I hate myself so much today! My mood is so low and I am totally disgusted with myself.
I have gone 5 months without binging and since Tuesday have done nothing but eat. I feel like **** physically and mentally. I was doing so well. I can't believe what a loser I am.
I'm so all or nothing and obsessive. I really thought that when I started eating healthy after all the years of starving myself that the binge eating would stop. Wrong! Have been in tears since this started but does that stop me?? What is wrong with me?
I went to the book store today looking for Brain over Binge but they don't have it and can't order it in Canada. Bought 3 books on EDs but am not in the right mental state to read them.
Sorry for being so negative. Not trying to bring anyone down...just needed to vent

I'm rockin' my 60s and like you, we don't have children either, or at least the 2 legged kind! We have two small terriers; the female is 5 lbs and the male is about 8. THEN, we have a big male cat that just towers over the two dogs. He was orphaned and we adopted him when he was just 6 wks old. He doesn't understand that he's not a dog, so the three of them run in a pack from one french door to another chasing the squirrels that tease them on the patio.

Congratulations on the birth of your "babies." People who don't have pets don't know what they're missing; they make a house a home.

Or as Will Rogers said, "If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."

lilturtle:

I can understand being nervous about a plane trip. It seems things are so complicated today! My Honey and I travel quite a bit, so maybe these tips will help. You can check out the layout of the airport by going to the airport website. Then you can determine where you check in and what gate you'll be departing from. You might find it easier to do a curbside check in. That way your luggage will be taken care of and you can go directly to security and then to your gate. If your departure gate is a trek from security, call a few days ahead and arrange for transportation from check in to your gate. It'll make things easier for you. Check the airport website to determine if you have to remove your shoes as you go through security and wear easy-on, easy-off footwear if you have to remove your shoes. Try to think of this as an adventure and enjoy the departure from your regular daily routine. And don't forget to pack a few snacks in your carry-on bag. And gum! You'll want chewing gum to prepare your ears for the change in altitude as you land.

So relax and enjoy. You've prepared and now, you're ready for an adventure!

You are not a loser - if you were you wouldnt be on this site. You'd be sittin' on your couch, snacks all around, and chowing down. We're all in the same boat and we have to realize that not all days are going to be sunny and fluffy. Take it a day at a time and breathe............IT WILL GET BETTER!

Oh, I am so sorry you are going through this :( Five months without a binge was spectacular!! and still is!! Please hang in there..and don't apologize for being negative, come here to vent and try to feel better :carrot:

So good to hear from Seabiscuit!

Hi Chubbie Chick and :welcome:!

My exercise this morning was Jillian Michael's No More Trouble Zones, boy it was hard!! I wanted to quit after 20 minutes but I stuck to it and did it all :cheer2:

Judi: I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I've been where you are; we've probably all been where you are. It is hard to be a Type-A, all-or-nothing, obsessive personality because it leads to a lot of negative self-talk when you don't meet your own expectations.

You're not a loser. You're human. We're all just human. Each tick of the clock is a chance to start fresh. You don't need to "wait until..." to start over; you just need to start again. Acknowledge that you didn't make good choices, then let it go. Don't keep beating yourself up because it only makes you feel worse and that low mood will help fuel your desire to binge in order to make yourself feel better.

If you have an e-Reader--like a Kindle or Nook--you can get Brain Over Binge that way. You can order it on Amazon. Or, hit up your local library on Monday and request the book through Interlibrary loan. Another resource that has helped me is Pema Chödrön's Don't Bite the Hook, on CD. I've listened to that CD hundreds of times and each time I start to slip back into self-punishment, I put it in the car CD player and listen to it on my commute to work. It will help you learn why beating yourself up is counter productive and provide suggestions for alternative thoughts to follow when you start to slip. Bonus: you can listen to it even when you're not in the mood to read anything.

Hang in there. We all need to vent. That's what the forums are for. Deep breaths. This moment is the perfect time to start new.

You are not a loser. :hug: 5 months is awesome. So you had a little slip, but I bet you are going get right back up and continue eating healthy. We all have slip ups.

I was going through some old photos for an online friend who wants to know what I look like, so I thought I'd show you what I look like as an adult. I'm very averse to cameras, so I don't have much. This one was when I was close to my current weight, somewhere in the 280s, I think. This one was when I had starved myself down to 230 in 2001. My eyes are sort of a slatey-blue with a darker blue ring around the iris. And I can't resist showing you my favorite photo of Bob (isn't he a cutie?), taken in the 1980s. Like most men (what is it with them?), he's barely aged a bit, except that his beard is now mostly white and his long hair shot through with lots of silver. My own hair is usually shorter than his, but always long enough to be down over my shoulders. It has a few dozen white hairs in it, but no one can ever see them, no matter how hard I try to point them out, because I have so many shades of blonde mixed together, they just look like the blonder hairs. (By the way, not a drop of peroxide or the equivalent has ever been near my hair. I have a thing about being a natural blonde, even if that blonde gets rather dark when I haven't had it in the sun for a while. My genetics are Scandinavian...)

Now come on, y'all: share some photos! Or at least describe what you look like....

