what you can control and keep the faith. We can do this!! :)

Hi there. I had a nice morning going to church and I had not been there before, it's a lovely church and congregation. Then, I did some housecleaning and that feels good to have at least made a dent in that.

Fiona, your kittens are so cute! They're very beautiful. I love their coloring and the expressions on their faces.

Chelaina, thank you for your kind compliment on my hair. I'm very happy with it. I am sorry about the situation at work. Hug! I had a job where people could be very mean and there was a lot of gossip that I tried to not get involved with. What I'm trying to say is I empathize with having difficult co-workers. It can be upsetting and I hear how upsetting that can be.

Fool4photos- I wish you all the best with what you decide on the job front. Good luck! I'm going to try looking for a job soon, we'll see how that goes. It's a full time job just to find a job!

Have a nice day everyone! I'm going to head out for a walk. Take care.

Amy

Hi everyone! Just wanted to pop and say hi! I've been super busy the past couple of days-- hoping life settles down a smidge soon! I need a nap!

Hi... I just thought I'd say good night. Sweet dreams.

Thank you seabiscuit :)
A full time job looking for a full time job...yes indeed!! And good luck to you as well :)

Thanks for the sweet comment on the kitty pics, Amy.

The fact of it is, I'm not doing very well. Starting on Saturday, trying to deal with the piles of clothes on the guest room bed—specifically, trying to sort them into different categories—drove me straight into depression pain.

That's what the BERP was all about: making decisions about what categories things belong in, what containers they go in (trash, recycle, donation to charity, keep—if so, where?). Some of y'all may remember that I calculated I was making some 200 decisions an hour. Even if I was only making 50 decisions an hour, the thing of it is, that went on for 17 weeks, about 40 hours a week. My ability to make those kinds of decisions is, for the time being, broken. No afternoon nap, no taking a day off, will repair it. It's going to be months before I can get back to being able to sort things, anything at all.

So trying to work on the clothes in the guest bedroom was like forcing a machine to keep going when it's run out of oil: you destroy the machine by doing that. I pushed myself right into depression. It was off and on for a couple of days, but last night I finally crashed hard. I was hurting so bad over working on the guest bedroom that Bob had to intervene and stop me. He says he will take over: he will put all those clothes into large clear plastic bags and put them under the bed. He will help finish getting the house ready for Mary's visit. After he told me that, I still got up and cleaned the downstairs powder room, toilet and all. That was the last straw: I fell into severe pain and could do nothing but lie on the couch and moan.

And I'm still hurting bad today. Man oh man, I've got to be really careful today and tomorrow, or I will be deep in depression pain when Mary arrives on Wednesday. I have to take my Geodon and barely make a move. And I'm due for an afternoon & evening with Grace tomorrow. I've made plans for teaching her a new collage technique. Those plans may have to be cancelled. Worst-case scenario: if I'm still feeling this bad tomorrow when it's time to pick up Grace, she can just come over and spend the time playing with, and observing, the kittens. As a future vet, she needs to learn a whole lot about cats. She'll love getting to do that; it won't be a problem.

Now I gotta stop writing. I need another dose of Geodon. I need to not move a muscle and try to stop worrying, maybe meditate if I can.

Thank you, fool for photos! I don't know if I can handle a full time job just yet, I may want to start off part time.

Fiona, I'm sorry that you're struggling. :hug: You're welcome for the compliment on your kitties, they're beautiful. I love having a pet, it's a full time responsibility and expense though, as I'm sure you know. I admire you for taking on the BERP. I have accumulated a lot of clutter and now that I've moved, I'm trying to get rid of it. I relate to you about having lots of belongings. I think part of my issue with my Bipolar is impulsivity. It's tough for me at times.

I'm not having the greatest day. I didn't get much sleep last night because I clogged my disposal, which fortunately the building replaced. I was worried all night about it, I have clogged disposals before and I feel like I'm so dumb to have done that. I'm going to make a more conscious effort to clean the plates with a paper towel before rinsing them. It is common sense, yet somehow I'm careless.

My stomach is upset and I think it's partially due to this medicine that I'm taking, and it's probably also due to my food intake, I ate a few pieces of ham which I shouldn't have eaten.

I'm going to try to make some progress in my apartment this afternoon. I still have unpacking to do from my move and laundry to be put away. Tomorrow I see my psychiatrist, I hope that will help.

