thank you everyone. we have begun the process of rebuilding the trust in our relationship, and I told him exactly how I felt. He admitted that he would also feel betrayed if he were in my shoes, especially given that we are so new to living together, newly engaged, and young.. that this should be the time for experimenting and having a lot of fun in the bedroom together! not me being shut out by porn. he also admitted what site he watches and what he is watching on there, and it wasn't actually that bad (nothing illegal or weird).. am I still nervous? yes. will it take time to rebuild that level of trust? yes yes yes. but he's such a good person otherwise, he really is.

in my perfect world, there wouldn't be porn and he'd only be interested in me, obviously. but I can't expect that, he's human. it's going to be a long road to recovery I think.

thanks for giving me all of your insight, you have no idea how helpful it was.

(nothing illegal or weird)..

At least you have that and there won't be a sting operation in your future or you find out that he secretly likes guys ten years and three kids into a marriage.

With the added detail, it sounds like he's gotten into a bad habit: Self indulgence at the expense of others, poor use of time and resources. A bit like overeating. Hopefully it won't escalate.

I wish you both truly well.

That is good, citygirl- I'm glad he finally told you rather than leave you wondering and wondering. That'd drive me NUTS!

Hugs and I wish you both of you the best.

Glad you guys talked! Make sure there is a level of accountability with each other - men and women need to know that their habits do affect other people and often having the knowledge someone else is holding you to a higher standard and is checking up on you can help.