I'm doing well, taking time off from the BERP today for some collage work.

worththeeffort2, that was some very great words of wisdom and then advice (recommended reading) for projectjudi!

Fi, how nice to have the pics of you! I knew you didn't look like Else Lancaster! You do have beautiful hair! I am NOT a natural blonde :o I have medium brown hair but have enjoyed highlights and then alot more highlights in the past 6 years or so.

If I get these in the right order, they will be - from August 2012, when I had to speak in front of about 700 bikers, gathered at the Statehouse, for our annual Toy Run; then last year, feeding the fire in our redneck fire pit :D ; then me on the road, maybe 3 or 4 years ago .

Hey everyone,

I took my daughter back to college today after Easter dinner. It is a 4 hour round trip, I am tired. She comes home for the summer, in 2 weeks. I am excited.

My first class is over, as I said, my second and third class is math and a business class. My Major is Multimedia Design and Development. I will be able to do web design, graphic design, 3D graphics and many more things.

I'm really sorry some of you are struggling. I wish I could help somehow. Just hang in there, please, things will get better. I know they will.


Much love to all, you are in my prayers.

Pictures
 

The first photo is me at 292 pounds on Nov. 1, 2013. The second photo is me after losing 60 pounds, April 1, 2014. The journey continues.

Here's a few picture of me....first one is at my lowest adult weight (155) in 20010. Second is last Christmas (2012) at about 220. I'm on the far left, and those are two of my sisters, my dad and my uncle. The last one is recent, from just a month or so ago, though I cheated and didn't do full body. :)

http://i60.tinypic.com/fapvup.png
http://i60.tinypic.com/2jb9uag.png
http://i57.tinypic.com/300trhx.png

I have no idea why some of them are so gigantic...sorry.

Also, the scale finally moved!! Not only did I lose the 3lbs I gained at the beginning of TOM, but another 0.5lbs went too! So excited!! And 4/40 days sugar free completed. :D

You ladies look great in your pics, so pretty. Keep up the good work. Here I am yesterday at Easter with my daughter and my mom. I look really bad, no makeup on but I will post it anyway.


How is everyone today? I am off work. I really need a day off. As I said, I took my daughter back to school yesterday. She will be home in 2 weeks for the summer.


I am currently at 255 and seem to be stuck there. bleh My moods are good but I am under a lot of stress. I am doing my best to stay positive and upbeat. My meds are really helping.

I hope you all have a great day and I will check back in soon.

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b1...ps7ab92f44.jpg

I'm pushing hard on the BERP (Big Entropy Reduction Project) today, clip-clip-clipping away through stacks of magazines & catalogs. This is going to be my life for quite a few weeks to come—maybe I should call it the Huge, or the Ginormous, Entropy Reduction Project!—but I'm settling into the rhythm of it. I listen to rock-n-roll, of course, and at least while I'm clipping, I'm sitting down, so my back doesn't hurt. My right shoulder is complaining some from all the scissors work, but yesterday's break seems to have allowed the muscles to recover & strengthen. I may end up looking rather lopsided by the time this is over! =laugh=

Today was my weigh-in: since I bumped up to 286 in March, today's 282 is a loss of 4 lbs. for the month. That may not seem like much to show for all my low-carb days, but I cheated a few times by overdoing it with the muesli. Atkins works well when you stick to it, but when you add additional carbs, it comes to a screeching halt. I know this from experience. There's nothing to be done for it but to stick to my guns about having only 1/4 cup of muesli a day. It would be so much easier if I could just drop the muesli entirely, but I've tried that twice, and both times I developed bad depression pain. =sigh= So I'm having to learn moderation, which is much harder to master than abstaining entirely. At least I got to change my ticker.

But you know what? I hate to admit it here, but weight loss is not even close to being my #1 priority. Maintaining an even keel, mood-wise, is always #1—since I become totally useless when depressed or manic—and now the kittens are a strong #2. They won't have room to run and play in a house choked with paper, so...there you go...I got a new batch of pictures from the breeder, too, who says they're "growing like weeds and opening their eyes." All I have to do is think of those cute little orange fur-balls, and my focus on the BERP is laser-sharp.

Thanks so much for postin' pictures, y'all! 'Love that red hair, ohiofreespirit: do you have green eyes to go with it? Your family looks Irish. MonteCristo, wow, you're a babe! 'Love your eyebrows...and your hats! worththeeffort2, you're lookin' gooooood, girl! Congrats on losin' those 60 lbs. I suppose if I had a picture of me at 351...oh never mind, it would've been too hideous to post: just a huge round face on top of black, black, & more black. And Holly...oh man, you were born to be wild! I'm so glad to get to see you on your wheels, and I love your look, with the basic black (or white) over well-broken-in jeans. Classic, totally classic. Pretty face and nice waistline, too! I hope our fearless leader, Kathleen, will show us her smiling face, when she gets back from vacation.

projectjudi— I've thinkin' about you and wishin' you well. Did you check out the Brain over Binge blog? Lots of good info there: start with "Tips for Beginners."

Happy Earth Day, everyone! I've been celebrating it ever since the very first one, in 1970, when I was a silly-billy teenybopper.