Have a nice afternoon.

Amy

Hello!
 

I have done better with low carb eating the past couple of days. I have fought back A LOT of cravings after eating carbs for about 5 days last week. It was really tough to get back on board, but I think I am there. :)

Fi: Precious photos of your kittens!!! :love: I am so very sorry you are experiencing such depression pain. :( Please take the time to take care of yourself first. Let Bob follow his plan for the clothes in the guest bedroom to prepare for Mary's visit. I am sure he is happy to be able to help out! Hang in there, REST, and I hope you will be able to meditate and stop worrying. Sending my prayers that you recover soon and a big hug! :hug:

Amy: It is great to see you posting so much lately! Sorry your stomach hurts and you didn't get much sleep last night due to your clogged disposal. :( I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight and have a better day tomorrow. I also hope that you have a productive visit with your psychiatrist. Is this a new doc (since you moved)?

fool4fotos: I hope you hear good news on Wednesday about the possible new job! Please keep us posted. I am also trying to follow a low carb eating plan. Some days are better than others, but I am doing well overall. Glad to hear that you are doing well and focusing on the positive! I appreciate your "can do" attitude! You are so right that WE CAN DO THIS!!! :D

BamaGalRN: Thanks for checking in! I hope life settles down for you a bit soon and you get that nap!!! ;)

Worthy: Way to go on that 2-hour bike ride!!! :carrot: Interesting about your hubby's reaction. Go for it regarding ONEderland!!! :D YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Chelainabear: I like the advice that worththeeffort2 (Worthy) gave you about the bully at your workplace. I agree that if you are honest with her (standing up to her) that she might back down and/or move on to someone else. People like that seem to thrive on the reactions they get from nice, sensitive people. Sorry you have to put up with her! :( That can make things miserable in the workplace, I know. Please know that you have our support in whatever approach you take with her. Good luck! Glad to hear that your other job is still going well! Great that you can get in some exercise with the girls, especially since you are so darn busy and must be exhausted when you finally have time for yourself! Hang in there! :hug:

Hannah: Sorry that you are feeling so down. :( I hope that maybe you are feeling a little better by the time you read this. Sending you a big hug :hug: and my prayers! Do your best to "work your own program" and not get too absorbed in what's going on in the world around you. That being said, I was in a bit of a funk after Robin Williams' suicide, too. I was in a very deep depression many years ago after the death of my twin infant son and other events and can relate to the despair. It brought all of those feelings and just a general depression up again. Such a shock and so very sad! :cry: Please hang in there and don't get too down on yourself. You matter to us and we care about you! :hug:

Waving HELLO to everyone and wishing you well! :wave: Group hug!!! :grouphug:

Worthy: Thank you so much for the advice and resources. I'm still deciding what to do, but I definitely know that it's going to involve talking with the supervisor/owner. It's not just rudeness to me that's an issue, it's starting drama like that with every person she works with, AND being rude to customers. I've had customers complain to me about their interactions with her and it makes the store look bad.

I have pretty extreme anxiety about confrontation and yelling, so I'm not sure I am at a point where I can confront her, even calmly. I get so stressed about being yelled or screamed at that I have panic attacks sometimes when it happens. I know it sounds stupid, but I really struggle with it.

fool4fotos: Congrats on the interview! I'm glad to hear you found a more trustworthy opportunity, and I'm glad to hear about your successful research and great goals! :)

Melissa: Glad you stopped in! Hope things slow down a little for you!

Amy: Thank you for the support. It's just been a very emotional situation for me. And it doesn't help that I'm downright exhausted from working two jobs simultaneously.

And I'm sorry to hear that things have been a little difficult lately. I hope your meeting with your psychiatrist goes well, and that your stomach feels better!

Fiona: I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling. It sounds like you have a supportive husband who was willing to step in and help when you needed it, and we all have faith that you are strong enough to handle this :hug:

Kathleen: Thank you for the support! I still am not sure I'll stand up to her, but I will do what I can to make sure the issue is addressed. The owner is a very nice person who doesn't put up with that kind of drama, and it needs to come to her attention. And WAY TO GO with getting back on your plan! I knew you could do it :)

So my nutrition has been really poor lately... I have been able to resist my late night cravings, but during the day I've caved to the diet sodas and bad food. The only upside is that I'm still trying to fit my fruits and veggies in, and that my portions have been ok. I'm not overeating, just eating the wrong things.

I haven't really gotten as much exercise as I should, either. Other than what I get at work, and some extra cardio maybe once per week, I've been really out of it. I hope it gets easier as I adjust to my busy schedule, but I'm still struggling.

This week is the THIRD time that one of my bosses has scheduled me for a time when she knows I'm at my other job, and I'm getting very frustrated. Because I didn't catch it sooner, I feel bad and I feel like I'm in a rush to find somebody to cover one of my shifts. I swear, if I didn't need the money (and if they hadn't spent so much effort training me) I would quit at the convenience store. It's emotionally and physically stressful.

But I do need the money, so I'll keep going.

Thanks so much, Amy, Kathleen, and Chelainabear, for the words of sympathy and encouragement to take care of myself. Bob has really been steppin' up to the plate for me, working on both the guest bedroom and guest bath. We just have to make those rooms usable, not perfect! I went grocery shopping this morning to get a few necessities, but other than that, it's been rest, rest, and more rest. I was in depression pain last night, and a little bit this morning before my coffee kicked in, so I still don't know how I'm going to be doing during Mary's visit. I'm definitely going with Plan B for my time with Grace: a wee bit of art education, but mostly just playing with the kittens. Best wishes to all of y'all!

Hello all,

I hope I didn't miss anyone. Please know that I am thinking of you and care about you, I am just incredibly scatter brained.

Fi I do hope you feel better soon. :hug: Good for you for taking some much needed rest. Taking care of you is so important. Your kittens are dolls. :)

Chelaina I am sorry to hear about your job. Being that busy is very difficult. Good for you and I am proud that you were able to resist cravings and you have still been getting your veggies. That is a great accomplishment. I hope things settle down. In the meantime, keep your chin up. You are doing well.

Kathleen Thank you for your encouraging words, as always. I do try to stay within myself and my little world, and help out the rest when I can. It is kind of like how I can't volunteer at an animal shelter because I get so emotional, but I do try to help them out in other ways. And good for you fighting those cravings!

Amy I do hope you are doing better today. Looking forward to seeing you post.

Today was a big accomplishment for me. I got my driver's license. I have been petrified for a long time to drive and I am delighted that I am now comfortable for the most part behind the wheel. Also, I passed my test! :D

Food has been crap. Crap crap crap. Sugar cravings galore and I am indulging. I know I am regaining. And I hate it.

Thank you again for the support on the job searching. The company chose another candidate so I didn't get the position I was hoping for today but the search continues!! Not giving up!! My daughter who is in the Navy and has one more year enlistment, is being reassigned to STL from WA which means she's coming home for the remainder of her time :lucky: I can't wait for them to get here! I wish I was there to help and I would go and bring my granddaughter back if I wasn't so deep in this job search. Completely torn. The baby will be 1 in Oct and my daughter and her husband sure could use the help with her to get the house packed and loaded for the trip back home. They will be here by Sept 5th. I still may go to WA and get her if I don't get any news this week regarding employment.

On the upside, adding hand weights to my treadmill is still paying off and I'm down another .6 for the last two days :woohoo:

Stay focused on the positive and keep the faith :grouphug:

Hi!
 

fool4fotos: So sorry you didn't get the job you wanted. But that just means that a BETTER one is waiting for you! Maybe you ARE supposed to go to WA and get your granddaughter. BTW, thank you and your daughter for her service and sacrifice in serving our country! Very admirable! :) Good luck deciding what to do. I love your POSITIVE attitude!!! Congrats on being down another .6! :carrot:

Hannah: CONGRATULATIONS on getting your driver's license!!! :D Good for you for facing your fear of driving. I am sorry that you are having a difficult time with sugar cravings. Hope you can get control of them soon!

Fi: Hope you are enjoying Mary's visit! (Who is she? I missed that part somehow. LOL!) Glad you are letting Bob help you and taking time to REST!!! :hug:

Chelainabear: Thank you for having so much confidence in me and for your support. You are doing the best you can with how much you are working. Good for you for resisting late night cravings. That is great! Also, not overeating is a big accomplishment. Focus on those POSITIVES and keep it rollin'! You will get the healthy food part down soon enough! ;)

Hello friends,


I hope this post finds you well.


My migraines have been bad lately. I have been having tests done to see if anything is wrong. So far, I am ok which is good. I have an MRI scheduled on the 27th.

i have lost 4 pounds. I am trying to cut down on eating but it's hard.

I see lots of new names in the thread, that is so wonderful. I will try my best to get back in here more often.

Much love to all of you and best wishes in your lives.

Thank you IBelieveInMe2 for recognizing Katie's military contribution. Miss and worry about them terrible, but very proud of her and her family's commitment : )

While drinking my coffee this morning, I have a quick moment before my visitor, my best friend Mary, wakes up. About Mary, who is about 53, six and some years younger than me: a Midwesterner through and through, she lives now in St. Paul, Minnesota, and loves it there. She has many passions, but three grand ones: (1) early (baroque) music: she plays the viola da gamba—a large viol that predates the cello by many, many years—in various ensembles in her area; (2) the German language: she's self-employed as a German translator of mostly medical & legal documents; (3) pop culture, especially movies, especially horror and action flicks. The latter passion is shared by the two of us, and we get together every summer for five intense days during which we watch about 50 hours of movies. Our favorite sub-genre is splatter comedy: fake blood played entirely for laughs, a lot like Buster Keaton's silent comedy. We met on the Internet in 1990 (years before the Web came along) and have been having our annual "Blood Binge" for over 20 years.

This year I shared Mary with my great-niece Grace for an afternoon. Mary drove from Minnesota to Maryland in order to bring along her viola da gamba, named Cedric, and jam with other baroque musicians in this area. Since Grace plays the double-bass in her school orchestra, I arranged for her to meet Cedric and participate in what Mary calls a "gamba petting zoo." Mary gave a patient and humorous introduction, one-on-one with Grace in which I was a fly on the wall, to everything from the history of early music and its instruments, to musical notation of the period, to the physical characteristics of the gamba itself. She played three lovely, complex pieces for us, then let Grace hold (with her legs) Cedric and try playing him a bit. It was marvelous! I thoroughly enjoyed the lesson and did not regret giving up some of my time with Mary. After Grace left, Mary paid her the high compliment of saying that if she were in high school with Grace, she would want to be one of her friends.

Now soon Mary will be up and we will be back to our packed schedule of movies. Wishing you all well... I will write again on Monday...

Hello everyone,


I am having a nice relaxing Saturday, I really needed one. I actually needed the whole weekend off and I got it. yay! My Nascar race is supposed to be on tv tonight but I may not get to see it. Some of the tv stations are showing NFL football in place of the Nascar race. :( I will be so sad if I don't get to see my driver race tonight.

It really is great to see some new faces in here. That makes me so happy. :)

My school starts soon. I need to gather up my math book, calculator and notebooks. I need a new bag though. I go to DeVry University here in Columbus, Ohio.

When is Labor Day, does anyone know?


Fi, have a good time with Mary.

fool4fotos, it is lovely to see you here on the board. I'm Lisa. :) Did I read that you did not get a job? I'm so sorry about that. How disappointing. Congrats on losing your weight though.

hannahbeanies, congrats on passing your driver's test. Now that IS a big accomplishment. I remember when my daughter passed hers. I was beginning to think she would never pass her maneuverability portion. yay for you.

IBelieveInMe2, way to go with those carbs, girl. You can do it!

I know I didn't hit everyone with my post and I am so sorry. I promise I will talk to you all soon and get to know you. I am looking forward to it. :)


Check back in soon.

Lisa!!!
 

Lisa (ohiofreespirit): It is so GREAT to hear from you again!!! I am sorry that you have had terrible migraines. :( I get them too, often, so I can relate to how AWFUL they are. I will pray that your MRI goes well and shows NOTHING. Glad they haven't found anything seriously wrong with you. When you have those terrible migraines, it sure FEELS like there is a tumor or something causing it, doesn't it? They are the worst! Glad to hear that you are still plugging along with school. Labor Day is Monday, September 1st. That is so great that you have lost 4 pounds!!! :carrot: Believe me, I know how difficult it is to lose anything, so I would savor those 4 pounds! Be proud of yourself and keep it rolling!!! :D Glad to hear that you are having a nice, relaxing Saturday and the weekend off. Hope you get to watch that Nascar race! ;)

Fi: Thank you for sharing about your best friend, Mary. She sounds great and very accomplished! Neat story about her lesson with Grace. :) I am NOT a horror movie fan at all, but I hope you two enjoy your "bloody marathon!" :lol: How wonderful it must feel to have a house guest (other than the kittens) now that you have done the BERP! My guest room still has too much clutter in it for anyone to sleep in (and no extra bed). :( Maybe one day.....

fool4fotos: You are welcome! :hug:

I have indulged in SOME carbs this weekend at the lake, but I am doing much better at keeping things under control compared to the weekend I had my friends up. Mostly sticking to low carb eating. No plans to go off completely again, as it took me 5 days to get back on track last time. :( I have initiated contact with an endocrinologist. They need a referral from my doc 1st (and blood work and records). I won't be able to get in until October or November, unless she deems it necessary to see me earlier than that. But I am happy that I at least got the ball rolling! I SO want to get this thyroid situation to a point where my own metabolism is NOT working AGAINST me!!! I hope she will take my levels up higher within the "normal" range, so that my metabolism will function at an optimal level. Maybe THEN I will get some kind of weight loss reward for my efforts! Can't wait!!! :^: I need to pick up the exercise outside of my 2 week days of training. That has fallen off a bit, but I plan to get that consistent again ASAP. Getting it ALL together is such a constant challenge, isn't it?!? But..... WE CAN DO IT!!! :D :grouphug:

Ohio- We only have bunny ears to catch channels so ever since the second half of the season we haven't been seeing any races. Luckily last nights was on ABC and we got to watch it. We went to bed before it was over since Jeff Gordon wasn't doing very well and we were tired. My husband and I were talking about taking a trip next year to the night race in Bristol with my dad. It would be really fun! We have the Indianapolis Motor Speedway here, but the Brickyard isn't a very interesting race to go to. We went the past two years, but not this year and wouldn't you know it Gordon won! Our luck!

Ibelieveinme2- Glad to hear you're getting to the bottom of your thyroid issue. My levels were much better the last time I was checked a few months ago. My doctor decided to wait to check me around April of next year. Be nice to not have to take the medication anymore.

I'm rededicating myself to my exercise again. Since starting my new job I have just gotten lazy and stopped going. I was trying to do it all by calorie counting and it just doesn't work for me. I started back yesterday and once my lunch digests I will head to the gym today. It's just really difficult to make myself go to the gym when I get off work at 5pm. The gym is crowded and I still have homework to do, but I know it's the only way I will continue to lose weight.

I again apologize for being absent lately. I'm still trying to adjust to my new schedule and still do all the things I was doing in the evenings when I got off work two hours early. Time management!!

Good luck to everyone this week!

I'm so sorry I've been absent lately, I'll update on my life after I reply to others.

hannah: Thank for the support, and congrats on your license!! Driving can be scary, but it does make life a bit easier much of the time :)

fool4fotos: I'm sorry to hear that you didn't get that position, but that just means there's a better one out there for you! I know you can do it! That's so exciting that your daughter's family will be moving closer to you, it's nice to live near family like that :)

Kathleen: Support and confidence is what I'm here for! :) Thank you for your support as well, but I'm afraid I haven't been doing so well lately :/

I'm glad to hear that your medical efforts are moving forward, if not at the pace that you hoped for. Your goals sound great and achievable, and YOU CAN DO IT! :)

Lisa: It's nice to meet you! Sorry to hear about your migraines, I hope that gets better.

Fleury: I know how you feel about the busy schedule! Glad to hear you're getting back into your exercise goals, good luck :)

Again, I'm sorry I've been absent for the last week, it's been crazy. I worked over 50 hours in the last 7 days, and it was (as inconvenient as possible) TOM as well. So I've been in pain, feeling gross, and eating TERRIBLE. Not that TOM is 100% the reason, it just makes things harder. Today has been WAY better than the last few days, I've eaten well, reached and passed my water goals, and did some cardio as well as strength training. I've been trying out the Walk Away the Pounds videos, and I really like them.

Personally (outside of health stuff) a lot is going on there too. I'm back to being blonde, which I absolutely love! I also got a new phone, because my old one had a terrible battery life and I need a consistent one for work. I'm going back to the doc tomorrow morning to check in about my antidepressants, and I'm having coffee with a friend from high school :)


Things really sucked during the last week, but they're looking up. And TOM and my poor choices only sent me up about 1.5 lbs, which I should be able to drop soon!

Hello! I would like to join in here, if that's alright. :) And hopefully be able to give some support and get to know people who understand how depression can affect everything else, especially weight loss.

Hello PhoenixAshes && Welcome!

Welcome to the thread, PhoenixAshes! I hope you'll check in with us often. When you're comfortable with doing so, tell us about yourself.

Well, Mary set off this morning for her trek back (1100 miles!) to Minnesota. We had such a satisfying Binge. What with the interruptions, we didn't watch as many movies this year, but with just a couple of exceptions, the ones we did watch were top-notch. It's so much easier to screen them than it used to be, since almost all of them we streamed right off Netflix or Amazon. We also watched all of Season Four of "Game of Thrones," which was amazingly excellent. The changes the writers are making from the book version really make the emotional moments hit home. What superb acting that series has! And speaking of excellent series, Mary brought with her the whole DVD set of "The Wire," on loan, which I hope I can talk Bob into watching with me. Mary and I only see each other for five days a year, but we sure do make the most of them. We did our usual exchange of gifts, and she gave me a gorgeous black cloth messenger bag with Godzilla on it—the Japanese characters for "Gojira" in bright red. I love the way the cloth is all frayed around the edges. I'm going to find that bag especially useful for taking books to the farm.

The biggest news from the Binge, though, is that I didn't go off plan even once. Most importantly, I did not have one single cookie the whole time—woo hoo! I had a bit more carbos than usual, because Mary and I have a tradition of making a huge bowl of tabouli to sustain us through our movie-watching, but I partially made up for eating the bulghur wheat by skipping my muesli most of the nights.

Today I slipped easily right back into my modified Atkins regime. I didn't do my monthly weigh-in on the 22nd, because it fell right in the middle of the festivities, but so what? I look forward to seeing where I'll be on September 22nd, and to putting another data point on my downward-sloping graph. Tonight I did three sets of lifts with my left leg, 120 per set. I know that soon I'll be back up to my usual 600 per night.

Welcome!
 

PhoenixAshes: :welcome: to the group! I am so happy that you posted. Yes, we know what it feels like to be depressed and how hard it is to lose weight under those circumstances, especially on meds. You have come to the right place! Please tell us a little (or a lot) about yourself when you feel comfortable doing so. We are here to support you and cheer you on toward your weight loss goals. :cheer2:

PhoenixAshes: Hello, and welcome! I hope you find this forum to be a safe place where you can share your ups, downs, and everything in between!

Fiona: I LOVE Game of Thrones, and you're right about the changes. They're different, but not bad different :)

Just wanted to check in really quick today. I work 8 hours tonight, 8 tomorrow, and almost 12 the next day, so things will be hectic for me and I'm not sure how much I'll be on.

But I weighed in this morning, expecting to be hovering around 257-258 like I did all week of my TOM, but lo and behold... 254! Yay! It's not much, but it's a drop, and I might even meet my goal of 250 by the end of August. Even though I have 6 days, and it's not super likely.

Also, I'm attaching a picture of my new blonde hair. I'm really happy with it :)

a quick hello!
 

Tonight, I went off low carb for dinner and a snack later for the sake of ease and convenience. I will get right back on board in the morning. Had a great workout with my trainer Tuesday! She used strategic muscle confusion. Included more cardio than usual, along with the weights, which I liked! Now, I just need to get in some cardio on the days I don't train with her, like Wednesday and Friday. I have NO EXCUSES, as both of my kids are in school.

Chelainabear: Lookin' great with the blonde highlights! :D Hope you find some time for yourself during your busy work schedule the next few days! Congrats on 254 and a new phone!!! It's nice to see a drop on the scale, especially when you're not expecting it! How did your visit with the doctor go?

Sabrina (FleurDeLis): Howdy stranger!!! ;) It's great to hear from you! Hope you are still loving your new job. Time management is always a challenge, it seems. You can do it! Good for you on rededicating yourself to exercise. I'm doing the same thing. Good luck! :hug:

Fi: It sure sounds like you had a wonderful time with Mary! And you didn't go off plan or eat a single cookie!!! That is great! :D Good job on the leg lifts! How are those adorable kittens?

HELLO to everyone else! :wave: It's really late and I need to hit the sack!!! :tired:

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